.o0o.

Title: It’s Complicated
Author: Natalie1093
Characters: Kim Youngwoon/Kangin&&YOU

.o0o.
“The things in life..”

“That you so badly want…”

“Are the things..”

“That you can never have..”

“Why?”

“Because…”

“It’s complicated.”

.o0o.

“Wake up.” A soft,raspy voice said. I opened my eyes and closed them again. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

“Aish.” I heard the voice say. I ignored it and concentrated on getting back to sleep.

“Kangin ah, I’ll take the bathroom first and leave. Okay?” The voice said, I nodded and went back to sweet slumber.

Moments later, I heard the closing of the bathroom door. I then heard the shuffling of feet, walking towards the hotel room door and hear it open and close with a bang.

I open my eyes and sit up and I let out a sad sigh.

“ Chun _____, are we always going to be like this?” I said to myself and looked at the door she just closed.

.o0o.

“I’m home!” I shout as I enter the 12th floor dorm room. I see Leeteuk hyung trying to write a letter to the girl he loved, as always he’s stuck and has been like that for how many years now. I see Hankyung hyung reading the same book he always reads and he lifts his head up to welcome me. I pass by Heechul hyung’s room and I hear him play the same song on his piano for how many years also. I know what my other two hyungs went through, Heechul hyung however, refuses to tell us. My hyungs, my dongsaengs don’t need to know, why I come home at this time, they knew the reason, the 2 reasons: Schedules and HER.

I enter my room and looked at the paper crane Yesung hyung made for me, I also know what he went through and his obsession with making paper cranes. I sigh, we, Super Junior, love our job, our members, and our fans. But sometimes, we wish to be with the one we love, to be able to hold them close and not worry with being disturbed by camera flashes and screaming.

I walk towards my desk and open the drawer and take out a picture. I smile at the photo and run my thumb on the face of the picture, that beautiful face. The beautiful face, of the beautiful scarlet of Korea, the famous Chun _______.

“Our agreement, don’t forget.”

I hear her voice saying that, my heart wrenched. Yes, I’m in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. Who has casual rendezvous with me secretly at night, and leaves me alone in bed the morning after. Why did I agree to this?

“Because I love her.” I answer myself and I sigh. How did this happen?

[ Flashback ]

I wandered around SBS studios, I was bored. In an hour, me and my bandmates from Super Junior who just debuted, were again here going to perform “ Knock Out”. Luckily, we were accepted and loved. Hooray! I wandered into room, it seemed like no one was there, I sneakily went inside, there seemed to be a person that occupied this room. I shrugged and thought that person was out.

“Oi, what are you doing here?!”

I gluped and took a deep a breath, I was a newbie in this industry and right now, this person would probably be my sunbae and would scold me. I slowly turn around to see, Leeteuk hyung with a lady behind him.

“Leeteuk hyung..With a girl?” I thought. Leeteuk hyung’s girl couldn’t be here. But who is this behind him?

“Leeteuk-sshi, it’s alright. He’s just curious.” The woman said as she stepped out behind Leeteuk hyung. My breathing stopped, heart beat raced, I’ve seen her in TV before, but never in person and never would I think that I when I’d meet her, I would have this weird feeling inside me.

“But, _______ sunbae..” Leeteuk said but he got cut off by her. Leeteuk hyung is Super Junior’s leader, he was supposed to look after us, but like I said, I sneaked off. Ah, I’m going to get scolded by not ______ sunbae, but by Leeteuk hyung.

“ I’m sorry, Chun _______ sunbae.” I apologized and bowed 90 degrees to her. She looked at me and let out a melodious laugh. My heart skipped a beat.

“Yah, stand up. And you, don’t call me sunbae, call me noona.” She said as she pats my head. I looked at her, she’s a very pretty noona. No wonder she’s Korea ’s Scarlet. She turns around and faces Leeteuk and pointed her finger at him.

“Leeteuk-sshi, don’t call me sunbae either, we’re the same age you know.” She said and Leeteuk hyung smiled and nodded. Not only was ______ noona pretty but she’s also kind.

“ ______ sunbae, ah. _______-sshi. Thank you for helping me look for Kangin.” Leeteuk hyung thanked _____ noona and pushed me out of the door. Before Leeteuk hyung could fully close the door, I saw a glimpse of _____ noona’s sad face.

