VI. Tell Me I Was Wrong To Hate You

“Take my pain away
Tear it out
Tell me I was wrong.”

~Goodbye (Secondhand Serenade) 

(PRESENT)

Breakfast is painfully quiet and painfully long. I watch her by my periphery and I know she watches me on hers. I don’t know if she is trying to catch me in the act but she almost did a few times. I won’t deny watching her this way because I know I can never look at her the way I did before.

My Seohyun had a very soft expression. She had a pair beautiful laughing eyes. Despite what she went through, she never denied me of her cheerful and wild childish side. She admitted that she was genuinely happy and crazy because of my presence.

I was the rainbow after her storm but she was the calm before mine.

Now, this woman that sits across me is different from the one I have in my memory. They may have the same appearance but I’m torn with the distant past that would still haunt me. I built this castle after all—a castle in the sand with her, and I was there when the waves hit that castle. The sand crumbled and was paved back to its original state.

But it will never be the same again—I will never be the same again.

I eat absentmindedly counting the minutes that we have been together. I can’t believe I am actually surviving this. My gaze unconsciously darts straight and sees her lifting her chin to meet my eyes. For a split second, her arm stretches towards me. It was too late as her thumb brushes on the left side of my mouth.

“There’s something—”

Astounded, I jerk back while she also pulls away as surprised as I was. She retreats on her seat, head hanging low. Her touch causes a burning sensation not only on the affected area but deep inside me.

“I’m sorry… I….” she squirms then gives me a guilty smile, “I didn’t mean to t-touch you…”

I can see the dab of pink on her cheeks, and the red dots that run down her white neck signifying she is as shaken as I am for that action. Does she remember it the way I did?

“Hey, you have some on your lips—”

I clicked my tongue and raised a finger as I ducked from her touch. She glowered at me so I grinned, “You’re not doing it right. Here, let me show you…” I smudged the side of with blueberry and bent close. With the tip of my tongue, I the jelly ever so gently making sure I don’t touch her too much. After a few little , I drew back on my seat and grinned smugly at her flushed face then retorted coolly, “That’s how it’s done.”

She bit her lips and smiled.

I spooned a dollop of cheesecake and put it on my mouth. Making sure I had some on my lips, I stupidly jutted my lips towards her. I must have looked like a fool for she threw her head back laughing. I frowned so she nodded and fisted her hand on my shirt pulling me close. The passion in her eyes as she looked at me couldn’t be denied. She wanted me as much as I wanted her.

“I will do this on one condition.”

She was playfully eyeing me and I asked what as she answered with her lips already touching mine.

“Don’t kiss me and live with the consequences.”

Gently, she traced the edges of my lips with her tongue and every hair on my body stood on its tip until I could no longer control my urges and caught her tongue in my mouth. I kissed her hungrily, feeding the taste of the blueberry cheesecake from until she parted her lips from mine and whispered, “You never follow.”

I grinned and before taking her back again I replied, “Your rules are hard to live by.”

“Excuse me…” I push the chair back and sprint to the restroom. The memory that came to me made me afraid. I don’t want her to know that I am still recalling those moments. I don’t want her to see me losing my defenses. I wash my face but the cold water does not help the scorching heat I was feeling. Nothing prepared me for this.

I thought I was okay, but I am not.

~~~

The next stop after the restaurant is inside the lake resort property. Thankfully, the assistant manager and one director accompanied us and they took turns in explaining things to me. After a few hours, I start to feel a little bit lightheaded and manage to do my job properly. My camera is another source of distraction. I have to include pictures to my reports so when I don’t need to address anybody, I manage to slip away from my company.

Moments ago, she excused herself from our group to accept a call while I find myself on the terrace of a clubhouse. I snap pictures of the surroundings below but a sight makes me stop and adjust the zoom of my camera. Seohyun—Joohyun-ssi stands by a row of bushes of little flowers. The constant nods she is giving the caller makes me think that it is something work-related.  Her lips are making little movements as she speaks gently and her eyes seem to wander aimlessly around her. Then, she smiles and nods. My heart clenches in my chest as my finger clicks repeatedly. Suddenly, her head lifts towards me and I shift to the other direction shutting my eyes tight and hoping she didn’t see what I just did.

After taking enough pictures, I trace the pathway towards the pool and get busy with the necessary work at hand. Thankfully or