Later that evening, after they returned home, Siwon packed a small bag for Daerim to stay at Changmin’s house. They left without waking Kyuhyun and made the quick drive to Changmin and Mina’s apartment, with Daerim still not saying much of anything.

When the door opened to Changmin’s apartment. Nara ran from the living room, nearly bumping into Changmin’s legs.

“Unnie! You're here!” she said throwing her arms around Daerim.

Daerim instantly smiled when Nara hugged her, shaking them both from side to side.

“Mama and I were watching The Little Mermaid!” she said dragging Daerim deeper into the apartment.

Daerim pulled back, “Hold on, I have to say goodbye to Wonnie appa.”

Running back towards Siwon, Daerim hugged his legs before he lifted her up into his arms.’

“Bye Wonnie appa,” she said hugging him tightly.

“Goodbye sweetheart,” he said kissing her cheek. “Are you sure you're gonna be okay?”

Daerim nodded.

“Okay, if you need anything just ask your samchon or imo, okay? And if you need me, you can call at any time.”

“Even at night?” she asked softly.

“Even at night,” nodded Siwon. “I want you to try to have a little fun, okay?”

“Unnie! It’s your favorite part, come on!” called Nara.

“Go ahead,” smiled Siwon when he saw Daerim crane her neck to see the TV in the other room.

With one last wave she ran to Nara and they continued into the living room where Mina had just walked in with a tray of snack for the girls.

“Hi Siwon-ah,” she called out with a warm smile.

Siwon smiled back and nodded.

After watching Daerim settle in with them, he looked at Changmin who had reached out to touch his shoulder.

“Changmin-ah, I can’t thank you enough— started Siwon.

“Hyung, are you kidding? This is the least of what I should be doing. I feel so terrible that I haven’t been there for him and your family more—

“No, it’s okay, really. Kyu…he hasn’t been himself and he doesn’t want anyone to really even see him this way…most of the time not even me,” sighed Siwon.

“I know this must be hard on all of you, G-d, I can’t even imagine,” said Changmin softly as he shook his head.

“It is, more than I could’ve imagined,  but I just wish…” started Siwon as he looked off to the side.

“What’s that?” asked Changmin looking at him.

Siwon shook his head. “I just wish he would let me in more…he won’t talk to me or anyone.”

“He just needs time,” Changmin said. “And you. Even if he’s pushing you away, you have to know that’s not what he really wants.”

Siwon was quiet for  a few moments as he let it sink in.

“Well you’ve mentioned how he is, but what about you?” asked Changmin shaking his head.

“Me?” Siwon asked, slightly surprised that the question was being directed towards him.

“Yeah,” said Changmin shaking his head. “You’ve suffered a loss too Hyung.”

“Well yeah but…with Kyu it was more of a direct loss—

“Well he was carrying your baby, but that’s just it—it was your baby, together. You have to allow yourself to grieve too.”

“I have to be strong for him and Daerim, I can’t let them see me like that,” reasoned Siwon as he saw Daerim look back at him and wave.

“But you can’t keep it buried deep inside either. Look, we’ll keep Daerim for as long as you both need. So, while you’re at home with him, take some time to let all of this out or at least…talk to someone, even me if you’d like.”

Siwon nodded with a small smile. Although he and Changmin had never become nearly as close as Kyuhyun was to him, he appreciated that his compassion had spread out to him.

“Is there anything else that I can do in the mean time?” Changmin asked.

“No, this is plenty, thank you,” said Siwon coming back to life.

“Okay. And listen, like I said, you take all of the time you need. She’s welcome to stay for as long as necessary,” said Changmin.

Siwon nodded with another grateful smile and Changmin leaned in to give him a hug.

                                                ~*~

When Siwon returned to  his apartment, it was silent. The sun had begun to set, making the place dark and still. Kyuhyun’s mother had already left long ago, so when he entered the space, Siwon tried his best to not make any disturbance.