“Noona, don’t be sad” I thought.

.o0o.
I sighed and put the picture back inside the drawer and closed it. Then I heard a knock on my door. I turn around in time to see my door being opened. I saw Shindong’s head sneaking up.

“Hyung, Heechul hyung’s looking for you.” Shindong said and closed the door. Lately, Shindong keeps going out and comes home with cookies. I shrugged and left it be. I got up and proceeded to Heechul hyung’s room.

Before I entered his closed room, I stood outside his door. I can hear him playing “Remember”. That was the title of the song he keeps playing, according to what Hankyung hyung said. None of us ever dared to touch that piece of paper; we were afraid what Heechul hyung would do. Even nosy people, know their limits. Even almost all members know each other’s story but there were things that we don’t ask. Like why Leeteuk hyung likes to go to the playground near the dorm and watch or even play with the kids that play with the merry-go-round. Or why Hankyung hyung keeps reading the same book and why Yesung hyung won’t stop making paper cranes and putting them in a bag. And they don’t need to ask where I go at night, they already know.

“Hyung, I’m here.” I said as I opened the door. For a moment, I heard Heechul hyung play the song. It seemed perfect, but he says he keeps making mistakes. He said, that the woman that made him that song, was the only one who can play it. Hyung and that woman must really love each other. I wonder if noona would write a song for me too.

He stopped playing and turned around to face me, he motioned me to sit down on his bed. I nodded and followed his order. I sat down and looked at Heechul hyung. He looked at me with a concerned expression and let out a sad sigh.

“Kangin ah, you can’t do this forever.” Heechul hyung said. I stayed silent, I knew what he meant. I knew the members think of that but won’t say anything. Like always, if Heechul wouldn’t say it, who would?

“I know hyung.” I replied. He pats my shoulder and lets out a sad sigh.

“You have to let go,while you can If not, you’ll find yourself not able to let go with no escape.” Heechul hyung said. I looked at him with curiosity, why should I let go?

“Why hyung, have you let go?” I asked him. I shut up immediately, instead of getting angry, Heechul had an even sadder expression.

“That’s why I’m telling you now, before it’s too late. Leeteuk hyung, Me, Hankyung, Yesung and even maybe the other members we’re already into too deep. We can’t escape.” Heechul hyung said. I knew what he meant, it wasn’t like he didn’t love the girl he was with but He just doesn’t want me to see me as broken as everyone else.

“I understand hyung.” I said. That’s what I can only say. But in my mind, Heechul hyung was too late. I also was in too deep. Heechul hyung smiled at my answer and ruffled my hair. He turned his back and proceeded to play again, not minding if I stay and listen or go when I please. As I sit back on hyung’s bed and listen to him, Memories come into view...

[ Flashback ]

*CRASH*

I turned my head around. It’s been a month since I first met _____ noona. I was looking for a chance to see her, so every time Super Junior gets to perform, I find a chance to sneak around and see if she was in the same building. This time, we were finished and since I was lucky enough to not have anything in my schedule, I decided to stay a bit.

“Is anyone there?” I called out. I slowly opened a door; it seemed to be a dressing room. I heard sobbing and thought if I should leave. But being the nosy person that I am, I just had to know who it was.

“Is anyone here?” I called out again as I slowly entered the room and took slow and safe steps. I could hear the sobs clearly now. I walked slowly and carefully until I stood in front of a crying, drunk _____ noona. My heart ached her to see her sad.

“ Noona, don’t be sad.” I said. I finally said it, the words I wanted to say to her last time. Noona, what are you saying? Who hurt you? Noona, don’t cry. Noona, don’t drink. Noona..

“Kangin ah..” She slurred, alcohol has certainly taken over her system. Hurt was present as tears streamed down her face. I can’t help it, I sank down on my knees and hugged her tight. When I hugged her tight, she cried again.

“Kangin ah, what’s wrong with me? Kangin ah, am I not pretty enough? Am I not successful enough? Am I really just not that enough?” Noona cried out, my heart ached and I held her tighter. Noona was perfect, why would she think she’s not enough?

“Noona, don’t say that.” I said as I caressed her hair and made her look up at me. Noona’s eye color was a beautiful chocolate brown. She let out a sniff and looked at me innocently, Noona can’t be older than me, and she seems younger than me.

