.o0o.
Title: I swear
Author: Natalie1093
Characters: Choi Siwon&&YOU
.o0o.

“I try to remember you..”

“But I try not to remember the pain..”

“The pain of losing you..”

“To a person who is better than me..”

“But if could turn back time..”

“I will..”

“And If I could say the things I was supposed to say..”

“I will…”

“And if I could have that chance with you again..”

“I will…”
“Make things the way they’re supposed to be..”

“Because I promised to be loyal to you…”

“Because I promised to worship you…”

“Because I love you…”

“I swear..”

.o0o.

I remember when we used to be kids, innocent and happily playing all the time. I remember when I first entered elementary school and when you begged me to say in preschool. I remember when I fought of those bullies who apparently had a crush on you when we were both in elementary. I remember when I took you out for our first date and kissed during Middle School and I remember how I confessed to you under the stars on the School dance. I remember how I promised you that I’d marry you someday when I was 5 and you were 4.

How I wish I kept that promise…

.o0o.

“And…cut! Good work everyone. Let’s call it a day.” The Director said. I stood up from my seat and ran out of the filming sight and quickly got inside the car. My manager and I were very late, for a very important meeting.

My Umma’s birthday is today.

While the car started moving, I hurriedly took out my phone and saw I had 12 different text messages. I opened them one by one, they read:

“Siwon-ah, we’re here already. Where are you?” – Jungsoo hyung

“Simbaaaaaa~ where are youuuuu~ Chullie hyung is looking for you. Yah! Hurry up, it’s your Umma’s birthday remember?” – Heechul hyung

“Siwon ah…where are you? We’re waiting for you.” – Hangeng hyung

“Siwon ah… I think you’re still filming…Are you? We’re here already.” – Jong-woon hyung

“Kid.. get here as soon as you can. Araso?” – Youngwoon hyung

“Siwon, I’m hungry. T_T “ – Donghee hyung

“Siwon ah, The members and I are here, you’re the only one we’re waiting for. I hope you finish you’re filming soon. You’re umma is looking for you.” –Sungmin hyung

“Siwon ah~ When are you coming here~?” –Hyukjae hyung

“Siwon ah, where are you? Are you still filming?” – Donghae hyung

“Hyung, the hyungs are looking for you and your umma too. They’re asking what time you’ll be done filming.” – Ryeowook

“Hyung, I know filming takes a long time. Don’t worry, we’ll be waiting and keep your mom company.” – Kibum

“Hyung, Leeteuk hyung told Heechul hyung who told Hankyung hyung who told Yesung hyung who told Kangin hyung who told Shindong hyung who told Sungmin hyung who told Eunhyuk hyung who told Donghae hyung who told Ryeowook hyung who told Kibum hyung who told me to tell you to hurry up ‘cause the party is starting and you’re late.” – Kyuhyun

I chuckled at the messages, they’re really funny. I put my phone back in my pocket and wished I could go there faster. I live with my parents, but since I’m always busy I don’t get to see them. The members, I visit them at their dorm and see them during activities. But since all of are busy and have problems of our own, we couldn’t be with each other much.

On our way back to my home, I forgot to look away. I forgot to look away, from one of the places that will hurt me. I forgot to look away from the place where I first saw her and met her. I forgot to look away from the place where I promised her. I forgot to look away from the place where I was supposed to marry her.

The church.

[ Flashback ]

“Siwon ah.” My mother calls me, it was after church and I was playing with some boys around my age. I quickly said goodbye to them and ran towards my mother. She pats my head as sign of her satisfaction of my obedience. I look up at her happily.

“Omo, is this your son? He’s so handsome!” A voice exclaimed. I looked up and saw a lady in front of us.

“Siwon ah, why don’t introduce yourself?” My mother told me. I nodded and took a step forward and introduced myself.

“ahn nyeong ha se yo, Choi Siwon imnida.” I introduced myself brightly.Aeygo alert!

“Aigooo~ so charming he is. You and your husband must be so proud to have such a handsome son.” The lady said, my mother gave out her melodious laugh. I looked up at her and smiled, I always loved my mother’s laugh.

“Oh, this is my daughter. Han _______. “ The lady stepped aside to reveal a small girl behind her. The small girl was shocked at her mother’s sudden move. She quickly ran behind her mother to hide.

“Siwon ah, you’re her oppa, you should play with her.” My mother suggested, I nodded in obedience receiving another pat on my head. I took a step forward and went behind her mother and held her hand in mine.

“______ ah, let’s play.” I told her , she looked up with her big eyes. My heart started to pound, my 5 year old heart didn’t understand this feeling yet, therefore, I just ignored it.

