Daerim’s arms continued to link themselves around Siwon’s neck as they walked slowly down their street, her small cheek resting against his shoulder as they walked in silence.

It was the middle of the afternoon, meaning the heat of the day was at it’s worse. Siwon exhaled as he tried to reposition Daerim to alleviate some of his discomfort, but she was having none of it as she clung even more tightly to him.

Daerim was always such an incredibly bright and a smiling child, it was rare for her to ever really be this quiet and clingy for such long periods of time, and Siwon couldn’t help but feel worried.

Thinking that cheering her up should be his first priority, but not knowing where else he should take her, he thought that Daerim’s favorite ice cream shop at the end of their block would be his best bet.

The door chimed when they entered the small shop and the owner greeted them with a warm and familiar smile. 

“Hello Siwon-ssi, Daerim-ah, I thought I’d see you today,” she said leaning on the counter. “It’s perfect ice cream weather, isn’t it?”

Although she was Korean ,Su Yeong had been living in America for over half of her life, only coming back to Seoul a few years ago. Upon arriving, she opened this ice cream shop with her brother, where they both personally handmade all of the flavors. She had short chin length hair and wore red rimmed glasses and today was wearing a lavender dress. Although she was just a few years younger than Kyuhyun, she knew exactly who the small family was, and treated them just as warmly as she did all her customers, which both men liked. Daerim loved coming to play with her little puppy that she often had scurrying around the small shop and also because of the yummy homemade strawberry ice cream.

“Hello Su Yeong-ssi,” Siwon gave a polite smile and a soft nod and then walked over to a small table in the back, near the window.

Thankfully, the shop was relatively empty, save for one mother and her two sons who were on the other side, just finishing up their dessert. Pulling out one of the wooden chairs with his foot, Siwon leaned over to sit Daerim down.

She reluctantly loosened her grip on around his neck, when he moved to pull away her hands.

“What would you like sweetheart?” he asked bending down to her level. “You can have absolutely anything you want.”

Daerim shrugged and leaned her head on the table across her folded arms.

“Okay, I’ll bring your favorite,” he said rubbing the back of her hair before heading towards the counter.

Once he stepped away to walk over to the counter, Daerim sat squirming on her chair, uneasy with being alone.

“Is everything alright with Daerim, Siwon-ssi?” asked the owner when he reached the counter. “She doesn’t seem like herself.”

“No, not exactly. Our family is going through a bit of a hard time, with Kyu and the baby,” Siwon confessed. He and his family had grown to know Su Yeong very well over the past couple of years and she had known that they were expecting their second child.

“Oh no, poor baby! I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m sure it has been incredibly stressful for all of you then,” she said her face genuinely sympathetic as she looked back at Daerim.

“Yes, it really has. So I thought maybe getting her something to take her mind off of all the worry would be nice,” said Siwon glancing back over his shoulder to look at her as well.

 “Well do not worry, I know just the perfect pick me up for situation like this, and it’ll be on the house.”

“No, no please. I didn’t mean to imply that— Siwon started, shaking his head in protest.

“You didn’t, but if this is the only way I can help, then I should. And it would mean a lot for me to help put a smile back on your angel’s face,” she said already beginning to prepare everything.

Siwon exhaled and then nodded with a smile. “Thank you so much Su Yeong-ssi.”

It was only a few minutes later when Su Yeong sat the dish in front of Siwon.

He left out a surprised chuckle.

“If that doesn’t put a smile on that little face, then I’ll close the shop for good and move back to Austin,” she said handing him two spoons.

“I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” said Siwon using both hands to carry the bowl. “Thanks again.”

When he approached the table again, Siwon was carrying an almost obscenely large bowl of strawberry ice cream, with extra slices of strawberries on top, homemade strawberry sauce and whipping cream, and lastly with pink sprinkles scattered across the top.

Daerim eyes lit up for a brief second as she looked at Siwon with surprise at such a large order.

Siwon handed her a long silver spoon with a small smile before sitting down.

She took it in her hand, as she on her bottom lip, unsure if she should really go for the treat in front of her.

“Go ahead baby,” Siwon ushered as he saw her hesitating.

Slipping down from her chair, Daerim dragged her feet over to where Siwon was sitting in front of her and  began climbing into his lap. Understanding what she wanted, Siwon lifted her up and then sat her on his lap. Once she was comfortable, he leaned forward and kissed the back of her head.

Daerim shyly brought her spoon over to the dish and let it sink into the soft dessert. After scooping up a small spoonful, she brought it to .

Her eyes closed the second the flavor reached her tongue, a small smile forming as she slid the spoon out of .

“Is it good?” he asked leaning to the side so he could see her face.

When she nodded, Siwon smiled to himself, and then over at Su Yeong who gave him two thumbs up.