Thinking Kyuhyun was asleep he slowly walked into their room and began to silently undress in the darkness.

“Where were you?” came a small voice.

Siwon’s body went rigid with shock. He had barely taken his shirt off when he heard it.

“Hmm?” he asked, not sure he really heard what was said.

“I woke up and everyone was gone,” Kyuhyun said, now moving to sit up.

“I took Daerim to Changmin’s place,” said Siwon letting his shirt slip out of his hands and to the floor before walking over to their bed.

When he reached his side, he removed his pants and then slipped into the sheets beside him.

“Why?” asked Kyuhyun shaking his head.

Siwon sighed. “I had to tell her what happened.”

Kyuhyun was quiet for a few moments. “How did she react?”

“She was upset. But I think she’s just more worried about you,” said Siwon as he reached over and Kyuhyun’s arm.

“Won, please don’t,” said Kyuhyun softly, shying away from his touch.

Siwon watched as Kyuhyun seemed to shrink into himself. Even in the darkness it was as if he didn’t want to be seen or touched.

“Kyu…please don’t do this. If you can’t reach out to me, who then?” asked Siwon feeling exhausted.

“I just feel disgusting,” said Kyuhyun shaking his head. “My body is just…I know what you're trying to do, but I just don’t want you to even see me looking like this. I don’t feel like me, none of this feels like it’s real.”

“You're not disgusting. Baby there’s nothing wrong with you, you're still you,” reasoned Siwon. “And I’m your husband…I see through all of this, I know who you really are. Yes, a terrible thing happened, but it doesn’t mean that you embody it.”

“I feel like we’re being punished,” Kyuhyun said softly, sniffling.

“By who?”

“G-d.” said Kyuhyun turning to look at him.

“Why would you think G-d is punishing us?” asked Siwon shaking his head in confusion.

Kyuhyun shook his head dismissively.

“No, baby talk to me, please, just tell me, I’m not going to judge you,” pleaded Siwon.

“I feel like I’ve been too selfish…we waited so long to have children and we put success before our family…and I feel like G-d is telling us that we chose wrong,” Kyuhyun said looking into Siwon’s eyes. Even in the darkness Siwon could see the tears forming. “We were so, so lucky with Daerim…what if that’s it?”

“Kyu…you're an amazingly gifted singer, and an even more amazing father, why would G-d want to smite all of the love and joy that you’ve brought not only into my and our daughter’s life, but the millions of fans that support you?” asked Siwon as he used his fingers to catch Kyuhyun’s tears.

“I know it’s dumb, but I just…I can’t understand why… why this is happening to us,” said Kyuhyun holding his face with his hands.

Remembering Changmin’s words, Siwon took Kyuhyun into his arms, despite the soft protests not to. And eventually Kyuhyun relented and buried his face into him.

“It’s not dumb. I know that you want to find some way to rationalize all of this, because I do too. It’s not fair, none of this. But we have to accept it baby…we have keep going, we have to,” said Siwon kissing his hair.

Kyuhyun said nothing, but continued to hold on to Siwon until he fell asleep again, which Siwon was grateful for.

                                                ~*~

When Siwon woke up, he was surprised to see that it was the middle of the night, and therefore still dark in their room. He had been sleeping so soundly that it didn’t occur to him that maybe only a few hours had passed since he had initially closed his eyes. Nonetheless, he  rolled over to his side, a smile on his face but prepared to continue on sleeping. In this moment, he was happy, happier than he’d been in days.

He had just woken up from a dream that had seemed so real, he wasn’t entirely positive it wasn’t.

It had started, ordinarily enough, with him and Kyuhyun has waking up in bed, on a Saturday morning, only they had absolutely no schedules for the day, something that almost never happened.

The actual process of him waking up had been a bit strange though, as well, with him smelling something fresh and citrusy. At first he couldn’t place it, but then, as his senses began pulling him more and more out of his sleep, he quickly realized.

