Bittersweet memories
The Snow Prince
it's the time of the year for the festivals of light. this year could possibly be one of the most memorable one because we have 4 pairs of couples celebrating together in this joyous occasion.
i looked at the three pairs, excluding Haruna and Yuto, and I intuitively smiled at the lovely scene.
After Yuri and Daiki moved into my house, I have been drowned in the care and love they provided. the empty house seemed so vibrant and noisy all of a sudden. it didnt take long for them to adapt to our lives, well because they have always been pure humans.
Yuri, the always cheerful one, captured Miku's heart ever since they met eyes with each other. there was this once, I peeked at their conversation in the balcony and I swore my heart almost melted.
that day...The 2 of them looked silently into the night sky like as though they were too shy to talk. perhaps, it's just Miku who looked extremely nervous beside Yuri. Then Yuri broke the silence... like finally...
"Miku, are you always this shy? your cheeks are forever red hot beside me" Yuri's intimidating question definitely set Miku on fire.
"er... I..." before she could even make out a complete sentence without stuttering, Yuri startled Miku with a kiss. it was a really long one, but I never grew tired of watching them. Yuri was so gentle that every adjustments he made to his position were well-thought out so he doesn't hurt her. his hand serenades around her face to guide her around his lips.
I don't know how he became such a good kisser cause everytime I tried to , he just runs off to his room. and as for Miku, she told me her heart stopped when he approached her. she secretly told me that his lips are so addictively soft that she actually fantasise his lips after that day. she even said that she was afraid she couldn't hold on to her lust. I can only say that Yuri really turned Miku wild cause the Miku I knew 2 years back wouldn't have said that.
And as for Daiki... he met this new girl from the apartment beside us, who also happen to be from our school. the way they crossed path was even cuter, if that's the best word to express.
that day... we were about to meet Yuto and the rest for lunch. then this girl, Riko, who apparently has a huge crush on Daiki, bumped into us... and then she's so nervous when she introduced herself to Daiki. er, I think she wanted to give him a love letter because I saw her whole group of friends cheering her on at the back. but then she never had the chance to hand it to him, because she fainted when Daiki wanted to shake her hand. ended up, Daiki didn't come with us. she piggybacked the girl to her house and took care of her. that's a even better deal than the love letter I guess. now I know, the title of the most shy doesn't go to Miku but Riko. She kept coming to me for advices about what to give Daiki, what to talk about... but really, it's not necessary cause Daiki really has a way with girls. he knows exactly what they're thinking. luckily he's not a Casanova or Riko will really have a hard time trying to tie him to her.
as for Suzuka, she finally got her love... Hikaru. Well, I helped tie some strings but most of it was their fate. i persuaded Suzuka to confess formally after i realised that Hikaru does have some feelings for her. and they decided to give each other a try. things turned out great and they never regretted making that move. Initially Hikaru was still very concerned about me. everyday he'll run to my house and check me out. it's only until Yuri and Daiki told him that they'll look after me that he finally stopped this routine. Honestly, it's not just about Hikaru, but i feel i'm not being fair to whoever i'm gonna date cause my heart still longs for that one person...
but the past few months, my dreams of him are becoming blurred. it's like I'm forgetting how he looks like, how comforting his subtle smile was. even the feelings of him holding my hands, tugging me in his embrace and kissing my lips are all slowly disappearing. it's like I can't quite remember how it felt like around him...once in a while, I had to retrieve the painting I made of him to remind myself. it just means that it'll take about more than one year to entirely forget someone.
I don't know why, but today, I felt particularly down. I should be happy, looking at everyone's happy faces filled with love. but instead I felt lonely when I saw them all coupled up, holding hands and walking side by side. as i walked down the busy street, i reminisced about the same time last year, where i nearly drowned in his sea of love.memories of every overt gentleness and soothing words, once vivid in my mind, were fading away as I tried hard to recall.
it is as if my mind is thinking of him aloud....I heard "Ryosuke..."
I must be hearing things. but the second and third calling made me realise it wasn't my inner thoughts. "Yamada Ryosuke, wait for me!!!" i thought that was what i heard.
I located the source of the calling and saw a long-haired girl desperately trying to hold on to a guy, slightly taller than her. though it was only the back view of him, but it brought back my memories...it re-ignited my yearning...
"R~Ryosuke?" my lips trembled as I uttered the name. it has been a taboo word among us for a very long time since it only brings us the traumatic feeling of losing him.
"heh?! Umika, where are you going?!" Yuri grabbed my arms when he saw me moving away from them, and more importantly he heard me calling for Ryosuke.
"I saw him" I was certain it's not him, but even so, his resembling back view makes me feel abit hopeful. my feet just unconsciously walked towards the direction of the guy.
"Umika! stop thinking about him already!" Hikaru and Suzuka both raised their voice at me. I knew they have been frustrated that i haven't entirely walked out from his memories, but I really can't help it.
Seeing that my tears are beginning to fill my eyes, Yuto stepped out and restrained the irritated couple.
"do you know how worried we are about you?! could you at least put on some effort to wash him off your mind!!!" the couple continued to flare.
"I can't help it!!!! you're not me! you won't understand my pain! I never asked any of you to worry about me, okay?!!!"
