Nichkhun thinks everyone should have a Minjun in their life.

He is loud and riddiculous at times but he is also one of the warmest person Nichkhun have ever known in his life. Nichkhun knows him since in uni and uni was such strange times for Nichkhun, especially freshmen year where everyone either bragged about their highschool experiences, clinging onto the memories to get them through the new routine of being a university student, or completely and utterly repulsed it, determined to forget their highschool history and start a new . Nichkhun was neither. He has none, no good memories to cling on nor bad memories to loath.

Nichkhun doesn’t know what Minjun sees in him that made Minjun took him under his wings right after they met, (maybe it’s something Minjun smell in him, Minjun tutored him in statistic146 and the first thing he did was sniffing Nichkhun. Minjun sniffed his shirt, even his neck and hair and when Nichkhun asked what was he doing the guy just blinks innocently and said nothing, shrugging it off like Nichkhun was the one acting strangely; the world is round, the sky is blue, Kim Minjun sniffs. It’s supposed to be a well known facts apparently) but he’s glad Minjun did—more than just a good friend, Nichkhun found a caring hyung in him. And for every lacking memory Nichkhun has in highschool times, Minjun had twice the experience to cover for it, which have saved Nichkhun from a lot of awkward conversation and uncomfortable questions because Nichkhun might be the kid who has partial amnesia or but Kim Minjun was the kid who mastermind unleashing four greased piglets into the teacher’s lounge, the dumping of dry ice into every toilet in the girls bathroom, and lets not forget about that time he gets the seniors to ducktaped every item possible in his principal office to the ceilings, chairs included.

Nichkhun doesn’t have to wear his masks when he’s with Minjun. First, because Minjun can see right through his bulls, second—and is the most important one—is that Nichkhun doesn’t feel the need to. With Minjun he doesn’t have to filter his words, with Minjun he doesn’t have to think about what’s the proper thing to say or do, only how he feels, knowing that Minjun will never judge him for anything.

And that’s why Nichkhun’s been pouring his heart out to him for the last hour or so. It’s a long distance call from Seoul and Nichkhun tells him about how he feel when he first came to Korea, about Chansung, even about his fistful encounter with Junho. He tells Minjun about the ring he found, the KY initials, ( where minjun throw blind guesses starting from Katherine Yeoh, Kyra Young and some other random names he can think of with the same initial before Nichkhun had to stop him and told him he’s gone thorugh their yearbook front and back and none of the students has that inital to their names so it must be something else).

In the end he tells Minjun about Wooyoung, about his confusions, which includes an array of word vomit, deep sighs and a lot of i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know.

“ Where is this coming from? “ Minjun asks him, “ i hate to sound inconsiderate, i know you’re going though a lot there and it’s not easy, god help me i wouldn’t know what to do if i were you, but.. these feelings you have for Wooyoung , where is it coming from? it sounds like you’re so taken by him and yet you’ve only known him for.. less than a month?”

“ I’ve known him longer than that, years. He was my highschool bestfriend.”

“ Whom you have no memory about and knows nothing of before you came to Korea. Didn’t you have to relearn his habits, relearn his name , isn’t he as good as a stranger to you when you met him again, as well as Junho, or Chansung?”

“ Yes, but—..” He’s not. Even since the first time they meet Nichkhun already felt this pull towards Wooyoung, drawn to him without Nichkhun knowing why. He still remember the emotional meltdown that happened to him when he hear Wooyoung’s voice through the telephone line for the first time. It was because they were bestfriends, Nichkhun concluded, so even if his memory fails him, everything else in him still recognises Wooyoung. That’s why it was so easy to fall into steps with Wooyoung, to laugh with him, to pick up where they left of and then that is when things gets tricky because Nichkhun starts wanting more, the pull tugging him stonger towards Wooyoung even more, almost desperate. Nichkhun may forgotten he has a friend named Wooyoung, but his heart remembers Wooyoung. “ It’s different with Wooyoung.” he confesses to Minjun.

He can actually hear Minjun sighing. “ Just...be careful. You might want to take things slow, try not to get ahead of yourself, learning new things about your past life in Korea must be overwhelming. As i see it, “ Minjun breathes out, “ ...you’re opening doors to the memories that was hidden from you by yourself, and i know i’ve said that i think you should find out what they are. But take some time to rewind, and maybe brace yourself of the things you might find after the doors are opened.”

Nichkhun chuckles, “ God, you sound like my shrink.”

“ Yah, listen to me, child. You wanna ge hit?” Minjun threatens, and Nichkhun laughs. He does apologise after , still chuckling a bit when Minjun asks him again. “ How’s your nightmares? You still get them?”

Nichkhun runs his fingers through his hair as he answers, “ It’s better.”

As in, he’s not getting them as often. He’s completely off his medications and yes, there are nights where Nichkhun still screams out and waking up covered in sweat ( which usually followed by Chansung knocking on his door making sure Nichkhun is alright) but it doesn’t happen much lately. What does happen, is Wooyoung.

Nichkhun been dreaming about Wooyoung and it feels so real so vivid like it’s a part of a memory.