Upon opening his eyes, he saw Kyuhyun peeling what appeared to be his second orange. As his eyes blinked open slowly and silently, Siwon watched as Kyuhyun tore away the orange rind with a quiet determination. When it finally fell to a pile in lap along with the remains of the first orange, Kyuhyun pulled apart one of the segments, some of the juice escaping down his fingers and onto the sheets. With a small pout, Kyuhyun the tart juice from his fingers and then placed the piece of fruit in his mouth, biting off half. He closed his eyes and a content smile crossed his face. Siwon couldn’t believe how such a simple act had completely turned him on so early in the morning.

“Can I have some?” he asked, his voice husky from not speaking all night.

Kyuhyun jumped, slightly shocked at being caught.

“Good morning,” chuckled Siwon as he leaned up on his elbows. “Sorry baby I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Good morning,” Kyuhyun said after swallowing the fruit. “It’s okay, I just thought you were still sleeping.”

“Well I was…until I smelt this,” said Siwon glancing down at the orange in Kyuhyun’s hands.

Kyuhyun smiled sheepishly, “Oh.”

“Well, are you going to give me some?” asked Siwon.

Kyuhyun glanced at the fruit in his hands and then pouted.

“But it’s the last one,” he said softly, looking at Siwon with sympathetic eyes.

“Not even just one little bite?’” asked Siwon as he slowly moved closer.

Kyuhyun weighed the implications of sharing his fruit for a moment, while Siwon moved to kiss his cheek.

“Mmm…okay—just one though,” he smiled, swayed by the soft scratch of Siwon’s day old facial hair.

Siwon grinned against him as he watched Kyuhyun separate another orange segment. Once it was free, Kyuhyun held it out, expecting Siwon to take it with his hand. He soon realized he should’ve expected that his husband would’ve taken advantage of the chance to be fed when he felt Siwon’s tongue and then lips brush against his fingers.

“Don’t do this,” warned Kyuhyun with a smile.

“What?” asked Siwon innocently as he took one of Kyuhyun’s fingers and proceeded to the remaining juice off.

“You know what,” said Kyuhyun pulling his hand back. “I was just trying to enjoy a morning snack while you were sleeping, not entice you.”

“Then you shouldn’t have your fingers like they were something else,” said Siwon simply before pulling the sheets over their head.

Kyuhyun let out a groan that quickly turned to laughter when Siwon tickled him.

“Wonnie stop! There’s going to be even more juice on the sheets than there already is,” Kyuhyun laughed, trying to fight off Siwon’s advances under their blanket.

“Well, go ahead then and finish eating, I’ll wait,” said Siwon laying on his side.

Kyuhyun’s eyebrows raised and then he experimentally pulled away another orange slice before placing it in his mouth.

As he chewed it, Siwon held his mouth open and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes before placing another piece in his husband’s mouth.

And so it went, with Kyuhyun feeding them both the remainder of his orange, until all the slices were gone.

The moment his fingers where empty, Siwon moved closer to Kyuhyun, until their middles reached. Usually this would result in them being nose to nose. But now their son made his presence known, making it slightly difficult for them to cuddle in the same way that they used to.

Looking down at the small roundness of Kyuhyun’s stomach pressing against the flat tan of his own, Siwon was let out a laugh that Kyuhyun shared.

Placing his hand on the back of Kyuhyun’s neck, Siwon gave him his first proper kiss of the morning, letting their lips linger between the delicate kisses. Kyuhyun’s hand had risen to grasp onto Siwon’s arm and pull him closer, but it instead immediately grabbed his stomach.

Pulling away to see what was happening, Siwon saw Kyuhyun’s eyes grow as he gasped.

Before he had time to ask him what was happening, Kyuhyun had reached for Siwon’s hand and pulled it to his stomach.

