After a while, the vicious words that they threw at me finally went through my head. And that is when the bad thing starts happen. Every evening after my school and work had ended, I will retreat to the safety of my home, the place that gives me comfort after all the trouble I’ve been through. And then I will enter my bathroom and searched for that one thing that can release my torture. My precious blades.

                These blades helped me to release my pain and starting from my 18th birthday, it has been my constant companion throughout the endless day. Sometimes I just drew some lines on my arms or on my thigh. Sometimes words that I have been constantly hearing at school will be carved on y body. Loser, embarrassment, stupid , you name it. Feeling of blood oozing from my skin is like a stress release for me. Its like with the flowing blood, my pain will be gone with it. But I knew it will not stop and it will never stops.

                Even now, the pain never stops even when I am now 24 years old. But the differences is now that I am older, I get to choose what I want to do.  So, I choose to avoid people and work at the convenience store near my house. And my shift is at night, so there will fewer people that I have to interact with. I know it sounds pathetic to live like that but I am just afraid to hurt yet again because of the people I make contact with. Its like once you’ve been hurt, you’re so scared to get attached again with the surroundin