"okay okay, shhh... it's okay,Umika. we are not blaming you. Yuri and I can't forget him either. we'll help each other okay, but promise us you'll try." Daiki placed his arms around my shoulder.
"sorry Daiki, I just need some time alone. you guys just go ahead without me, in case I spoil everyone's mood"
"where are you going, Umika? you're not going to find that guy you saw, are you?" Miku ran up beside me.
"I know it's not him. I'm not going to look for anyone. i know it's stupid....I just want a breather... anyway, enjoy your day. see you later" I tried my best to smile to the group staring at me with sympathetic eyes. I hate those eyes, by the way. it makes me feel like I'm dying or I'm sick or I'm psychotic. I just wanna escape from this suffocating situation so I ran against the flow of crowd, to wherever my feet brings me.
and it's not a surprise that I went to the one place, undiscovered by the large... the isolated garden that I was introduced to just last year. the best spot in the house for star-gazing. a sense of cozy familiarity rushed through my veins, calming my frustration within.
I sat on the grass patch, tugging my knees close to my body. my head tilted slightly up and immersed myself in the sky filled with blinking stars. there's one that's particularly bright, staring right at me.
"Is that you?" I directed the question to the one star."you're so far away..."
I shut my eyes and let the memories take me to that day...
Ryosuke stretched out his free hand and then brought it close to his lips and gave a gentle blow. he opened his hand slightly, revealing a shiny star.
"omg it's amazing!!!" I wanted to touch it, but was stopped by him.
"there's a reason why stars are situated beyond our reach. because if you touch it, it disintegrates. that's why it's only for viewing pleasure..."
"so no one can ever fully possess one?".
"you want to possess one?"
"of course...but it's impossible"
Ryosuke sat up and pulled me beside him. he grabbed my hand and shoved the star slowly into my palm and closed it with his palm over mine. together he led my palm towards my heart and pressed my palm against it.
"now you'll always possess the star isn't it... it's in your heart now, and no one can ever take that away from you"
one drop of tear flow down my cheek as I imagined the possibility of him watching over me and my longing to hold him in my arms... I raised my hand into the sky, positioned my hand to align with the single star, with my eyes closed to let my other senses take over.
Suddenly i felt the touch of a warm hand with its five fingers wrapped around mine. i refused to open my eyes, cause it's all these little delusions that make me feel that he never left me. if everything was a dream, I would never want to wake up.
"there's a reason why stars are situated beyond our reach. because if you touch it, it disintegrates. that's why it's only for viewing pleasure..."
the same line, the same voice... seemed so surreal now... but at the same time, it feels so real, it doesn't feel like a dream. it's like as if he's really here, behind me with his hand wrapped around mine, speaking those words.
"Ryosuke~" tears trickled down the corner of my tightly-shut eyes as I uttered his name.
*****
(credit to uploader)
"you're so slow, Mariya..." a dashing guy in his early 20s nagged at a beautiful, long haired girl who grabbed on his arm tightly.
"what's the rush? the ornaments are so pretty"
"you've loads of them. there's nothing here that interest me... and do you have to grab me so hard? my arm is turning red, thanks to your fingernails"
"oi. if I don't do that, the girls around will pow on you. look at their lustful eyes glaring at you."
"you're imagining too much."
"oh really, see those girls there, they are almost like salivating over you."
"seriously~ Mariya."
"what? just merely warning you"
"well, it's not like it's a bad thing that I'm so popular right"
"you're really obnoxious sometimes"
the 2 continued bickering like there's no end, but truly they loved each other's presence. at the end, the guy threw his arms over the girl's shoulder and strolled down the crowded street.
the girl was actually right. he is quite a heartthrob and the girls in town have been talking about him ever since he moved here. it's not like he doesn't know, but more like he doesn't care. as long as he has someone to care for, then fame, popularity are really nothing to him.
"Mariya, there's this place I need to show you..."
"are there ornaments, fashion items there?" her eyes shine and widened.
"no. it's a scenic place I noticed a few days ago"
"here? not interested." she stuck out her tongue cheekily.
"okay then.. I'll go myself. enjoy your shopping.."
"oi, you're going to leave me alone.? we're supposed to explore together. you know I have poor directions"
"I don't wanna bore you. we can just meet back here, okay. keep your phone close to you. I'll beep you if I don't see you."
she gave him the disappointed face but he didn't fall for it. he knows if he doesn't excuse himself now, he will have to endure the next few hours of shopping...
"see you, Mariya" he cheekily protruded his tongue and then gave a bright, charming smile that melts the hearts of Mariya and the surrounding girls'. he dashed into the crowd before she can hold him back.
"ah, here it is... I knew it'll be empty...." just when he thought, he saw a girl in the garden. he was surprised to see someone with similar interest as him. his heart skipped a beat while stalking her from the back, and he doesn't quite know why. he clutched his heart as he felt a surge of heartache. it's like he could almost sense and hear her sorrows.
his feet walked towards her uncontrollably, and he has that urge, that urge to put a stop to her pain.
"there's a reason why stars are situated beyond our reach. because if you touch it, it disintegrates. that's why it's only for viewing pleasure..." his hand wrapped around her hand which tried to reach out for the stars.
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Some memories are meant to stay, some memories are meant to be forgotten no matter how hard you try to remember them. If memories are painful, it's better to forget than to hold on to it.
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