A/N. i'm sorry for the long hold up. i hope some still remember this story lol. cheers.

On the next couple of days Wooyoung have taken Nichkhun almost everywhere.

Wooyoung took him to an ice cream parlor, and then to the manga store where they used to drag Taecyeon out from to keep him from spending all his allowance there; the basketball court near their school where Wooyoung and Junho used to practice their dance together, and all around the city. There were corners and shops and stalls where Wooyoung will tell random stories from what he remembers about them to Nichkhun and it amazes Nichkhun because Wooyoung remembers to the small detail like everything is embedded perfectly in his memory.

“ was thinking to check out the seaworld in yeouido later, and then going up to pyeongchang dong after that,” Wooyoung swipes his thumb over his phone and begins to tap it lightly. “ have you been there?”

“ yeouido? pyeongchang dong? Don’t think I have.” Nichkhun shakes his head.” Seaworld sound fun, but what’s pleasant to do in pyeongchang dong?” he asks.

“what’s pleasant to do? “ Wooyoung lifts his face from his phone and a sly smirk flashes across his face. “ well, well, didn’t take you as a pleasure seeker before. ”

Nichkhun laughs, doesn’t see that coming. ‘ I didn’t mean it that way. I just,--‘

What is he trying to say, really? That he had fun in every place Wooyoung took him to? Of course he’s happy that he gets to see the places he used to acquainted himself to, can see the younger Nichkhun laughing and lounging with his friends all around seoul, just enjoying being young and reckless with friends. he can see himself with piles of books in the public library to study with the younger Wooyoung too, but to be honest, half of the excitement he feels these past days was because, well, because Wooyoung was there to share it with him.

“ yah.” Wooyoung nudges him out of his thoughts. “ no time to daydream, young horvejkul. up on your feet. Let’s go let’s go, let’s see those grasshopper legs moving.”

“ grasshopper legs?” Nichkhun laughs, following after Wooyoung after grabbing his coat from the park bench where they’re sitting earlier.

“ they’re the longest legs I’ve ever seen on anyone.” Wooyoung grins, walking backwards on path they’re on. The wind blows softly and it tousles Wooyoung’s fringe, the soft strands made golden by sunlight, and Wooyoung is gleaming so much it made Nichkhun breath catches.

They make it to yeouido in time to see the staffers feed the penguins, and after sitting through the seal show Wooyoung admits that they’ve never went there, the aquarium was build long after Nichkhun’s departure. The reason why Wooyoung takes him there was, because it’s fun to do and because he thought Nichkhun would like it too. it makes Nichkhun feels warm, --the thought that Wooyoung is thinking about him. When Wooyoung offers his hand to help him get on the bus to pyeongchang dong , Nichkhun holds onto it. there’s this fragile little thing building, safe between the clasps of their palm, and it’s such a frail gentle thing, that Nichkhun refuses to let Wooyoung’s hand go, even after they were seated.

--

It doesn’t feel strange.

It should’ve, but it doesn’t.

Walking these streets again, noticing the changes all around him. There used to be a bustling ramen shop just on the corner that is now a posh coffeeshop. The empty lawn beside it is now a gallery, and Wooyoung is certain the bookshop right across the street wasn’t even any kind of shop just three months ago.

It should’ve felt strange, but it doesn’t. Nichkhun’s hand on his, warm and firm, like Nichkhun doesn’t want to let go, haven’t let Wooyoung’s hand go since they got on the bus. Wooyoung tries to ignore the little jolt his heart feels at the touch, the way their fingers slots together, fitting like they’re lock and key, made as a pair, made to complete the other.

The feeling is, …familiar. After all, this is the same hand he held years ago as they walk these same paths going home from school, although not quite. It’s bigger now, knuckles hardened and veins showing more than before, but still the bony fingers that gets awfully cold when the owner is nervous, still the same fingers that once cupped his cheeks and dried his tears, once upon a time.

Wooyoung breathes out, how is he going to do this?

Junho objects, loud and clear. It was a no no no Wooyoung, no. you are not doing this, you can’t do this. And that is where the problem lies because, he can, at least he thinks he can. As long as he keep his feelings checked and let his head run the show, he’ll be fine.

He should be fine.

