The shrill cry of his phone split the silence of the night, jerking him out of sleep rudely.

Nichkhun grumbled, eyes still half closed as he fumbled for his phone before he finally cracked an eye open at the green numbers glowing dimly on the electronic clock on his bedside stand. It was three in the morning; far too early for anyone to be calling him. He groaned even louder, glancing involuntarily at the caller ID on the bright screen, his mind already made up to ignore the call. But he froze when he saw the caller ID and something spasmed in his chest, clutching painfully, involuntarily, when he recognized the name.

Of course, she was the only person who could call in the middle of the night with full confidence that he would answer.

He hesitated, before slowly pressing the green phone icon. He cleared his throat, clearing the sleep from his voice.

“Hello?”

“Oppa!”

Her voice was as bright and loud as ever. He could almost imagine her eye smile as she spoke on the phone, the two beautiful crescents that were her trademark. It wasn't something he could see now over the line, but he could hear it in her voice, that sincere joy that seemed to saturate her personality and interactions with people, that lit up every conversation. He had missed this. 

“Steph, it’s three in the morning here.” His voice was dry even as his lips automatically curved slowly upward. She always had this effect on him, something s had about even way back before their debut. But it was just Tiffany being her, being the pure jewel that her early stage name stood for. 

“Well, you’re never free to talk during your day anyway,” Tiffany's voice was cheerily unapologetic before she started to complain in English, a half smile obvious in her voice. “Besides, you hardly ever call since you left for New York. It’s not good manners for a guy to keep a girl waiting for a call like this, you know.”

Tiffany always did this – always played a dangerous game joking about what had been, tossed out these casual referances to a relationship that had long crumbled, and he knew she never meant ill intent for Tiffany would never, but it never failed to hurt no matter how long it had been.

He stayed quiet, but pain and guilt both gripped him even as he shifted on his bed uncomfortably, staring out of his window at the New York skyline. He had left Korea suddenly, avoided attention – and her – for the past year while 2PM went on a hiatus. His official excuse was that he was taking a break, working on developing as a musician in New York while resting, but he heard the rumours, saw the comments left by Korean netizens. They wondered if he had left to escape the constant attention on his public breakup with Tiffany of SNSD since he was already a has-been, famous for nothing more than a pretty face that could no longer compare to the younger, better looking idols and even his famous ex girlfriend didn't want him anymore. In many ways, they were right. 

Their ability to both create the wildest theories for rumours and also be spot on when it came to certain matters never failed to amaze him.

Her voice quietened then, cutting the silence. She must have noticed. For someone like Tiffany, silences spoke louder than words sometimes. “Besides, I worry about you, Khun.”

He always gave excuses when she wanted to call, to catch up – for they had agreed to stay friends, and Tiffany always meant what she said – and he had always avoided her, always ran away.

She had called him Khun, which meant she was serious. Not ‘oppa’ which had been his only title after their split and had ironically made the distance between them more obvious because out of all the affectionate nicknames they had made up for each other in the past, ‘oppa’ was never one of them. Nichkhun knew now that it was Tiffany’s way of distancing herself from the hurt he had caused her, and more guilt set in.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, impulsively, even as an ache throbbed. “I’ll come back to Korea soon, don’t worry.”

Lies. He didn’t know how long he could stay away before the rest of 2PM got bored of their individual activities and decided to fly out to New York to drag him back to Seoul – and he wouldn’t put it past them either – but he was planning on pushing it.

“Good. Then just come back a bit earlier.” Tiffany laughed, quietly for her, her familiar husky tone still causing an irrational warmth that bloomed in his chest. “At least come back by August.”

“Oh, good, I have another two months of a Stephanie free existence,” he teased, only half-joking.

It was still too painful to be near her, to be reminded of his own mistakes; of how foolish and callous he had once been.

“What’s the special occasion, though? A birthday bash?”

August had always been Tiffany’s birthday month to him. Some things, he just couldn’t forget.

"Yeah, so remember to bring me back a present from New York, or else," she threatened.

"Ooh, I'm so scared."

Tiffany laughed again. “Well, yes, I will be having a birthday party with the fans, but you’re one of the first to know. You have to keep this a secret though, can't tell anyone."

Like he would – or could. He barely even talked to his old friends except s anymore, preferring to meet new people who had no reminders of Korea, no reminders of Tiffany and all the happy, sweet, bitter, painful memories that came with her. He didn't need any more reminders of how awful he had been; of how sweet and kind Tiffany had been even when he hurt her.

"To know what? That you're having a birthday party?"

"No, dummy." Her voice dropped, hushed, almost dreamy. A confession.  “I’m marrying Seunghyun.”

The delight in her soft voice – so unlike her, that volume – was too much to bear.

He couldn’t speak for a moment, feeling like the words were a razor blade slipping between his ribs, a keen edge slicing him open neatly and he feared that in that moment of silence everything had been opened up clearly for Tiffany to see.

“Congratulations,” his voice sounded strangled even to his own ears as he stared into the dark room blankly. “He finally asked.”

He had met Big Bang’s T.O.P. a few times since it was inevitable in such an industry where everyone knew, or had at least heard of, one another. Of course, he knew T.O.P.’s surface character, had seen it for himself – the charismatic man whose gaze inspired screaming fans, the rapper who oozed appeal, the actor who stole the hearts of girls everywhere. The man had the mysterious side of the idol persona down pat: Nichkhun always had the uncomfortable feeling that he was unreadable, and whatever could be seen was only a projection. 

But Tiffany’s fiancé Choi Seunghyun was a man who had helped Tiffany move on from him, who had loved her and showered her with all the attention Nichkhun had always given her in full, and Choi Seunghyun was deeply, deeply in love with Tiffany. That much, Nickhun knew, was sincere. 

Choi Seunghyun was what he could never be to Tiffany and so much more.

He had heard all of this no matter how hard he tried to avoid it. Tiffany was head over heels, happier than she had ever been with him, Seunghyun gave her the world and the two of them were perfect together.

 “So, you can make it for the wedding right?” Her voice was hopeful, and he could feel a dull ache in his chest. She was perfect, and he should be happy for her, because he still called her a friend and especially because he still loved her.

“Of course I will.” His words were hollow even as he promised to come back, to be a guest at the marriage of the girl he had once – still – loved to the man she now loved. “Of course I’ll come back for you.”

When the phone clicked at the end of the call, he just laughed faintly to himself with no real humour in the sound, falling back on the bed.

Tiffany had never been callous or malicious in any way, had been gentle through the whole conversation without being forced. Tiffany was always gentle despite being loud, even and especially when breaking hearts. But Nichkhun could tell that even though her kindness and friendship were genuine, she had put their relationship behind him a long time ago whereas he was still dwelling on the heartache its ending had brought.

And now she was getting married.

He had expected this, had known it would happen one day. Nichkhun found out about Tiffany and T.O.P through the grapevine when they started seeing each other months after Tiffany finished shooting her first movie with T.O.P, barely two years after Nichkhun broke up with her. When news about Tiffany and T.O.P. dating broke a year later, he had fled. He had stayed away for almost a whole year, hiding from the storm of gossip and pity that would descend on him.

He had known something like this would happen. Tiffany would be twenty-nine soon, and she had always told him it was her dream to be married and start a family with someone she loved before she reached thirty. 

He once thought it would be him, and he knew that it would never happen now but it didn't make it any easier to bear.

Nichkhun thought time would let him forget. He had no one to blame but himself.

His eyes shut, hiding the wet gleam even as he whispered to himself in the dark.

“Fool.”