I was invited to a barbecue at Bom unni and Seunghyun oppa’s new house. It was the first summer they were passing at their new house and they just wanted to celebrate it and gather all their friends. I really envied them, they represented for me the ideal couple. They had all I wanted. A total happiness.

I was making my own dishes since it was impolite to show up empty handed while Haru was playing on the kitchen floor.

I turned back to my daughter just in time to catch her little fingers playing restlessly with the end of the pigtails hanging from either side of her head.

“Haru, are you nervous?”

Haru pulled her lips to one side and her brows furrowed as she considered her answer. “A little?”

“Why’re you nervous?” I asked. After all, every time before this, Haru had been excited whenever the possibility of hanging out with Jiyong arose.

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug of her thin shoulders, “It’s just the first time we are three. I hope my uncles and my aunties will like Yong-Yong.” She added a little shyly.

Her words were a light bulb in my head. This day was important for Haru. And for me. How this day went down could end up dictating how my relationship with Jiyong would unfold.

I didn’t have much time to flounder in insecurity however because the doorbell rang and when I opened the door, Jiyong was standing there giving me a genuine smile.

“You look… Great.”

“So do you. You even shaved.” Without even realizing what I was doing I saw myself touching his cheek lightly rubbing his freshly-shaven cheek. But once I did, I pulled away rapidly holding my hand back.

“So, ready for BBQ?”

Haru’s nervousity disappeared as soon as Jiyong took her in his arms and she grinned that thousand-watt beam. My animosity vanished too. Because I knew everything would be perfect today. My friends would love him.

We took the bus and forty minutes later (because we took the wrong bus because of Jiyong's obstinacy), we arrived at Bom unni’s house. The grill was already smoking away in the back and there were balloons tied to the mailbox. We walked around to the back of the house were everyone had congregated. Dara unni, Minji and Bom unni were already sitting together at a cluster of tables.

Jiyong carried a sleepy Haru all the way while I was carrying kimbap. A cheer sounded when we were spotted, mainly because the girls knew I would bring Jiyong at the party and they wanted to embarrass me, but everyone hushed up when they noticed Haru sleeping in Jiyong’s arms. They jumped up offering their chair to me.

“She’s so sweet!” Minji gushed at the sight of Haru

“Yeah, just wait until she’s awake!” I laughed looking up at the two. It’s true that they looked cute together.

“She’s crabby when she first wakes up, but who isn’t?”

“If I woke up in Chaerin’s lap, I wouldn’t be crabby.” I heard Seunghyun voice and turned around seeing the guy warmly smiling at us.

“Don’t be gross Seunghyun!” Dara unni punched his arm

“Don’t worry, Bom has my soul and my body. You don’t wanna know what she would do to me if I cheated on her. Let’s just say, not pretty.” He grinned and turned to Jiyong, “You must be Jiyong right? Follow me I’ll show you where virile guys stand.”

 “Okay, I’m going then. See you.” Jiyong winked at me and I couldn’t help smile back to him as I took Haru from his arms and settled her on my lap.

“He’s definitely a nine.” Dara unni smiled as she swirled the wine in her glass.

I rolled my eyes as I brushed Haru’s hair.

“That’s the fifteenth time you’ve said that in the last two weeks.” I sighed sipping my beer,

“He’s rather dreamy. I would definitely date him.” We heard Bom unni saying as she was approaching with dishes in her hands.

Haru looked up at her with wide eyes, “But aunty Bommie, what about Tabi?” she frowned and I raise my eyebrow at Bom unni

“Tabi? He happens extremely y. But he’s not the king of barbecue!”

~

 “Somebody get the food going!” Bom noona whined, “I’m starving”

“It’s coming honey…” Seunghyun sighed as he dropped the steaks on the grill, “I don’t know what’s wrong with her, she’s been eating like an ogre these days!”

“So Jiyong, you and Chaerin are the trend topic right now. When’s the wedding?” he added trying not to burn the meals.

I was nervous, not about spending time with Chaerin but about meeting her friends. I just cared enough about her to want to make a good impression on the people closest to her.

“It’s more complicated than that. We’re not together actually and...” I patted the back of my head.

“But you have a huge crush on her.” Youngbae interrupted me to give me a knowing smile, “I know how you feel.”

“You must be special to her because you’re the first man she introduces to us since four years.” Daesung added

I smiled as I looked at her. She was special to me too. She was dressed casually in a pair of jean shorts and a white strap tank top. She was perfect. But she wasn’t alone. Indeed, while the other girls were dressing the table, Chaerin was speaking with a man, short hair, black cap, sun glasses and big tattoos. He kinda reminded me myself.

“Who’s the guy with Chaerin?” I frowned trying not to look too obviously jealous

“It’s Jay. Your rival.”

“He has a sweet spot for Chaerin since High school. But because she was dating Haru’s father at this time, he never had the guts to ask her out.” Youngbae explained Seunghyun’s sentence briefly

“And now?”