“Kangin ah..” _____ noona said but I cut her off with a kiss. I knew I shouldn’t have kissed her. I know I should’ve held back but ever since I laid eyes on her, I knew.

“Noona’s the one.” I thought to myself and deepened our kiss.

.o0o.

“This is wrong.” Noona said, as she realized what we had done the night before. She got up and covered herself with a blanket and scrambled around.

“Noona.” I called out her. She froze in place and turned around to face me.

“Kangin ah, I’m sorry.” Noona apologized.

“Noona, I don’t regret anything.” I said as I stood up, I also covered myself up with another blanket. I don’t need to explain to you what happened. After the kiss, we suddenly checked in an unknown hotel and you know the rest.

“But..” ____ noona began to say. Again, I cut her off with a kiss. I pulled away and look down at her as she blushes. I smile at her and envelope her into a hug.

“I.. I want to continue seeing you.” I confessed. She froze in place. My heart beat went faster. I don’t know what I was doing but there’s no stopping from now on.

“…” Noona didn’t say anything. She just stood there, letting me hug her. At least, she wasn’t pushing me away.

“I promise Noona, I’ll mend your heart. And hopefully, when that happens I hope you let me in.” I said and I hugged her tighter.

[ End of Flashback ]

I stood up and left Heechul hyung’s room and decided go back to my room. I went back to my desk and opened the drawer. No, I wasn’t going to take out the picture. I reached for the small velvet box nect to it and took it out. As the velvet box rests on my hands. I opened it and smiled at the sight inside.

Inside, was my grandmother’s engagement ring.

[ Flashback ]

It’s been 4 to 5 years since Super Junior’s debut. I am currently working on our 3rd album and just left “We got married” after being a part of artificial couple. By those 6 months, I haven’t seen or heard from her. I had this feeling in my gut that something was wrong. Noona was over the “not enough” thing. But now, this problem she might have, is scaring me. Noona, what’s going on?
I heard a knock on my door. I sighed and turned around.

“Come in.” I said. I watched as the door opened. My eyes widened at the sight. There in front of me, was Chun _____ noona. I directly stood up and hugged her. I reluctantly pulled away and grabbed her hand and sat her on the bed and sat next beside her.

“Noona, where have you been?” I said. I looked at her, observed every feature of her. She was still beautiful, as what is expected from her. But she looked thinner. Bags under her eyes were obvious. She looked like she was being chased. She looked afraid.

“What’s wrong?” I said as I hold her hand. At the second I touched her hand she instantly pulled away and lifted her hand. I looked at her in shock, her face had fear and panic written all over. I looked at her wrist, it was covered with a tight bracelet but I could see a bit of violet in her wrist. It couldn’t be from her bracelet, because it was black.

She quickly recovered and let down her hand and smiled at me softly. Like nothing was wrong.

“Nothing’s wrong.” She softly said. I nodded and didn’t say a word. Suddenly she put her hands on my cheeks and made me look into her eyes. Her beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

“Kangin ah, let’s make an agreement.” Noona said and I nodded.

“If one wants to let go, the other has to let go and part ways. Without looking back.” Noona said. I pull away from her.

“Noona, what are you saying?” I asked her. She looks at me, like what a mother would look when her child didn’t understand. She reaches out to me and caresses my cheek with her hand.

“Kangin ah, please?” She said. Her voice was pleading, her eyes watery. My heart ached at the agreement but it ached even more seeing her like this. I nodded in response. She smiles at me sadly and hugs me.

““Our agreement, don’t forget.” She said .

“Noona, saranghae.” I told her as I wrapped my arms around her. She then pulled away and smiled at me.

“ Saranghae.” She replied back. My aching heart was healed right away. I then leaned in and gave her a kiss.

[ End of Flashback ]

I smiled and closed the velvet box and placed it on my desk. I stood up and went to take a shower. After my shower, I dressed formally and walked over my desk to get the velvet box and put it inside my pocket. I smiled a myself.

I then went out of my room and proceeded to the door. On the way, Shindong returned with his cookies, he was eating it sadly. I glanced at the sofa and saw Hankyung hyung reading the same book. I knew Leeteuk was either busy with his schedules or at the playground. I noticed another paper crane on the coffee table. I knew the others were also busy.

“Hankyung hyung, Shindong, I’ll be going out.” I said and both them nodded in response, both were concentrating on their own things. I then proceeded again to the door and passed by Heechul hyung’s room, I could still hear him play “Remember”.