Little did I know, I fell love at first sight with Han _________.

[ end of flashback ]

As we pass by the church I unknowingly touched my necklace, it was a cross. No, this wasn’t one of the things that the stylists make us wear, this necklace is special.

Yeah, this thing will always be special.

[ Flashback ]

“ Siwon oppa..” _____ called me. I looked at her and smiled.

“ What is it, ______?” I said. She looks down nervously; I raised an eyebrow and tap her shoulder.

“Are you going out with Kim So Eun sunbae?” ______ asked out of nowhere. I paused for a moment and a smirk formed.
“Why? Are you jealous?” I asked and at the same. She looked away but I was sure she was blushing, seeing a hint of pink on her cheeks.

“N...No...I’m just asking.” She answered quietly, hinting sadness to what she said. I laughed out loud. She looked back at me with shock and confusion written on her face.

“Ah..______ ah, I’m not dating her. She’s just my classmate…” I said, I could see her smiling abit. I smiled even more.

“I like someone else..” I continued, I took a peek to see her face change.

“Oh.” She said, her voice sound disappointed, she turned away again.

“I think you know who she is.” I said, watching her every move. She was fidgeting at where we sat. We were at her living room, watching television until she asked me the So Eun question.

“I’m going to confess her tomorrow at our school dance. “ I told her. She kept silent while she closes her hands into fists and her knuckles go white. I felt bad for lying at her, but I had to. If I confessed now, it would be as special as I planned for the next day.

You gotta admit, I’m right aren’t I?

.o0o.
[ The next night, School Dance ]

“ Hey, Natsume.” I called a friend of mine who transferred from Japan. He turned around, he was about my age so I consider him to be a friend.

“What’s up?” Natsume said.

“Have you seen _______?” I asked him. I have been looking for her the whole night but I still couldn’t find her.

“Oh, I saw her go outside to the school garden. She seemed sad though and out of the mood.” Natsume said. I nodded and left. I think I went too far yesterday. My stomach turned at what Natsume said, did I really go too far?

I arrived at the school’s garden to see _____ sitting under the school’s tree. She was wearing a white and black cocktail dress with black evening shoes. Her head was hung low and her arms wrapped around herself. Silly girl, she was cold and didn’t come inside where it was warm. I went towards her and sat next to her. I took my coat off and put in on her.

_____ didn’t make any movement nor said anything but I knew she knew I was sitting next to her. This time, she didn’t bother to hide her facial expression, her expression that’s breaking my heart.

“Did you confess to her yet?” She asked in a dead pan voice. I shook my head in response.

“You should, the dance is almost ending.” _____ said in the same tone. I didn’t answer, instead I reached my pocket and pulled out something and hid it in my hand.

“_______ ah.” I called her. She turned to face me, I took no more time to hug her and wear the necklace on her. So she wouldn’t notice it yet, I held her longer. Now that I have her in my arms I couldn’t find the strength to let her go.

“Gahhh~!”

I let go of her sadly, because it seemed as if I was choking her. She took deep breaths for a moment, I just watched her. I looked at the necklace I wore on her secretly. She still hasn’t notice it.

“______ ah, do you think of this necklace that I’m wearing?” I asked her as I showed her a necklace with a cross as its pendant. She slowly nodded her head, her confused yet cute expression present.

“I have another one just like this, and I want the girl I love to wear it.” I said as I didn’t take my eyes off the necklace she wore. She was still confused but was slightly uncomfortable at me staring at her neck. She finally looked down at where I was looking. She let out a surprised gasp and looked up at me. Her hand touched the identical cross pendant. ______ let out a relieved smile and tears forming in her eyes.

‘I love you.” I said to her. And with that she lunged towards me and hugged me. I hugged her back and swore that I wouldn’t let go.

[ End of Flashback ]

“Siwon ah, we’re here.” My manager said breaking me away from my thoughts. It was already dark, I let go of my necklace and let it fall back. As I got out of the car,I heard my manager saying he’ll be going to the office first and come back to my house to celebrate with us, I nodded in response.

I opened the door with the spare key hidden under a flower pot outside. After I opened it I placed the key back under the flower pot. I entered the house without forgetting to close the door. I looked around, there was no one inside. I checked the living room and the kitchen. They wouldn’t go upstairs, I’m sure of it. I suddenly heard loud noises mixed with loud music.

‘They must be at the backyard.’ I thought. I went out to the backyard to set eyes on something I am supposed to be used to but this scene in front of me was a different level.

Shindong hyung was wearing sunglass and apparently trying to be Taecyeon from 2PM while Heechul hyung was acting like Baek Ji Young, both were doing “My Ear’s Candy” which was weird but I could see my family members and members were enjoying it.

