This could be my last chance. My last chance to feel happiness and love again. It could be that Hana is the one for me and this is the time that I will stop lying to myself. Of…what is really I feel inside.

“No…” I said, “Please, I want to be with you…”

She seemed shocked, I’m worried that maybe I used the wrong words. I don’t want to hurt her again and I also don’t want to lie to myself again.

She looked down and clenched her fist.

What did I do?

“But…How about Heejin?” she looked at me and stared my eyes. I got shocked, how did she know about Heejin? I feel like my world crushed. Every day, every hour, every second…I always hurt her. All the time that I always think of Heejin, I never thought I would feel like this if Hana would know. I always think that it’s better that she would know about her so that she would leave me.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry…” my heart hurts and my whole world is starting to fall down. I kneeled down in front of her and hold her hand. I didn’t notice that I’m crying. I don’t know what to do…

I feel warm. I realized that she hugged me. She stared in my eyes and wiped my tears.

“It’s okay” she said with a smile.

My heart is pounding hard. It was the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen. I forget everything and my heart feel so light again. I’m so stupid…I should’ve feel this before. I should’ve let go of my feelings to Heejin and moved on before. I should’ve show my love to Hana and my time shouldn’t have wasted lying to myself.

Her thumb is still wiping my tears then I stopped her and hold her hand. I don’t want to waste this moment. I lean closer and cupped her face lightly…I got nervous and my heart is pounding harder than before. I feel like it would explode anytime. I lean more closer and now I can feel her breath and hear her heart.

I’m so glad somehow she feels the same.

“I love you Hana”

My heartbeat stops. I’m afraid that she won’t respond. That she will…

“I love you too Sehun”

My heart is pounding again. I’m so happy. This happiness that I never felt before. And with this too much happiness I didn’t control myself

And I kissed her

I suddenly remember that I feel this before…

Flasback

So this is it, the time I fear has come. I never thought it would be this hurtful but it is. I didn’t even know who my bride is. Her face, her personality and everything about her. This is unfair! I shouldn’t have born in this family!

“Are you nervous?” my mother asked. I just nodded.

“That’s what I also feel when I waiting for your mother in our engagement day! Hahaha don’t worry your bride is beautiful!” my father said. I just smiled.

Then, a few moments a car arrived. My mother told me to stand up so I did.

“Smile” my mother instructed. So I smiled.

The first to enter was Mr. and Mrs. Lee, the place started to become noisy as we greeted them. Finally, their daughter entered.

My heartbeat stopped…

She’s so beautiful

No. No. I shouldn’t have felt this to a stranger. I don’t know her.

She smiled at me and I also smiled at her. I can see in her smile that she also not happy with this. Then, I suddenly remember the girl I sawnear the river when I look for Heejin…It was her and not Heejin. It was her, the girl who made my heartbeat stopped when I first saw her just like earlier.

Why?

I tried to forget that thought as the engagement started. The engagement went well not until the last part. They call it the “highlight”, it is when I would kiss her in front of everyone. Of course, I’m nervous. I don’t want to take it seriously but my heart is pounding hard.

Then I kissed her.

 I can’t explain what I feel, as my heart is pounding so hard. I can also feel her heartbeat, it’s the same as mine.

End of flashback