“You have to let go,while you can If not, you’ll find yourself not able to let go with no escape.”

Heechul hyung’s voice rang in my head. I shook my head and got out of the dorm.

.o0o.

“Kangin?” _____ noona said, as she enters the room. Her eyes widened in shock at the sight. In front of her was me, dressed formally. Rose petals on the floor, the lights were off and candles that were lit were all around.

“Wha..” Noona wanted to ask but I cut her off.

“This was the place where I first met you. In this place, you made my heart beat so fast that I thought it might pop out my chest. You’re the one noona.” I said. She looks at me with teary eyes. I got down on one knee and took out the velvet box and opened it, revealing my grandmother’s wedding ring to her. She covered with her hands as she looked down at me. I look up at her and smiled.

“Noona, will you marry me?”

Noona cried even harder. I stayed on one knee waiting for her. She looked at me with sad eyes.

“Get up and let me go.” She said. My heart stopped. I looked at her with hurt and confusion. She tried to stop crying.

“Get up and let me go.” She repeated. I didn’t move.

“Noona, why?” I said, my heart ached. Tears started to fall. She looked at me with those sad eyes. This time, I don’t understand anything. She kneels down at the same level as me.

“I’m sorry. Please get up and let me go.” She said as looked down.

“Noona..”

“Please! I’m pleading! Let me go and forget about me. This is for you, please understand.” She pleaded. My heart broke into pieces.

“But noona.. why?” I said. She looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“Our agreement, don’t forget.” She said. And at that, I understood. I promised her, I knew I had to keep it. But then, I wanted to plead to her and make her change her mind. But noona, she will never change what she has decided upon.

“Noona, why are you doing this?” I asked. She looked at me with tears with the look that a mother would give to her child.

“It’s complicated.” She said. I leaned on to her and gave her one last kiss. She kissed back, she also reluctant to let go. While I was kissing her, I slipped the velvet box and my grandmother’s engagement ring in her hand and pulled away. The ring will only belong to her, only to her.

“Noona, saranghae.” Was the last thing I said. I stood up and with a heavy yet broken heart I went out of the room. In the hallway, I walked around like a zombie. I think I passed by noona’s manager, but I didn’t care.

“It’s complicated.”

Her voice repeated in my head.

.o0o.

“Kangin ah..” ____ cried out in the room. Her heart hurt, she had to hurt the boy she loved in order to save him.

“Kangin ah..” ___ _ cried even harder. Suddenly, the door opened. _____ hoped in her heart it was Kangin but she was wrong. ____’s face had fear and panic written all over her face.

“M-manager..” ___ stuttered. _____’s manager motioned her to get up. ____ did what she was told. Her manager turned her around to face the mirror. As soon as she faced the mirror, her manager placed his head on her shoulder and caresses her shoulder with his hand. ____ felt disgusted.

“Did you tell him to let go?” Her manager asked. _____ felt like crying but nodded in response. Her manager had a sick smirk on his face.

“Good girl, now manager oppa, won’t have to kill Kim Young-woon.” ____ ‘s manager said as he continues to caress her shoulder.

“Kim Young-woon, is the only one I’ll love.” _____ bravely said. Her manager frowned and pulled away from her and turned her to face her and slapped her hard. _____ held back her tears as her manager again turned her back to the mirror and put his head back on her shoulder.

“What did you say when he asked about your reason for leaving him?” ____ manager asked as he caressed yet again her shoulder.

“It’s complicated.”

.o0o.

“The things in life..”

“That you so badly want…”

“Are the things..”

“That you can never have..”

“Why?”

“Because…”

“It’s complicated.”

.o0o.

Author’s Note: Uwaa~ I’m finally done. : ) I had kind of a hard time doing this oneshot since bad things kept happening to me. Lol. I got my report card yesterday, and guess what? I PASSED ALL MY SUBJECTS~! Yey~!!! So happy. : D

Oh, for those who want to apply for minor roles for my fic “LOVE LETTER” check out the episode list to see which guest will be appearing for that episode and there’s an application form for the minors.

Link: www.winglin.net/fanfic/Natalie1093

Ohh.. what do you think of the poster and background for the oneshots? I made it myself. Haha.

Please comment. : D

Take Care~