“Ah! Siwon’s here!” Leeteuk hyung exclaimed. Shindong hyung and Heechul hyung stopped and everyone turned their heads.
“Choi Siwon! Where have you been?!” They all exclaimed except for my mother who just gave out her melodious laugh. I just smiled and went over to give my mother a hug and a kiss with a “happy birthday, Umma” . After that, she excused herself to the kitchen to give us some food. My members cheered in delight.

“Auntie Choi~ you’re the best!” They chorused. I smiled at my hyungs and dongsaengs, they were all present which made me very happy. But I always wished that she would be here.

‘No, this is not the time to be thinking about Han ________’ I thought to myself.

I excused myself from everyone, deciding to help my mother in the kitchen. After all, it is her birthday, I should be helping her. I entered the kitchen to see my mother preparing the meals. I came over and started to help. I can hear the other’s doing Gee outside. I could hear Sindong hyung shouting about Oh! Too. I could hear Donghae and Eunhyuk singing to the song also.

“Omo, it’s okay Siwon ah. Umma can do it herself.” Umma said, I ignored it and still helped.

“I know, but it’s Umma’s birthday. You shouldn’t be working.” I said and stopped to look at my mother’s reaction. She also stopped and looked at me and then broke into laughter.

There’s that melodious laugh again. My mother’s laugh will always be a song to me. But this time I am reminded of Han _________’s laughter, her enchanting laugh.

[ Flashback ]
I can remember it vaguely, since I was just 5 years old when I first met ______. My mother suggested that as her oppa, I should play with her. As her son, I obeyed. But little did I know that I was having a crush on her. But what did I know, I was only 5. But then I heard her laugh, like my mother… She had me. Like my mother, I will worship her. Like my mother, I will be loyal and love her forever.

Yes, from the day I met her. I said to her…

“Han ______ , oppa will marry you someday and that means when we get married we’re gonna be together forever. I swear.”

[ End of Flashback ]

“Are you thinking about her?” I broke away from my thoughts to see my mother done preparing everything and was just sitting in front of me.

“W-what?” I blurred out. Umma held a hand out signaling me to stay silent and stay still, as always I would obey. She stood up and went to the kitchen window.

“Boys, come inside the kitchen to get the food outside~” Umma said, calling the members. I could hear my members cheering and slowly coming inside. She then went to the fridge and took something out, it was a box. She closed the fridge and gave the box to me. I looked at it, and I saw a box of candles taped on the box. I looked at my mother in confusion. She just gave me a knowing smile.

“It’s her birthday too, you know.” She said. I was surprised. Yes, today is _______’s birthday. But why?

“Sometimes, even the love that was lost can always be found, Even if it’s for a moment. “ Umma said. I nodded.

“Go to her.”

And as usual, I obeyed.

.o0o.

I arrived at the steps of the church with the box of cakes and with it a small box of candles taped on top of it. I was a few steps away from the door and fear took over. I was afraid of seeing her again. I was afraid that she would still hate me. For breaking my promise to her, I wonder if she still wouldn’t want to see me. And with all these thoughts in my head, I can’t help but remember how I broke my promise to be with her forever.

[ Flashback ]

“Why did you do this to me?!” She yelled as tears streamed down on her face. I just stood there silently as she threw a fit. Today was our first date and from how things are going, this was probably going to be the last.

“This…This is my dream..You know that.” I answered her calmly. We were inside my living room house, my parents were upstairs. They agreed on letting me sign the contract to join SM Entertainment to train after I secretly audition and succeeded in getting in. Even though, my dad wouldn’t help me. I was happy, because I’m slowly reaching my dreams. Yes I was and I hoped that she would be happy. But I was wrong.

“ I do. But oppa, even though I’m happy for you, I can’t help but be sad. I hate the feeling of you being far away. I hate it so much oppa. Today is our first date, but I didn’t expect it to be the last.” She cried out. My heart broke, I didn’t think of her feelings before making this decision.

“We can work it out..” I said trying to comfort her. She shook her head, she knew and I knew that there were going to be mountains and mountains of problems ahead.

“ I love you SIwon oppa. I love you since I was 4 years old. You make me your girlfriend and take me on our first date and at the end of the day you’re saying you’re leaving to be a trainee? I want you to be happy oppa, I really REALLY REALLY do. But why end the dream that I dreamt for 15 years so soon?” She said crying even harder. I couldn’t say anything. What’s done is done. ______ closed her eyes and let out a deep breath but still let out a sob, She shook her head and turned away and started walking away. I instantly grabbed her arm and turned her around to face.

