Selfish

How Could You Do This?

I hope you guys don't think this story's going too fast cuz I update every day. I just get really bored at  work, so I write, then I have to update. Oh well. It keeps me occupied.

But again, I hope you don't mind that I update all the time.

-------------------------------------------------------

Once GD had left the room, the other three went in their various pursuits, avoiding each other as much as possible.

Top had turned the TV back on and was watching a SHINee featured reality show with the volume low. Seungri was alternating his ice pack between his eye and his jaw, watching the show out of the corner of his eyes. And Taeyang ignored them both and stared into space, doing what had become a habit.

Daesung. Seungri wants to disband. He says we can't go on without you. And I think I agree with him.

"What are you talking about? Of course you can go on without me!" Daesung replied incredulously.

But he has a point. You were the life and soul of Big Bang. There were no conflicts, well mostly, while you were here.

Daesung snorted. "Yeah right."

You know what I mean.

"I didn't know I was so important that you wouldn't be able to continue without me."

Taeyang actually gaped. "What do you mean? Of course you were!" he cried, jumping out of his seat. Seungri and Top jumped, staring at Taeyang, who was talking to nothing.

"You can go on without me, you know." Daesung persisted.

"I don't think we can." Taeyang said, completely ignoring the strange looks Top and Seungri were giving him.

"Um, you know you're talking out loud now, right?" Daesung asked, sounding concerned.

"I know! I don't care! So what if they know I'm talking to a dead person? All I know is that I can't believe that you could think you weren't important in our group! How could you say such a thing?

Daesung was silent.

"Um, hyung?" Seungri sounded extremely uncertain. "Is . . . is everything okay?"

"I don't want you to disband because of me." were Daesung's final words before he was gone. Taeyang sat down again, thinking hard.

"Everything's fine, sorry." he muttered absently. Top and Seungri continued to periodically send concerned glances at him until he spoke.

"I don't think we should disband." he said it quietly, hoping they wouldn't hear, but they did.

"You -- what?"

"I don't think we should disband." he repeated.

Top sighed. "Can we please not get into this? Please?"

"No. I'm the only one who hasn't expressed my opinion. And my opinion is that Daesung wouldn't want us to disband.

"That's all nice and good, but Daesung's not the one dealing with this."

"Like it or not, I still don't think we should." Taeyang insisted stubbornly.

"And how do you know he wouldn't want it?" Seungri asked. Taeyang flushed and didn't answer.

"Going to bed." he stood up, still red in the face.

"Where?" Seungri knew he was being mean, but he couldn't help himself. Taeyang stopped short, the realization flooding through him. He turned at looked at Seungri, who flinched ever so slightly.

"On the floor." he said, then went to his workroom and clsoed the door with a snap.

Top looked around at Seungri. "You didn't have to do that."

Seungri looked surprised. "Do what?"

"You could've phrased that in a more tactful way, maybe?"

"There isn't --"

"Look. I know you're angry and you have every right to be." Top stood up, shutting off the TV as he passed it. "But there's no need to take it out on us. We don't need your anger on top of everything else."

Seungri blinked. This coldness wasn't something he was used to hearing from any one of his hyungs. "But --"

"Try thinking of others, rather than just yourself." Top strode out of the room, leaving Seungri quite alone with a hundred angry thoughts running through his mind.

He should talk. He's the one thinking of himself. Seungri thought, replacing the ice pack on his eye, wincing when it stung.

He sighed. No matter how many times he turned their situation over in his mind, he always came to the same conclusion.

This was Daesung's fault.

As much as he loved and respected his hyung, he could not get over the fact that Daesung left them in this mess. He didn't seem to have cared about what he was leaving behind, only of getting out of his guilt.

He's the one who was thinking only of himself. Seungri reflected miserably. He got up and went to the mirror that hung next to the piano and studied himself, lowering his ice pack. He definitely looked different. The cut in his cheek was an angry red, contrasting with his now pale skin. His blackened eye was similarly noticable, the entire eye and making it slightly swollen.

But what really scared him was the change in his eyes. Before all this, they'd always had a glimmer of mischief and excitement. He was always ready for some fun. Now, the only emotion he could see was a hard anger and resentment. No gleam of anything. No smile of any kind to be found. He closed the offending eyes, but the look even he could see was burned into his memory.

He didn't like the changes he saw in himself, even less the changes in his hyungs. He needed someone to blame for their uncertainty and he found a scapegoat in Daesung.

If he hadn't done this, everything would be better. He thought firmly, trying desperately to convince himself of that. But buried beneath all that anger, a tiny voice of reason piped its opposition. Seungri shook his head to rid himself of it.

"God Daesung, I wish you were still here. You always knew how to help." Seungri whispered to his reflection. He shook his head and made his way back to the couch, sitting down wearily. It was late, but he didn't feel up to facing Top in their room right now.

He kept himself upright on the couch with the TV on, stubbornly not allowing himself to sleep. He'd had horrible dreams the night before and was not keen on opening himself like that again tonight.

But weariness has a way of making itself known. He found his eyes continuously slipping closed, no matter how hard he tried to keep them open. "Maybe just a little nap." he mumbled, lying down flat on the couch. In seconds he was fast asleep.