But the sereneness was short lived and after only a few more spoonfuls, Daerim looked back at Siwon who was also helping himself to the scoops.

“Appa…when will Kyu Appa be better?” asked Daerim as she a bit of ice cream from the corner of .

“Soon, don’t worry,” said Siwon with a another soft smile as he looked down at her.

“Then…if he’s not better, why did he come home from the hospital?” she asked softly.

 “Well…his doctors thought that maybe being at home would make him feel better faster. That hospital room was really lonely, so we all decided that Kyu Appa would be happier at home with us. Don’t you agree?”

Daerim nodded but then paused.

“But you said he was still sad,” she said with a frown. “Why?”

Siwon exhaled as he put his spoon down. He glanced out the window, trying to imagine the best way to explain what was happening, or if he even should. He opened his mouth to say something, only to stop when he saw Daerim looking up at him, clearly still waiting for some type of answer to this question.

“Aegi-yah…I know this whole thing has been very confusing for you. And I’m so sorry that me and your Kyu appa haven’t been able to sit down and explain to you what’s been happening,” Siwon said wrapping his arms around her snuggly.

“Halmeoni and Teukkie samchon and Kanginnie samchon just told me that Kyu appa was really sick. But what kind of sick? He doesn’t have a runny nose or a cough,” said Daerim shaking her head.

“You're right sweetheart. What everyone means is a different kind of sick. And when Kyu appa got sick…it changed him a little bit.”

“How?”

Siwon put one of his hands to his head, he wasn’t expecting to have this conversation today and he already felt like he was drowning. Kyuhyun was always good at explaining things like this to Daerim so that she could understand and Siwon wished more than anything he were here to help.

“Do…do you remember when Kyu appa and I told you about what was going to happen to our family very soon?”

Daerim shook her head.

“No come on baby, of course you remember. We took you to the park by the river and we sat down and we told you that soon something special would happen?” asked Siwon softly.

Daerim’s eyes widened when she suddenly recalled what Siwon was hinting at.

“When you said I would get a baby sister?”

“Right—or a brother remember?”

Daerim nodded in remembrance.

“And remember the small little bump we saw on Kyu appa’s tummy a couple weeks ago?” asked Siwon.

Again Daerim nodded. “Kyu appa let me touch it, he was squishy,” she smiled to herself.

Siwon cracked a soft smile too.

“But Wonnie appa, if Kyu appa is sick, does that mean my little sister is gonna be sick too?” Daerim suddenly asked, a look of panic striking her face.

Siwon sighed and looked down.

“Yes baby, that’s exactly what that means,” he said not able to look back up at her.

“Well now that Kyu appa is home to get better, she’ll get better too, right?” Daerim pressed, more so than asked.

Hearing these words, Siwon finally brought himself to look back up at her eyes. They were so bright and innocent. And he knew the second the words left his lips, that they were going to loose that pureness. But how could he not tell her? He had left it for so long, warning everyone to not mention it around her to avoid any confusion.

From the beginning Daerim hadn’t wanted a sibling, he and Kyuhyun both knew that. But when the possibility of the child being a girl became more real to her, she had become so attached to the idea of being someone’s unnie, that Siwon and Kyuhyun had barely had the heart to tell her they found out they would be welcoming a boy.

When she did find out, Daerim had been crushed but still held on to the belief that it could turn out in her favor.

Now how was he supposed to tell her that there wouldn’t be any baby at all?

“No, no…unfortunately sweetheart that is not what that means,” was all Siwon could say softly as he leaned back in his chair.

Daerim watched him as he covered his eyes with his hand for a few moments. Her mind was becoming overridden with guilt as she watched the sadness begin to take over Siwon’s body.

“I’m sorry Wonnie Appa,” she croaked out softly.

Pulling his hand away from his eyes, Siwon sat back up straight and looked at Daerim.

“Why are you sorry baby?” he asked shaking his head in confusion.

Daerim looked down at her lap. Now it was her that couldn’t make eye contact. Siwon watched in complete confusion as her shoulders began to bob and her face turned into a frown.

“Baby what’s wrong, why are you crying?” he asked shifting her to face him.

Once turned around, Daerim buried her face in Siwon’s chest and began sobbing.

“Baby, you have to tell Appa what’s wrong,” Siwon pleaded, not knowing how to comfort her when all that was coming out were sobs.

Seeing what was happening, Su Yeong walked over with some tissues for them.

Siwon thanked her and then tried his best to pull Daerim away so that he could dry her eyes. But she was having none of it. So he simply held her until she was able to calm herself down.

When her sobs ceased, Siwon tried again to pull her up so that he could dry her face.

“Daerim-ah, you have to tell Appa what’s wrong. What made you cry like this? Hearing about the baby?” asked Siwon fishing for answers as he continued to dab at her cheeks softly.

