Chapter 1: Nice start. It was interesting and yo say the least got me reading and interested for the next chapter. However if I could add a criticism or two/three. I would say that some of the story was a bit clichéd. Such as how you described the fighting scenes. And the last bit with her drinking the boba tea. Also you tend to repeat a lot of stuff when it is already implied. Such as again with the fight scenes or when she was in class and she introduced herself. A more specific example is when you describe the scene and then say this is how he/she felt. That's not necessary if you describe the scene well (which you did) you shouldn't have to say directly how they were feeling. The reader would/should know by the description. One last criticism is that you tend to add character descriptions too directly into the story. Which breaks up the flow of your story and makes it a bit rocky. Again if you describe the sceme or a characters actions well enough you don't have to outright state that he's a bad or a great friend or whatever the case may be. As the saying goes, "show don't tell". In any case the chapter was good, besides the above criticisms. Your writing was good overall and the storyline is interesting.
Chapter 19: OUEGRSDFOHILNERTSGD
I'M NOT EVEN THE FIRST COMMENT. OMG, I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW GOOD THIS IS! ROSIE WOULD BE PROUD. PERFECT ENDING.
CREYS
THIS IS WHAT YOU CAN ONLY CONVEY THROUGH TYPE AND NOT OVER CHIPS.
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