There was a bright light and the scene of me  and a man appeared. His face wasn't noticable and I kept turning every angle to see who it was, but I couldn't see. We both were walking down a sidewalk into a thick fog in the middle of winter with snow flowing from above. Afraid of the eerie and cold feel, I instantly grabbed the hand of the unknown man. As I did so, he turned to me and I saw his face clearly.

"Mark!"

I woke up screaming his name. I was sleeping on the sofa in 15&'s living room. It was like I was still dreaming because the time I yelled Mark's name, he came running from around the corner of the kitchen.

"Kate, I'm here. What's wrong?" He was worried indeed.

What was he doing here? Am I still dreaming? The last time I checked, I was deeply upset and mad at him. I still am. It has only been a 4 days and I'm not going to act like everything that happened was good.

"What the hell, what are you doing here?" I scooted up on the sofa trying to figure out why Mark was in the same room as me. I was also embarassed to know he heard me.

"Oh. Um. The girls told me to stop by early since they left to Japan for promotions."

I looked to the clock on the wall. It was only 5am?!

"Well, I'm better off alone so you can leave." I coldly expressed.

"Are you sure? From what it looks like, you seem to need me since you yelled for me in your sleep." He smirked. It has been the longest time since I've seen him with that attitude.

"Don't be flattered. It was a nightmare."

The teasing came so naturally. There was like an electric shock when I suddenly felt the feeling of missing his presence, the old times we'd joke and what not. I closed my eyes and ran my hands over my face, trying to wash away the feeling. He was knelt down beside me, staring at my figure. Seeing him do so, I pulled the warm, thin blanket higher to cover my body that was only in a gray tanktop and black, tight spandex.

I rolled my eyes, ", don't look at me like that."

He hesitated, "No, no it's not that. It's that you seem to have gotten thinner." I could hear his concern.

I rolled my eyes once again and I fell back into the pillow I was sleeping on, turning towards the cushion and away from where Mark was sitting. I tightened my eyes shut and I could feel my heart racing as if it was going more than 100 miles per hour. I kicked my legs a couple time under the blanket to distract me from the feeling. I clearly believed I heard Mark leave back to the kitchen, but when I turned to take a peek, he was still right next to me, on the floor. It frightened me a little which caused me to roll off the small space of the sofa onto the ground. Before I could function, I found myself tumbling from my side to my back with Mark hovering on top. What in the world? I winced at the impact. The wooden floor was no protection and Mark failed to catch. Oddly, I was expecting him to at least fall under me to save me from hitting the ground, romantically but that was one for the novels only.

"Well, are you not going to move so I can get up?" I mean, it would be common sense for him to get out of my way, but he didn't.

"Your eyes..."

"What about them?" My tone was definitely leaning more towards the side of irritation.

"...they look swollen. Have....you been crying?"

I flung my hands to feel the area around my eyes. Honestly, I've been crying ever since the breakup, but since yesterday, I didn't seem to have any more tears left. The swelling was probably from the previous days. I believe I've already cried my whole life out, but the pain was still there. After thinking to myself, I knew I had to move on and let the numbness settle in. No matter how many times I cry, they weren't going to turn back time for me. Truthfully, since Meng and I haven't made any contact, I felt him already fading. As much as I try to remember him and hold on to him in my memory, somehow God didn't allow him to stay long. It was a totaly blur, but the pain in my heart was still burning. Maybe I will fully recover soon. Maybe by the time I get back home, I would forget all this just like a dream.

I plastered on a fake smile, "Well, I believe I have every right to cry." My lips quivered. "You, out of all people, should know exactly my reason."

His relaxed face tensed as if I've struck him with lightening to the heart. When I saw his face, his eyes twinkled and he in his lips, nibbling them like he always did. He started sniffing. Seeing him appear so hurt and weak, it made me regret being so harsh on him and putting all the blame on him. I swallowed hoping he wasn't going to start shivering with tears, letting quietness speak for him. I suddenly imagined him back when we where in middle school and how he didn't know the answer when our English teacher asked him to read a passage. He was always so shy and he began to shake with tears because he was unable to speak to the class. This was his weakness, Mark was never really able to speak up for himself and it hurt me. Realizing that he was at the lowest of lows, I felt guilty for not easing the load he was carrying. It's a blessing he wasn't going insane by now. He's someone to keep to himself even when he was hurting, but here I was, striking him every chance I get, lashing out on him because it made me feel good that I was expressing my anger and pain all out to someone. Because I was pouring everything out on him, he never once mentioned how hurt he was. I just realized I never allowed him to clarify or speak for himself.

"Look, Mark. I'm sorry....I've been so bitter...." Wow, I was actually apologizing. I knew I had to. It was a start to maybe a resolution.

Tears trickled down his cheeks. I swear, I feel like ever since Mark and I departed and our friendship died out, all I've been seeing was tears. Him crying, me crying.

