“The fan café is flooded with comments about your marriage.”

Tiffany glanced up from her vanity table, brush halfway through her hair, slightly surprised. “How’s the response?”

“Pretty good. Some were in English so I skipped those, and there’s the occasional ‘noona, no!’ but it’s mostly comments wishing you a happy life with T.O.P. oppa.” Taeyeon chuckled, taking a seat on Tiffany’s bed, tucking her legs underneath her.

Tiffany nodded, turning back to the mirror as she stuck out her bottom lip in concentration, trying to fix her hair. Taeyeon watched in silence for a while, eyes dark and unreadable before standing to help Tiffany rearrange her hair and loop it over one shoulder neatly.

“Nichkhun’s back in Korea.” Taeyeon informed her lightly, her eyes trained on Tiffany’s hair as her fingers moved, deft and practiced. “There was a real scene at the airport – a lot of his fans were so excited about him finally coming back.”

“Oh, really?” Tiffany’s voice was just as casual, and they fell silent again, Taeyeon’s eyes flickering to Tiffany’s reflection in the mirror once or twice before she finally stepped back, satisfied with her work.

“My yepuni,” Taeyeon murmured the old nickname fondly as she smoothed Tiffany’s hair back gently. She glanced up, looking at Tiffany in the mirror who flashed her a brilliant smile.

“Thanks, TaeTae.” Tiffany wrapped an arm around Taeyeon as they smiled at each other in the mirror before something shifted in Taeyeon’s eyes, making her look older, sadder despite her face that seemed almost unchanged since debut to Tiffany.

“You’re all growing up and leaving the nest now. What if Yoona and Sooyoung leave me too?” Taeyeon murmured, melancholic. “What will I do without you, Fany ah?”

“I’ll come back and we’ll see each other all the time.” Tiffany glanced up, smiling. “Now, the only thing left is for you to find someone you’ll love as much as I love Seunghyun so that I don’t have to worry as much about you being lonely.”

“Maybe. Hopefully.” Taeyeon blinked tiredly, staring at Tiffany with unreadable eyes before suddenly leaning down, hugging Tiffany so fiercely she almost knocked the breath out of her.

“I’m going to be lonely with you gone, yepuni.”

“I’m going to miss you too. But it’s okay, you’re my best friend – getting married isn’t going to change that.”

Taeyeon just pulled away to stare at her, like she was trying her best to imprint her face in her mind before Tiffany left her forever.

Tiffany’s eyes softened. Taeyeon had always been more withdrawn, less expressive than most members of the group except Jessica, and through the years it had become clear that she was the one most inclined to melancholy, something that worried the other members.

“Hey, Taengoo. I’ll always be here if you need me.”

Taeyeon only nodded mutely in response, the corners of set grimly and Tiffany frowned in worry. “You look really tired.”

Tiffany brushed Taeyeon’s hair away from her face gently, eyes taking in the pallid face and dark eyes with concern. She felt guilt wash over her – she felt like she had been too preoccupied with her own happiness lately, unaware of her own best friend’s exhaustion as she floated on cloud nine herself.

“Have you been sleeping enough lately?”

“I’m fine.” Taeyeon shook her head tiredly, the touch of exhaustion in her voice making it clear that she was not. “I should be used to this by now, anyway. We all should be. Solo activities are alright – more work, less sleep, but that’s the price we have to pay for fame, right? I had two coffees this morning, I’ll live until my schedule for today is done.”

“Taeng–” Tiffany sighed.

“I’ll live,” Taeyeon repeated quietly, cutting her off firmly enough to make Tiffany purse her lips even as her eyebrows drew together in worry.

 “This is ridiculous,” Tiffany muttered, worry and anger and indignation all evident in her tightly controlled expression. “They’re working you even harder now that we’re not promoting together as often. It’s insanity. Aren’t you tired, Taeyeon?”

“A little. I don’t know. Maybe.” Taeyeon shrugged despondently. “It’s alright, I expected this.”

“Maybe?” Tiffany repeated, raising an eyebrow. This seemed to be Taeyeon’s default reply now, always deflecting, avoiding, so that other people wouldn’t worry about her.

“Maybe.” Taeyeon hesitated before she spoke slowly. “Besides, I think this is what I want. Back then…I wanted to be a solo artist the most, you know.”

Taeyeon’s voice was very quiet and Tiffany grew very still.

“I always wanted to just be me and sing the songs I wanted to sing. But they put me with the rest of you, and I was made leader, and I had to be responsible for myself and all eight of you and sing cute songs and be the one you guys could look up to." The words seemed to tumble out, Taeyeon's words tripping over each other as she twisted her hands together.

"It felt like such a burden to have to lead, and to always start and end interviews and have to be polite and perfect and manage people's feelings. There were times I resented being part of SNSD even with all the adoration and fans. I felt so restricted, so hemmed in, and I wanted to do was sing.”

She paused to take in a breath, her eyes very large and dark. Tiffany watched her, listening even as she ached for her friend who was so talented and beautiful and all types of amazing adjectives in the dictionary and who just deserved better than – than whatever Taeyeon had now, even Tiffany herself as a friend.

“But now I can’t imagine what I’d do without any of you,” Taeyeon admitted, her voice small and sincere, her face stricken. “I can’t imagine not coming home to you or Sunny anymore, or not being able to just walk in and out of your room to just lie on your bed without you here. I used to be so afraid of us breaking up and leaving each other, and I still am because we’re not as active as a group anymore even though we always spend time together. I’m afraid of us growing up even though technically, we already are. I’m afraid, Fany, and I’m not sure of what exactly. There’s too many maybes, and I’m terrified.”

“Oh, Taeyeon,” Tiffany murmured, tears in her eyes as she held out her arms and this time Taeyeon fell into them, folding into her like she was the only thing keeping her up on her feet and Tiffany wondered to herself if she really was, just maybe.