Wooyoung worries about a lot of things, that is a given. But he rarely--the instances of it happening he can count them with one hand--gets terrified.  He was terrified when he wakes up in a hospital, years ago, delirious and in pain, as if hundreds of knife were searing his lower body off him. He was scared, yes. But he was terrified because he can’t find Nichkhun, and there’s a chill that shivered his spine as if he’d felt it then that it was the start of days, months and years without his Nichkhun.

And now, Jinyoung.

Wooyoung scrunches his eyes shut. God , please let him be okay. He chants in the back of his head.

“ Wooyoung, hey Wooyoung? Everything is going to be alright.” Nichkhun's steady voice comforts him.

Wooyoung opens his eyes, his body still trembling slightly, there are trees passing along alarmly fast by his window, Wooyoung gulps, breathless. Nichkhun is gripping the steering wheel firmly with one hand, his other hand is holding Wooyoung’s. He stares into their intertwined fingers that rests on his thigh, how white his knuckles are as they squeezes Nichkhun's hand tightly.

He hate car rides. He still does. But Nichkhun convinced him that it’s the fastest way to get them to the hospital, and although the content of his stomach is threatening to rise up from the thought of it: a car ride, with Nichkhun driving--speeding, through the highway, just like last time; Wooyoung knows Jinyoung need him to be there as quickly as he can, and that Nichkhun was right. Wooyoung glances to see him.

Nichkhun.

Sunshine warm and caring as he always been.

Wooyoung feels dizzy.

He looks away, afraid that he might stare forever otherwise. “ Go left on the next intersection, i think it’s faster that way.” Wooyoung rasps. “ Hang on, i don’t--, was it the last intersection?” He tries turning around but Nichkhun grips his hand firmer, assuring him.

“ It’s this one, don’t worry. We’re almost there.”

Wooyoung furrows his brows, when did Nichkhun get so accustomed to Seoul? Might be in all the times Wooyoung avoided him, Nichkhun might have kept on visiting places, to find clues, anything that can help him recover his memory. And he’s been doing it all by himself. Alone. Because Wooyoung weren’t there for him despite his promise to help Nichkhun. Wooyoung swallows bitterly. Would that made him a liar then?

“...Wooyoung?” Nichkhun flicks him a glance, pulling his hand from Wooyoung slowly as he needed both to make a turn. Wooyoung aches from the sudden loss, but grips his thigh to not let it show. “ Chansung is on his way, have you told your sister?”

Wooyoung breathes out, and then shakes his head. “ Later.” he only says.

Wooyoung hate car rides, but even more so , he hate the smell of hospitals. There’s something steely cold about it, detached and sharply authoritative. It’s soaking with ruthless truths that people may find hard to accept, may hate, may deny , but in the end could never be altered. People die every other day here, and suppose that’s what Wooyoung really hate, that feeling of hopelessness.

He flies through the corridors the second he knows which room Jinyoung is in, maneuvering to avoid gurneys and  people while leaving Nichkhun to sort with the nurses. His heart is pounding in his ear and when Wooyoung opens the door, his breath catches.

He sees JInyoung on the sickbed,  his left leg casted white from his knees down to his foot, and Wooyoung’s whole world drowns down in silence.

No. Please, no.

“ Wooyoung...” says Nichkhun softly, Wooyoung doesn’t know how Nichkhun catches up so fast from the nurse’s station, that or he freezes on the spot for so long  Nichkhun was able to catch up to him, probably the latter.

He’s trembling, but Nichkhun slips his hand to hold Wooyoung’s, and suddenly Wooyoung doesn’t feel like collapsing on to the floor anymore.

They approached the bed together. Jinyoung is completely still, eyes closed. He’s pale, there are scuff marks on his left cheek, the bruises starting to bloom under his skin. Wooyoung doesn’t know whether he’s just sleeping or that he’s unconscious. He wants to wake Jinyoung up, he wants to hear Jinyoung telling him in his own voice that he’s okay. Wooyoung feels his breathing picking up again.

