The weather was nice, not too hot and not cold, just nice. Taeyeon closed her eyes feeling the chilling breeze of the day. It was Saturday, 11 AM and she was waiting for her cousin, Hyoyeon, outside of Starbucks. She has been alone for about 30 minutes but she wasn’t annoyed. Taeyeon thought it was funny. It was funny that she actually missed the usual waiting she spends every time they agreed to meet. She hasn’t seen Hyoyeon for a while now. It was a little strange to her but that’s how felt. She chuckled at that, still with closed eyes.

“Hey, Tae!”

Taeyeon opened her eyes, recognizing the voice of her blonde cousin. Hyoyeon was carrying her daughter, Min, with her left hand and pushing the baby stroller with her right hand. She was smiling and trying to wave while holding the baby, a sight that made Taeyeon giggle.

“You’re late again” Taeyeon said when Hyoyeon was already in front of her.

“I was going to make up an excuse but I assumed it wouldn’t work on you” Hyoyeon said with a grin and Taeyeon laughed.

Hyoyeon always made her laugh just like Sooyoung, that’s why the first time they met they got along so well. It was nice seeing her act like her usual self, the last time they saw each other was at the funeral and Taeyeon noticed that Hyoyeon tried to do something to make her feel less sad, nonetheless she was sad herself so there was nothing she could do. But things were better now and seeing her crack a joke like she usually did was nice.

“I’ll ignore you just said that” Taeyeon joked before turning her attention towards Min, “Hey Minnie, auntie Taeyeon is here” she touched her small hands with the tips of her fingers. Min smiled while showing with no teeth, making Taeyeon ‘aww’ at her cute expression.

“Taeyeon, let’s sit please my arm hurts” Hyoyeon moved to the chairs in front of the shop and sat on one of them, she released a relieved sigh. Taeyeon chuckled and sat beside her so she can play a bit with Min.

“I think she has missed you” Hyoyeon suddenly said “She looks happy”

Taeyeon smiled at that, “Me too”

Hyoyeon touched Taeyeon’s shoulder and smiled at her, Taeyeon smiled back. They were silently saying they missed each other too.

“Thanks for accepting taking care of Min today. There’s a group debuting soon and I have to practice with these girls a lot” Hyoyeon said while playing with Min.

Hyoyeon was a choreographer at a famous entertainment company, there were months when she wasn’t busy but when she was, she had a lot to do. Yesterday, her cousin called her to ask this favor and Taeyeon agreed without thinking much. Being Hyoyeon’s first option showed that she trusted her and that was enough reason for Taeyeon to agree.

Taeyeon shook her head and turned to her, “It’s not a problem. I think it could be fun. I don’t have anything to do today anyway”

“Thanks. Everything is here in the bag” she pointed at the bag on the stroller and Taeyeon nodded.

“You didn’t bring your car, right? I’ll give you a ride to your apartment before I go to work. I’m a great cousin, am I not/aren’t I?” Hyoyeon said with a grin.

Taeyeon rolled her eyes playfully and Hyoyeon laughed with Min following along, trying to imitate her mother’s laugh. It was refreshing how their first conversation in a while wasn’t about her feelings now after what happened and Taeyeon knew she was going to ask at some point but it was refreshing that it didn’t happen in the instant they met. Taeyeon felt grateful for some reason.

 

Taeyeon chuckled, “Come on, let’s have breakfast first”

 

***

 

 

“Let’s have a party or small gathering for your birthday. Here!” Jessica said excited.

“I can’t drink, you know. And if I don’t everyone will find out why” Tiffany said in a calm tone, not really excited for her birthday that was going to happen in about 3 weeks. She didn’t feel like celebrating it. She didn’t think it was right to celebrate anyway.

“You could just say you are pregnant. People will find out at some point, anyway” Jessica said in a more serious tone.

“I know, but…” It was just hard.

“When you showed me the ultrasound pics you looked… happy. Excited” Jessica said with a small smile, “And that’s what matters”

Tiffany sighed.

“I know you also don’t want to celebrate because the past months have been pretty hard for you but that’s also the reason why I want to do something for your birthday” Jessica said in a gentle but firm tone.

Tiffany turned her head to the window, thinking as she leaned on the black chair she was sitting at.