Nichkhun hasn’t change. Well, yes he changed of course, he’s older, he wears his hair differently, but somehow it feels like he’s still the same Nichkhun from before ? beneath the layers of confusion, these jumbled, half erased memories Wooyoung would still find his Nichkhun, the warm and funny and cheesy Nichkhun that was his bestfriend. And sometimes, when Wooyoung looks at him, he can almost see the Nichkhun he used to know, the Nichkhun that was his. The Nichkhun that holds Wooyoung’s heart in his hand.

It’s a dangerous thought, a thought Wooyoung knows better than entertaining, especially when life has drove them so far apart . Junho told him to be careful, Wooyoung knows Junho is worried about him and he owes Junho so much,. so sooo much. he wouldn’t be where he is now if not for Junho. but it’s hard to be careful when Nichkhun is being a clueless child, …almost like a child. The way he questions and gets awed by everything. How he giggles on something Wooyoung said that is not really intended to be a funny thing. It’s not that Wooyoung likes it when Nichkhun is being like that, giggling happy and eyes shining bright while looking back at him like he’s the most amazing person in the world. It’s just--, it brings back memories, they share a similar sense of humor, has always been drawn to each other because of it, and by now Wooyoung doesn’t even have to finish his sentence before throwing Nichkhun into a laughing fit.

Between helping Nichkhun regaining his past back and Wooyoung walking down memory lane that most probably will lead him to his doom, can he really help Nichkhun without falling back in love with him? that, Wooyoung thinks, is the million dollar question.

“ where are we going?” Nichkhun asks, voice still dripping with laughter from one of Wooyoung’s offhand remark.

“ you’ll know when we get there.” Wooyoung answers him.

“are you kidnapping me?” Nichkhun asks again, sounding light and playful.

“ I can’t. it’s too late for naps and you are not a kid.”

Wooyoung can actually feel that Nichkhun is laughing again, the way his body shakes as he lets out these ridiculously high pitched noises that are his signature laughter.

He had missed hearing Nichkhun’s laughter.

Memories, Wooyoung learns, is a tricky thing. He can close the door on it and move on, especially when moving on is the only choice he have. That, or giving up completely in life. It’s all so clear for him to remember, why he moved on, how he moved on, the constant battle to go through one more day, just one more day without breaking apart or giving an end to this life. He had bruises and scrapes, broken bones and injured tendons, but the hardest part was not his injuries. No. Sure the rehabilitation period took its toll on him, it was so grueling Wooyoung had nightmares about it, maybe not as bad as Nichkhun has it, but still, nightmares. It nicked his psyche so much that Wooyoung refused to get on any car rides after his recovery, only going by public transportation or his faithful bicycle. Still, those are not the ones that made him want to give up on everything entirely.

It was the silence. It was Nichkhun’s absence.

But he’s come too far now to let memories dragging him back.

“ a penny for your thoughts?” Nichkhun is watching him, a bit concerned, a bit confused.

“ just a penny?” Wooyoung scrunches up his nose. “ So stingy.”

Nichkhun lets out a chuckle and it drifts smoothly with the late afternoon wind, the sky a golden orange that darkens as they walk on the small street, evening lights being by the houses they pass by.

“ a dollar?” Nichkhun tries again.

“ please, what’d you take me for?” “ Wooyoung tsk-ed, pretending he doesnt feel the way Nichkhun just brushes his thumb across the inside of his wrist.

“ name your price Wooyoung-sshi.” Nichkhun chuckles.

“ nope, not everything has a pricetag on them.”

“everyone has a price, they just accept different currencies.” Nichkhun insists.

“ don’t get cheeky on me, horvejkul.” Wooyoung points a finger to the taller man to make his point, doing his best not to catch the way Nichkhun is smiling at him, the way that smile reaches Nichkhun’s eyes, warm and playful. Something lodging uncomfortably in the back of Wooyoung’s throat at that sight, so he looks away.

After a short walk, they arrived on an old house at the higher part of the complex. It looks empty, and old, Wooyoung tugs Nichkhun to a smaller, side door rather than going to the main gate. Nichkhun is quiet when Wooyoung lifts a potted plant and takes out the set of keys kept underneath the pot.