“ He’s resting.” Nichkhun hushes as if he can read Wooyoung’s mind. “ He has a closed fracture in his leg, hairline, they’ll probably keep his cast for a month or so, but the recovery is quick and with minimum pain. The nurse told me. They’re still waiting for the other test results. ” Nichkhun adds.

Wooyoung nods, reaching forward with his free hand to push Jinyoung’s fringe  gently, his nephew stirs but doesn’t wake up.

“ They gave him something to lessen the pain, let him sleep.” Nichkhun says again, pulling Wooyoung to him, slowly, until Wooyoung turns and wraps his arm around Nichkhun's middle, resting his chin on Nichkhun's shoulder, and letting his eyes fall closed.

He feels calmer, his heart beats in pace with Nichkhun's, and Nichkhun's gentle hands on his back is the assurance he needs that everything is, actually, going to be okay.

“ Thankyou.” Wooyoung whispers. “ Thankyou.”

They stayed wrapped around each other like that for another moment, and then it was Nichkhun who leads Wooyoung into the family waiting room. It’s a small quarter , a set of couch and a table with magazines and today’s newspaper on top of it.  One of it’s walls has rows of large glass windows and despite the blinds, he can see people walking in the corridor through the gap between the shutters. Wooyoung imagines this must be what it felt like for his family, back then when he was injured. Waiting inside a room with generic white wallpaper, drowning in the sound of beeping monitors and indiscernible conversation coming from outside.

But no, this doesn’t even come close. Because back then, his family didn’t know whether he’d make it through the night, he’d lost so much blood, they told him; the operation was complicated  because there were major artery damage caused by his open wound,  fragments of fractured bones embedded deep inside his muscle tissues that they have to clean out, shards by shards. It was a gruesome experience and Wooyoung has angry scars on him that doesn't let him to forget. Jinyoung will be alright, he has to be, Wooyoung’s mind chants defiantly.

Nichkhun enters the waiting room with coffee cups in his hands, bringing one to Wooyoung before sitting next to him, blowing the steam off his coffee lightly.  

“ Are you hungry? Have you eaten?” He asks, offering a small brown bag with muffins inside.

Wooyoung shakes his head, he’s taking small sips from his cup, it’s hot and the warmth is nice, Wooyoung doesn’t realised how cold he was feeling before. “ What did they say?” he murmurs to Nichkhun.

“ Apparently, Jinyoung lost control of his bike when heading on a downhill road and crashed into a moving car.”

Wooyoung sighs, “ The officer who called me told me that, did you met him--?”

“ Yeah, we talked while you went to see Jinyoung. He was there when it happened and he assures me that it wasn’t the driver’s fault, however so , the driver left a name card and personal information to the officer and had told him that he want to cover for Jinyoung’s hospital expenses.” Nichkhun lifts his cup and sips his coffee, then he continues, “ The doctors done scans and tests, and although some of the results seems to be alright, they want him to stay , for observation. If everything checks out, they’ll let him go in as soon as his condition allows him. “

“ but he’s alright, right?” Wooyoung pauses, “ i know he fractured his leg, but--”

“ They told me there’s no troubling results so far, they’re still waiting for his MRI but expecting a good result from it too. “ comes Nichkhun's answer.

Wooyoung nods. He stares into his cup of coffee, the steam rising up slowly from its hot surface.  “ How did--” He starts, blowing into the cup to cool the coffee down. “ How did you get them to tell you all of these things? I thought these kind of information are for family only?”

Nichkhun takes his time before answering, when Wooyoung lifts his eyes to him, Nichkhun looked embarrassed, a tiny shy smile flit across his face and for a brief second Wooyoung sees the teenager he fell in love to years ago. “ I... told them i was family. That i was his brother.” says Nichkhun.

Wooyoung’s eyes roam to look at Nichkhun's face, really look at him, his sharp lines and high cheek bones, to the curve of his perfect nose. His brows are still ridiculously bushy though, and his lips still ridiculously kissable. Wooyoung his own lower lip slowly. “ You told them you were family?” He asks, almost a whisper, catching Nichkhun's big round eyes that are chocolate sweet and warm, but more importantly are big, and round and looked nothing like Jinyoung’s, or general koreans for that matter.