“I want your day to be a great day because I believe you deserve it, Tiff. Let’s hang out her with our friends, drink juice and laugh. Have a good time”

Tiffany sighed again, understanding Jessica’s words and knowing she was probably right, as always. Maybe she could just mention she was pregnant and maybe have a nice day and maybe  there was nothing wrong in having fun on her birthday.

But she should be mourning, not celebrating.

“I don’t think is the right thing to do” Tiffany said in a low voice, like she was saying that only to herself.

Jessica sighed and that almost made Tiffany sigh again. It felt contagious.

“Tiff… I just don’t want you to feel sad that day. I don’t think you deserve that”

Jessica’s tone was sweet and Tiffany almost wanted to tear up. It was the tone of a person who cares about you and wants to see you smile. And even though a part of her wants to stay in bed that day, think of the person who won’t be able to celebrate more birthdays, she wants to smile too. Laugh with her friends. She doesn’t want her friends to feel sad  because of her.

She could try.

“Ok… let’s do it. You’re right. Maybe I do deserve it” Tiffany gave a small smile at her best friend.

Jessica smiled, touching her hand and Tiffany felt lucky for having someone like her in her life.

After the brief emotional moment between them, Tiffany heard her phone on the desk. Her mind unconsciously thought of Taeyeon but when she grabbed the device, the name on the screen didn’t belong to the older girl. She felt a little disappointed but didn’t have time to think about it because she was surprised at what she read.

Yoona.

It was just a simple message. ‘Can we talk some time? Call me, unnie’ it said. Tiffany furrowed her brows.

Should she call? Or it was a bad idea?

“What is it?” Jessica mentioned, apparently noticing the dark haired girl’s somewhat troubled expression.

“It’s Yoona. She wants me to call her… should I?” Tiffany asked.

Jessica put her hand on her chin, “Umm. Maybe you should, she might miss you-or your dad might miss you”

Tiffany furrowed her eyebrows again and stared at her phone. She read the message again and again, not knowing what to do. She felt bad for hiding from Yoona, one of her dearest friends, but her closeness with her dad was the reason. She couldn’t hand her the pressure of keeping her state a secret. Tiffany was sure her dad was one of the reasons Yoona contacted her and she just wasn’t ready yet to tell him she was having a baby.

Just remembering the expression he had when she told him Jiwoong died was too much.

“I’ll think about it” Tiffany said.

She will think about it… but not now.

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

Tiffany left Red Lips and started walking. She wasn’t in a hurry so she decided to walk to the bus stop instead of searching for a taxi. Without realizing, Taeyeon invaded her mind.

The past days have been great. The older girl had more free time so they spent dinners together, talking and getting to know more about each other. Tiffany unknowingly waited for Taeyeon to come home from work and sometimes Taeyeon was awake when she came from the bar. She wouldn’t hesitate to fulfill the wishes she had because of her pregnancy. She made Tiffany feel all fuzzy.

Would she mind if she celebrated her birthday? Probably not. Tiffany noticed Taeyeon was gentle and kind, sometimes she seemed like a little kid but it was part of her charm. Tiffany giggled as she walked. But she would ask her anyway, if she was ok with it. And maybe she could be at her small gathering too. Tiffany smiled at that.

Tiffany realized that Taeyeon appeared in her thoughts more and more often but it was safer to ignore why.

“Tiffany?”

What? Tiffany cleared her thoughts when she heard her name. Or at least she thought she heard her name. Was it her name? She stopped walking.

Unnie!”

That was definitely not her name but she recognized the voice where it came from. She stayed on her spot and heard steps getting closer. She got nervous.

She wasn’t ready.

She felt a tap on her shoulder, “Unnie, are you ignoring me?”

Tiffany turned around and confirmed her thoughts. In front of her was Yoona, her pretty, thin and tall friend showing her a smile and looking slightly agitated for running after her.

For a moment she forgot her fears and just grinned at her. She was happy at seeing her, no matter what.

She shook her head, “I wasn’t expecting you to be around here” it wasn’t a lie.

“I went to your apartment but the lady on the first floor told me you moved out. I was really worried but then I saw you walking. I think I got lucky” she chuckled for a second but she was indeed worried. Yoona looked confused. Sad.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t understand… I thought we were close” Yoona laughed awkwardly, it hurt Tiffany’s heart.