The Wooyoung in his dream is younger, his eyes gleaming with youth’s mischief and carefree happiness without the calculated look Nichkhun sees so often in the real Wooyoung. He dreamt about them laughing together, Wooyoung’s eyes crinkling with mirth as he looks back at him. He dreamt about holding Wooyoung’s hand, running his fingers on his forearm and up to his shoulder to then sneak his palm to hold the base of Wooyoung’s head as he tilts his face close and—, he dreamt about kissing Wooyoung.

And the Wooyoung in his dream will kiss back, fluttering his eyes open just barely after their kiss, and then smiling up to Nichkhun in a way that makes his chest tight and heart skipping a beat. Wooyoung looks at him like he’s Wooyoung’s entire world.

And isn’t that just ing amazing? He’s yearning so hard for Wooyoung that in his dreams he subconsciously made Wooyoung to be in love with him. Nichkhun thinks it’s a new level of pathetic , even for him.

It might’ve help if he sees Wooyoung after what happened, he still feels like they need to sit and talk about the whole thing, whatever the outcome will be, but it has been three days and he hasn’t seen Wooyoung since. Chansung said Wooyoung is busy helping out his sister that he won’t be coming by for awhile and the pride in Nichkhun answered that he’s busy with the workload from his Seoul office anyway, so it’s fine.

But who is he trying to fool here, when he knows damn well it’s not.

~

Nichkhun bumps into Wooyoung on Tuesday, it was almost 8 pm and Nichkhun have just left his Seoul office when he sees Wooyoung walking not far in front of him. It was crowdy between the wave of commuters and teens coming to the city to play but Nichkhun can recognize that back anywhere. Apparently his brain , --the same brain that hid so many things from his, so many memories--, somehow manages to spare a room to specialize on memorising the smallest randomest stuff there is about Wooyoung since the first time the meet back at Chansung’s coffeeshop; his built, his gestures, the way he walk, the sway of his legs, the glide of his hips because Nichkhun just know that the guy walking a couple of steps away from him is Wooyoung.

“—mum hates peach i can’t believe you can get her to agree to the color when i can’t even get her to agree on a single menu for the after dinner, what’s your secret now spill.”

Nichkhun hear Wooyoung says to the phone before Nichkhun taps his shoulder, halting him from whereever it is he’s going. There’s a fresh smile on his face when he turns, a smile that Nichkhun thinks fades for a second the moment Wooyoung’s realise it was him. It blooms again, Wooyoung’s smile, but it’s a little bit dim this time around.

“ Khun! Hey,what—where are you going?” Wooyoung says to him, lowering the phone from his ear.

Wooyoung looks really good, as a matter of fact he’s breathtaking. Nichkhun feels the air is snatched gone from his lung at the sight of Wooyoung , and it’s not just because he’s in a downspiral of pathetically missing Wooyoung, but is also because Wooyoung is wearing a suit—not the usual blazer over shirt Nichkhun used of seeing him in when Wooyoung came by the coffeeshop after his tutorings, but a real proper suit, the kind people wear when they’re going to an important meeting, or when they want to dress to impress.

“Was just wrapping things up at the office, i’m going to the coffeeshop, wanna walk there together?” He offers, unable to dampen this bubbling excitement knowing Wooyoung usually picks Jinyoung up after the shop closes, which means they get to have a long walk together back to Chansung’s place. Nichkhun loves that part when going around with Wooyoung. Wooyoung’s aversion of car rides means lots of walking from where the bus drops them off, and they would walk and chat along the way, and maybe, just maybe, this time Nichkhun can get him to talk about what happened. Or about anything honestly, at this point Wooyoung can count one to one hundred and repeats it and Nichkhun will still listen to him, that’s how much he misses Wooyoung’s voice. That’s how much he misses Wooyoung.

Wooyoung winces, the lines near his eyes crinkling “ I can’t. I’m expected somewhere else, but say hi to Chansung for me?” he says, tone surprisingly light.

Nichkhun can feel the waves of dissapointment surging up to swallow him. And for a second it’s like his brain doesn’t work. So, he’s just standing there staring at Wooyoung, at the how the corner of his mouth pulls into an easy smile, at the way Wooyoung is wearing his hair, --styling it up, perfectly coiffed without a single strand astray. It’s obvious to Nichkhun then that Wooyoung doesn’t feel the same, doesn’t feel the emptiness Nichkhun felt on the days they didn’t meet. Nichkhun can feel his whole being protesting, these three days had been terrible for him, but Wooyoung seems to be holding up just fine without him, he seems completely unaffected.

Was what happened really meant nothing to Wooyoung? Is Wooyoung really not going to give him any explanation other than it’s complicated? Three days of silence and when they finally meet Wooyoung just brushes him off this way, does he not worth any explanation?

His throat feels clogged up , Nichkhun fists his palm so he won’t reach and shake Wooyoung while telling him just how he misses him, how he wished Wooyoung can open up to him, to just please, please, talk to him.

“ Yeah, sure. I’ll tell Chansung. “ He nods despite his heart, faking to be alright and flashing a convincing smile is something he knows how to do so well. But this is Wooyoung, and somehow it makes the hurt pierced just that deeper.

