Zhou Mi was never really the type of person to let out inner emotions. And he was certainly not the type of person to cry in front of people. He was the type of person who would lock their feelings deep inside, not wanted them to be shown or seen. Hidden by a mask of happiness and joy, nobody could really tell when he was sad at all. It seems like those years of training as a MC had really helped allow Zhou Mi to put up such a good front. It was the impenetrable wall that no one could break through.

That wall had only gotten stronger once he started to debut as an SJM member. From the audience, he would hear the cries of upset ‘only 13’ fans who believed that he had no right to stand up on that stage with the rest of the ‘original’ members. Boos were heard almost always heard throughout the crowd. The displeased fans with their almost tribal-like chant of ‘Only 13’ echoed through the set. And even when it was his time to sing, his time to shine, there was no applauding. All there was the eerie silence of protesting fans.

Every time that Zhou Mi would step onto that stage, it was like a piece of heart, his soul, was broken off and soon disintegrated into nothingness. His life no longer held the joy and bliss that he felt when was striving to achieve his goal of recognition. It was, however, only bombarded by the protests and cries for him to not be part of Super Junior, to kick him out.

“He doesn’t belong.”

“Why is he there?”

“Super Junior is ONLY 13, and will forever be that way.”

Those screams that the fans shouted were always ringing through his ears. And for a long while, Zhou Mi believed every single one of those shouts and yells. Soon, the chants, screams, and cries got to Zhou Mi’s head. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I don’t belong here. Maybe I am a hinder to the group, a liability that they don’t need. Maybe… I should leave. Inside he felt like he was the lowest piece of trash in the world. The world didn’t need him, especially as part of Super Junior. But he kept those thoughts well hidden underneath a perfect and cheerful façade. He tried replacing those darker feelings with much brighter ones, I am worthy. I can get through this. I can do this. He tried everything in his power to make them not get to him. But even the best, would soon crack and shatter.

It was during SS2, his first time ever on tour, even if it was for a short while. And after hours of practicing, it was time for his solo. Walking up those stairs, he could feel all of those pairs of eyes staring intently at him. Bringing the mic up to his quivering lips, Zhou Mi’s hand started to shake just slight. All of those gazes were almost drilling a hole through his head. But, clenching his mic tightly, Zhou Mi began to sing. To a normal set of eardrums, it was one of the prettiest voices that have ever been heard. But for many people who were sitting in the audience, they thought otherwise. Lifting up ONLY 13 signs, they were literally shoving them at his face. There was barely any applause after he performed. That same eerie silence had come to greet Zhou Mi once more.

Climbing down those stairs, Zhou Mi was overwhelmed with a wave of emotions. The feelings of hurt, pain, sorrow, frustration, and fake happiness were all rolled up into one and shoved into Zhou Mi’s mind. Finding a nearby chair, he soon collapsed into it. With his hands to his head, he kept repeating the same thoughts in his head. I can get through this. I can get through this… However those thoughts were soon disrupted as a low and velvety voice came to greet him.

“Zhou Mi gege?” Looking up, he could see a worried maknae whose eyes were filled with apprehension.

“What is it Kyuhyun?” Zhou Mi asked as he quickly regained composure.

“I saw your performance.” Tilting his head a little in confusion, Zhou Mi nodded in reply.

“And what about it?”

“I saw how the fans treated you.” Immediately Zhou Mi’s heart almost stopped.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zhou Mi answered, slightly turning his head away. “The fans treated me just fine.” Once again, his mask was up.

“Stop it gege. It hurts me to see you get treated like this. Those fans have no right to-”

“Yes they do Kyuhyun. They have every right to feel that way.” Zhou Mi countered. Whipping his head around in shock, Kyuhyun could see Zhou Mi’s eyes flood with pain.

“It was I that intruded into this group, trying to fit in like nothing had ever happened. Kyuhyun, there have been some fans that were there since the beginning, and they know how hard you worked to get to where you are right now. And for me to just in…”

“ZHOU MI GEGE, I SAID STOP THAT!” Kyuhyun screamed, which shocked Zhou Mi out of his chair.

“W-what do you mean, Kyuhyun?”

“I mean, I wasn’t a part of this group at first too! But after a few months, they accepted me… but why can’t they accept you? Or even Henry? I don’t understand. I was like you too.” Anger and frustration filled Kyuhyun’s eyes as they became teary. With a small, yet false, smile, Zhou Mi kept his composure.

“It’s okay Kyuhyun. I don’t need your sympathy.” He couldn’t bear to keep on talking and did his best to act mature, unconcerned about the matter. Slowly rising up from his chair, Zhou Mi was about to walk away when Kyuhyun came rushing behind him, his arms wrapped around him.

“K-Kyuhyun?” But Kyuhyun just snuggled his head into the cotton jersey of Zhou Mi’s shirt.

“Gege, you worked hard too. I’ve seen how hard you’ve tried to fight off these chants and protests when you’re on stage. You never falter and always smile…” Kyuhyun soon tightened his grasp around Zhou Mi. “But please, don’t do this alone. Don’t keep all of feelings to yourself. Let it out. Mimi, you can cry… because I’ll be here to support you.” Holding on to Kyuhyun’s skinny, however secure arms, Zhou Mi’s mask had finally cracked. Crumpling onto the floor and into Kyuhyun’s arms, tears fled his eyes as they cascaded down his cheeks. Sobbing and sniffling, Zhou Mi finally allowed his feelings to show. And that’s when Zhou Mi realized that it was okay not to hide behind a mask. It was okay to not always conceal your true thoughts and emotions. Finally, he also realized that it was okay to cry.