“ Yes..i told them i was his brother.” Nichkhun answers, ducking his eyes from Wooyoung, and clearing his throat  while he reaches for one of the magazine on the table.

“ ...and they believed you?” Wooyoung still has his eyes on Nichkhun.

Nichkhun glances at him, Wooyoung holds his gaze. “ ...Yes? I.. guess they do. You looked so much in shocked when we arrived here, so i thought to let you go to Jinyoung first , that it was the most important, and leave the rest to me.”

How strange, Wooyoung thinks as Nichkhun keep explaining, but his voice becomes a background for Wooyoung’s thoughts, that is, until he hear the last few words Nichkhun says to him.

“ Wait, what?” he blinks. “ repeat that last one.” he says. “ please.”

Nichkhun says nothing for a long time. Then, “ I told them i was Jinyoung’s brother in law.”

Wooyoung blinks one more time before he understands what Nichkhun was telling him—and then his eyebrows shoots up to the roof.

“ I had to or they would never let me take care everything for him, they might not even let us see Jinyoung.” Nichkhun is whispering at this point, oddly calm and serious. Wooyoung can hear sounds of footsteps coming their way.

“ But i am his uncle , they will let me see him no matter.” Wooyoung whispers back, why is he even whispering back?

“ You’re not exactly in a very conversational state earlier, “ Nichkhun says and--, yeah he has a point there but,

“ BUT..” Wooyoung blurts helplessly, suddenly noticing how Nichkhun's face looks a darker shade of red.

“ Someone’s coming,” Nichkhun glances at the door. Wooyoung wants to hit him but Nichkhun is holding his hand and their fingers are twined  ( when did Nichkhun hold his hand? Why is he holding Nichkhun's hand so tightly? ) . “ Remember, “ Nichkhun look straight into his eyes, “ We are very married and very happy.” he offers Wooyoung an awkward smile.

“ BUT--, “ But any kind of protest fail to escape Wooyoung’s lips because a nurse is entering the room , she’s about his mother’s age,  wearing a soft green colored uniform, a medical chart in her hand.

She smiles warmly at Nichkhun, pauses, and greets Wooyoung with the same warmth in her eyes, “ Mr. Jang, i think we can transfer Jinyoung to the ward. He will be in the east wing, Dr. Park had asked for a 48 hour observation, “

“ But he is alright? Right? “ Wooyoung knows he had asked that question a milion times but it’s because he needs assurance that what happened to him is not happening to Jinyoung.

“ He is stable, and we didn’t find anything strange with his test results and scans. HIs MRI shows mild concussion , which should be cleared in a day or two. That’s why we’re keeping him here for 48 hours, just to be safe. “

“ Yes. Of course. ” Wooyoung nods in gratitude, his heart feeling more at ease. “ Thankyou.”

“ He’s very lucky.” She smiles. “ he should be able to go home the day after tomorrow, oh and we have a foldable bed in the room for one family member to spend the night with him, if they want to keep him company here.” says the nurse, and then her gaze falls to their linked hands, just briefly, before she continues,” I’m sorry dear , but i can’t let both of you stay, it should only be one family member.”

“ That’s alright, auntie. Jinyoung’s mother would probably want to stay here. Wooyoung and me will come again in the morning.” Nichkhun let go of Wooyoung’s hand to put his arm affectionately around Wooyoung’s shoulder.

Wooyoung lets out a small nervous laugh.

“ Very well then. Oh i think they’re ready.” she informs them. A younger male nurse shows up and she hands him the chart in her hand. “ Nurse Jin will help with the transfer.” she says again.

The male nurse--Jin--, smiles at them, “ Follow me, please.” he says.

Nichkhun nods and goes to get their jackets and belongings on the couch when Wooyoung was caught off guard as she suddenly reaches to pat his cheek in a gentle way. “ You two be good to each other, yes? “

“ uh?” Wooyoung has no idea what she’s talking about.

