Chap. 18 – Starting the countdown

2 pm… after 4 hours of faking sleep he had enough. Slowly he sat up in his bed and looked around; the whole room was in a mess and he could only guess it didn’t smell nice either. Sluggishly he walked over to his window and opened it before walked out to the kitchen.

Nearby he became frozen in his steps, stunned by the presence of a certain nobody sitting and chatting happily with his younger sister Jessica. The failure of life just watched her laugh from the doorframe, looking in and suddenly he came to realize how he had missed Nobody. It’s been a whole week since the last time he saw her and now a strange joy flow through his body at the sight of her. Jaejoong, you’re so ing in love it’s pathetic, he thought while watching her, waiting for her to acknowledge his presence.

Soon enough she stopped in the middle of a sentence as they locked eyes, before she turned her head towards Jessica. She ignored him. She was still mad. The black haired failure of life sighed as he walked over to the coffeemaker, and flamed himself for not wearing at least a pajamas; he was only in a pair of boxers.

It was a beautiful Saturday early afternoon when Jessica invited her best friend over for a cup of tea, saying we had so many things to catch up on. At first Sunny didn’t want to, fearing going to places where she would be reminded of the , everything about him was still a painful memory.

Jessica convinced her though, reasoning that Sunny should show that she’s strong without him too, and that she’ll probably not even meet him since he’s always sleeping in so late. Sunny didn’t take seriously the last reason (none sleeps at 12 o’clock) but she hoped he would be out, doing illegal stuff or something. Soon enough Sunny forgot the time, they really had so much to catch up on (Jessica got a boyfriend!) and suddenly, 2 hours had already passed.

“Yes, so Mr Müller wanted us to be in pairs but I didn’t…” Sunny was just about to tell her best friend a funny story when unexpectedly the blood froze in her veins as she saw the standing in the door. Her heart skipped a beat, his presence left her stunned, he came too sudden and without any advanced warning, leaving her completely unprepared. For a moment she looked at him, acknowledging the fact that he had never looked this terrible before, but then she turned back to her best friend.

“So, I ended up doing the assignment alone but I got a big A++ so it’s alright, and I was actually glad to be alone, didn’t need to explain every little, obvious thing to my pair.” Sunny said as she tried to smile though the washed away all her happiness.

“You’re so lucky, doing assignments alone is so much easier but if I hadn’t worked in pairs, I would never have gotten to know Junsu (her boyfriend).” She said while smiling innocently, she was so in love! It was fun to see her change this much; Sunny would never have thought Jessica would be a romantic person.

“Wait, you’re dating one of my ex closest friends Junsu?” asked the as he sat down with a cup of coffee in his hands. Nobody glared at him, wanting to murder him for thinking that he’s allowed to enroll in a conversation with them but he just ignored it, didn’t look her way at all.

“Yes, I do, we started going out 2 weeks ago. Jaejoong, you never told me he’s so cute and kind, he’s a real gentleman!” Jessica almost started to squeal of joy as she fangirled over her boyfriend. Hehe, Sunny wanted to burst out laughing but she bit her lips instead, didn’t want to make fun of her sudden change.

“Hm.” Jaejoong said before sipping his coffee. “Yeah, he is… be nice to him, he has a kind heart.” he said with a serious look on his face.

“I know. Yah, why wouldn’t I be nice to him?! You’re weird Jaejoong; I like him, why would I be bad to him? By the way, when will you two start talking to each other? I mean, sure, Jaejoong screwed up and therefore you Sunny are mad but I liked it when you two were close friends. So, you should talk to each other… maybe now?” she said as she looked at both of them. Sunny could feel Jaejoong’s gaze at her too, he was probably waiting for her to decide.

“No, we have nothing to talk about. He showed his true sides and now, we’re not friends anymore.” Sunny told her best friend sternly without looking at the .

“Hm.” He just said before he stood up and left the room with his coffee in his hands.

The young girl waited in silence for the door to his room to close before she walked to the kitchen’s door and closed it.

“So… how is he? What is he doing?” she asked unsurely and felt uncomfortable while waiting for the answer. She knew she wouldn’t like the reply; just a look on him was enough to know that he wasn’t fine.

“Mum’s diagnose (she’s a psychologist) is that he’s depressed and needs help.  On Monday he will go to his first session with a psychologist and I hope it will help him. For a period of time he really started getting a hang over his life, it seemed like he begun to mature and get more responsible. I really hope he will get back to that soon. Right now, he sleeps 12 hours a day, and does nothing the rest of the time, watches television or sometimes helps Mum. Anyway, on Wednesday his expulsion is over and he will start going to school.” Jessica said and by the look of it, she must have expected Sunny to ask about him.

“Great… I’m sorry Jessica, I don’t mean to be rude but I really can’t be nice about him right now. I try to let it go but it’s just… I’m too mad.”

Alone he sat at the bridge of his bed. His white t-shirt hung on his fragile body, showing off his bony elbows protruding from his arms, and hiding his depressed chest. The skin on his face was whiter than ever while his eyes were red with thick dark lines underneath them.

Silently he looked out the window, the same thing he had been doing for an hour now. He had enough; Jaejoong didn’t want to continue living like this. He was really not needed by anyone, he really didn’t matter to anyone, and he could see that now. Fine, his family would probably be sad if he would be gone but they would get over it soon, and continue living their normal life.

Before, he used to at least enjoy life, doing all the crazy stuff while knowing that nobody needed him. The failure of life had at least fun, he consoled himself by making sure he had fun but now, all those things didn’t matter anymore. He grew tired of partying, of the kick of doing illegal stuff, of not doing anything useful. Now, he was completely unneeded and completely bored of life. It got to the extent where he felt suffocated by the thought of living on like this, he really wanted to stop. He didn’t want to live like this anymore, he wanted to stop this.

Thoughtfully he continued on staring out the window, wondering for how long he would be able to live. Soon he would get to a point where he wouldn’t see any other solutions then suicide and he wondered when that would come because he was tired, really tired of this. Maybe he should start the countdown, he thought before leaving the room since Mum asked him to come.

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thanks for reading! Sorry for not updating in quite a time, I was busy working :/ but now it's here and hopefully I'll update soon again :) this chapter might be a little bit rushed, if so, forgive me, I'm tired today.

kyonhae912: who knows, she's probably busy ignoring her feelings as always :) ahh, I understand your name now! :)

viaxoxo: I know, if I could I'd just upload all the sad chapters in one go, just to get over with them, but that wouldn't be nice. My thoughts exactly with your comment about Sunny, she's kind of dense sometimes (in this story). :)

-eirlys: oh nooo, I'm sorry! My brain was probably trying to make your username into something I understand (early). What does eirlys mean? :) right, she really should miss him! Maybe she's too busy ignoring her feelings to understand them.