There’s a moment where Wooyoung seems to look and actually sees the emotions behind Nichkhun’s made up smile, his eyes softening as he returns Nichkhun’s gaze, but then his phone’s screen flickers bright again and—Nichkhun assumes it also buzzes in Wooyoung’s palm because it made Wooyoung tears his gaze from him to his hand—Wooyoung smiles apologetically. “ I really need to be going.” He says. And that’s that.

They part with a see you later from Wooyoung—although Nichkhun is not sure when later is going to be—with a friendly pat on his arm. Nichkhun doesn’t move from where he stands as he watches Wooyoung walking away, the phone is back against his ear, never leaving his ear even as Wooyoung dissapears into the sub station entrance with a bright smile spreading on his face.

Nichkhun doesn’t necessarily wish the world to be revolving around him, no. And he knows it is his own fault that he has these feelings for Wooyoung, that somehow he always craves to be near Wooyoung. But they’ve spent literally everyday together for the most part of Nichkhun’s stay in Korea , and when they’re not with each other, they would be texting one another. So this silence? this three days without Wooyoung has left Nichkhun so lost. Although apparently it doesn’t affect Wooyoung in the least bit because hey look at him, going about around the city dressing nicely and obviously having fun. There’s a bitter feeling sneaking up on Nichkhun, and no it’s not guilt. It isn’t remorse either, it burns more, firey hot in his veins because Wooyoung was smiling, Wooyoung was going somewhere to have a good time with someone, and that someone is not him.

~

“ Wanna go to Pulmuone Museum?”

Chansung throws a baseball towards the ceiling and swiftly catches it as it fall back down. He’s lying on Nichkhun’s bed, undisturbed by the cluttering files and boxes with reports from Nichkhun’s office. It’s sort of funny , not even a month ago he was a stranger to Nichkhun but now Chansung is like the little brother Nichkhun always wanted but never had, four kids is already more than a handful for his parents to handle Nichkhun reckons.

“ Oh god, not another museum.” Nichkhun answers airily while skimming the data on his laptop screen , he can hear Chansung snorting from where he’s laying down.

“ No, no hyung, listen, this one is different, Pulmuone Museum is a kimchi museum, kimchi. “ Chansung emphazises, “ we can try making kimchi there if you like, and we can go get other things to eat after, there’s this food stall i know that has out of this world samgyupsal, i know you like those and--, ooooh just around the corner of that we can have patbingsu, i swear they have the one of the best patbingsu in town.” Chansung explains with unhidden enthusiasm.

Nichkhun has no doubt that Chansung knows the best eatery places in Seoul, that’s basically all they’ve been doing apart from going through more museums than Nichkhun can count in one hand these few days. Chansung seems to be taking it upon himself to keep him company while Wooyoung is busy having a life. ( having a life that doesn’t include Nichkhun more specifically)

Nichkhun tries to be an adult about it, he tries not to feel bitter because he knows he’s entitled to absolutely nothing when it comes to Wooyoung. He doesn’t own Wooyoung, and Wooyoung doesn’t owe him anything , just because they happen to make out once , ( which Wooyoung is sorry about, have said god, i’m so sorry, okay? , i’m sorry as the actual word Wooyoung blurted to him, Wooyoung probably wished it never happened, it was like a weak moment for him or something) doesn’t mean they’re a thing or some sort that Wooyoung needs to inform him constantly of the events happening in his life. Nichkhun also knows whatever he’s feeling now, left behind, pushed away without any semblance of explanation, is probably what Wooyoung was feeling when he dissapeared years ago. So really, what right does he have to be feeling this way?

But try telling that to his head who keeps replaying their make out session in the dance studio, the little noises Wooyoung made when Nichkhun puts his hands on him is haunting, try telling that to his heart that seem to constantly searches for him.

It’s tiring, this battle between what he want and what he think is the right thing to do, to feel. Nichkhun knows, he knows he’s not supposed to feel this way, but just because he shouldn’t, doesn’t mean he’s not feeling it anyway.

“ Let’s go golfing.” Nichkhun huffs, turning his chair to face Chansung, too tired from all the thoughts clashing in his head.

Chansung throws Nichkhun a surprised look and a “ golf? ” reply , before the baseball he tosses up earlier comes falling and chansung—, still distracted by Nichkhun’s suggestion, fails to catch it.

The baseball lands pretty near to chansung’s left eye and when they do go for golf, he has to wear a sunglasses to hide the shiner forming there.

Junho can’t keep his laughter hidden when he welcomes them back, the sun already setting and the coffeeshop closed. “ let me see the black eye.” Was the first thing he say when he opens the door for them.

“ Let me come in first, you brat.” Chansung answers as he pushes the door and walk in when Junho steps back to give way.

“ It was my fault i’m really sorry, “ Nichkhun grimaces to Junho, walking after Chansung. “ If i didn’t distract him—“

“ Nah, he does stupid things like this all the time.” Junho shrugs it off the same time chansung says it’s not your fault, hyung and after a pause, what do you mean i do stupid things all the time? to Junho.

Nichkhun catches Junho grinning, but there’s actual worry in his eyes when he inspects chansung’s bruise. Chansung had taken his shades off and Junho is close, grinning with amusement and affection, his fingers gentle as he cradle’s chansung’s jaw . Nichkhun feels like he’s watching a private moment between the two, so he turns to look away.