“ come on.” he urges Nichkhun once he unlocks the door.

“ what is this place? Is it abandoned? Are we trespassing? ” Nichkhun follows Wooyoung through a small garden. The garden has seen better days, what’s left are only empty pots and the remains of some landscaping. “ is this your old house? How do you know where to get the keys? you’re not going to get us in trouble, are you? ” Wooyoung hears Nichkhun’s quiet giggle behind him.

“ if i had a nickle for each of your questions i’d be a rich man. ” Wooyoung mutters to himself.

“ but you are a rich man.” Nichkhun says, shaking spiderwebs off his hair as they follow a small path made of stones, “ you have all your loved ones, you have your friends, you have your students. i'd say you are a rich man, Wooyoung.”

“ Oh am i?” Wooyoung snorts, inserting the key to open another door, the one leading into the main building. “ Maybe if i trade one lazy student for a pot of gold i would be.” he jokes.

“ No, i mean it. you are a rich man, Wooyoung. Some people are so poor that the only thing they have is money. You have a lot more than that. “ Nichkhun suddenly shows up beside him, head peeking low to catch Wooyoung’s eyes, and he’s close, so close, smiling the way Nichkhun always does, the way seventeen year old Nichkhun used to smile at him. Wooyoung knows that pull on the corners of Nichkhun’s lips all too well.

For a moment Wooyoung is whirled back into the past, and instead of jacket and jeans, Nichkhun is wearing their highschool uniform, the first few buttons let loose that Wooyoung can catch a glimpse of his white wifebeater. Nichkhun’s hair falls over his forehead as he leans in, his profile is perfect and god Wooyoung can feel it returning, coming in all around him , like a surging waves washing over his heart, filling in the empty spaces left by Nichkhun when he dissapeard. It is in a moment of weakness that Wooyoung lifts his hand and presses his palm against Nichkhun’s cheek, the smooth skin feels cool from the evening wind, the warmth though, this strange-, no, not strange, this familiar warmth seeping in, and Wooyoung lets it. He move his fingertips softly, brushing against Nichkhun’s cheekbone , remembering and rediscovering the lines and the curves of a past love.

“ ...Wooyoung?, ....what are you doing?” Nichkhun asks him.

Wooyoung blinks, his senses returning to him, now painfully aware of his hand, cupping Nichkhun’s cheek with way more endearmeant than he would allow himself to show, Wooyoung can feel his ears heating up from embaressment. What was he doing? What was he thinking? Nichkhun gives him a questioning smile, somewhere between teasing and curiousity. Wooyoung does the first thing he can think of. He lifts his hand, and slaps Nichkhun’s cheek hard.

“ Aowww!” Nichkhun yelps out, “ what you do that for?”

Wooyoung answers by giving another slap to Nichkhun’s shoulder, wincing as Nichkhun takes a step back to cover his cheek with one hand, the other holding his shoulder, head bowing a bit from the pain inflicted.

“ M-Mosquito! “ Wooyoung widens his eyes. “ –S...MosquitosSS. “ Clearing his throat, Wooyoung waves his hand wildly in the air around them, feigning to fight nonexistant mosquitos away. ” There’s so many mosquitos here, we should get in quickly, palli palli !” Wooyoung opens the door and goes in without waiting for Nichkhun to follow him.

Inside the main building, everything is exactly where Wooyoung remembers it, the massive antique mirror welcoming them on the voyeur, the rustic french style furnitures, the majestic stairs leading up. The only difference is the white fabric covering all of them from dust. It left the room cold, silent, like witnesses of the past. Mere ghosts of what once was here.

“ You used to race Cherreen up the stair and back.” Wooyoung starts when he feels Nichkhun standing beside him, “ your mum would scold the both of you but neither of you cared, it was just good old fun. “ Wooyoung chuckles, going to a nearby shelves to find some candles and lighting them on.

Wooyoung passes a candle holder to Nichkhun. “ come on.” he walks up the stair, Nichkhun following him. “ that corridor, towards the end is your parents room, the room in front of it was your father’s work room. “ Wooyoung points to the corridor on the left, and turns to walk to his right. “ this was Yanin’s room.” Wooyoung touches a white door as they walk on.

