“His name’s Jongin, I guess, huh?”

Sehun and I were sitting on a bench in the park by my house after I finally stopped crying in Sehun’s embrace. We both stayed silent for nearly twenty minutes.

But now he finally broke the silence with a question that I did not want to answer. Rather, he stated an obvious fact that one again brought an earthquake to my world. “Yeah,” was my pitiful answer.

We returned to muteness, but Sehun didn’t let it last long. “Why can’t you let it go?”

Why did you have to ask?

That was a question that I absolutely did not want to answer, or even consider. I was pathetic. I was supposed to let it go long ago, but it still marked every chain that bound my heart. I was beyond pitiful. Heck, I didn’t even deserve pity, not that I ever asked for it.

But I didn’t want to admit my inability to forget the past and first heartbreak, at least not to Sehun – at least not now. Abruptly, I rose from my seat and turned to leave, but Sehun took ahold of my trembling wrist. “Jen.”

“Let go.”

I felt his hand tense around my own, but I disregarded it. I was too shaken by his previous question that I refused to take his feelings into any consideration whatsoever. Was I offended? Was I apprehensive? Or was I defensive towards my genuine feelings?

“Jen-”

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply to contain the bubble of raging emotions that was threatening to burst any second. “Don’t.” His grip around me tightened once more before loosening significantly. “Don’t ask about my past. Don’t act like you care.” Because you’re not going to stay anyway.

I could not even explain to myself why I even thought about wanting him to stay, but I just did. Maybe I was just afraid of another person leaving me, just like Jongin did. After putting my heart on display for Sehun, I didn’t want him to leave just as Jongin did. We were simply friends, but he was a friend that I cherished. I never expected him to stay for the entity of my lifetime, so I found no need in tangling him with the loose, suffocating strings of my past when he simply could just go along his way without knowing about it.

With my previous statement – I didn’t know if Sehun was shocked or hurt – he released my wrist from his warm palm. I left without another thought of hesitance.

I thought about apologizing to Sehun for my rude words, but I found no courage within me. Apologizing was only going to invite more complications, so there was no point.

My phone vibrated in my back pocket, and without even looking I knew who the caller was.

Sehun.

There was no one else who would call me at this time of night, and it was Sehun’s signature habit to call me after anything he considered a misunderstanding or argument. I deliberately ignored his many calls and text messages to invite a night of insomnia.

Jongin was returning.

I shouldn’t care.

I shouldn’t care.

I did care.

I cared, but when I asked myself why, I was only faced with the fear of changes ensuing. Changes to my current life.

And only the face of one person appeared in my mind.