And that’s when he notices the boxes of fried chicken on the coffee table, a platter of fries and bacon and beer, opened and probably half drank. The large flatscreen tv is , some random advertisement is playing. There are noises coming from the kitchen and Nichkhun’s heart beats a little faster because could it be? Junho has keys to Chansung’s place, Nichkhun already know this for sometime now, so he probably came when Chansung and him was still at the golf course, but what if Junho didn’t come alone? What if there’s somebody coming with him?

What if that somebody is Wooyoung?

It’s been a week.

It’s been a week since that thing that happened in Junho’s studio, ...well, happened.

As much as he wished he put a stop on it, Nichkhun would be lying if he said he hasn’t been thinking about it everyday since. He’s been thinking about it more after bumping into Wooyoung the other night. He’s been sulking and moping and miserable and it dawns him that he is actually pinning for Wooyoung. And that it is a stupid stupid thing to be. Because he’s not here for that, he’s here to know more about himself so he can have a fuller life, to put a stop to his nightmares, not to act infatuated over a guy like a god damn teenager, he’s an adult for sake. The fact that his relationship with Tiffany is still undecided ( “ you will not break up with her though a phonecall , Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul, i raised you to be a better man than that.” Minjun’s voice comes back to him, and Nichkhun agrees completely, which means whatever he needs to resolve with Tiffany he needs to do it face to face) , just made everything that more complicated.

But the heart wants what the heart wants.

And right now, the one his heart really want is,

“ Wooyoung?”

Nichkhun calls, and he thinks the person squatting behind the opened fridge door freezes for a second before poking his head to address Nichkhun.

“ Oh, you’re home already?” Wooyoung blinks up to him. “ Great! You’re here in time for the game. Help me with these, please. ” Wooyoung passes him a few bottle of more beers before getting on his feet, craddling a bag of potato chips in his arm. “ Junho was being restless, thought you guys would missed it.” He plucks some chips and feeds it to Nichkhun casually when they’re closer, then eats a few himself.

“ what game?” Nichkhun asks after swallowing and gets another chip fed into his mouth, Nichkhun tries to ignore the way his heart flutter when Wooyoung’s thumb brushes against his lips lightly as he does so.

“ Ball game. Baseball. He’s a bit crazy about that , if you haven’t noticed.” Wooyoung shoves a handfull of chips inside his mouth and munches easy , like nothing ever happened between the two of them.

Wooyoung’s hair looks golden ( did Wooyoung dyed it into a lighter shade?) and the loose tee and short shorts made him look younger than his age. He looked just like the Wooyoung in his dream and something inside Nichkhun stirs when he realises that. His gaze falls onto Wooyoung’s lips, just in time as Wooyoung pokes his tongue out to the seasoning left by the potato chips. The tip of Wooyoung’s tongue looks soft and pink and wet , and god help him cos he knows how they feel sliding against his own in his dream. The alarm is blaring inside his head so Nichkhun averts his eyes to look at anything that is not Wooyoung’s lips. If Wooyoung catches him staring at his mouth, he’s not making any comments.

There are shadows under Wooyoung’s eyes like he’s been lacking sleep but Nichkhun assumes it’s probably from working on his tutoring modules again, or worse, Wooyoung’s not getting enough sleep because he’s busy having fun with god knows who out there. And then it hits him again, the days of silence, the cheerful way Wooyoung acted when he saw him that night. How Wooyoung was fine despite not seeing him. How Nichkhun wish he can say the same about himself. Nichkhun can feel the familiar bitterness creeping up again. It really feel like he’s losing Wooyoung, and just how stupid can one be for feeling that way when the fact is that Wooyoung was never his.

“ I heard you gave Chansung a black eye?” Wooyoung breaks the silence, pulling himself up to sit on the counter. There’s a hint of amusement in his tone of voice, and he’s offering a smile.

“ Ah, about that... We were talking and i distracted him and well..yeah you could say i gave him the black eye. ” Nichkhun winces, shifting his weight to one leg while still craddling the bottle of beers Wooyoung gave him earlier. He should probably get these to the living room, the commercial should be over by now and Junho or Chansung might want their beer , but Nichkhun has no intention on leaving Wooyoung no matter how awkward it is to be standing in the kitchen with arms full of beer and not making any move to deliver it. Nichkhun’s been wanting to talk to him and now is as good time as ever. “ I heard you’ve been busy?” he tuts.

It’s Wooyoung’s turn to wince now, scrunching his small nose before taking a swig from his bottle. “ I promised my sister something, some things actually, and she’s making me keeping my word in the truest manner. ” Wooyoung picks another chip into his mouth.” i’m sorry i haven’t been around much.” He says as he munches.

Haven’t been around much is an understatement considering Wooyoung practically disappeared for the whole week. What ever happened to making new memories with him? Nichkhun thinks if the new memories Wooyoung refering to is heartache and god forbid, --heartbreak , then yeah Nichkhun is definitely having them.

Nichkhun knows he’s being a bitter pathetic right now but Wooyoung is smiling, acting like nothing ever happened. Nichkhun could think of a million reason why Wooyoung would be acting this way, it’s not like he didn’t spend his nights analysing and over analysing every ing thing that might made up what complicated means for Wooyoung .

