Himchan turned to Yongguk once Junhong and Jongup went into Junhong's room and shut the door. Giving their parents the space to talk, Yongguk wanted to start the conversation.

“Himchan-” before he could get any further, a thunderous snap was heard in the dead silence of the apartment. Himchan panted slightly as he composed himself after giving Yongguk a slap across the face – a slap that he's been holding back for five years. Yongguk's cheek burned from the vicious slap, he gently touched his cheek before pulling away fast. Cheek sensitive, Yongguk turned back towards Himchan and looked at him in the wide eyes.

“You don't even understand how long I've been waiting to give that to you – you lying, cheating son of a . You're so damn lucky that's what I gave you instead of killing you.”

“Himchan-ah..please let me explain. Let me explain.” Yongguk pleaded with Himchan as his eyes followed Himchan as the mother paced back and forth like a caged tiger waiting to be let out.

“Please explain. Please explain to me why, why you had taken that to our special spot! That bridge, that park, that temple was ours! No one else's!”

“Himchan, I am so sorry. You have no idea how much remorse I have been carrying for the last five years. I know it won't be easy to gain your trust back. I was in a bad place and in a bad frame of mind when everything went downhill - when you caught me at the bridge.” Yongguk sighed heavily, he could feel heaviness in his eyes. “I had gotten suspended from TS Entertainment for getting into a fight and for using.” Himchan looked at him wide eyed.

“You what!”

“I...I used Himchan. I needed a high to get away from the tension of being suspended.” Himchan ran his hand through his hair in frustration. His husband, at the time, had used drugs while he had children waiting at home for him? Right then and there, Himchan wanted to kill Yongguk.

“I can't believe you. You did that scumbag when you had kids at home! Innocent, young children that have no clue what that is! What happened to our wedding vows? Tell me that one Yongguk. Where no matter what, in sickness and in health we would stand by one another...why. I should send you to ing jail for putting Jongup and Junhong in harm's way.”

“I wouldn' blame you either. I would do the same thing Himchan.”

“What did you use?” Himchan asked suddenly. “Tell me what you used Yongguk. Tell me the truth.” Yongguk shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Speed.”

“ing damn it Yongguk.” Himchan paced more as he walked over to the glass window, in attempt not to strangle the man in front of him. “Is that why you were with that too? Was she your little dealer for that toxic ?” A thought clicked in Himchan's head as he turned to Yongguk and looked at the man across the room. “You...you had no money to pay because of the wedding and hospital bills from the kids, for that – you sold yourself to get it. Didn't you Yongguk?”

“Himchan.”

“Tell me Yongguk!”

“Yes, yes I did!” Yongguk cracked as he dropped to his knees with tears in his eyes. Himchan looked down at the man in front of him. He felt no remorse. He felt nothing but pure aggression.

“Yongguk, you had everything. You had it all. A well paying job, benefits, a loving family and you threw it all away for a simple high to escape. To get away because TS Entertainment did the right thing by suspending you for a fight.” Himchan scoffed. “You make me sick.”

“Himchan, please.. I need you. I need you more then anything right now Please forgive me.” Yongguk pleaded as tears fell from his eyes. Walking over slowly, Himchan's feet came into view of Yongguk as he looked at the ground – he didn't dare look up.

“Look at me Yongguk.” Raising his head, Yongguk looked at Himchan in the eyes. “Tell me the truth when I ask you this. In the five years of divorce and separation...have you used?”

“No. I wanted too so badly when you left with Jongup...I refused as best as I could. The urge kept calling me but I didn't want Junhong to see me like that. I didn't want him to see his daddy in a ed up state.”

“You've been clean ever since?” Yongguk nodded as he sat up on his knees. Himchan's thoughts rushed through his head. “ Do not lie to me Yongguk. If you are lying, do not think I will hesitate to take both children and leave you in the dust. Now...I'll ask again. Have you used since the divorce?”

“Only one time since then. I promise.”

“You had better be telling the truth.” Himchan looked at Yongguk.”

“I love you so much Himchannie. Every day, every day since you left – I never stopped looking for you. TS let me off my suspension and I returned to work for the sake of Junhong. The day at the sandbox, when he ran over and grabbed me – the excitement in his eyes were unreal. I thought he had a made a simple friend he was excited about. It was more than a friend. Junhong found his brother and when I looked up, you were there. Junhong and Jongup had brought us back together after all of this time.” Yongguk stated. “Please Himchan, I will do anything in my damn will power to make you understand what my heart feels for you. It beats this fast just for you, no one else besides you and the kids. I need your help Himchan. I am so sorry for all the bull and heartbreak I put you through.” The producer was in tears as he spilled his heart back out to Himchan. “Can you ever forgive me?”