"Stop, Mark. Stop crying, will you?" He was so weak in front of me and I felt a soft spot in me to hug him. I've taken notice that he too was getting thin. His body looked feeble.

I sat him down next to me on the sofa. He looked away and pulled on his black beanie to cover his red ears. He ran his thumb below his eyes to dry away his tears.

"Mark, look at me." He looked as if he was so done with me at this point.

He didn't answer me. As I looked away too, I felt his weight next to me lift off. Mark was walking towards the door. Was he going to leave in the middle of all this?

"Are you leaving?" No answer. "Mark."

My feet chased after him and made it just in time to slam the door closed again after he already cracked it open. My right hand grabbed onto his. I felt a jolt in my system at the contact. It was as if my dream replayed itself. I was holding his hand without taking clear notice. I was breathing heavily now. I don't know why, but I was. I think it was fear of having him walk away forever too.

"Why don't you stand up for yourself?! Are you just going to let me yell at you and curse at you?! You're okay with it all?!"

He bit his bottom lip and looked away once more, trying so very hard to compose himself.

"Mark...." I trembled. "Please....talk to me now....I don't know why but the last couple days I've been doing some thinking and....and I know now that I miss you....I don't know what kind of way I'm missing you...but I know I miss my Mark. I'm sorry that I never let my guards down around you. My pride was in the way. I didn't want to admit defeat after losing Meng and even before Meng and I happened, I tried to toss away our past, but you always tried so hard to make it all better, but I was too selfish and only wanted to stay away from you......I stayed away because I was scared of the feelings I had for you. I was scared those feelings will come back twice as much and it'll only hurt us. I didn't want to ruin your perfection. I was scared of starting something with you and not have it work out. I was scared because you are an idol and I'm just a regular and when I heard you were in a relationship, I didn't want to see you because I knew my feelings were still as rich as they were when you left. Plus, you had a girlfriend and I didn't want to wreck anything." After letting all that out, I felt my heart lightened and felt myself be pulled into Mark chest in a storm of tears.

I let loose in his arms. Meng flashed in my mind, but it wasn't something negative. I didn't feel obligated anymore. I felt like my heart easily loosened at the tightness I've been feeling. Of course, I missed Meng and he will still be someone great to me, but here I was, in my best friend's arms. It was comforting. It was like magic, the hurt I felt no longer was there. It was as if Mark was the answer to all the pain. It was as if all I had to do was confront Mark and tell him I was sorry for being so negative and bitter to solve everything. It was as if it was all only my fault for building up the walls. The blame wasn't on Mark or Meng, but me.

If I wasn't frightened at the idea of giving Mark and myself a shot at the relationship in the beginning, we wouldn't be crying in each other's arms after going through our own personal break-ups with someone else. If I wasn't selfish and chose to decline Meng when he had asked me to be his girlfriend, Meng wouldn't have to be scarred with me as his first and most hurtful break up. I was so vulnerable and unstable at the time when he asked me. Part of me only gave him a chance because he was a great guy who at the time took my mind off of Mark. It soon evolved into something that was almost more than just empty feelings. I grew to admire him and like him more that what he offered. But now to think of it, I felt like I would've held him back by being far apart and not fully giving him 100% of myself because Mark was still roaming somewhere in my life and I knew I needed to determine a place for Mark before I let some other man enter.

Mark's fingers combed through my hair. "I've already stopped crying, so will you too?" He was as calm as ever. My heart was happy that he finally spoke.

"Forgive me?"

"How can I hold a grudge against you? I've been trying so hard to not forgive you, but it hasn't worked one bit."

He was about to place a kiss on my lips, but I removed myself from feeling the impact. "Sorry, but please don't misunderstand me."

"What is it?"

I bit the corner of my bottom lip, "It's just, I'm still recovering from my break up. I know for a fact that Meng and I are done for good and my feelings for him are slowly numbing away, but before I let anything else happen, I want to have time to myself. I want to be able to think to myself and reflect on everything. I know your feelings for me are still there and I'm not saying I won't ever accept them, but I don't want to jump into anything just yet. I don't want to take on anything I'm unsure of as of right now." Again, I was asking for time and space like I did when he first confessed. I didn't want to lead him on to anything when nothing was promising. I was still questioning myself if Mark was still in my heart. At this moment, it feels like he's still the most special person to me, but I didn't want it to be all out of emotion only. I want to be able to gather myself and believe within myself that Mark still truly had a piece in me.

"I understand, but this time...I just want to tell you beforehand that I might not wait forever." He was being honest and I had no problem with that. This was real talk.

I nodded, "Okay." I looked into his eyes, "But, can we restart our friendship?"

Mark didn't need to say anything more because he smiled. We gave each other a bear hug and the sunrise was on cue.