“Sometimes we love people so much that we have to be numb to it. Because if we actually felt how much we love them, it would kill us. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It just means your heart’s too big.”

- Brittany Murphy as Fay in Riding With Cars With Boys (2001)

**

The speed of his motorcycle was very fast, it passed the other motorcycle in front of him. His eyes were focused on one thing, the finish line that’s even closer to him. He increased the speed, his mind wasn’t right anymore, his heart pounded even faster than before. It’s not because the speed of the motorcycle that became faster by the second; not even because he wanted to reach the finish line. But, it’s because her face suddenly appeared in his mind.

“First line, Oh Sehun!”

Everybody cheered for his win, jumped in joy and ran here and there. Sehun took off his helmet, saw the joy of the people. One thing that always appeared in his mind was:

“They are happy, when will I feel it, too?”

His friends approached him, congratulated him, but his mind wasn’t here, his mind was flying away to the sky, to someone else’ girlfriend.

To someone that he shouldn’t love.

He didn’t have a hope to be a winner, he didn’t search for a satisfaction of a win, he didn’t search for a popularity. He just searched a place that he could release all of his stress, his depression and his pain. Where he could make his heart stop from pounding so fast when he thinks about her, where he could forget her.

But he hadn’t found the way. His heart still pounds so fast when he remembered about her beautiful eyes, her sweet smile, her laugh and all about her.

Sehun isn’t a person that will easily fall in love, but once he fell in love, he would fall hard. He would love her wholeheartedly, with all of his sincerity. He knew that the girl that he loved wouldn’t love him back, and she couldn’t. He knew, but he couldn’t stop the feeling of loving her. Even though he wanted to, he couldn’t.

They just could be a friend, and it’s his deepest pain. And when he knew that she loved the other guy, the pain was even deeper than the deepest pain. But, if someday Sehun couldn’t see her smile anymore,