Himchan looked at Yongguk with a stone facial expression. After all of these years, Yongguk still loved him. As strange as it was, Himchan felt something again. From the few weeks the family was together, the accidental kiss on the cheek, and seeing how happy their children were – Himchan's heart felt a pang. A good pang.

“Appa? Umma?” The boys called from the doorway.

“Appa, why are you like that?” Junhong asked. “Appa stop crying!” The youngest ran over and hugged his father, nuzzling into his chest. Yongguk wrapped his arms around Junhong and held him close. Jongup wasn't far behind as he ran over and hugged Yongguk as well. Joining the hug, Jongup and Junhong continued to ask what was wrong with their father.

“Boys,” Himchan started. “your father and I had to talk about adult problems-”

“Himchan, may I?” Yongguk asked with a slightly serious tone in his voice. Himchan nodded slowly as he gently backed off of the topic. Letting go of the boys, Yongguk had positioned them in front of him and placed each hand on the outside of the boys' shoulders. “Boys, I am going to tell you something okay? Please listen to appa, just for a few seconds.”

“Okay appa.” They chorused.

“The reason I am crying is because I told umma what happened five years ago that caused us to be separate for one another. Remember when we told you at the park that you were brothers? It's because umma and I got something that's called a divorce.”

“Is divorce a disease appa?” Jongup asked inquisitively. Yongguk slightly chuckled at the question.

“No it's not, although it felt like one for a while. A divorce is when umma and appa are married but sign a paper that we are no longer married.” The boys looked at Yongguk confused. “It'll be easier to understand when you get a little bit older. I told umma that I did something really, really bad and he scolded me just like when we scold you two for doing something bad at school or not picking up after your toys.”

“Why did you do that appa?” Junhong asked.

“Umma doesn't like being mad, appa. Did you say sorry?” Jongup added.

“Yes I did, but I don't know if umma forgives me yet. So, this is what we are going to do. We both are going to give you both dinner and tuck you two into bed. Umma and I will talk more and then, only then, will umma decide what's good for the family, okay?” Yongguk asked as the boys nodded in response. “Let's go into the kitchen and we'll make you guys some mac n' cheese.” Standing up, Yongguk headed out to the kitchen but not without Junhong and Jongup talking to Himchan.

“Umma, please don't be mad at appa anymore. He misses you a lot! He didn't mean what he did.”

“Yeah umma! Appa is sorry! Give appa a spank on the like you do me!” Jongup added enthusiastically. Himchan let out a little chuckle as he followed the boys into the kitchen.

Time passed and both boys were stuffed with cheesy goodness and were crawling into Junhong's bed. Covering them up with the small comforter, Yongguk leaned over.

“Kisses goodnight boys.” He gave them both kisses on their cheeks and then the boys gave him a kiss in return simultaneously on separate cheeks. Backing away, Himchan was next.

“Good night boys. Sleep well.”Himchan gave them kisses on their noses and they returned their kisses back. Turning on the nightlight and leaving the door slightly opened, Himchan and Yongguk said goodnight one last time before flicking the switch off. Heading out to the living room, both adults sat on the couch. No one wanted to speak but they knew it had to happen.

“I am not happy with you Yongguk, you understand this right? I do not condone what you have done and I don't want that around our children.” Yongguk looked at his feet, listening with a clear ear on what Himchan was saying. “I am not saying I forgive you a hundred percent yet or that I want to jump into your arms and get re-married, but – what I am saying is, thank you for coming clean on what you did. I admire that and I hope the boys will get that from you. Truth. I accept your apology.”

“Thank you Himchan. I appreciate that you accept my apology. I promise that I will never, ever do anything like that again. I hated myself for so long after that day.” Yongguk started to cry again, but they were happy tears. “When you came back into my life...I was astounded. How well Jongup had grown and his mannerisms. What you had done as a single mother...I could only imagine. I want to be there every step of the way from here on out. For you and the kids. Please Himchan, accept this.”

“I do Yongguk-ah. I do accept.” Himchan pulled Yongguk in for a hug, letting the elder cry on his shoulder. Before they both knew it, they were asleep on the couch in each other's arms

How is it that people cling to their grief, and yet- are able to forgive even the ones they hated?

~~

How was that everyone? Good? Yes?

<3