It was raining when Hyoyeon arrived home. Surely, it wasn’t an omen, just inevitable, she tried to assure herself.

Darkness welcomed her as she opened the door. She switched on all the light and started checking from the kitchen. When she looked at the kitchen, she was shocked to see the disarray state of the kitchen.

But there was no time to care about some messy kitchen. She needed to find Kris.

“Kris?” she called out. Silence answered her call.

She scanned through the living room. When she was sure Kris wasn’t there, she went to the bedroom. Empty. No sign of people. She almost believed Kris wasn’t here. Just as she wanted to walk out of the room, she noticed the door to the balcony was opened. The wind was flapping the curtains. She didn’t remember leaving it open before.

She walked forward, but stopped near the sliding door as she felt the water blown by wind touched her skin. She flipped the curtain and the water splashed and soaked her as she stood by the door. She forgot it was raining outside.

She glanced around and there he was, sitting in a corner, knees pulled up under his chin.

She walked slowly and knelt beside him. “Kris?” she called, leaning forward as she peered at him.

He didn’t move. She couldn’t see his face, only his blond hair hung limp and soaked around his face, his shirt too was dripping wet.

“What are you doing here? It’s cold.”

She grabbed his wrist and literally pulled him back into the room. He just obeyed and followed her lifelessly, without objecting. Then she walked to the balcony again and closed the door.

As she turned around and faced him again, Hyoyeon hesitated. No longer curled in on himself, Kris leaned against the bed frame, staring into air. Words seemed to clot and dissolve in as she watched him. She couldn’t be kind to him after what he’d done, couldn’t be cruel to him after what she’ done, couldn’t forget his fury or his pained face or the truth presented by Jessica and Heechul earlier.

Then she realized that he was watching her.

“I wanted to leave. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget my responsibilities, grandma, everyone. Yet, I can’t forget you.” Kris chuckled humourlessly. “Pathetic, right?”

It would be easier if she was as smooth at talking as Jessica. It would be easier if she was as confidence as Heechul. She had millions things to say to Kris right now but the words seemed to disappear into the thin air.

Then, he looked in her eyes. “What now? Why are you here? Didn’t you leave?” He paused and looked away. “Are you here to remind me that your 30 days are almost up? Did you forget to ask for divorce?”

She froze. “What?”

It was getting more difficult to speak. And he wasn’t making it easier too.

“If that’s what you want, then, let’s divorce,” he said coldly, trying to hide his own sadness.

‘If this will make you happy, I will do it even if my heart is hurt. Because all I want to see is your smile.’ Kris had his hands in tight grip to hide the fact that they were shaking.

Then, he had his eyes shut tightly. “Go ahead. Yell at me. Cuss at me all you want. Then, run away to place where I can’t hurt you anymore.”

Hyoyeon had a feeling that if she didn’t say anything, Kris would slip away from her. He would go further away from her. And the chance to mend their relationship would go down the drain. She was suddenly terrified that she would never have another chance to be with him again. What he was saying was kind of sounded like… goodbye.

Hyoyeon shook her head and realized he couldn’t see it. So, she spoke. “No,” she said, her firm voice shocked her even. “I’m not running away from you this time.”

Kris opened his eyes and immediately locked with her eyes. His expression was unreadable.

“It’s okay if you want to complain. You can even get mad at me,” she said. Her voice sounded thick. She double-blinked the extra moisture from her eyes. “I’m staying. I’m not leaving.” There was a new profound resolution seeping into her now.

She inched closer to him, reducing the distance between them. It wasn’t enough. She needed to get closer. So, she sat down beside him, and placed her hand over the top of his. He didn’t move. She forced her eyes away from looking at his eyes, but she didn’t know where to look. It was hard to look at his face, afraid of how he looked at her. Her anxiety must have been pretty obvious.

“But you left…” he whispered.

“I did… because I couldn’t bear the thought…” she trailed off.

She risked a glance up at his face. He looked confused.

“I thought you hate me. And I couldn’t stand it!”

His confused expression froze in place. She was surprised when he spoke. His face was so still and his lips barely moved.

“You thought I hate you?”

She flinched.

“How can you thought I hate you?” Kris said. His face was incredulous, with just a hint of the anger she feared. He pulled away his hand from her grip and crossed his arms over his chest.

She half-opened , then closed it again. Funny how the possibility of him hating her sounded more and more absurd, unlike it did this morning.  It was stupid of her to think Kris could possibly hate her. She didn’t want him to start hating her. Never. If anything, the only person that wasn’t allowed to hate her in this whole world should be Kris. Only him.

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

He blew out an exasperated sigh, and then it was quiet again for a few minutes.

“No. you aren’t the one who should be sorry,” Kris said, his voice nearly inaudible. He looked at her with wistful expression. The black eyes held hers, and she lost her train of thought. She stared at him until he looked away.

Somehow, even though he was this close, she could feel the gap between them. It felt like he was going far away from her. Far away to a place where she couldn’t see him anymore. His tone hinted at an end and she recoiled from the idea. She wanted to close their distance, to reach out and touch him, but she was afraid he wouldn’t like her to.

“Stay with me,” she said, her voice tinged with desperation. She realized her eyes were wet, and she fought against the grief that was trying to overpower her.

She took a deep breath, and then it came out in a rush.

“You always put up a brave front. But, somehow, I can feel that you are fragile deep inside. Like someday, you will fall and break down.” She hesitated, dropping her eyes. “And, when that time comes, I’m hoping that I would be the one to hold you, comfort you.”

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