Yixing saw himself in Luhan.

 It was like he was looking his reflection in the mirror. He saw no difference at all.

 But why must Luhan?

“Let’s pretend that I’m fine.” Luhan tried to hide everything behind his smile. The corner of his eyes wrinkled as the smile bloomed on his face. No matter how bright the smile was, Yixing could not hide his commiseration.

The clock beeped twice and soon Lu Fei An would call them for the dinner.  Luhan told Yixing to not worry about him and he said that he can take care of himself. Nevertheless, Yixing remained unspoken, disagreed with the result at the end of the discussion. Luhan put his trust on him but Yixing did not say a thing. He did not think he could do this.

Like selling his soul to the devil, he felt like he was keeping the most sinful wish.

Now, he knew how Kyungsoo felt. He understood why Kyungsoo urged him to tell his family about this.  This situation had no difference from his. Should he close his eyes and pretend like nothing happened? However, he understood why Luhan did it. It was because it was the same reason why he did it too. It was the most cliché yet unavoidable:-

They don’t want to make their mother sad and worried.

But why must Luhan?

Yixing lapsed into silent during the meal time. He forced himself to laugh as Lu Fei An told jokes that the kids had said to her. Luhan easily burst into laughter as Lu Fei An kept telling the jokes. “What a stupid jokes!” Luhan chirped in.

“I know right!” Lu Fei An chuckled. “I don’t understand at all but they are clever.”

“They are.” Luhan nodded. Lu Fei An suddenly fell into silent. She put her chopsticks on the top of the bowl. “Sometimes, I wondered.” Lu Fei An started to speak again, Luhan and Yixing gave their attention to her. “Do their parents know how precious their children are?” Lu Fei An referred to those irresponsible parents who left their children at the orphanage.

“Maybe they have their own reasons.” Luhan voiced. Lu Fei An gave a thought about it and slightly nodded.

“I hope their parents will come back to take their children.” Yixing smiled.  Silently, Lu Fei An felt a pang of agony within her. I hope their parents will come back to take their children. How venomous those words were. Lu Fei An tried so hard to hide her expression. Her heart skipped a bit like it was afraid to take any oxygen to fill up the lungs.

“Y-yeah.” Lu Fei An faked a smile.

 Yixing sealed his mouth again and ate the food quietly.“Yixing.” Lu Fei An called.

“Yes, mom?”

“Are you sick?” Lu Fei An titled her head a little so she could see her son better. Yixing hesitated a second.

Yixing

Are you sick?

“You still have migraine? Tell me if you need anything, okay?” Lu Fei An continued.  She tried to change the topic in her mind. She threw the previous thought. Yixing is mine! Nobody will come to take him from me. That’s it!

Lu Fei An loyally waited for a response from Yixing.

Mom…

I…

“I’m totally fine!” Yixing purposely spoke in higher tone so his voice would sound alive. Yixing scooped a full spoon of rice into his mouth to show how he enjoyed the food. His eyes became half-moon. He smiled as bright as he could. Her mother smiled as she said she was glad that both of her sons were healthy.

“Keep healthy so you guys can help me later. Take care of me when I’m old.” She ruffled their hair simultaneously. “Love me like I love you two.”

Oh mom, don’t tell me how should I love you. You are the most precious woman in my life and all my heart is yours. I love you, mom. You don’t have to tell me because you are my all.

Yixing screamed within him. Deep inside, he was crying hard. He was coagulated with love and…guilt. Same goes to Luhan.

“Don’t worry, mom! We always with you! We are your superman!” Luhan put both of his arms up high. He showed his flat muscles which caused his mother to burst into laughter again.

“You are so skinny! I don’t know if I can depend on you.”

“Oh mom, don’t judge a book from its cover! I’m a strong and manly man. So, just believe in me.” Luhan winked, he threw all the cheesy words that he knew. “Build your body first, and then I will believe you.” Lu Fei An joked and they laughed in unison.

Unfortunately, nobody knew how hard they cried within themselves. They bottled up all the feeling inside and kept it well. Never show it to others.
 

Each of them kept a secret and did not prepare for the worst:  the adoption, brain tumor and the long-term disease; asthma.

So, they asked themselves whether they would be there for each other.

I'm sorry, mom.

I can't promise it... 

I'll try.

This is we called a happy family? Never trust the others yet keep spreading pious talk about happiness and sacrifice? Family is built to support each other and yet each of them kept their secret by themselves.

What a piece of reality that they don’t even know…

Let’s pretend everything is fine.

Yes, why not?

Let’s do that.

                                                                                                                                                Author