“ You’ve been good, ...aren’t you?” Wooyoung asks, his face unreadable and Nichkhun can’t take it anymore. Wooyoung shutting him off without even telling him why and he expects Nichkhun to be good ? Maybe if he’s made of stone , sure he’ll be fine with it, or even—if he’s Wooyoung, then he’ll be able to act nonchalant about it , have fun around town and plays it cool. But he’s not. He can’t.

Just when Nichkhun is about to open his mouth though, Chansung comes into the kitchen talking about how Junho is sulking because Nexen is going to have a hard time with LG twins doing so good this season and hey are those our beer? And then Chansung is standing there in the kitchen, blinking oblivious between the two of them.

“ better let him take those or junho will be cranky.” Wooyoung laughs, “ if he hasn’t already.” Wooyoung adds while playing with his own beer , taking another sip of it while he watches Nichkhun pass the beer to Chansung.

Nichkhun can hear Junho’s voice stringing curses high and low from the living room between the loud cheering coming from the tv. Chansung grimaces, “ as i said, LG Twins is hard to beat. You guys coming?”

“ Yeah, we’ll be there in a bit, go ahead without us.” Wooyoung says, nodding and letting Chansung leave the kitchen. “ I hope he’s keeping you busy, Chansung knows the best places to eat around here.” Wooyoung says offhanded, passing Nichkhun his beer.

“He’s been wonderful. “ Nichkhun answers, receiving Wooyoung’s bottle. To be fair Chansung have always tried to make his stay just that little bit of pleasant, and Nichkhun owes him so much. But Chansung is not Wooyoung, his stubborn heart reminds him. Nichkhun sighs before lifting the beer to his mouth and drinks it, it’s bitter and sweet and a bit salty from the potato chips’ seasoning left on the brim by Wooyoung’s lips.

“ I missed you.” suddenly Wooyoung says, and when Nichkhun turns to him, he can see Wooyoung with this sad look, this longing in his eyes as he returns Nichkhun’s gaze.

Nichkhun never understands the way Wooyoung affects him, the way this pull seems to tug him relentlessly towards Wooyoung. But with that one look, all his defenses comes crumbling down, he can’t remember feeling bitter or hurt, all the words he conjured to confront Wooyoung’s absence from him have all scrambles away, because Wooyoung missed him. Wooyoung is sitting on the counter, just a reach away, blinking his slow blinks at him and Wooyoung missed him. What?

“ What?” Nichkhun asks, his grip on the beer bottle tightens.

He’s given a soft chuckle as a reply, and Nichkhun furrows his brow at that because he’s had enough of Wooyoung brushing things off lightly from him, but this time Wooyoung tilts his face sideways, speaking slowly. “ I missed you. I...wanted to text but i didn’t. I don’t know why. “

It’s subtle, but Nichkhun can feel the sudden change in the kitchen, Wooyoung is speaking to him in quiet hushed tone and he’s..careful, like he’s mulling the words to say. Nichkhun is fighting the urge to reach and kiss him right then and there.

He only manages to step closer though, Wooyoung’s knees bumping his thighs as he does, Wooyoung angling his head to look up at him “ I missed you too. So much.” Nichkhun confesses. So much i feel my chest will burst open with how much i miss you.

“ Yeah?” and there, Nichkhun sees it, Wooyoung’s happy little smile, and isn’t he most beautiful when he’s smiling like this.

“ Yeah, “ Nichkhun answers. He places the beer back on the counter, braving himself to brush his knuckles softly on Wooyoung’s cheek. Wooyoung doesn’t shy away, he just holds Nichkhun’s gaze. Nichkhun’s stomach twists and his heart is beating faster.

If anyone walks into the kitchen now, Nichkhun doubt neither him or Wooyoung can explain their position. Nichkhun is standing between Wooyoung’s legs now, one hand on his cheek,their faces so close as Wooyoung beams up at him, his own hands cluthcing on Nichkhun’s sides since Nichkhun doesn’t know when, too fixated on the way Wooyoung is looking back at him.

“ I wish things were simpler.” Wooyoung whispers.

“ It can be as simple as we wanted it to be.” Nichkhun tells Wooyoung. His thumb gentle on Wooyoung’s cheek. Wooyoung’s skin soft to the touch.

Wooyoung sighs, and Nichkhun sees it coming, the doubt, the hesitation coming back to pull Wooyoung away from him. No, no, not now, not when Wooyoung is in his arms.

“ Hey, hey...” He hushes, pressing his palm to cradle boths side of Wooyoung’s face gently, theyre so close, their nose barely touching. “ Don’t go there, don’t think about anything. “ Nichkhun pleads, “ Look at me, Wooyoung. Only look at me.”

“ Khun, you don’t understand..” Wooyoung tries, conflicted.

“ Please..” Khun leans down and bump their noses together. Wooyoung closes his eyes at the touch but Nichkhun can feel he’s pushing him away with his hands.

“ We shouldn’t.” Wooyoung says, yet it comes out shaky and weak.