“And now he prefers hanging with her than cooking with us.” Seunghyun shrugged, “It’s almost ready girls!” he added loudly to inform the girls

“My husband is the best!” we immediately heard Bom exclaiming

~

“Yong-Yong!” Haru left my arms to run crazy toward Jiyong as the guys took place with us around the tables.

The guys carried platters of hot dogs and burgers to the table. All the food was set out. Jiyong scooped Haru up giving her a bear hug before setting her down again.

“Hey kiddo, where should I sit?”  he ruffled her hair and that got him a warning glare

“Next to mommy!” Haru exclaimed as she took his large ringed hand in hers and led him next to me. He groggily let himself being guided by Haru.

“Yeah, it’s your place now Jiyong, next to our Chaerin!” Bom noona said with a knowing smirk on her face.

I glared at Bom noona, wondering what she knew about our relationship. Wait, we still didn’t have a relationship!

Haru climbed into his lap, “Yong-Yong, what’s a nightstand?”

I almost spilled my beer, but I managed to set it down on the wooden table with a loud thump.

“What? Where did you hear that word?” I exclaimed as my voice cracked

“Auntie Bom said you had a nightstand with Yong-Yong. But I don’t know what it means!” Haru waited for an answer.

I shot Jiyong a panicked look, my eyes flared wide in shock. Go figure a four-year-old could leave me speechless. I saw everyone around the table laughing at Haru’s innocence, except Jay who was shocked. I knew Jay had always been protective over me. My mouth worked up and down, but nothing seemed to come out and Jiyong was doing nothing to help me out of this jam.

“You’re too young for that sweetie. And anyway, Jiyong and I didn’t have a ‘nightstand’!” I glared at Bom unni who just smirked. How dare she saying that to my daughter?

Haru nodding as she understood I didn’t want to speak about it but I saw that Jiyong was amused about the situation and understood that he had been the center of one of my conversation with the girls. , I didn’t need a teasing Jiyong right now!

“You need to eat sweetie!” I tried to change the conversation but Haru seemed to still bother about the new word she had discover. She was damn curious!

“I’ll feed her, if you want.” Jiyong proposed.

“Are you sure? It’s not bothering you?”

“Not at all.”

Well, good luck because Haru was a real dictator only eating what she wanted to eat. She hated legumes. I smiled waiting for the moment when Haru would reject Jiyong and watched as he set his plate down. But to my surprise, he succeeded to fed Haru, who was happily content sitting in his lap and eating. God what was his secret? She ate salad! When she’d finished the food on her plate, she grabbed her bottle and started drinking. Jiyong settled her comfortably in the crook of his right arm and picked up his burger.

“You’re really good with kids, I envy you. You could become a good father.” Youngbae tapped his shoulder

“Yeah, thanks.” Jiyong replied with a small smile. I saw a hint of sadness creep into his eyes as he looked away and I wondered where it came from. I hoped he was having a good time, he seemed to be. I breathed and took the initiative to reach forward and touched his hand which was resting on the table. Looking back at me, he smiled, squeezing my hand affectionately. Now he seemed fine. I decided to ask him about it later.

“Well, as we’re talking about it… Seunghyun?” Bom unni suddenly stood up her glass of water in her hand. Wait, water?

 “Yeah… Hum…” Seunghyun stood up groggily next to her, “To sum up… I’ going to be a daddy guys!” he finished with a large smile

Of course everyone congratulated them even Jay. But I found again Jiyong forcing a smile.

~

“Let’s play football now! I pick Seunghyun.” Jay suddenly stood up as we had finished eating and said snapping his finger, “Front and center.”

Seunghyun sighed setting his beer down, “You know I’m not a dog Jay.”

“What? This time you’re in my team, we won’t lose against Youngbae and Daesung again.”

Seunghyun shook his head, “Fine.”

Jay looked at the remaining people, “I suppose you don’t want to play girls?”

“Not with you, every time you play it looks like it’s war! It is just like high school over again.” Bom unni grumbled removing her chair next to Chaerin’s to face the guys.

“I play!” Minji finally stood up

“Fine then… I choose you. Sorry Jiyong but I want to win.” he gave me a mocking grin

“I don’t care, I don’t play football.” I replied nonchalantly still sitting next to Chaerin, our hands were still interlined softly caressing.

“Yeah you’re right, it’s a game for real men.” He put his hands on his hips and looked fiercy at me.

I didn’t need to be told twice. The challenge was accepted! I wasn't going to look like a coward, not in front of Chaerin!

“Fine. I play then. Because I’m a man.” I finally stood up bulging the chest fiercely while giving a reassuring look to a frowning Chaerin.

The last time I said I could do everything because I was a man I failed repairing a stupid sink…

I walked over Youngbae and Daesung and we huddled together.