In his head, Wooyoung can still hear the pop music Yanin always plays in her room, he can see the way Yanin smiles and waves at him, even when she’s trying to win the phone away from Nichan’s hands. Everything is coming back so clear in Wooyoung’s memory. “ little Cherreen,” Wooyoung turns to smile to Nichkhun as he points a soft pink door on their left, paper crafted words colored in crayons forming her name is hung on the door.

Wooyoung reaches his hand to touch the walls as they continue to walk, closing his eyes and letting the memories flood his senses. Unlike his house, the horvejkul house was always loud, between a brother and two sisters, a very chatty and lively grandma beside mr.and mrs.horvejkul, it was a riot. Wooyoung remember how overwhelmed he was when Nichkhun first took him here, everyone has a question to ask him , granma dumping her knitwork on his lap and started telling him stories about Nichkhun’s childhood on the spot, and Cherreen kept glancing to him from behind her mother’s like a curious little kitten while Yanin opened questions after questions about him with Nichan leering playfully at the back. Wooyoung love it here. Wooyoung love every sound , every voice, he love the love he always feels when he’s here.

Wooyoung remember loving Nichkhun here.

“ Nichan’s room, “ Wooyoung’s fingers brush on another door on his left, the image of Nichan’s mischievous smile emerging in his head, Wooyoung open his eyes to the last door in the corridor, the room on the far right, a subtle white was painted to tame the glaring red color of the door.

“ Nichkhun’s room.” Wooyoung breathes out.

~

Nichkhun recognises nothing.

Not the single bed pressed close to the window. Not the walls, decorated with posters of bands, and athletes and a world map, splayed open side to side, little flags in various colours pinned into places. He takes a careful step inside, eyes glazing everything in slowly while Wooyoung sets his candles on the study table near the bed.

“ The red flags are for the places you’ve been too, visited during vacations, or stayed in for a while. Your family moved around a lot.” Wooyoung explains. Nichkhun touches one of the red flag that’s pinned on New Zealand, spotting some on Thailand and USA, and a few more scatters on Europe, even Canada.

“ The blue ones?” Nichkhun asks, squinting to read Santorini and Venice where two blue flags pinned into.

“ Places you want to go to, “ Wooyoung leans in beside him, hands inside his back pockets. “ Paris. “ Wooyoung gestures a blue flag and smiles to him. “ Switzerland.”

“ I see.” He hums, moving his fingers from one flag to the other. Young Nichkhun was so eager to see the world, so full of plans, Nichkhun wonders how it must feel being so carefree, so happy. His fingers stops on a single flag, yellow, pinned over South Korea, Seoul. “ Mmm? Wooyoung, what does yellow flag means?”

“ Yellow flag? What yellow flag?” Wooyoung follows Nichkhun’s fingers and Nichkhun can actually pinpoint the moment Wooyoung sees it. He freezes, his shoulder tensing and then loosening out after a while, a small smile on his face. “ This--, this is me. In Seoul. This is me, staying back in Seoul.” Wooyoung taps the little yellow flag with his finger. “ hey have you checked the ceiling?” He says quickly.

“ Waaah..” Nichkhun looks up in awe. The ceiling of his room is covered with stars. Big stars, little stars, all glowing blue-ish in the dim lit room. “ Are those...” Nichkhun reaches up, the stars gleaming between his fingers.

“ Glow in the darks, took us hours to stick every piece of it.” Wooyoung begins taking off some of the white sheets covering the furnitures in the room, folding it and placing them in the corner. “ we did it on your 17th birthday.” Wooyoung answers when Nichkhun glances at him.

“ A bit childish isn’t it? “ Nichkhun says without ill intent, taking his jacket off and placing it on the bed, moving to sit on it and catches when Wooyoung throws him his jacket, spreading it on the bed as well.

Wooyoung moves sits beside him, propping his hands back as he stares up the ceiling. “ That’s what i said, “ Wooyoung turns to grin at Nichkhun. He looks so much younger than his age. “ but you insisted. You said--, “ Wooyoung closes his eyes, Nichkhun doesn’t miss the way his eyebrow furrows before shruging it off. “ Nevermind. “ Wooyoung says after.

“ Tell me..” Nichkhun insists.