After a quick moment, Siwon’s face held a look of joy that always made Kyuhyun’s heart melt. Whenever their son would move like this in the morning, it made both of them pause and press their palms to Kyuhyun’s belly, wanting to connect with him as much as they could from the outside.

“He’s so strong,” Siwon said softly, a large grin still on his face. “It’s like he’s ready to conquer the outside world already.”

“You’ve still got a few months yet little rabbit, be patient,” said Kyuhyun softly, his face grimacing slightly with discomfort.

“Does it hurt?” asked Siwon looking up into his eyes.

“A bit more than Daerim did, but I don’t mind,” said Kyuhyun as his fingers gently caressed the ever growing taught skin of his stomach.

“I can’t get over how perfect this all is,” said Siwon as he lay his head back down beside Kyuhyun’s.

“What do you mean?” asked Kyuhyun turning slightly so he could see him.

“Our family is perfect, absolutely perfect. We have Daerim, and our son will be here soon. We have our new home. You're last album was your most successful to date. The company is doing well. And we have each other, the most important piece of the whole foundation. I couldn’t be happier than I am right now, with you,” Siwon said, lifting one of Kyuhyun’s hands to kiss softly.

“Wonnie, please don’t make me cry,” sniffled Kyuhyun as he rubbed at his eyes with his free hand.

“But you're beautiful when you cry,” said Siwon pulling away Kyuhyun’s hand so that he could hold them both.

“You know being pregnant does this to me, I have no control over my emotions,” reasoned Kyuhyun. “I cried yesterday when Daerim showed me her art project from school.”

Siwon laughed as he cupped Kyuhyun’s face.

“Well it makes no difference to me, you will always be beautiful whether they're happy tears or sad,” he said before leaning over to give him a peck on the lips.

Kyuhyun touched the hand that was still on his cheek once they fell back into a comfortable silence.

“I know I don’t say this often enough…but I’m so unbelievably lucky to have you, and I’m so glad you feel the same. Because I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

“Thank you baby, I feel the same way. I wish we could start every morning like this,” said Siwon pressing another kiss to Kyuhyun’s plump lips.

“Me too, but then again, it makes it all the more special when we can…I love you Wonnie,” Kyuhyun smiled.

“I love you too, babyKyu,” he said before stealing another kiss.

The dream had felt so real, and it had been similar to many morning they had shared up until a week ago. But this feeling it gave him would suffice enough until they were past all of this pain.

For now, simply holding his husband would be enough. So he reached out blindly in the darkness, to try and hold on to a bit of the warm flesh, but he was met with nothing but cold sheets.

His arm stretched out farther and farther until he realized he was alone in their bed.

Lifting his head up, Siwon looked expectantly towards the bathroom, but it was dark and empty. So he waited a few minutes, assuming that wherever Kyuhyun was, he would return soon, but after a while, he realized that was not the case.

Rising from their bed, Siwon walked to their door and peering out into the hallway. Daerim’s room was still quiet and dark as well.

But it was now, standing near the door that he could hear this noise. It was soft, but he could just make it out. Stepping further into the hall, Siwon walked closer the room that was to be the nursery. When he reached the doorframe, that’s when he was able to place the sound.

Kyuhyun was slumped over the crib meant for their newborn, and he was crying.

“Kyu, what are you doing in here?” asked Siwon turning on the lights.

Hearing Siwon’s voice, Kyuhyun stood up, embarrassed at being caught. He quickly wiped at his eyes and looked down at his feet.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” he said, his voice hoarse.

“You didn’t,” said Siwon stepping closer. “But what are you doing out of bed?”

Taking short gasps of breath followed by sniffles, Kyuhyun rubbed his tearing eyes with the back of his hand.

“I had a dream…about losing him. And it felt so real,” he breathed. “Like I was living it again.”

“Kyu, it’s okay. It was just a nightmare, it’s over now,” said Siwon pulling him into his embrace.

“No,” said Kyuhyun shaking his head. “It’s just starting.”