The confusion that must’ve been painted on Wooyoung’s face doesn’t deter her , she cups his face with both hands and tells him in a very motherly manner, “ Marriage can get difficult sometimes, and not everyday is laughter. When those times come, please don’t give up , don’t turn against each other, but rather, be kind to your partner, be considerate, and above all, remember that he is the person that you love, and the person who loves you. Nichkhun seems like a kind man, hold on to him if ever the world gets too much for you. ” She pats him one more time.

Wooyoung is--, Wooyoung honestly doesn’t know how to respond to that. He could take it as an offence to his privacy, an offence to his personal space, but she seemed so sincere and loving, she reminds him of his own mother and wouldn’t those words means the world to hear coming from a parent. Maybe it’s because he’s still in a very emotional state, this morning he finally build up the courage to see Nichkhun again and that in all entirety is enough stress to tip the balance of his usually controlled emotion, then the shock of hearing Jinyoung in an accident, and now this. The feeling of being accepted and loved, no matter what, by a complete stranger, no, not a stranger, a mother , washes over Wooyoung, and it finally cracks Wooyoung’s defensive walls. “ I will... “ Wooyoung nods, his eyes burning and watery. “ I promise, Mrs...uh.. Auntie?” He glances to Nichkhun, doesn’t really know what honorifics to greet her with.

“ Auntie Hyun is fine, dear.” She taps his cheek for the last time, a big warm smile on her face, and then, “ Ahh, look how precious he is, “ She wipes Wooyoung’s sliding tears with her hand while glancing to Nichkhun who had stopped to watch them, “ No wonder you’re crazy about him.”

Nichkhun snorts softly before replying, “ He is, and yes, i am.” he tells her, locking eyes with wooyoung for a brief second.

“  If you need anything just call for me, okay? “ Nurse Hyun brings Wooyoung’s attention back to her. “I’ll keep a look out for Jinyoung while he’s here. “ she tells both of them as she’s pushing them into the elevator with nurse Jin, who’s already waiting for them.

The elevator dings when it reaches the 4th floor, and Nurse Jin walks in front of them to show the way. Nichkhun, still holding Wooyoung’s hand, whispers that Nurse Hyun’s son and his boyfriend recently got married in Amsterdam but she hasn’t had the chance to visit them.

“ And she told you all these while i was in the room with Jinyoung?” Wooyoung asks in awe, he couldn’t understand how a very private matter is shared so casually to Nichkhun.

“ I told her that i was Jinyoung’s brother in law and she did saw you when you frantically went to find Jinyoung, after that she was very helpful with everything.” Nichkhun pauses, “ Where do you think i got these muffins from?” He shakes the brown paper bag with a smile.

“ You’re crazy.” Wooyoung mutters under his breath, all the while a tiny spark lighting up his heart like the first star in an evening sky.

“ Luckily i have the ring to back up my story, see?”

Nichkhun lifts up his left hand to show Wooyoung and indeed, a silver ring is resting around Nichkhun's ring finger. At first,  the ring dampened Wooyoung’s mood because, call him petty but he really can’t think about Nichkhun's girlfriend right now or the promises shared between them or else he’d lose all courage to tell Nichkhun how he really feel about him. YoungJi keep nagging him to surrender to his heart and come clean to Nichkhun because he deserve to be happy. But Wooyoung isn’t the kind of person who can be happy on someone else’s sadness. He does not want to be between Nichkhun and his girlfriend, his future.

However, that ring.

It took two second for Wooyoung to recognise the ring Nichkhun is wearing. It is their ring. He is sure of it.

~

Jinyoung’s hospital room has a large window with the garden’s view and Wooyoung thinks that that nurse--auntie Hyun--might’ve gave them the room with best view. Jinyoung is still sleeping and Wooyoung has contacted his sister with the news, calming her down and assuring her that Jinyoung is stable. Wooyoung also told her to drive carefully and to not speed up. That was about twenty minutes ago, she should be here any minute now.

