Taeyang lowered the paper. The last few words seemed to echo in the air, reminding them of what they had lost. No one spoke for a long time. It seemed like they would never be able to speak again. The words Daesung had written burned into their minds, telling them exactly how right he was.

Finally, the silence was broken by Taeyang. He started sobbing so hard he could barely breathe. The words on the letter got darker as his tears fell on them. And mixed in with his sobs were words, "God, he was right. Where were we? He was right . . ."

This, above everything, was the trigger to the tears the others had been holding back. The only one who wasn't crying was Seungri. He just watched as GD lay his head on the arm of the couch, wetting the fabric with his tears. Top had his head in his hands, and Taeyang just leaned back, the letter lying in his limp hand, tears streaming down his cheeks. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

"Excuse me." he said, then hastily made his way to his room before he lost it. He slammed to door to his and Tops room and took several deep breaths, willing himself not to let his emotions grab hold of him.

But he needed more than just deep breaths. The others looked up, startled, as the sound of crashing came from the other side of the door, followed by,

"Holymothereffing --!" and a long stream of expletives. They looked at each other, momentarily forgetting their pain. More crashing and thumps followed the swearing and Top leapt up to see what Seungri was doing to their room. He wrenched the door open and walked inside just as the noises stopped.

A scene of total devestation met his eyes. In two minutes, Seungri had flipped the mattress of his bed, sending the blankets and pillows to the floor. His books were scattered on the floor, some of their pages ripped, most face down. He had punched a small hole in the wall next to his desk, which had been pushed aside, the laptop that had been charging on top now lying on the ground. He'd thrown his lamp across the room, accounting for the crashing they'd heard. Top noticed that even when Seungri was angry, he made sure to only destroy his own belongings, and not touch Tops.

In the middle of the mess sat Seungri, curled up on the floor, cradling his bruised hand, sobbing. Top approached him cautiously, trying to ascertain that he wasn't going to get punched. He knelt down next to Seungri and put an arm around his shoulders.

That was all he needed. Seungri leaned into Tops chest, burying his face in his shoulder, his body shaking with the sobs he hadn't been able to let anyone see. Top rubbed his hand gently along Seungri's arm, silently comforting him.

He couldn't believe it had come to this. All their emotions were wacked out, and Seungri seemed to be having the most trouble coping. He could see it every time he succumed to his anger. He knew he was trying, but he couldn't get past his anger.

As the oldest, Top was doing all he could to help all his dongsaengs, and the fact that his efforts weren't paying off worried him. How could they ever function like this? No matter what Daesung wanted, he wasn't sure if they'd be able to continue.

But they could try.

That thought surprised him. He didn't know where it came from. Still absently rubbing his hand along Seungri's arm, he thought about it.

Daesung would be disappointed if they just gave up without even trying. He'd tell them that they didn't even give becoming a four member group a chance to work out. He'd tell them, Top winced when he thought it, that they were doing what they did to him. Not even trying. Maybe they should give it a try for a few months and see how it works out.

"Hyung?" the word broke into Tops thoughts. He glanced down at Seungri, who had turned his head towards him. His face was flushed red, his eyes almost the same color. He looked like he'd just splashed his face in water, as the tears were streaked all over his cheeks and sweat matted his hair in the front.

"Yes, Seungri-ah?" Top asked quietly.

"I'm sorry." Seungri mumbled, appearing to be half-asleep, his eyes half-closed.

"It's okay." Top didn't get an answer. Seungri had fallen asleep. He carefully removed his arm from around Seungri's shoulders. He picked him up and carried him to his own bed, as Seungri's was currently on the floor.

As he was leaving the room, he caught sight of Seungri's hand, which was resting on the blanket. The knuckles were bruised and scraped, and they looked a little swollen. Top went to the bathroom and brought out a first aid kit. Being very careful not to wake Seungri up, he took his hand off the blanket. Seungri's breath came shorter for a second, almost like he could feel the pain in his sleep. Top put some ointment on the injured hand and wrapped it in a bandage. He left the kit on the bedside table and quietly left the room.

He reentered the living room where he found GD and Taeyang looking at the letter again. They glanced up when he walked in and sat down next to GD.

"Is he --"

"I think so. He's just . . . upset."

GD sighed. "I know. That was enough to break anyone. I'm worried about him."

"I'm worried about all of us." Top said. "Look at us. We just mope around, fighting with each other. Siwon's right. It's pitiful."

"No. What's pitiful is that we're fighting about something that should be so obvious." Taeyang said. The other two didn't answer. It appeared like they were close to making a decision. It was the closest they'd come yet.

Top noticed something on the floor and picked it up. It was the picture that Daesung had left for them. He stared at it for a second, remembering that day, and how happy they'd been together. Before all this had blown up. He wished they could go back to that moment. Then he thought about the accident and made another wish. He wished he'd have gone with Daesung, to make sure he was safe and nothing happened. Then there would have been two people to shoulder the guilt, and Daesung wouldn't have had to deal with it on his own. Looking at the picture, the loss seemed that much more acute in his heart. But he remembered Daesung's words,

This is not your fault. Any of you.

Daesung believed so strongly that they could do it, why should they disappoint him? Why should they ignore what he said? They'd done enough ignoring when he was alive. It had stemmed from the fact that they didn't want to confront their own feelings on the accident, so they left him to deal with his on his own. There had been enough ignoring going on around here. They owed it to Daesung. He turned to the other two, who were also gazing blankly at the picture in his hand.

"I was thinking --" he began.

"I know. Me too." GD cut in.

"Maybe . . . we should give it a try. Daesung's right. We need each other." Taeyang said. They looked at each other. It was only that easy to actually come to a decision.

"All we have to do now is convince Seungri."

"Easier said than done." they chuckled amongst themselves, then looked shocked. None of them had cracked any semblance of a smile since they'd found Daesung.

Top immediately felt guilty. He's only been gone a week. Look at you! Laughing. How could you laugh? It's an insult! He shouted to himself. GD and Taeyang also stopped rather quickly. Taeyang especially looked dismayed.

Daesung. When will we let ourselves be happy again? When will it not feel like such a crime to smile, or laugh? When will the pain go away? Daesung was quiet for a minute, then,

"Young-bae." he sounded sad. "It'll take a while."

Tears dripped down again, but Taeyang didn't wipe them away.

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It's a bad chapter, I know. I was having some writers block and it went really slowly, but it's going faster now.

And I have to say, I love it when people have freak-outs in stories. They're so much fun to write, and read in my opinion.

Let me know your opinion on it!

=) Aiko