“ I dont remember. “ with the grin still on his face, Wooyoung falls back to lie on the mattrass, using one arm as a makeshift pillow.

“ i dont trust you.” Nichkhun comes to lie beside him, folding his hands on his stomach, looking at the seemingly hundreds of stars glowing down on them.

“ Good.”

“ Good? that i don't trust you? ”

“ You shouldn’t trust anyone too much.” Wooyoung hums.

“ Why not?” Nichkhun turns to look at Wooyoung.

“ because people lie. “ Wooyoung answers him.

The candle light falls gently on Wooyoung’s face from where they lay . Nichkhun can see Wooyoung’s eyes looking up at the stars, his eyelashes swaying as he blinks slowly, the cute little point of his nose, and inevitably, his lips, parting open mid breath. Nichkhun wants to kiss him. It's a sudden thought, although not all surprising. Wooyoung is near, warm and utterly beautiful and Nichkhun wants to kiss him more than he ever wanted to kiss anyone else before.

“ You wont lie to me. Not you. " Nichkhun says, unable to look away. Every fiber in his body straining toward Wooyoung. This yearning to touch him, to hold him, run his fingers through wooyoung’s hair, or maybe caress his cheek, just--, to be able to place his hand on anything Wooyoung.

“ i can lie..” Wooyoung replies softly. His hand lifting up, fingers spreading as if he’s trying to catch the stars with his hand. “ am i not people too?”

" You're wooyoung." Nichkhun says low, kicking himself mentally and averting his eyes to the ceiling, he his lips, " You're my friend, my best friend. You're not--, people. You're special. " he adds stubbornly.

Wooyoung stays quiet. Nichkhun starts to wonder if he had said the wrong thing, but then he hears Wooyoung sighing back, arms still raised to the stars.

“ yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: yours is the darkness of my soul’s return-- you are--

“ --my sun, my moon, and all my stars. “ Nichkhun finishes after Wooyoung. “ I helped Cherreen with her english classes.” He says when wooyoung turns to look at him,

" You said..,” Wooyoung contemplates, taking a deep breath and looking back up to the ceiling. “ You said we’ll see these stars here, like this, but one day, one day you’ll take me to see the stars where they shine the brightest. One day we’ll travel the world , one day we’ll make it, and then instead of us watching the stars, the stars will be watching us, because we’ll be shining the brightest among everyone else.”

Did he really said those words?

Such confidence. Such dreams. Nichkhun raises his arm slowly, mimicking Wooyoung’s hand as he tries to grasp the stars , to catch back a little piece of him wandering the milky ways. How many nights have he spent laying on his bed this way? staring up the stars above with hopes and plans for his future, hanging each little dreams he wished to achieve on these stars. Where did it all go? Where did he go? All the years he lost, where did it all go?

" I want it back." Nichkhun spats out, suddenly feeling the anger boiling under his skin. " I want my life back. I want my memories back." He feels cheated, robbed from all these dreams, all the plans the younger him builds. Traveling the world with Wooyoung, seeing the stars from different places, different countries and continents, taking the first steps into his adult life with his bestfriend, he lost that chance. " I want to remember, Wooyoung." He keeps his eyes trained on a single star, glowing in silence above him. " I want to remember." Nichkhun chokes out, doesnt know when he started crying, only that he is crying now. the tears flowing from the corner of his eyes and dropping down on the sheets beneath him. the same sheets he slept on years ago, left and forgotten like his dreams.

" ..Pabo." Wooyoung murmurs, " Didn't i told you i would help? Weren't you listening to me when i said it? " Wooyoung tilts his head and greets him with a playful smile, if he sees Nichkhun’s tears Wooyoung is not making any sorts of comment about it, instead, with one easy move he takes Nichkhun’s hand, the one reaching up beside him and squeezes it tightly, scrunching his nose with mirth in his eyes. “ There’s one more thing i want to show you.”

“ What is it?”

“ You won’t find it out laying around here.” Wooyoung laughs, sitting up and pulling Nichkhun with him. “ Come along young padawan, plenty things to do yet so little time we have.”