Nichkhun is flipping through some magazine across the room, sitting on the edge of the other bed, the foldable one. It’s distinctly shorter than Jinyoung’s bed, and it shows how long and skinny Nichkhun's legs are, sprawling on to the floor like that.

“ What are you reading?” Wooyoung comes to sit beside him. Nichkhun gives him a soft smile.

“ Greece.” Nichkhun tilts the page and shows him pictures with rows of whitewashed cubical houses by the sparkling blue sea. “ Santorini.” He adds.

“ It’s so pretty. ” Wooyoung hums, “ Why are all the houses have white walls, though? What happened if they were to paint it in other colors, yellow maybe.. Or red?”

“ I’m.. not sure...” Nichkhun chuckles, flipping the page with his left hand, the silver ring in his finger catches Wooyoung’s eyes again. “ We should ask the local residents when we go there.” and then he pauses and turns to look at Wooyoung, “ I mean, IF we go there. “ he adds carefully.

Wooyoung takes a deep breath and toes his shoes off,  shifting until his back is leaning on the wall. “ Oh I see how it is, you don’t want to travel with me, do you? Filling my ears with stories of interesting far away places since high school, “ Wooyoung emphasizes his words, “ but you just want to go to those places alone.”

Nichkhun closes the magazine and sets it down before he face Wooyoung, “ That’s not at all what i meant. Besides, where’s the fun in traveling alone?” he says.

Maybe he wants to bring his girlfriend there, Wooyoung’s mind tells him, turning his playful thoughts sour.  Wooyoung laughs bitterly and pulls up his knees close, he’s too tired to deal with pitiful feelings so he changes the subject. “ My sister will be here soon. You know you can leave anytime , right? We’ll be alright.”

“ I want to stay.”  says Nichkhun. The bed creaks slightly when Nichkhun moves to lean back on the wall beside Wooyoung,

“ I’m giving you an out. You don’t have to stay here.” He glances to Nichkhun.

“ I know. “ Nichkhun answers him, not even moving a muscle from where he’s sitting beside Wooyoung.

“ Aaah. So troublesome, this one.” Wooyoung massages his temple with his fingers and closes his eyes.

“ I want to stay.” Nichkhun deadpanned, then continues in a softer, gentle tone, “ Please don’t ask me to go.”

Accepting his defeat, Wooyoung breathes out, slowly leaning his head back against the wall. “ Fine. do as you want. “ he murmurs.  

Wooyoung doesn’t know what Nichkhun is wearing but he smells so good, so warm and comforting. And when Nichkhun takes his hand , Wooyoung lets him, watching under his eyelashes as Nichkhun holds his hand gently. It fits so well, his hand in Nichkhun's hand. It fits well back when they were teenagers, and it still fits well even now. Nichkhun's hand is rough, his knuckles callused, and his grip firm. But is also the gentlest hand Wooyoung have ever held. “ I’m glad you’re here.” He whispers under his breath, shifting aside to lean his head on Nichkhun's shoulder. Nichkhun's doesn’t say anything , but he squeezes Wooyoung’s hand a little tighter.

The silver ring catches Wooyoung’s eyes again, and the glint of it becomes too hard to ignore when his own ring, the one Wooyoung wears as a pendant, is pressing against his skin under the shirt he is wearing. Wooyoung still remembers it like it was yesterday, how they’re huddled up in Nichkhun's room when he gave the ring to Wooyoung. It might have been puppy love, Nichkhun's the first person ever to make Wooyoung feel the way he did. Nichkhun becomes Wooyoung’s first in so many other things. But that was a long time ago. Nichkhun doesn’t even remember any of it.

“ Why are you still wearing this silly old thing.” Wooyoung starts, his thumb brushing over the silver band around Nichkhun's ring finger.

Nichkhun doesn’t reply instantly, instead, Wooyoung can feel him shifting in his position. If he were to lift his head, Wooyoung is sure his forehead will touch Nichkhun's lips and--, well, isn’t that something.

