To Cry, To Smile

Joonmyeon found himself sitting inside the small kitchen of Red Midnight, a house for es in the infamous Red Light District.

If Kris knew I was here, he’d skin me alive.

“Breakfast is served. Here you go, Kim Suho.” A plate of kimchi rice was placed in front of him as Sunhwa sat down with a plate of her own.

For a moment, Joonmyeon merely stared at the plate.

Sunhwa watched him, wondering what was wrong, if he was alright. “Kim Suho… aren’t you going to eat?” she asked, waving her hand in front of his face. He blinked, looking back up at her. “You should eat. You must be a little hungry, especially after waiting out in the cold.”

“Y-Yes… yes, of course.”

It wasn’t that he wasn’t hungry. It was just that he thought that es made a lot more money than most jobs. Many girls could get rich off of the profession if they managed their money correctly.

So seeing kimchi rice surprised him a little.

Sunhwa frowned a little. “Were you expecting something more… extravagant?” she asked softly. Joonmyeon froze; it was like she’d read his mind. “Look, I’m not offended. I know how people see us.” Her voice had dropped to just above a whisper. “People think we’re some sort of monsters, just after and money. I’m sure you thought the same way.”

“You’re not a monster,” Joonmyeon quickly cut her off, dropping his spoon. “I think you’re a normal girl… a really, really pretty normal girl.”

She laughed a little, although her laughter seemed almost sad. “That’s a new way of looking at it… beautiful monsters, right?” She sighed. “There’s ten of us living here. Boss took us all in… some of us were worse off than we are now. Sure, it’s not a great way to live, but it’s better than being on the streets.”

Joonmyeon frowned, practically feeling the sorrow radiating off her. “You can talk to me.”

“No, it’s fine. I know for a fact that you didn’t come here to listen to some poor little e whine about her life.” She smiled.

For once, her smile looked fake, forced.

And he hated it.

He liked her real smile, the one that could produce enough light to brighten up the darkest night. But this smile was dry and fragile, almost like thin glass. If he even poked it with the softest of words, it would crumble into thin shards.

So, he just let her talk.

“Okay, so as for what you said that night…” She leaned back, taking another bite of her breakfast. “To be honest, most of it was kind of incoherent. You didn’t make much sense. But what I got was that you were confused about how you were supposed to feel. Your long-time girlfriend cheated on you with your longer-time best friend. I mean, how is anyone supposed to feel after that? It sure as hell shouldn’t feel good. But you don’t have to hate them, either. I can tell that it’s not in your nature to hate people like you feel is normal.”

Joonmyeon’s eyes fell to his plate, unable to meet Sunhwa’s piercing gaze as she spoke. “Hatred is something that fuels the world.”

“Hatred is something that we think fuels the world. But we could do without hate. We could go forever without hating someone, but that would make us inhuman. People hate. I’m sure you’ve hated people, but maybe not to the extent that you think you should hate someone.” She leaned forward, forcing him to look directly at her. “Look. If you wanted to hate someone so much that you wanted to kill them… then I’d tell you that you have a problem,” she deadpanned.

It was a sigh of relief to Joonmyeon.

He was hurt. He was angry. But he couldn’t hate them enough to regret them living or to regret living himself.

He knew that there were people who hated each other enough to kill each other, slaughter one another in the middle of the night. And if he was going to be honest, that was one of the reasons that so many people died. So many people died because people couldn’t keep a grip on their hatred for others or for themselves.

“Thank you.”

Those two words slipped out of his lips.

He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, like they always did when he got too emotional. He bit his lip, fighting the wetness back before it could escape down his face and completely embarrass him in front of Sunhwa, who already had seen him drunk, which was embarrassing enough. He didn’t want to appear even weaker.

He then stood, his chair sliding loudly across the floor. “Really, thank you. I think that’s what I needed to hear.”

Sunhwa smiled again, for real this time. “Never a problem, Kim Suho. And… listen, if you ever need to talk again, I’m here pretty much all the damn time,” she continued jokingly.

He nodded. “I’ll remember that.”

As he turned to leave, grabbing his bag and coat, he then remembered something else.

“By the way, Sunhwa…” She looked up from where she was clearing the table. He smiled again, this one managing to reach his eyes. “You can just call me Suho. All my friends do.”

Sunhwa’s smile grew. She nodded.

Without a word of goodbye, Joonmyeon disappeared out the door.

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