“ Please.. “ Nichkhun begs , angling his head this time and, finally finally closing the distance between them to press his lips lightly against Wooyoung. It’s not so much to be called a kiss, but enough to make his insides tingling funny, enough to get Wooyoung’s mind off the things he’s worried about. “ Please Wooyoung, please..” he murmurs, giving gentle pecks against Wooyoung’s stubborn lips, until he can feel it quivering, and finally moving to reciprocate the kiss.

Wooyoung feels exactly the same with the Wooyoung in his dream only a lot more intense, like everything happening in the dream happened behind a curtain and now that curtain is lifted, Wooyoung’s lips tastes sweeter, his skin warmer, his breaths soft puffs which only works to make Nichkhun wanting for more. Nichkhun lets his left hand fall to hold Wooyoung’s side, he feels heady and light from their kisses but he keeps diving back in for Wooyoung’s mouth, never wanting to let go, the pull of Wooyoung’s lips is nectar, the swipe of his tongue is honey and every sweet things under the sun gathered into one.

And then there’s that other thing, the small part that keeps ringing at the back of his head whenever he’s got Wooyoung’s skin under his finger. This sense of familiarity, this weight setting low in his heart, it’s almost like de ja vu, only it’s probably from one of his dreams, Nichkhun is reminded of bright sun peeking between the trees, the way the grass is soft beneath him, the way Wooyoung is heavy on top of him , smiling, grinning, looking at him affectionately before leaning down for a kiss.

“ Wooyoung..” Nichkhun murmurs into Woooyung’s mouth. This though, this is not a dream. This is Wooyoung kissing back, this is Wooyoung chasing after his lips when Nichkhun pulls back to breathe,this is Wooyoung kissing him with teeth and tongue and soul, and he’s kisses like he means it, Wooyoung kisses like he wants it.

Nichkhun lost all sense of time, but at last Wooyoung was the first to break away, breathing softly against Nichkhun’s mouth before pulling back slowly. He has both of his palm flat on Nichkhun’s chest, keeping their distance as if he’s worried that he hasn’t gotten enough of the kiss and wanted more. They’re both still breathing heavy, still reeling from the kisses, Nichkhun’s entire body still tingling to his little toe.

“ This doesn’t change anything.” Nichkhun can hear Wooyoung say under his breath, can hear the way it breaks around the edges as he says so. And it’s crazy that the first thought Nichkhun has is to hold Wooyoung together again.

He does get the chance to ask whether Wooyoung actually feels something, anything, towards him and Wooyoung had looked at him like he’s some kind of crazy person and suppose Nichkhun should have known the answer by now, but he’s being stubborn and Wooyoung’s wrist trembles in his hand as he, looked directly into Nichkhun’s eyes and doesn’t hesitate when saying, i do, and then, it doesn’t mean anything.

~

“ About time you showed up. You gonna miss the entire game.” Junho throws a pillow to Wooyoung.

Wooyoung catches it and throws it back at Junho without pausing, “ The tv was blaring, Lee Junho, we wouldn’t have missed anything even if we try.”

Junho is sitting on the floor with a half empty bottle near his feet. Chansung was right, he does seems sulky, and also cautious, glancing to Wooyoung and to Nichkhun and then back to Wooyoung as he sips the remainder of his beer quietly.

Things has been...better, between him and Junho lately, but there are still times where Nichkhun finds Junho being extra defensive, especially when Wooyoung is concerned, like he’s ready to rip Nichkhun’s thoat apart if he so much as touches Wooyoung a little longer than he should. Which is odd, considering it’s Chansung Junho is having a relationship with.

" Who's winning?" Wooyoung says when he plops down on the floor, nudging Junho's knee to give some room as he scoots close.

" LG twins. " Chansung chuckles from where he's sitting, looking pointedly warm and happy where he is with a half empty chicken box sets on his lap already. "Nexen are struggling, Yong-taek is having good hits."

" Yahh. it's only the third, they can turn this around in no time." Junho grumbles before taking another swig. " and pass the chicken hwang Chansung, there's no point having company over if you just gonna hog the food." He smacks Chansung's leg, who— , overdramatize the hit with collapsing on the couch, faking injury while wallowing loudly to the back of Junho's head.

" I didn't even hit you that hard you big baby. "

" it huuuurts..." Chansung is giggling now.

" i'll show you hurt." Junho throws an arm back to smack Chansung some more, face breaking into a grin when smacks turns into tickles aimed at Chansung's neck.

Chansung thrashes wildly, arms and legs flailing without any real effort to avoid Junho's tickling hand.

"Jesus Christ, Chansung your knees! " Wooyoung yelps when Chansung accidentally kicks his shoulder.

" Tell Junho to stop." Chansung half whimpers, out of breath from all his laughing, his arm securing the box of honeyed chicken to prevent it from falling over.

" Junho's half your size for god sake. You could topple him with one arm if you wanted to." Wooyoung whines, rubbing his offended shoulder.

" Yeah, but how'd you know Junho's half my size ? just what size are we talking about here? " howls Chansung, laughing to a different matter now.

" Yaaah! " Junho shouts.

" This ert! " Wooyoung cries.