“ You know about this ring?” Nichkhun wiggles his ring finger slowly. He sounds curious, but also careful when he continues. “ Chansung told me… He told me, that you have things to tell me.”

Wooyoung gruffs at that, “ Pfft, has Chansung been playing as my social secretary again?”

To his surprise, Nichkhun chuckles, and it’s really nice this--, all of this,  talking to Nichkhun like this, his gentle little touches, his openness, for once Wooyoung is not thinking about expectations, or his own fears, or many other thoughts that’s burdening him.

“ If he is, he’s not a very good one, “ Nichkhun leans his cheek on top of Wooyoung’s head, exhaling deeply. Wooyoung watches as Nichkhun moves his fingers against his own, sliding, pressing, curling around Wooyoung’s fingers as if Wooyoung’s hand holds some kind of secret and Nichkhun's fingertips are searching a way to unravel it; The way he’s running his gentle pads on the space between Wooyoung’s fingers, sliding down to follow the lines of Wooyoung’s open palm, his thumb brushing against the faint blue-ish veins in Wooyoung’s wrist. “ He didn’t tell me anything, “ Nichkhun says, voice gentle and surprisingly unassuming., “ He only told me that we should sit down and talk.”

“ ...We’re sitting down right now, “ Wooyoung points out, murmuring, captivated by the movements of Nichkhun's fingertips against his skin.

Nichkhun hums in acknowledgement.

“ and we are talking..” Wooyoung’s thumb pushes back, absentminded, when Nichkhun presses it down.

“ yes , i noticed that we are, “ Nichkhun chuckles softly, bringing his hand over Wooyoung’s once again.

Wooyoung’s palm opens up when their fingers slides against each other, every movement slow, every touches gentle, as if Nichkhun is savoring the feel of Wooyoung’s skin coming in contact inch by inch against his own skin. It sends this low thrum that travels down Wooyoung’s nerve endings, little sparks that lights up, places that were dimmed and asleep now waking up. It’s alarming, the buzz Wooyoung now feel in every cell of his body , but in the same time, it’s also addicting.

“ What do you want to know?” Wooyoung murmurs, his eyes fluttering to close, his breaths are heavy. There’s Nichkhun filling the spaces that were empty in his hand, in his heart. Wooyoung tried , he really did, to detach himself from Nichkhun. He was in love with a Nichkhun from the past, not this Nichkhun; this Nichkhun doesn’t recognise him, doesn’t remember him. This Nichkhun doesn’t love him, certainly not in the way his Nichkhun did. This Nichkhun is not his Nichkhun. This Nichkhun is a different person.

“ it can wait.” Nichkhun replies, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, his thumb rubbing soft comforting circles on Wooyoung’s skin “ it can wait.”

But is he really that different? Because Wooyoung--, the Wooyoung that he is now is not the same Wooyoung that he was seven years ago, he has gone through too much to still remain the same. Isn’t it the case with Nichkhun? So if this Nichkhun is a different person, then this Wooyoung is also a different person; And yet, Nichkhun fell in love with him. And yet, he fell in love with Nichkhun.

He had loved Nichkhun, had moved on, and now he’s falling for Nichkhun all over again.

“ I think i’m in love with you.” Wooyoung murmurs, tired of fighting with himself, tired of denying this growing affection he felt toward Nichkhun, even if this Nichkhun doesn't remember , would it matter? He still falls for him anyway. “ I’m sorry it took so long for me to come around.” He breathes, embracing the tiny sparks that lights up his heart, and it gets brighter, his heart, so bright that it starts to gleam, shining and sparkling until his heart is not a heart anymore, it’s a star, soaring high above this hospital ward, above that old room where seven years ago two teenagers promised their love for each other, above all the painful memories; A blinding white light that seared through the sky, stardust and glimmering shine, Wooyoung’s heart soars above all his fears.

trust your heart

if the seas catch fire

(and live by love though the stars walk backward)

AN/  Some updates! Thankyou for still being here and thankyou for reading <333