Chapter 8

Unattainable
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"Think of songwriting like... it's like dancing. A dancer dances and moves their body to the music according to the mood, rhythm, and beat. Same thing with songwriting but instead of using your body and music, you're using your mind and your emotions." Taemin nodded in certainty and placed his hands on his hips. "What emotions do you feel now?" Jin laughed lightly looking up at him and shook her head.

 

"I already know that Taemin." She said with an amused grin, "or at least I already knew that part. What I'm having trouble with is what I want to write about. The emotion that you're talking about isn't there, you know? The lyrics that usually just flood into my head just aren't coming this time which is extremely usual for me." Jin sighed lightly and leaned back against the wall. Taemin scratched his head as he ran over her predicament and hummed slightly as he sat down next to her.

 

"Well... when you're writing, what are you usually doing? Maybe the reason why you're having such a hard time right now is because something about you or about the situation is different." Jin cocked her brow at the idea and thought about it. Most times when she wrote, it was because she wanted to. It was because lyrics came to her spontaneously and innately, not because she had to. Now that she actually thought about it, her lyrics came on the moment depending on how she felt, what she saw, what she was doing. They didn't come just because she willed it to. She had to wait until it naturally flowed out of her brain and spilled onto the paper.

 

"You know Taemin," she said turning to him with an approving look, "You're kind of a genius." Taemin looked at her in surprise with a questioning look.

 

"I am?" He asked raising a brow. Jin chuckled at his confused expressions, finding it kind of adorable, and nodded her head in confirmation.

 

"When I wrote lyrics, it as always because I wanted to, not because I had to. This whole assignment is my road block right now." She explained, "because I'm forcing myself to think if lyrics my mind is creating this untimely case of writer's block. I'm not like a dancer where I can just turn on some music and start moving. I never thought about it but I guess... I just have to wait until I find the right moment or feeling or something... whenever that may be." Taemin cocked his brow skeptically and eyed her

 

"But aren't you on a deadline?" He asked, "Choi isn't a very patient person, you know that, right?" Jin mental parade silenced itself and she returned to her minor slump.

 

"Thanks for reminding me." She said with a slight huff, leaning against the wall again "another thing I have to worry about now." Taemin laughed in amusement and followed her actions.

 

"Sorry for that but I think it's good to consider all of the possible drawbacks to produce the best results. But, instead of sitting here and doing nothing, why don't you just... talk? Maybe something about what you say will spark a lyric or maybe a possible title." Jin shook her head and turned to him slightly as she placed her notebook aside.

 

"I've tried that." She began to explain, "but whenever I think of something, one thing comes to mind and I'm tired of writing about that. I want to... to branch out and find something else to base my songs off of."

 

"Well what were they before?” he asked with a tinge of curiosity, “what you wrote your songs about I mean.” Jin went quiet. She didn’t even realize that she had brought it up into their conversation. ‘Stupid move.’ her conscious told her. Jin swatted away the mockery in her mind and shrugged a bit.

 

“Just… well it was just a… lover that I had a few years ago.” she said vaguely, choosing her words carefully. Taemin however, regardless to the lack of information he god, perked up in mild interest. Quit honestly, Jin didn’t seem like the type to… well date. Of course she was a pretty girl, he couldn’t deny that aspect of her, but she seemed too dull. Too sheltered and protected. She seemed like the type of girl that most guys dated because they felt bad for her or something cliche like that.

 

“I’m assuming this is back in high school then?” he asked carefully, slowly trying to prod at her background. Jin sighed and nodded lightly trying to show that she didn’t want to talk about it. Taemin however, failed to see the subtle sign and continued to press on. “So I sense it’s storytime.” Jin couldn’t help but to laugh a bit at his sudden childlike behavior and found it hard to shut down his enthusiasm.

