"그 것에,

내가 너와 바라보며 웃고 있어.."

"At that place, 
You and I are looking into each other, Smiling."

I was sleeping throughout the trip on our way to the next concert. Sehun was hugging me when I woke up like he was a child. This was memorable. I wanted to stay in his arms forever.

If only I could.

I could see Chanyeol harrassing Baekhyun once again. Baekhyun strangling Chanyeol with his earphones is so good to see they both look like couples or what-so-ever. I chuckled. I move my eyes around in the airplane to see other members. Chen who was laughing with Tao, and Minseok-hyung. Joonmyeon and Yifan who were sharing music together while sleeping, and my favorite OTP during my fanboy-ing times. Jongin and Kyungsoo. They're silently whispering weird things and then laugh. Whisper, chuckle, whisper, laugh. They're the most serious OTPs that I saw. Not serious but, 

Lay. Wait. Praying? Oh maybe for the upcoming concert. He's just to kind. He's quiet but he's getting serious on stage.

Seeing them is quite memorable to me. But now, OT12 has to be OT11 somehow. I need to go. I've realized that being with them too long is hard. Letting go over them so difficult. I don't know what to say later but I think the best thing to do is to announce it by myself.

After we have arrived in the airport, I was suprised to see fans cheering me on despite of betraying them somehow. I saw my fansites, and fans who are raising their banners so hard as they kept on cramming with the crowd. And as they chant EXO, I started to tear up.

Despite of that, I managed to smile throughout, until

We are already in the concert.

The VCR played in a sudden. The fans wearing their fandom shirt, and holding silver lightsticks are yelling already. Waving them as the music and the beat began to pumped in the speaker. Others were already crying, trying to yell so hard but they can't. Others are trembling.

Sorry I'm going to go with my own path. 

"My name is Luhan." They screamed with their lungs out. "I love you guys." They yelled my name once again. I bowed, close my eyes and pray. Thanking god for everything. Thanking god to let me see how good this world is. My tears started to drip and it fell right on my feet. Everyone saw me crying. They laugh because they taught I'm chuckling and laughing. But as I rubbed my eyes from tears, I heard them saying "No" and so I smiled. I tried to smile for them. Then Peter pan suddenly played. Everyone yelled.

"Wait...

I can't do this.

I'm very very sorry.." My tears start dripping on my face and they heard me sobbing in the microphone. Everyone stopped waving their silver lightsticks. The members stop suddenly as well during the chorus that we we're singing. It's like my heart was throbbing painfully and I can't breathe easily. I took a deep breath. "I-I'm not supposed to be here performing. I supposed to be there, up there, watching EXO as well. 
I'm a fanboy of EXO. 

I joined not because I wanted to share my talent with you guys... But to see Sehun...

I fell in love with him since I joined the fandom.. 

I didn't know himself before.. the real him.. And so that was the reason I joined. Stupid right? I know. I'm also selfish guy who only thinks about getting in the audition for Sehun.
But after I joined, we became friends, bestfriends, until Sehun fell with me as well and we became couples. There were many people that get in our way. They always disagree...

I've been in love.. 
I can't unlove him..

I was so happy beside him and we laugh together with members. When I saw him laughing, I will be happy. But maybe we can't be on that serious relationship.

Maybe we should be on that fan and bias relationship till the end. 

I ruined everything and I'm.. I'm very sorry. I've deserted my fans and think about only Sehun. I was so selfish. 
I didn't know who I am anymore. I can't remember..            what I really am before....

I miss the real me. I miss the real Luhan.." 
I, Sehun and the whole EXO was crying. I sat on the stage covering my face because I wanted to hide myself.. I was so embarrassed.. I'm the Luhan who was molded by the industry.. I hear the fans murmuring, whispering to each other. Wondering why and how this happened...Shocked about what I've said.. But others were crying as well.

Then I suddenly saw myself from different era on the big screen. From trainee days, from the audition, from the moments with them, with EXO.. and with my fans... But I think I won't be going on too far. I wouldn't be staying my life as an Idol.. 

"I'm not leaving because of my own sake. I'm leaving because I want to start all over again as a fan like you.

I'm really really sorry.

Sehun, I love you. I seriously love you but I'm going too far. I'm sorry..

EXO, I really had a great time from you guys. I learned to treasure everything that I have right now.

And to my fans.. God
you all are the best gift that He'd given me in my whole life. Thanks for everything. We will see each other again because it's not the end.

Even if my eyes is now blurry, I will still be smiling." I wiped my tears and I start to smile again.

"EXO FOREVER! WE ARE ONE." 

Peter pan played in the background and the fans cheered "괜찮아 [It's okay]". I hugged EXO once again. And for the last time, I kissed Sehun. 

"You would be still my bias what happened okay?.." He chuckled. His eyes are already swollen because of crying. 

I was happy for them because they accepted me in EXO whoever I am. I'm glad that I have friends like them. I love them. I love EXO. I love my fans.

Even though we were already broken, we will be together in the end.

After our last song, We came out, and we bowed to the fans that we treasured. Giving them happiness until the end.

"We are already late!" Yoon Bomi; Hunhan shipper that adore me, is already my friend. "Can you just wait?!" There are still many fans who would like to have a selca with them. But Bomi is like a security guard, "NO SELCA. IF YOU ALL WANT SELCA FROM THIS PRETTY MAN, IT COSTS $99. OKEH OKEH?! SO NO.NO." Everyone laughed. 

The problem is, we arrived at the venue at exactly 2pm. and the Concert will be starting on 7pm in the evening. It's alright but the banners and the lightstick we should buy might be sold out. I ran across, outside the venue. "Hello miss, Did you find anyone selling silver lightstick?!"

"LULULULULULULULULULULUUUAHAAAAAANNNN!!! HERE'S MY LIGHTSTICK." The girl trembled.

"Get it!" Bomi punched me.

"No. Sorry I want all EXO-Ls to have their lightstick. We should take our time to find someone who's selling."

I saw someone selling banners. I think it's a fansite. "Noona~ Give me banners please."

"God, of course!" She bowed and I as well bowed. "Lightsticcccksss!" 

"ME! ME!" 

We had a great time before concert.  And now. It's already 7pm! I was near in the X stage and I was screaming like hell. I've earned this ticket through my hardships and now~ I will see them agaaaaaiiin.

"CARELESS CARELESS" FUCCCCK! I waved my lightstick exaggeratedly and I yelled the lyrics instead of singing them. 

I wouldn't elaborate this concert more. Because I really had a great time!

"THANKS FOR EVERYTHING! AND LUHAN! I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU. I'LL SUPPORT YOU TILL THE END!" Sehun yelled in the microphone. 

"We might have been 11 in your eyes right now.

But who cares?!

WE WILL BE FOREVER 12 IN YOUR HEARTS. Because WE ARE ONE!" 
And the leader, Kim Joonmyeon shouted with Joy. We, fans, screamed as we waved our lightstick in the dim crowd,

to give light. To let the Silver Planet shine once again.