Daerim nodded slowly, her eyes still red and teary.

“It’s okay to be sad sweetheart, you don’t have to hide your face away,” said Siwon smoothing her hair back now.

Daerim just shook her head again.

“What does that mean?” asked Siwon, just as confused as before.

“I’m really sorry Wonnie appa,” was all she said again, her voice still hoarse.

“Sweetheart, it’s okay, we’re all sad. I understand,” he said gently bouncing his leg as he leaned her head against him again.

 “But I did a bad thing,” she said so softly Siwon wasn’t sure he heard.

“What bad thing?” asked Siwon gently.

“It’s my fault Kyu appa and the baby got sick,” Daerim said softly as she rubbed her teary eyes again.

Siwon’s face hardened a bit as he lifted Daerim’s chin so that she could look him in the eyes.

“No it is absolutely not,” he said softly but with a firmness that showed he was sincere. “Why would you think something like that aegi-yah?”

“Because, when you and Kyu appa first told me about the baby, I didn’t want it, remember? Maybe G-d heard me asking, and he made the baby get sick,” said Daerim softly, her voice sounding as though she were close to breaking down into full on tears again. “I’m sorry Appa, it’s all my fault! I’m a bad girl!”

“Baby no, no, no, I promise you. You did not do this. Do you understand me?” he asked putting his hands on her cheeks.

Daerim nodded.

“I’m serious Daerim-ah. There is no way you could have wished anything hard enough for this to happen,” said Siwon.

“But you and harabeoji always say that G-d answers our prayers. Why wouldn’t he this time?” asked Daerim, her face scrunching up in confusion.

“Because G-d doesn’t hurt people so that we can be happy baby. He knows you were sad about the baby in the beginning. But he would never hurt your Kyu appa or the baby just to answer your prayers. I promise you that,” said Siwon.

“So you're not mad at me?” asked Daerim.

“Of course not,” said Siwon embracing her warmly. “I know having a new baby was going to be a big change for you. It’s okay for you to have been upset. But like your Kyu Appa and I tell you every day; we love you Daerim-ah, and having brothers or sisters isn’t going to change the way we feel about you. Our love for you will always be special, because you were our first and only Daerim. There will never be another like you.”

As he wiped away her tears with his thumb, Daerim sniffled.

“Please don’t ever tell Kyu appa,” she said, her voice muffled.

“Tell him what?” asked Siwon.

“What I wished for… it would make him even more sad. And he would be angry with me,” said Daerim.

“Daerim, I just told you, there’s no way—

“Please Appa! Don’t tell,” said Daerim, her voice weak as she looked up at him.

“Okay, sweetheart, I won’t tell him. I promise,” said Siwon as Daerim lay her head back against his chest.

“But sweetheart, I need you to understand why this happened okay? Do you remember that time when you wanted to try and make the apple seed grow?” he asked.

Daerim nodded.

“You took some dirt from the park and put it in a cup, put in the seed and then your watered it every day?” Siwon said, still wanting to remind her of the details.

“But what happened?” he asked.

“It didn’t grow,” Daerim said with a shrug.

“That’s right. You did everything you were supposed to do, but the thing is, not every seed is meant to grow. Do you remember me telling you that?” he asked as Daerim began to play with his hands.

She nodded to show she was still listening.

“Well….the baby in Kyu appa’s tummy was like your apple seed…Kyu appa….he did everything he could to keep the baby healthy. But….the baby just wasn’t meant to grow,” said Siwon, trying to his voice even despite the pain he felt in his chest.

“So…the baby isn’t in Kyu appa’s tummy anymore?” asked Daerim softly. Siwon could tell she was still slightly confused.

“That’s right.”

“Where is she?”

“With the angels sweetheart. That’s where the baby will grow from now on, up in heaven,” he said pressing his lips to Daerim’s hair.

She was quiet as she took in everything that her Appa had just told her.

“That’s why everyone is so sad?” she asked.

Siwon nodded against her.

“That’s why Kyu Appa’s tummy hurts?”

Again he nodded.

“But…why did Kyu appa and the baby get sick?” she asked tilting her head to look up at him.

“We’re not sure sweetheart. Some germs might have got to Kyu appa and he was strong enough to fight them, but the baby couldn’t. He was too small.”

Daerim was quiet as she stared at the floor.

After a few minutes Siwon her cheek.

“Daerim…how would you like to spend the night at Changminnie samchon’s house and see Nara?” suggested Siwon.

Cracking a gentle smile, Daerim nodded and Siwon kissed her forehead.

“Okay, good,” he said as she leaned back against him.

Siwon held her silently as he watched the spoon slowly drift down into the bowl. The ice cream had begun to slowly melt as the afternoon sunlight made it’s way deeper into the shop, warming the pair as they held on to each other for comfort.