If I had known how serious this thing is,

I should had just shut my mouth up that night.

I know those words are too harsh for her.

No one actually know the true side of her. She has a soft heart.

She is easy to cry. She is very sensitive. 

That soft heart of her, makes it hard for her to accept those harsh words.

But it's even harder to ask for apologies. Am I too heartless?

I think I am. I was too angry hearing all her reasons, compliments and everything that night until I can't control myself and let out all those words.

Which I didn't mean at all. I never mean it.

How can I explain everything back to her?

Since that, I can't see that simple smile on that face anymore.

That simple adorable smile which I've always keep in my mind.

Which I was captivated by it when the first time I met her 15 years ago.

It seems like after everything that happen, she's always went back to her parents home.

She's always be with her family, and her sister.

She's not here anymore. In our home. 

The last time I peeked into her room, she wasn't there.

Her bed is so clean, no grumps at all.

I've always remember seeing her in that room, in our home.

She's always there, on her bed, sleeping like there's no tomorrow.

She's always there, sitting at her desk while playing on her computer or write something in her diary

She's always there laying lazily on the couch at the corner of Tiffany's room, reading some fashion's magazine which belong to that eyesmile.

She's always there, sitting between Hyoyeon and Sunny at our dining table, eating breakfast together after had been dragged by Yuri, Seohyun and Yoona every morning.

She's always there, trying to help Yoona and Yuri cooking in our kitchen but end up nagging and complaining about almost everything.

She's always there, sitting on her favorite single couch screaming like crazy when nine of us were watching horror movie together.

She's always there, borrowing our maknae some of her best English novels and teach her how to pronounce every words well.

She's always there, in our home. 

Truthfully, I do feel her lost.

She's always there I swear,

She's the one who always hug me.

She's always there when I need someone to talk about random things and problems.

She's always there to fix my hair.

She's always there bring me some medicine and water when I have a headache. 

She's always there, smiling proudly at me when I reached my high note.

She's always put her shoes every where until I came and put it back to the right place.

She's always came home late at night as her schedule is always hectic, but I will always waiting until she show up at the door.

It was a long time ago until I can't see her shoes are everywhere in our home now.

There's no one I waited for to appear on the door late at night.

The sit between Hyoyeon and Sunny is always empty.

No one had ever laying lazily in Miyoung's room.

Maknae will just take her novel by her own and studied alone.

I never heard her nagging, screaming, her sweet voice when talking.

Her empty bed, empty desk.

My empty heart.

Goddd. I am terribly missing you.

Jessica...