“I’m sorry. Its not that Yoong” Tiffany shook her head before staring at Yoona’s eyes. She didn’t want her to misunderstand.

Yoona stayed quiet waiting for Tiffany to say something but Tiffany didn’t know what to say.

“I read your message” Tiffany mentioned.

Yoona nodded, “So… can we talk?” she said unsurely.

“Of course! Look- I’m sorry. Don’t think I don’t want to talk to you. Its not that is just… my life has been complicated. I didn’t want to talk about it and I don’t know how to keep things from you. Your face doesn’t let me” Tiffany joked in order to erase little by little the awkward atmosphere.

Yoona chuckled, “its fine, unnie. I understand why you wanted to be alone” Tiffany assumed she was talking about what happened with Jiwoong, “but it was kinda weird to find out you weren’t living in your apartment anymore. I felt confused. Are you living with Sica unnie?”

Tiffany lowered her head; she was stuck in thinking of what to do. She lifted her eyesight and stared at Yoona’s eyes. She lowered her gaze again and smiled sadly. She couldn’t hide it anymore.

“I don’t… but can we talk in a private place?” Tiffany said.

Yoona furrowed her brows but nodded calmly “I brought my car. I’ll give you a ride to your current place. If you are ok with it, I think we could talk there”

Tiffany smiled “Yeah. That’s fine, thank you”

 

 

***

 

 

The ride home, with Yoona on the driver seat, was quiet in a way. Yoona the radio but that was the only sound inside the car. Tiffany had her mind in the words she was going to say to her and she was also wondering what was on Yoona’s mind. Does she even imagine what was the reason for Tiffany to move out? She probably thought of a lot of possibilities but she wouldn’t guess the real answer.

They walked the stairs towards the apartment and Tiffany noticed how Yoona looked everywhere, she was probably confused as to Tiffany now lived in such a nice neighborhood. Tiffany almost sighed at that, she will need to answer many things.

She opened the door, “Here it is. Please sit, get comfortable. Umm… do you want water?” Tiffany could swear her voice sounded small. Scared, perhaps.

“Yes, thanks” Yoona said as she walked to the living room.

Tiffany saw her sitting and then left to the kitchen.

She had 20 minutes in the car to think about her words but nothing was good enough for her. She thought and thought what sentences should her lips leave and she was sure she had an idea of what to say but now that she was here, at the kitchen, grabbing a glass and filling it with fresh, cold water from the fridge she forgot and her mind was blank again. Damn it.

“Weird…”

Uh? Tiffany heard Yoona’s voice and because of the silence in the apartment she could understand what she said. Was she talking to her?

“Yoona?”

No answer.

“Yoong?” Tiffany turned around, not staring at anything in particular; concentration on her ears.

The lack of answer worried her. What’s wrong?

“What?”

This time Tiffany heard clearly. Yoona was acting strange so she decided to just get close to her and ask what’s going on. Her feet moved to the living room, forgetting the glass of water in the kitchen. She saw Yoona standing, close to the… close to the… oh jesus. She was close to the family photos Taeyeon had on a stand. Yoona’s right hand was holding one and she was confusedly staring at it.

. Tiffany didn’t think of that possibility. Tiffany thanked her hands for not grabbing the glass of water, she would have dropped it.

“Yoona”

Yoona turned around, confusion painted on her face. If there was a way to explain confusion to kids, a pic of Yoona’s expression at this moment could be the perfect example of it.

“This is your…” Yoona cleared , “Jiwoong is here” she showed the picture to Tiffany.

Tiffany breathed and exhaled slowly. She sat on the couch and patted the side, calling Yoona. Maybe this was the best way for this conversation to happen. It was so fast that and she had no time to get frustrated by thinking how to start the topic with Yoona sitting by her side expectantly.

When Tiffany felt ready to talk she touched her arm and the tall girl’s attention was on her, forgetting about the pics for a moment.

She would get to the point, “This is Taeyeon’s apartment… Jiwoong’s sister” She said slowly.

Yoona opened but closed it. She nodded.

“I’m… She asked me to live with her because she thought it was the best and I agreed that’s why I’m here”

They stared at each other and Yoona looked even more confused but she didn’t ask, Tiffany knew she was dying to ask but she waited and she appreciated that.