 

“It was back in my first year of high school.” she said letting out a breath, “We were in the same class but we were very different people. He was the typical handsome, popular boy that all of the girls had a crush on and I was the quiet, shy, nerdy girl that kept to herself. With some odd of luck, we were able to become friends and eventually, being the naive girl I was, I fell in love with him. We began dating until our third year of high school and that’s when things started to go wrong. By the end of the year, we had decided to go our separate ways. I was going away to America for college and he had rather large dreams for himself also. Even though to some it seems like a high school fling, it wasn’t to me. He really felt like… like ‘the one’ and I guess after we broke up, it took me a while to move on.” Taemin was a bit speechless once she had finished.

 

“Wow… it’s like you jumped out of some high school drama.” Taemin said, “It sounds so… so…--”

 

“Dramatic? Unrealistic? Over the top?”

 

“Actually, I was going to say cliche but i suppose that works too.” Taemin laughed softly and hummed. “At least you’ve been in love before. Me, I don’t think I’ve gone past the point of a strong like.” Jin looked at him puzzled and pulled her legs onto the bench, crossing them neatly.

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

“I mean like… I’ve never experienced something like what you’ve experienced before. That love that you were talking about. I’ve never even dated before and the closest i ever got to dating was when I did We Got Married with Naeun from Apink.”

 

“We Got Married?” Jin asked with a small giggle of amusement, “You mean that show where they pair you up with another celebrity and you have to act like a married couple?” Taemin nodded with a smile.

 

“Yeah. That was the first time I had a romantic relationship with a girl.” he said with some nostalgia, “It was great, you know? I liked her, a lot, but we weren’t on the show long enough to really, and I mean, really develop feelings for each other. She was someone that I grew to care about. I don’t really know if I’ve really loved before but I felt something those days we spent together.” Jin smiled at his longing expression and at that moment, the look he had on his face was something that she recognized. She knew that look in his eyes and the expression on his face. That moment of the sudden emotion of love that flooded the chest and mind and made you think about all of the good times you spent with them, made you feel all the emotion you felt with them, made you want what you used to have even though you knew that you couldn’t have it.

 

“But that’s all in the past now.” He said suddenly, breaking out of his trance. “We’ve both moved on and we’re just friends now.” Jin gave him and encouraging grin and punched his shoulder lightly.

 

“See? You have experienced something like love before.” she said in a joking manner.

 

“Yeah, but

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miss_anonymous
omg...... i make so many mistakes... pleas leave a comments when you guys get absolutely fed up with my typos.

Comments

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WingMi18 #1
Chapter 17: ... also waiting for follow up chapters...
WingMi18 #2
Chapter 17: ... also waiting for follow up chapters...
Baekhyunsoul
#3
Chapter 17: Hi! It’s 2020 and I hope you’re doing well. Will you be updating this story this year? I really love the development of the characters and would love to see how you’re going to tangle or untangle to Taemin-Jin-Jongin thread
anshnnii #4
Chapter 17: author-nim plz update ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
BoiceShawol
#5
We miss you author-nim..
Please update. ???
pudding_islove #6
Chapter 17: AFTER READING BOTH BOOKS. I CAN THEREFORE CONCLUDE. I SHIP HER WITH TAEMIN! PLEASE UPDATE
pudding_islove #7
Chapter 17: SO I JUST FOUND OUT THIS BOOK HAD A PREQUEL. DUDE UPDATE PLEASE.
WordsOfLove
#8
Chapter 17: Wow, Jin's father is an - he got a woman he genuinely had feelings for pregnant but had no ounce of love towards his only child?? I don't get how people don't feel anything or hate an innocent child. I kind of thought something like this was the case but damn I didn't want it to be true (I actually thought Jin wasn't biologically their child at all). Honestly, I'm rooting for Kai and Taemin - I think either would be good for her and to her. I also feel for Jin about abandonment issues when it comes to friendships - it's a blow to your self esteem/worth especially as long as they were friends.
BoiceShawol
#9
Chapter 17: UPDATE PLEASE ... TT
LauraB9612
#10
Chapter 17: I hope Jongin and Jin can have happy ending together ~ please don't break up them, TEAM KAI (^.^) <3