Both Junho and Wooyoung reacts at that , and if Chansung was tickled earlier, he's basically being attacked right now, wailing about how "it takes one to know one , Wooyoungaaa" as he jerks around wildly while Wooyoung holds him down for Junho to dig his fingers into Chansung's sides even more.

It's all really amusing in all honesty, and it quickly takes Nichkhun’s mind off burdening matters, after a while he finds himself laughing at how riddiculus everyone is acting. Nichkhun doesn't know where to focus his attention to, the grinning and persistent Junho who tickled mercilessly, Chansung flailing helplessly despite being the biggest out of the three, or the equally amused Wooyoung pinning the giant down with his arm.

“Bullies, all you lots are a bunch of bullies." Chansung cries out, a dazed look on his face and hair all debauched once he’s free from Junho and Wooyoung.

Junho climbs close on the couch to nudge Chansung to his side, eyes missing as he cooed soothingly, " Ujjujju.. our Chansungie don't cry." He says, gathering Chansung into his arm.

" I'm not crying, you punk." Chansung mutters, but it lacks venom, and it doesn’t stop Junho from fixing Chansung's hair and bringing Chansung's head to lean on his shoulder after, patting his head affectionately.

Chansung is still pouting, but he is clutching Junho’s shirt and seems cozy with the way Junho coddles him. Nichkhun glances and sees Wooyoung already absorbed with his phone, thumb swiping and tapping furiously at times, totally unpertrubed by whats going on around him. Junho catches Nichkhun staring at Wooyoung, and Nihckhun pretends he doesnt see the way Junho raises a questioning eyebrow at him.

On the seventh leg there is no chicken left and everyone have had more than just a couple of beers, it is also when Nexen turns the match around making Junho a very happy sport. which is an understatement when he's doing victory dance in front of the tv, spinning his shirt around and over his head in celebration. Chansung is laughing, dying to be more precise, clapping his hands and trying to breathe and laugh at the same time.

" I'm treating everyone pizza if they win the playoffs!" Junho announces loudly as he pull his shirt back on, not bothering to tuck it under his pants as he does so.

" ift they win this match they'll win the playoffs?" Nichkhun asks him, slurring around his words a little.

Junho looks at him for moment longer before shaking his head, climbing the couch again to snuggle beside Chansung before replying " nope, this is just the second match, there'll be other matches.” he says, sounding calm and clear. There's a half filled bottle of soju near him and Nichkhun can’t remember whether it's the same bottle Junho started with or has he had more.

The sounds coming from the tv fills the background after that , no one saying anything and yet it feels oddly comfortable. The commercial break is ending and now the sportscasters are conversing the standings while replaying some crucial moments in the match so far.

“ Will you still be here for those though, playoff finals?" Junho suddenly asks, his eyes directed to the tv screen.

It's thrown in the air like it's another casual question, but Nichkhun could tell that Junho is curious. Junho has the right to, after all he's been here almost a month now, four weeks flying away just like that. He has gotten so much more pieces to complete his puzzles, but those are still not enough. How long will this search for his past will take?

“ I don’t know.” Nichkhun finally says.

Nichkhun is picking a stray lint from his jeans, trying to look casual all the while he’s pushing back guilt, because somehow it feels like a betrayal, not being able to know whether he’ll be here to celebrate with them. He feels the bond between them as friends is slowly healing , and of course there’s the thing with Wooyoung, so the thought of leaving again makes him feel uneasy. Nichkhun can feel eyes on him when he stays quiet, and for a fleeting moment it makes him think of his flat, his office, his cubicle. Why does that life seem like a million years away now? What would his life be like if he had stayed in korea?

“Should get double servings for everything if you decided to come, or else we'd go hungry cos i don’t know if you remember but our Chansungie here is a lean mean eating machine." Junho finally say, patting Chansung’s arm, Chansung’s head still on his shoulder. They look unabashedly comfortable with each other.

" If khun hyung is with us by then, I’m going to cook us my world renown ddeokbokki. " Chansung chimes in, looking sober enough, only a bit sleepy, but by the way he drags his words out lets Nichkhun know he's had quite a drink.

" Yah.. this kid, only when khun hyung's with us will you be treating us dinner? what...i'm not special enough for your ddeokbokki? " Junho pouts, poking Chansung's stomach.

“I'm preeeeetty sure he'll give you his most special ddeokbokki, Junho. Don’t you worry your pretty head." Comes Wooyoung’s sleepy voice. He’s leaning at the couch, squinting his eyes at the screen on his phone while tapping the screen with clumsy fingers.

Junho throws a couch pillow at Wooyoung and this time Wooyoung is too tipsy to catch it so it just hits his head before bouncing to the floor. Junho’s face reddened to the tips of his ears but he manages to stutter out a string of curses. “ Yah, this punk, what are you saying?”

Wooyoung glances up from his phone, a teasing smile apparent when he sees the way Junho blushes. " Aigooo, Junoyaa you look so cute. Hyuuuung, doesn’t he look cute? “ Wooyoung says as he looks up at Nichkhun.

Nichkhun chuckles, Junho does looks cute, but Wooyoung is cuter, fumbling with his phone with a pout, his cheeks tinged red.

“ I’ll show you cute,” Junho bursts, going for another pillow, the one unfortunete enough to be wedged between Chansung and the armrest; Junho elbows Chansung’s stomach by accident when he tries to get it, waking Chansung up.