She gulped and sighed, “I’m pregnant, Yoona. Please, don’t tell my dad yet”

Tiffany stared at her with pleading eyes. That was her biggest worry. Her dad couldn’t find out yet, especially if it wasn’t from her own lips.

Yoona widened her eyes and opened in a ‘O’ shape. Slowly she closed it but her eyes were still looking surprised. It was after a minute that Yoona finally said something, even though it felt like hours to Tiffany.

“Why? Why this Taeyeon? Why didn’t you call me? Why- You could live with me or Jessica I don’t understand. You didn’t trust me?” Yoona said agitated.

“It wasn’t something easy to tell and it wasn’t on my plans moving anywhere but Taeyeon was right-“

“She might have been right but you’re living with a stranger”

Tiffany frowned at that. Taeyeon wasn’t a stanger to her. She was someone to her, she was important.

“Why would you? And Jessica was ok with it? What-“ Yoona stopped, her mind was probably a chaos.

“Taeyeon wanted to help. This baby is also important to her, is a connection to Jiwoong. I didn’t want to live with her at first but she convinced me because she showed me how important this was for her too.” Tiffany stared at her hands on her lap “Jessica thought it was weird at first but she met Taeyeon and now she is fine with it”

Yoona looked at her, her expression relaxing with every word Tiffany said.

“Taeyeon is a friend now” Tiffany stared at the younger girl and smiled to ease the tension of the draining conversation.

Yoona nodded, closed eyes and sighed. It looked like she finally understood but she looked worried and sad. It was something Tiffany expected to see and that’s exactly the reason of why it was so hard to talk about it. Yoona was smart, she would understand that.

“I see… but you’ve offended me” Yoona said and Tiffany looked at her surprised. Why?

Yoona stared at her, “I would never tell your dad. That’s not for me to tell. I thought you knew better, unnie” she smiled at Tiffany.

It felt awful. It was like this whole day she was ruining her friendship with Yoona and she didn’t want that, she was just scared, anxious. Yoona was important to her and knew the girl was probably thinking that she didn’t tell her anything because of lack of trust and that wasn’t true. It hurt her heart. She wanted to cry.

“Hey don’t look like that. I wasn’t being totally serious!” Yoona panicked a bit and then chuckled. "I know that I know your uncle’s family longer that I know you and your dad but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you like a real friend. I know I’ve been the neighbor but-“

Tiffany shook her head, “You’re my friend, Yoona and I trust you its just that I’m scared.  I don’t want to disappoint anyone especially not my dad and I kept thinking that he could find out and I’m just scared-“ Tiffany stopped because felt dry, she was almost tearing up. She didn’t want to cry. Her dad’s health was the most important thing in her life and this could be a big impact on his life. She didn’t want him to worry at all.

“It’s fine unnie. It’s ok” Yoona hugged, rubbing Tiffany’s back. Tiffany put her head on Yoona’s shoulder and allowed herself to release some tears.

“Being pregnant makes me more emotional” Tiffany said like an excuse and Yoona laughed. Tiffany couldn’t see her face from her position but just by hearing she could picture in her head. Yoona’s laugh was funny and just remembering it made Tiffany laugh too.

While Yoona was soothing Tiffany, they talked about the past few months. Catching up and laughing like they usually do, making Tiffany feel better. Yoona was really curious about the baby and for some reason Tiffany really liked to talk about it. She told Yoona everything, she showed her the ultrasound pics. The room got lighter. Yoona might have pitied her but her enthusiasm made Tiffany forget those thoughts and just enjoy what seemed to be a sweet conversation between friends.

Tiffany’s shoulders didn’t feel that heavy anymore.

 

 

***

Taeyeon opened the door and put her keys in her pocket first because she needed that free hand to push the stroller inside the apartment. Her other hand was busy carrying Min. She was so focused on closing the door that she didn’t notice the presences in the room, she heard noises so she quickly closed it and turned around to see Tiffany and another girl looking at her.

“Oh- Hi” Taeyeon said awkwardly.

Tiffany stood up “Hi Tae, sorry I brought a friend-“

Taeyeon shook her head “It’s your home” she smiled after seeing Tiffany smile at her.

