It's been one week. One week deducted from my one month. I've been following him everywhere but his routine is as usual: wake up, wash up, have breakfast, head for work, attend meetings, end work, look for EXO and head home. He never came to visit me again. But at least i got to know how's his life is out of our room. Normally he would just head out for work when i finish washing up and he would come home and ignore me and go to the study to finish his work. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, i would wake up and see him sleeping on the sofa and i will walk over to pull his blanket over him to keep him warm.

He looks so serious at work, another side of him i'll never have a chance to see except for now. The way he conducts the meeting, the way he talks to his subordinates. He has a kind of charisma that only he has. It's almost the same when i peeked at him when he was in detention class. Serious at work. Another reason why i like him.

With EXO, he's so outgoing and fun. He's smiling and that's the first time i saw him smile that sincerely. That was something he kept away from me. Although this time, he's still not smiling at me. That never meant to be mine. I like this side of him though, rather than that cold stare he always had on when he saw me. Jongin, please remain like that when i'm gone... Please show your real self when i'm gone...

And his parents. Well, they've flown away again, for vacation and for business. I knew they didn't want to but they had no choice. He was alone again but he has learn to be alone all these while. Even if he has a wife to rely on, to confide in, waiting for him all the while. He never needed me. Thankfully he still have his friends. I was jealous of them at times for getting more attention from him than i could get. Instead, i thank them now because he only have them.

He has gone to work as usual today. I stayed at home instead. I love this place even though i was alone most of the time. It seems so warm suddenly. It's my only shelter. I walked around, to the garden where i used to spent time writing my diary, to the wine cellar where i go when i want to hide away from the world, to the servants' chamber where i listened to them gossip. An afternoon passed just like that and it was evening already. I went to the kitchen where the servants were preparing dinner.

"Do you think young mistress will come home?" One of them asked the other.

"I don't know..that day master and mistress came home, looking bad... i think it's not good..." the other replied.

"I miss her..the house is so empty without her.." the first one answered.

"me too...we all do..." the second one responded. I miss you guys too. Sincerely. Honestly. It's lonely now that i'm alone. I still had you all when i'm alone at home but now i only have myself.

I went up to my room. The room i spent most of my 6 years in. The only place that belonged to me in the house. The bed was made up, neat and tidy, but the pillows and blanket are still there on the couch. He was still sleeping there, even when i'm not around. Am i that scary? that you don't want to sleep on somewhere i've slept on. Take care of yourself Jongin... Sleep properly... I decided that i would clean up the place for him. I packed the documents neatly on the table, i folded his clothes, i took the blanket and pillows and placed them back on the bed, neatly. Then i found something. Stuffed into the silts of the sofa. It was hidden so well i have never noticed it when i tidied his things. I took it out. It was his diary. So he writes a diary. Something new i learnt about him. But i hesitate to open it.

Firstly, it was wrong for me to do so. If he finds out, he'll hate me more. But then, he won't know. Secondly, i was afraid there would be things about me. Nasty things. Saying how much he hated me, how much he dislike this marriage, how much he wants to take down the big wedding potrait fixed on the wall just above our bed. I don't want to know. I still held some hope. Then i hear footsteps up the stairs so i hid the book back to its original spot. He came in. I realised it was 7pm already. Time seemed to pass so fast but it never was so fast when i was alone in this room when i was still here.

"seongah! seongah!" he yelled. Seongah was our servant, or my servant. She served me when i came into this family. She was my confidant. I would talk to her when i need someone. She was like my sister.

"yes?" she came running up when Kai called for her.

"Did you clean up the room?" he asked angrily.

"no. I didn't come up here today." she replied fearfully. Jongin was scary when he flared up. I saw him got angry once, when he saved me from the bullies but he never showed his anger to me since we married. Actually, i rather he get angry and lash it out at me than giving me cold stares. They are so much scarier. It makes me feel like i'm diminishing and trapped in an empty box, filled with darkness.

"then who did this? don't tell me she came back and did all these!" he shouted again. Yes it was me! don't blame her. She's innocent.She don't deserve to be scolded by you. Scold me if you want. I want you to scold me.

"I don't know sir. I really didn't touch your stuffs." Seongah replied, almost breaking out in tears. Stop it Jongin. I know you're angry. Angry at me. But don't do this to her.

"Fine..get out now.." he said, simmering down a little. Poor Seongah is crying when she got out of the room. How many times have she been lashed at when i'm not around. and question is, how long have i been gone? I followed her out, leaving Jongin alone as he headed for the shower.

"Did he scold you again?" Jungmi, another servant and good friend of Seongah, asked.

"yea.." Seongah said softly.

"It's hard for him too..." she said as she calm Seongah down.

"i understand...we all feel the same...i'm fine, don't worry.. if she was here, she wouldn't want to see me crying.." Seongah said. Yes, i don't want to see you cry. You've always been my support. But why is it hard for him? he would be happy coping without me. He would be glad that I'm not here anymore. The last thing that could happen is that he will be lost without me. That won't happen. And i dare not dream of that. I just want him to live well.