The week following Mina's attack and my paternity revelation was, to be honest, a blur. I had so many questions. Did my mother have an affair with Lee Jaemin, one of the most ruthless gang leaders? Why does Lee Jaemin's wife want my baby terminated or my life taken? If Jaemin is my real father, then Taecyeon is like my step brother because Lee Cara is his mother. Wooyoung and Mina are my half-brother/sister. 

Luckily for me, I was already past my first trimester and abortions have been completely rulled out. 

Unluckily for me, Baby and I are still in danger ... and I'm starting to show.

Jiho drives me to school every morning and is there to pick me up after school. Yongguk is there to walk me to almost all of my classes. It's getting tiring. My ex-boyfriend and father to my child is always in my face. The guy who clearly has feelings for me is always in my face. The classes I don't have with Yongguk, I skip. I don't want anyone to worry about me. I'm just sick of everyone worried about me. 

"I know you're tired." Came a voice. I looked up to see Luhan walk through the doorway. I was sitting on the rooftop. As always. "I can't begin to imagine your stress and pain." He said and sat beside me. Luhan and I skip the same periods so we come up here and sit for the hour. He's unbiased. I've told him everything and yet he's still my friend. 

"Do you think my dad knew?" I asked. 

"Yes ... and No. It's hard to tell. My family has known yours for so long, no one has ever figured him out. A simple looking smile from your dad could mean a thousand things." He smiled at me. "In a way, I think he did. Your dad might be a bit rough but he loves you, that much I can tell. If I found out my daughter was actually the daughter of the most ruthless gang member, I'd want to protect you from you ever finding out."

"What do I do? Wooyoung called him last night and told him everything, yet this news probably wasn't important to him, if it was, he would have come home. He's not home." 

"Give him some time, Luci." Luhan smiled at me and then the bell rang and we left. End of the school day. Thank God. 

I left the school grounds through the back ways. Jiho was waiting at the front of school and no doubt Yongguk was outside my classroom. I walked to a car rental place and rented a car for 6 hours and paid in cash. About 20 minutes into the drive I pulled over and texted Jiho. 

Needed some space. I'm fine. I'll be home before nightfall. 

Jiho tried to call me after I sent that text but I declined. He tried again. Decline. After 5 minutes I got a text.

Fine.

I smiled and put my phone away before I started the car up again and drove off. I parked the car a block away from the building I wanted to look at. I walked the block and stopped in front of a very tall, corporate building. I stood there for about 10 minutes. When someone walked out, they looked at me. 

"Can I help you?" He asked. I couldn't tell if it was politely asked or rudely. 

"Uhm, is ... is Lee Jaemin in this building?" I asked. 

"Who's asking?" He raised his eyebrow. 

"My boss was a family friend of his, she passed away." I stuttered, trying to come up with an excuse.

"Oh, yes, he is based in this building. He's not in at the moment, though. Wedding anniversary with his wife. He'll be back tomorrow." He smiled. All traces of dangerous thug, removed. 

"Okay. I'll come back then." I hesitantly smiled at him. 

"Okay." He replied and we both walked off in different directions. 

I sighed. Why did I decided to drive all the way out here? I should be at home. I walked back to the car, drove it back to the rental and walked home. The sun was beginning to set as I got home. 

"Where did you go?" Wooyoung asked me. 

"For a drive." I replied and walked to my room. I wasn't in the mood to argue. Wooyoung was the one who came up with the idea of having Jiho drop me off at school. Yongguk walking me to and from class was just voluntry. I hated this whole arrangment. I tend to look in the mirror every day now. I lift up my top and stare at my tummy. I'm only just starting to show and it feels more real. I rub my hand over my stomach. You're only gonna get bigger, I say to my tummy. As I lay on my bed I wonder what I'm having. I hope it's a boy, but i'd be just as happy if it's a girl. The fact that I'm already almost 14 weeks along is scary. 

I'm going to get out. I'm going to create a better life for myself and my child. I don't want this baby growing up the way I did. 

"Knock, knock." A voice said outside my door. 

"Come in." I replied, not moving. The door opened to reveal Hana. 

"Ohh, you're starting to show." Hana smiled. I smiled as well. "We haven't talked in a while." 

"I know and I'm sorry. I thought that you being at the same school would have given us a little more time to hang out but I'm always ditching class. I'm sorry." I said looking at the ceiling. Hana laid down beside me staring at the ceiling also.

"Don't apologize. Everything has been crazy. I understand." 

'How's Sarang?" 

"She's good. She's hasn't fought anyone since the last time." Hana smiled ... and then sighed. "Sometimes ... I just wish things were different. I wish I could bring Sarang up in a safer enviroment. I wish thatr we had normal parents. Anything but this." Hana said. 

"I want the same thing. I don't want to bring my child into this kind of life. Kid's not even born yet and he's already had his step-grandmother threaten him/her." I laughed saddly. "I want to get out and raise my child in a place they can call home. Where he/she can feel safest. I don't want this life for him/her." 

"What are we gonna do?" Hana asked thoughtfully. 

"I don't know." I sighed. 

We laid there staring at my ceiling for what seemed like hours. Hana even ended up staying the night. We talked about genders and baby names. We didn't find any that apprealed to me ... but we did find a possible middle name. 

'Haru'

~~~~

Okay, Hi. 

Okay, Bye.

xoxo