Taeyeon moved the stroller to the side and finally her left hand was free to hold the baby in a more comfortable way. The two girls got close to her so she faced them to greet the guest.

“Taeyeon, this is my friend Yoona. And Yoona this is Taeyeon, Jiwoong’s sister”

Taeyeon realized that being introduced as Jiwoong’s sister was a little annoying especially since the tall girl was introduced as Tiffany’s friend, but she let go of that annoying thought because it felt childish. She was indeed Jiwoong’s sister.

Yoona bowed before smiling at Min and greeting her too, “Nice to meet you, unnie. Tiffany unnie told me you have been a great friend to her. I’m glad about it”

Oh Tiffany has said that to her? That made her smile- no, more like grin. Even though the word friend wasn’t great enough for her, it was better than being just the sister.

She bowed, “Nice to meet you too”

“Who is she?” Tiffany asked as she got close to Min and smiled and talked to her in English. Min’s expression was really cute because she probably didn’t understand such a foreign sound.

“My cousin’s daughter. I have to take care of her today, just a few hours. Please help me” She pleaded cutely and Tiffany laughed, just like she wanted.

“I can help you but I’m actually not that great with babies. How old is she?” She asked while looking at Min playing with Yoona.

“Maybe you can train yourself now and she is 1 year old” Taeyeon answered with her eyes on Min.

“I would love to help too but I gotta go now” Yoona said with a sad expression, it seemed like she was really honest and wanted to play with Min. Taeyeon liked her.

The both of them said goodbye to Yoona and then sat on the couch, Taeyeon was still holding Min and Tiffany the tv, changing the channel to a kids show.

“Wanna hold her?” Taeyeon asked to Tiffany, with a smile on her face. She secretly wanted to see Tiffany holding a baby so she can picture how she would like with her own one.

“I’m not sure… what if she cries?” Tiffany was unsure but it seemed like she wanted it.

“Min is not a crybaby. She is cool, come on” Taeyeon persuaded her while grinning and apparently that made Tiffany smile the usual eyesmile Taeyeon really likes.

“Ok” Tiffany said smiling expectantly and extending her arms for Min.

Taeyeon carefully passed Min to Tiffany and looked how the younger girl gently held her, seconds after she moved her up and down and patted her.

Taeyeon watched how Tiffany slowly got comfortable with Min and smiled at her, played with her nose and made noises for her to laugh. Min was indeed an easy baby, she hardly cried, she mostly wanted to play and Taeyeon could perfectly see how Tiffany looked like holding a baby and it was a sweet view. Taeyeon liked a lot.

“You look great like this” Taeyeon pointed out.

“Umm?” Tiffany stared at her, confused.

“Holding a baby. I think you will look even greater with your own baby” she said gently and smiling. Tiffany smiled too looking shy. The younger girl might have liked what she said but Taeyeon didn’t want to overthink it.

They were quiet but it felt comfortable. Taeyeon liked to be around Tiffany, she liked it when Tiffany talked a lot, she liked to listen to her but she also found out that she liked the silence between them, when only eyes and smiles talked. Taeyeon enjoyed the time of just being close to Tiffany.

 

They smiled at each other and played with Min until Tiffany’s expression of horror caught Taeyeon’s attention.

 

“What is it?” Taeyeon asked but perhaps her nose knew the answer.

Unconsciously, her nose inhaled the growing fetid smell. She turned to Tiffany holding Min.

“I think she pooped” Tiffany mentioned and seemed a little disgusted by it. Taeyeon had to laught at that.

“Yah don’t laugh. Help me!” Tiffany hit her with her left shoulder.

Taeyeon stopped laughing after a short time but her face was still showing a grin, “I’ll change her”

She was ready to hold Min and change her herself but Tiffany didn’t let her.

“What?” Taeyeon asked curiously.

“I… I’ll do it. I’ll change her”

Taeyeon stared at her amused.

“I’ll change your diaper, girl” Tiffany said determinately towards Min who just looked at her confusedly.

 

 

***

 

Tiffany looked at a guide or something on her phone first before starting any activity with Min’s diaper. She wanted to know first how to do it so she can do it fast, but after seeing how the baby girl was getting uncomfortable with her diaper she decided to do it as she read some tutorial online. Thank god now there were tutorials for everything and anything.