“Be careful Jiyong. Jay saw you’re close to Chaerin. He’s not going to let you alone.” Youngbae warned me.

“Fine…” I gulped and the match started.

“One, two, hike!”

Seunghyun tossed the ball to Minji. She punted it to us as a kickoff and it conveniently went right in my direction.

Omo.

I unsteadily caught the ball almost dropping it and began my run hesitantly. I maneuvered left to avoid Seunghyun running for the end zone. I passed Jay too without any difficulties.  But as I was going to think that football wasn’t that bad after all, Jay turned around and jumped on my back tackling me to the floor with all his weight.

Heaving for air and trying to catch my breath, I cough hard. , this wanted to break my spinal column or what! I refused to cry! Not in front of Chaerin. But as I tried to stood up I couldn’t help escaping a high-pitched, feminine-sounding hiss of pain which was enough to bring the attention.

“Jiyong!”

~

“Why did you agree to play with Jay?” I asked that idiotic Jiyong as I was guiding him difficultly inside my living room.

Jay’s team won the match destroying Jiyong’s ego. And his back. Indeed, Jiyong gained a backache and numerous bruises because he kept repeating he was all right and wanted to finish the match. But now he was barely walking straight. He litterally looked like an ajusshi complaining about his back.

“Because I couldn’t let him brag about himself.” He swayed for a second but I still had my arm underneath his and I managed to make him sit on the sofa.

Haru followed us looking actually content that Jiyong was still with us completely ignoring the fact that her hero was completely smashed.

“You and your ego.” I rolled my eyes

“He loves you.” Jiyong stated trying to find a comfortable position

“What? No, he’s my friend.”

“I tell you he loves you. He couldn’t help eyeing you all the time.”

“And then? He’ll never be more than my friend…” my nose scrunched into an annoyed furrow, “Wait, don’t tell me you challenged him because of me?”

Jiyong didn’t reply. Even looked away grimacing.

“Gosh… You know, I’m happy that he kicked your !” I playfully pushed his shoulder as I sat next to him.

 “Aish, you’re cold Lee Chaerin. You know it hurts!” He pretended to be hurt but laughed with me patting his shoulder.

I finally sighed as I realized I was feeling good in Jiyong's presence. This man always knew how to ease me and make me laugh. I didn't just need a loving boyfriend but also a friend who could understand me. And I knew Jiyong could be the two. As I knew Haru had left us to play in her room, I let my fingers ran along the sofa and then the back of Jiyong’s hand resting between us, and he turned it over. When I rested my hand against his palm, he closed his fingers and held it tenderly.

“Was something bothering you today?” I squeezed his hand tracing his smiley tattoo.

“It’s… Nothing.” He grumbled looking away.

I frowned. He was about to say something. Had I done something to make him withdraw? I leaned toward him, resting my hand on his jaw bringing his face turning to me.

“You just looked, I don’t know… sad when Youngbae told you were good with kids. And from time to time too.”

He sighed and locked his exhausted eyes on me, “I always loved kids really and I would love to be a father. But I never will.”

“What do you mean?” I asked

“I’m sterile Chaerin.”

Everything became suddenly clear in my mind. I understood why he felt gloomy when Youngbae told him he would be a perfect father or when Seunghyun announced Bom unni’s pregnancy. Because Jiyong would never know how it felt to be a father. There would never be children of his.

I realized why he was so attached to Haru too. She was the first little girl who acknowledged him as a fatherly figure.

I searched his eyes and saw the fear of rejection was entirely real. I could tell he was worried about my reaction. All the pain he must have felt in his life because of that kind of secret showed in his eyes.

I understood how much lonely he must feel. Many girls must have rejected him because of that. Jiyong must have seen all his friends being parents cherishing their children without being able to become one. Unable to found a family. And I knew it was one of his dreams.

No words were strong enough to ease him at that moment. I did the only thing that felt right to me. I pulled his head close to me against my chest and comforted him.  We stud on my sofa in the same position, my fingers caressing his soft short hair and his hands around my waist holding me tightly to him as if he didn’t want to let me go. I didn’t want to let go either. I kissed his head lightly softly rocking him.

But after a moment of pure silent and kindness, Jiyong slowly straightened up, his breath now caressing my cheek. I became trapped by his flaming dark eyes overwhelmed by the closeness, drawn by him. When my lips touched his, I felt a wonderful release of tension I had never realized was there and an overpowering desire to step it up, to give myself to him.

But he then pulled back.

“I don’t want you to force yourself because you pity me…” he reached up to cradle my cheek, his thumb brushing my lips.

I placed my hands on his face and looked into his frightened eyes,

“I don’t pity you Jiyong.  I love you.”

Hi guys, I’m back! I couldn’t update last week because I had to prepare for oral exams, I didn’t have the time to write. So to make up to you, I update TWO chapters this week end! I would like to thank all my dear readers because you rock guys :D

There’s love in the air <3

Chu~~~