Nichkhun’s hand grips Wooyoung’s firmly as he was tugged pass the doors in the corridor, and down the stairs, moving between chairs and cabinets until they find an open room with windows that goes up to the second floor, curtains draping down, keeping secrets from the outside world.

“ Wait here.” Wooyoung says shortly before lighting more candles. “ They cut the power a few years back during that awful winter, keeps the place safer and all that.” he blows the matchstick.

“ Wooyoung, who owns this house? Now, i mean who’s the owner now?”

“ Mm..you need to check it with the bank. “ Wooyoung answers , and just when Nichkhun is about to pursuit the matter, Wooyoung pulls off the white sheets thats been draping on a single table in the middle of the room. Only it wasn’t a table, it is actually..

“ A piano?” Nichkhun walks closer, intrigued.

“ Not just a piano, this is your piano.” Wooyoung smiles oh so smugly, “ Come here and give this a try.” He gestures Nichkhun to sit beside him.

Nichkhun throws his hands up immidietly , “ Oh no..no, no, i told you, i don’t play.”

“ Yes, “ Wooyoung nods, “ And i told you , you do, ..does, did..erm.. anyway.” Wooyoung laughs when Nichkhun starts to laugh at him. “ Come here and try this. Come here and trust me.”

It was the way Wooyoung said it, even without having no events or memories to be tied to any of what Wooyoung is showing him right now, Nichkhun can feel the weight of the moment. Wooyoung is all smile, stretching his arms and offering his hand to Nichkhun while sitting on the piano’s bench, but he can’t fool Nichkhun. Nichkhun sees the shake behind Wooyoung’s eyes, Wooyoung is probably as scared and anxious as he is right now. But still, Wooyoung has told Nichkhun to trust him, and looking at his open palm, Nichkhun wants to do this. He’s going to trust Wooyoung and he’s going to be brave for the both of them. So he takes Wooyoung hand.

and he plays.

or rather, tries to play.

A four year old would be doing a better job than what’s he’s doing now, Nichkhun thinks after he messed up the nth times. He was horrible. He was more than horrible he was an embarressment. And after a while , Wooyoung is catching up to that fact too and it makes Nichkhun feels terrible because for NIchkhun, he never play the piano so it wasn’t such a big deal that he’s failing now, but for Wooyoung, the only Nichkhun he knew was the Nichkhun that was an amazing pianist. So Nichkhun feels bad for him, reallly bad.

“ I’m sorry.” Nichkhun hushes, his head hangs low, unable to look Wooyoung in the eye and risk seeing the dissapointment there. “ I know i may be, once upon a time, a great pianist or some sort but right now i’m just Nichkhun. And this Nichkhun doesn’t remember playing the piano, at all, i don’t have any memory of it, Wooyoung. I’m not the Nichkhun you remember, i’m just...me. “ Nichkhun lifts his shoulders, absentmindedly pressing one single key over and over. His thoughts running, what if he never remembers, even after everything his friends, Wooyoung, is doing to help him. What if he’s stuck being him, plain, dull Nichkhun.

Wooyoung starts playing a simple tune, one that harmonises cutely with the single note Nichkhun keeps pressing. “ You know all these memories things? all of them.” Wooyoung announces, his face on full grin when Nichkhun glances disbelieveingly at him. “ I mean, so what if you can’t remember.” Wooyoung continues, his fingers dancing deftly across and over the piano keys, Nichkhun still pressing his one note. “ They’re all in the past anyway. You know what’s more important? “ Wooyoung widens his eyes, he’s being so cute and beautiful all at once and Nichkhun doesn’t know what to make of it. “ The future. These old forgotten memories, who needs them?! We’ll make our own memories!”

“ What?” Nichkhun stops pressing, “ What are you saying?” Wooyoung stops playing to look at him.

“ i’m saying if you can’t get your memories back, then let’s make new memories together. “

“ new memories?” Nichkhun echoes.

“ brand new ones. Good ones.” Wooyoung emphasizes, gathering Nichkhun fingers in his plams and holding them firmly. “ And one of those new good memories is going to be Wooyoung teaching Nichkhun how to play the piano, how does that sounds?”

it sounds good, great actually. Making new memories, with Wooyoung, Nichkhun feels himself smiling, holding on to Wooyoung's hand just as tightly, just as warmly for his answer.