I could see the hurt on her face up close. Even crying, she was still beautiful. And at that moment, I bend down and let my lips touch hers, a kiss for the first and probably for the last time.

‘I swear, I’ll always love you’

[End of flashback]

I suddenly found myself right in front of the door. I went to the back entrance of the church. I glanced at my side to see a rope dangling it was the one you use to ring the bell above it. I held on to it and began to ring the bell. I cringed at the sound of the bell ringing; I hate the sound of it. I hate the feeling it gives off, I hate it, so much.

[ Flashback ]

[ 2005 ]

I can hear the church bells ring; I cringed for the first time. Ever since I was a child, I never minded the church bells ringing but now, it bothers me so much that I might hate it already.

So here I was a newly debuted idol of the group Super Junior ’05. After many years of being away from home because of training I was able to visit home, right now I still live at my dorm even though home is near. But no, I didn’t come here to really pay a visit but too see with my own eyes if it’s true.

Like a coward I stood at the side, behind the pillars of the church silently watching her. Yes,silently watching her slip away.

The priest was in front of her. The crowd was watching her; I can even see her mother crying. I see her face, her perfect, beautiful face. I can see her all dressed in white, with her eyes closed as the priest tells her vows.
“Do you, Han __________ accept?” The priest said. My heart started to ache, and my ears hurt from the bells that are ringing.

“I do.” _______ answered. My heart broke and the bells kept ringing as if to mock me.

They are mocking to me that I lost her.

“ From now on, you are part of the congregation. Congratulations and welcome..” Yes, I finally lost her, to the most powerful being in the entire universe.

“….Sister __________”

[ End of Flashback ]

I break off from my thoughts as the door opened. I expected her to open the door but instead it was an elderly nun who answered. She looked up at me with a calm expression.

“Good evening, I’m here to see Han ________, is she here?” I greeted and asked politely, the elderly nun looked down for a while then looking up at me with sorry eyes.

“I’m sorry young man, but she’s not here.” She answered. I was shocked, ever since ________ became a nun she always stayed here, she never goes out of the church even to see her parents. Therefore, no one from the outside sees her but all knew that she stays here, inside the church.

“What? Doesn’t she stay here?” I asked, surprised.

‘Dear Lord, please don’t do this to me, not when I found the courage to face her.’ I thought.

“Sister ________ hasn’t been here since last year. She went to Africa to help those in need.” The elderly answered. I didn’t say anything but trying to take in the shock as I greeted the elderly nun goodbye.

I took heavy steps to the front of the church as I still couldn’t take in the realization. That she’s gone, and she was miles away.

Next thing I know, I’m sitting at the exact spot where ________ and I first met. I found earlier that I had no more strength to carry my heavy legs home and my legs gave out here. I still had the cake in my hand, with my aching heart and opened the box and took the cake out and placed it on top of the box. I took the candles out too and placed them on the cake. I took the lighter out of my pocket and lighted the candles.

I sighed as I watched it. The pain wouldn’t subside. I can never see her again, because of one choice that I’ve made for myself. But even if I find her, I wouldn’t be able to be with her, never, because she only belonged to me for a day and then after that she belonged to God. And I can’t do anything about it, but live with own life but this time, I can’t do anything but clap my hands and sing with tears falling down.

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday Han __________, Happy Birthday to you..” I sang and tears wouldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop. My heart hurts and the tears won’t stop. I tried to sing again.

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday Han __________, Happy Birthday to you..” I still wouldn’t stop, the tears won’t stop falling. The pain won’t stop, it won’t stop hurting and because of the that I won’t stop singing.

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…”

.o0o.

“I try to remember you..”

“But I try not to remember the pain..”

“The pain of losing you..”

“To a person who is better than me..”

“But if could turn back time..”

“I will..”

“And If I could say the things I was supposed to say..”

“I will…”

“And if I could have that chance with you again..”

“I will…”
“Make things the way they’re supposed to be..”

“Because I promised to be loyal to you…”

“Because I promised to worship you…”

“Because I love you…”

“I swear..”

.o0o.

Author’s Note: Yey! I finally finished Siwon’s oneshot! : ) And I graduated yesterday~! Yey! I’m done with High school. : ) Anyways, I hope you like this chapter. Please Comment, I get less and less comments for this story. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Haha! Btw, sorry it took so long to update. I’ve been having heartaches and school stuff. But since it’s summer I’ve got lots of time in my hands. : ) Today is my dad's bday so we're going out to celebrate. yey~!

Anyways, next is Wookie’s ‘Forever Young’ oneshot! Yey!

Take Care~