" aigooo....” Chansung groans, stirring aside as he refuses to wake up, “ I'm gonna feed my ddeokbokki to everyone, okay? everyone, i love everyone.. " Chansung mutters as he ends up hugging the pillow and sinking into Junho more.

A second of silence passed before all three men explodes in laughter. Wooyoung abandons his phone to cling on the couch behind him as he cackles loudly. Junho is gone, hiding his face behind his palms but the way his shoulder shake , he’s dying from laughter.

" Yaah...get your heads out of the gutter... what are you, thirteen?" Chansung lifts his head from the backrest, and his half-sleepy half-annoyed face only makes Nichkhun laughs harder.

He know he shouldn’t be laughing, knows it's a silly thing, but he can’t stop the laughter bubbling up from his chest, and when he thinks it's dying down, Nichkhun catches Wooyoung's eyes who’s trying to catch a breath and something clicks between them, which leads to another episode of laughter eruption.

" Auugh.. khun hyung not you too." Chansung whines, and then turns to bite Junho by the arm.

" Aaah.. stop it, it hurts!" Junho yelps, wincing at Chansung but even so, still has the remnants of laughter in his voice.

Nichkhun shifts from where he's been curling with laughter on the couch. He's trying to sit up but his stomach aches from laughing too hard and too long. It's an oddly nice feeling, aching and exhausted from laughter, having his friends laughing with him, being a part of something, being connected to someone else this way. The backrest is comfortable enough for him to lean his temple on, turning on his side and pulling his knees closer to his chest to watch Chansung and Junho still going into their little playbanter while he calm his breathing down.

He feels relaxed, the alcohol making his head fuzzy just slightly, and he blinks slowly, feeling like so much has happened today. Wooyoung was.. Wooyoung is an enigma, and Nichkhun is not sure he can ever decipher all the mixed signs Wooyoung is giving him but today, oh god today he kissed Wooyoung. Today Wooyoung kissed back. And it’s not a dream, Wooyoung didn’t vanished when he opened his eyes, Wooyoung was there.

Nichkhun lets his eyes strays to where Wooyoung ( Oh beautiful beautiful Wooyoung) sits, lets his gaze travels from Wooyoung’bare feet and up to his ankle and knees and sturdy thighs. He's never seen any man looks so good in shorts. And then his thumb, lean and crooked and beautiful, tapping, slipping clumsily on the screen of his phone again, why are you always on the phone, who is it that you're texting woo? Nichkhun want to ask, his head manages to gather the words but his mouth is being defiant; especially when Wooyoung exerts his arm and Nichkhun can see the way his bicep straining against the fabric. Nichkhun’s mouth feels dry, and he's thirsty, but not of water, of collarbones maybe? sharp and glistening from a bit of sweat from where it peeks shyly and yeah, maybe if he it, press his tongue right there on the bony part and drags slowly along, it can quench his thirst? or maybe a few light le on that adam's apple, Nichkhun wonders how Wooyoung’s skin would taste like, sweet? a little salty from sweat? warm and intoxicating like those lips? , those lips. Nichkhun prods his tongue out to his own lips, can still feel the pull of Wooyoung’s lips against him, warm, supple and soothing.

Nichkhun feels his breaths picking up again, heavy with something a bit more than just innocent curiosity, something that's been keeping his eyes trained on Wooyoung. but Wooyoung is—, Wooyoung is oblivious. he's so engrossed with his phone that he's completely tuning everything out. Nichkhun reaches for his bottle and chugs. As if on cue, Wooyoung shuffles to stand, phone pressed against his ear as he chats away towards the small kitchen, wobbling a little before getting there. Chansung doesn't seem to notice, already dozing off with his face plastered on Junho’s neck.

Junho though, Junho sees Nichkhun staring at Wooyoung. Again.

" ..uh.. a friend calling maybe?" Nichkhun tries to play dumb, as if Junho hasn’t been watching him the whole time.

" ...maybe,... maybe it's his girlfriend asking him where his at." Junho huffs, freeing his arm from Chansung's grasp.

Nichkhun tries not to look like the walls around is closing up on him, tries not to feel this sudden stuffy feeling like he can’t breathe, like all the air deserted him. Of course, that is a good possibility, Wooyoung having a girlfriend. He never asked, Wooyoung never told him but, why should he? Wooyoung is smart, funny, and very attractive, of course there is a girlfriend, he shouldn't be surprised. It’s even in one of the things Nickhun has thought about when he’s busy analysing the reason behind Wooyoung’s complicated situation, but guessing and actually hearing it being confirmed are two very different things. Everything make sense now, now that Nichkhun knows the reason. Nichkhun’s fingers shake when he takes a large swig from his bottle, but even cold beer running down his throat couldn't take the edge of this sudden of pain in his chest.

" Oh. " He only manages, glancing on Wooyoung leaning on the corridor’s wall, a bright smile across his face, his phone still wedged against his ear. Nichkhun tries to swallow down the lump suddenly lodging in his throat, his tongue tasted sand against the ceiling of his mouth and his mind going miles per second, each one of them echoing stupid stupid stupid.