Which was why he didn't hear the door to Taeyang's work room open, and quiet footsteps make their way into the living room. Seungri's legs slid on the couch slightly as Taeyang sat down on the end.

He watched Seungri's sleeping form for a few minutes, the flickering light of the TV bathing both their faces with a soft glow.

"Seungri." Taeyang whispered. "You're having such a hard time. I wish I could make it easier for you. I'm sorry I haven't been as good a hyung as Daesung was. No one could. I'm doing my best, Seungri-ah, but I'm just not sure if my best is good enough. I miss him and I know you do too, even if you're too angry to admit it." he stopped as Seungri shifted, wrapping his arms slightly around his chest, shivering a little. He was cold.

Taeyang got up carefully, went to the closet, grabbed a blanket, and went back to Seungri. He carefully draped the blanket over the maknae, who stopped shivering gradually, drawing in the comforting warmth.

Taeyang went to the chair across the room and sat down. The floor was more uncomfortable then he thought.

Taking a last glance at Seungri, he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

--------------------------------------------------

It's Seungri's turn for some prodding in his head! He actually was pretty easy to do. Anger is the easiest emotion to portray, I'm telling you.

Comment and review!

=) Aiko

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Thekoreanreader #1
Chapter 19: WHY MUST U MAKE ME CRY AND LISTENING TO LAST DANCE AT THE SAME TIME!!! WAHHHHH
Rapidrules #2
Chapter 19: Omg I'm crying and IV only know bigbang for a few months. Ahhhh tears keep coming :'( one of the most saddest things IV ever read
akioryuu
#3
I found this story in wattpadd... Is Gira_Noona already ask your permission to re-write your story??? Thank you...
bella_nabila01
#4
Chapter 19: You know.This is the best Big Bang fanfic i ever read.You make me cry so hard when they read Daesung last letter.I'm such a stupid to find this wonderful fanfic in 2015 when you wrote it in 2013.Until now when i am writing this comment my tears keep falling.Yes i can't stop when it comes to the song they made and the last conversation between Young Bae and Daesung.After reading this,you don't know how much i feel grateful that Daesung manage to handle his feelings after the accident.I can't imagine what will happen if this happen.There will be no MADE album.No Daesung playing drum while laughing.No laugh and joy anymore in Big Bang.Kamsahamnida authornim.For making me appreciate BigBang more and more.Love them more and i think,this is the best kpop group forever.And if you mind,i want to post this fanfic in Wattpad.I will give credit to you and promote your Account here.Thanks
NMInspirit987
#5
Chapter 19: It's been 3 years since you wrote this? how could i just find this story now? in 2015?
......... i dont know how much i cried for this story. to be honest i was feeling sad and i was looking for the story to read. and then i found this story. when i read the first chapter, i could feel my eyes were teary, and then i read the next chapters....... and guess what? I AM CRYING HARD HERE. I FEEL MORE SAD. Daesung is my bias and...... i cant imagine if this things will be happened to them.
But in the same time, i feel happy cuz it's been a long time since i read this kind of story.

well thank you so much for make me chokes and sobbing hard. i feel more calm right now.

THANKS FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY <33
red_knight #6
Chapter 19: OMG i'm crying!! I loved it , Authornim!!!
DzaifiyaChoHee
#7
Chapter 19: I was looking for something to make me cry.. this is the answer. . thanks author-nim for writing this story.. it's so beautiful. .
Pikachau #8
Chapter 19: I loved this. It's sooo good! You had me in tears over how sad and amazing this was!
missbeehave
#9
Chapter 19: I love and hate this story. I still cant make up my mind.
I refuse to re read wat I wrote b4. Prob dun even make sense I dun give a shyt.
What I do love is your writing.
I bow at ur feet for making me sob so hard I shoulda choked.
For breaking my heart and still making me give u props for ur writing.

And.that.song. omg I cried so loud I freaked out my own damn self. That.song.is.wow.
Imagine if bigbangb really sang that song..bigbang as 5 of course.
Lol I still hate u.
Hahaha no I think I love u.
Hahah yes im bipolar. So wat?
Youre a freak-breaking peoples hearts n crushing their souls then making them thank u.
Well thank u ok thank u.
Please write more bigbang.
U can make it up with bigbang fics.
I love what u wrote abt thanking dae for not giving up. I feel u..I wrote everywhere online wanting him to muster through. Hwaiting indeed.
All I wanna say is that u r strangely wonderful, addictive and an absolute freak. Stop breaking my heart n making ppl cry all over the world lol

Now where can I find more bigbang fics uve written?
Hahahahahah

In all seriousness. I pledge my adoration to u.

Bipolarlike fan
~Bee
missbeehave
#10
Chapter 19: Omg I cant see myveyes are pouring and my nose is crying tooo so snotty I dun even care rn. Eww.
I cant see but I can feel. Tgis is sooo paifnul my heart is breakin gbroken gone my chest is really tight w grief. Damn u. Damn u. Why do u hurt me..ill cone bacj when I can see again but..damn u