Taeyeon giggled at her as she put the baby on her bed ready to start her mission. They were in her room and Taeyeon was sitting behind the baby, looking at them with a grin on her face. She was totally enjoying her ignorance at this. Tiffany playfully glared at her and Taeyeon lowered her head jokingly. Tiffany chuckled.

Tiffany opened the diaper and threw it on the trash Taeyeon brought from the bathroom. She scrunched her nose at the smell.  She cleaned Min carefully with the paper towel found in the bag Taeyeon’s cousin left with her. She read on her phone what to do next so she continued.

“I like your friend, Yoona” Taeyeon suddenly said.

“Oh?” Tiffany said without looking up, focused on her work, “She is great but are you telling me this to distract me and fail?”

“No. I meant it” Taeyeon shook her head seriously and Tiffany giggled.

“I was just kidding” Tiffany said. She was close to finish her task as a training mother, “She was my neighbor when I lived with my dad. I wasn’t close with my uncle’s family but I got close to her. She was different” She didn’t pity her like her uncle’s family did.

Tiffany took a moment to read how to properly close the diaper and then continued, “She is really close to my dad too so telling her that I was having a baby was a scary thought. But I realized the reason why we were friends and it was because I trusted her words and feelings so everything is ok now”

Tiffany didn’t know exactly why she was telling all of this to Taeyeon. She didn’t ask. But she liked to talk with Taeyeon, she didn’t feel like holding back her thoughts from her.

She finished changing Min’s diaper and looked at her, “How is it? Good?” Min didn’t answer but made a sound after smiling so Tiffany assumed it was a ‘yes’ and she was happy about her success. She took the trash outside and made a mental note to throw the bag with the dirty diaper later.

“I’m glad you could tell Yoona about your baby. I’m sure you feel more relaxed now and she is probably happy that you trusted her with this” Tiffany heard Taeyeon say to her as she got inside her room again. Taeyeon was sitting with her back on the bed support and with Min between her legs.  Tiffany smiled.

She sat beside Taeyeon, her shoulder glued to the older girl left one, “I know. I’m glad but I can’t stop thinking about my dad…” she said in a low voice, dropped her gaze on the bed but wasn’t paying attention to the patterns on the sheets.

She felt a hand grabbing her right one and lifted her eyes to stare at Taeyeon. She noticed their faces were really close and the proximity was making Tiffany’s insides jump anxiously, it was frustrating to be this close but at the same time she didn’t want to move away.

“Tell him when you are ready. He loves you so he will understand. Don’t worry too much. Think of this” Taeyeon left her hand to touch her tummy that wasn’t flat anymore. There was like a growing bulb there, it wasn’t that noticeable for eyes but it was when you touched it. She liked the feeling of Taeyeon’s hand there.

She smiled and nodded, feeling grateful for Taeyeon’s words. They calmed her worried mind like magic. She turned her head to the front and saw the mirror, her-their reflection to be exact. Taeyeon was playing with Min and Tiffany and the older girl were close, legs and arms touching each other. She liked it. She liked what she saw. She put her head on Taeyeon’s shoulder and wondered if Taeyeon has seen the reflection too and if she thought it was nice just like her.

“Umm?” Taeyeon asked softly while turning her head to stare at Tiffany.

Tiffany shook her head a bit, “Nothing… I like this” Tiffany just said.

She felt her hand grazing Taeyeon’s hand because of the closeness so she just followed her instinct and grabbed it. She was scared that Taeyeon would let go but she didn’t. Instead, at first somewhat hesitantly, she interlocked their fingers, causing a surge of emotions inside Tiffany.

With her head on Taeyeon’s shoulder she closed her eyes, strongly; as she was trying to make the butterflies go away. But it was a failure, she couldn’t, the feelings were there and they grew with every little touch Taeyeon did with her thumb, with the way it seemed Taeyeon put her nose on her head for a moment.

There was no use in denying she liked it way too much.

And she didn’t open her eyes- afraid of looking at the mirror and confirming that she probably crossed a line, or was walking on it, ready to fall.

 

 

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A/N: Hi again, sorry for taking long, I hope this update is worth the time you've waited. Good news, I'm finishing classes around early december so I will have more free time and that means faster updates :D Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, tell me your thoughts. I like reading your comments a lot (: