Chapter 5

Jae

I’m sitting in the car, strumming away on my guitar when my phone buzzes in my jacket pocket. Pulling it out, I check the message. The number is unknown and the message explains that it’s Sunggyu and I start to get excited. But he’s texting me because Saela won’t respond to Woohyun’s messages. Hoping I didn’t spell anything wrong and trying not to be too excited about having his number now, I tell him her phones not working. Her phone actually works fine, she’s typing something in the notes of it right now, but I have an idea why she’s not responding and I decide to cover for her. He asks me when we can come back and asks what happened the last time after we got back. I relay the story shortly and wonder if I should add any emoji-faces. It’s already been a couple of days. Saela and I have been busy learning our songs, learning the new choreography and learning how to play the songs on our instruments.

Saela’s been weird lately. She talks normally and acts normally, laughing and joking with me and pretty much everyone else we see, but it’s when she’s not talking that she’s weird. In the car, she only hums quietly to the music and types stuff in her phone. When we’re about to go to bed, she doesn’t read the articles with me, she sits on her bed and types in her phone and then deletes it all. I want to ask about it, but when we start talking, she seems normal again, like she forgets about it. As I glance over at her, she’s deleting everything she’s typed in the last few minutes and starting again.

I look back down at my phone and reply, asking when they’re all going to be free. He responds quickly and I ask Unnie when we’ll have time.

“Free time?” Unnie laughs, turning down the street to A Cubes building. We’re on our way to see President Hong again to get the last songs of our mini album. “You shouldn’t have any this week.”

“Oh,” I say disappointed. I don’t want to get my hopes up so much, but if Sunggyu’s asking us to come back, I feel like he wants me there and I get excited.

“But if you two are good at the meeting and practice well, I’ll let you go early,” Unnie tells us and Saela looks up from her phone. “But you have to practice hard and learn the rest of the choreography for “Knock on Wood”, got it?”

“Ye!” I say happily and Saela repeats it because I nudge her leg and smile at her. I text Sunggyu back, saying we can come later today. He says that’s fine and that he’ll see me later. I’m more excited then I’ll let anyone know so I just tell Saela evenly. We reach the building and go inside, up the elevator to the top floor and into his office. He greets us again and remarks on our holding the number one spot on three poles again. He speaks with Unnie about our practice and how it’s going and I just nod and agree that I’m working hard. Saela’s zoned out, but has the façade of paying attention that you can only see through if you know it’s there. Props of knowing everything about her. When he starts talking about a music video for our song, she snaps out of it.

“I’m currently in contact with a good director who has agreed to direct your music video,” he tells us and I get so suddenly excited I’m not sure what to do; with that added onto seeing Sunggyu later, I feel like I need to get up and jump around. My hands fidget in my lap because I have to do something. “We were thinking of putting already established people in it to help with popularity,” he continues and pushes a stack of paper across the table at us. Unnie grabs it before I can and I look back at him to explain it. “It’s a list of people. Choose a couple and I’ll contact their managers.” Saela makes a grab for the papers and snatches them from Unnie with excited eyes. President doesn’t notice, luckily, and he continues. “Also, you’re mini album songs are all written now. We’ve decided to let you both write the last song though, to showcase your musical talents early.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Unnie asks and Saela gives her a look of betrayal.

“I write songs,” she says indignantly, “And so does Jae! She might not share them with anyone, but I know she writes them.” I look down, I thought I had hidden them well, but I guess not.

“I’m sure they can create a great last song,” President Hong nods and I feel a little pressured.

“I’ll work very hard,” I promise and Saela echoes me. I start thinking about the songs I’ve written, wondering if any of them are good enough. Writing stuff is just something you do when you’re alone and you are struck by inspiration. Or at least that’s what it is for me. Saela and I both zone out again, probably both thinking of the same things. What should the song be about? Should it be slow or fast? Sad or happy? Long or short? Too many things to think about and as I weigh the pros and cons of everything, I realize I’m thinking about this too much and try to focus on what the President is saying now. He’s talking about the details of the album, stuff that I’m not really sure what it means, so I just try my best to follow where the conversations going. Saela’s gone into that state again; eyes glazed and unmoving and I wonder what she’s thinking about. When they finish talking, we exit the building, picking up the last two written songs at the front. In the car, we both take one song and look it over, humming to ourselves. Our excitement is still there, but it’s not as wild as last time. I pluck the pitches on my guitar and find that the songs are all a little bit similar. I’ve learned the intro before we get to the dance studio and Unnie reminds us that we have to work hard today. Saela looks a little dazed when we step into the studio, and when we start warming up she seems like she’s forcing herself to have energy.

Seeing Infinite will break her out of her weirdness, I think. I’ll practice really hard.

I do practice hard and so does Saela. We learn the rest of the dance and it’s complicated. It takes a little while for us to get a specific eight-count, but we get through it and are able to finish early. We thank our choreographer for creating fun dances for us and towel off the sweat that sticks to our skin before we leave. Saela looks at herself in the mirror and frowns and I hit her arm.

“Let’s go,” I smile and she nods, turning the light off behind her.

When we arrive, Unnie parks the car and goes inside with us. I knew this would happen and so does Saela. We leave her in the lobby and she warns us not to do anything stupid as she greets their manager and starts talking with him. We hurry back (I hurry anyway, Saela seems to lag behind me a bit) to the conference room and go inside. Hearing them all greet me makes me smile and I know Saela can’t resist smiling either. Before we even sit down, Saela seems weird again. She sits down stiffly next to Woohyun and fakes a laugh when he says he sorry that her phone isn’t working. She shoots me a confused face and I show her that I’ll explain it later when she explains herself. She nods and Dongwoo laughs.

“There they go again,” he says, watching us, “Having conversations that we can’t understand.”

“It’s probably a girl thing,” Hoya says and Myungsoo shakes his head.

“Sungyeol and I have those sometimes,” he says and Dongwoo starts laughing.

“Ya,” Dongwoo says, eyes wide, “Are you two girls?”

“No!” Sungyeol interjects, standing up and knocking over his chair. Everyone laughs as he picks it up. “It just must not be a girl thing.”

“Sure,” Woohyun says, giving Saela a look. She returns it and then avoids his eye. It’s Woohyun, I realize. She’s being weird because of him. She seemed fine with SaeHyun when we started it.  I decide that I will pry the truth from her even if it takes me all night, but right now, we’re not in the right company and I’m a little preoccupied.

“Did you guys get your other songs today?” Sunggyu ask and I nod excitedly, now that he talks about it I feel the excitement coming back in waves.

“We also found out that we have to write the last one ourselves,” I explain, “But I’m not sure how well that’ll work.”

“Wow,” Sungjong says, leaning his head on his hands and looking at me intently. “That’s so great! Have you ever written stuff before?” I nod shyly, silently praying that they don’t ask me to play anything for them.

“We both write stuff,” I say, “but we’ve never preformed anything we’ve written before. It’s kind of scary.”

“Don’t worry,” Sunggyu says, touching my shoulder for a fleeting second, setting all my nerves on end. “I’m sure you’ll be able to write a great song.”

“If you need help with inspiration, we could always share our experiences,” Myungsoo suggests and Sungyeol nods enthusiastically.

“What kind of experiences?” Woohyun asks, eyeing Myungsoo suspiciously.

“Anything important,” he shrugs. “You could always tell them about your crazy love life.” The room laughs and he runs his hand through his hair.

“Not going to happen,” Woohyun says, looking at the table. They all ask him why, inserting their own ideas of why he isn’t, but he just shakes his head. “Maybe we should start learning English,” he says, smiling at Saela and I. Even though I really do want to hear about all of them more, Saela and I pull out the books and begin. Using the books is just as fun as singing and dancing because of their awesome accents. Saela’s mood skyrockets and she’s laughing hysterically when Sungyeol attempts to read, stopping between each word to ask what it means. I walk around the table, looking over their shoulder as they scrawl English in the childish books and suppress my laughter as best as possible. Walking behind Sunggyu, I involuntarily sigh. He looks so unbearably cute hunched over the book with a look of pure confusion on his face. I kneel down next to him and he puts his head down on the paper.

“Need help?” I ask and he nods into the book. I laugh as he peels his forehead from the page and lean over it to read it correctly. As I read the directions out loud to him, I feel his eyes on my face instead of the paper. I suddenly feel how close we are right now and my voice stops working for a second. Not looking away from the paper, I explain what it wants him to do in Korean. I see him nod out of the corner of my eye, still looking at me.

“Get it?” I ask, backing up a bit and looking at him. He’s smiling at me and I put my hand on the table so I don’t fall over.

“Thanks,” he says in English and I wonder why all American guys can’t sound as cool as him when he says it. He looks back down at his book and starts working again. I walk on, unable to stand that close to him without doing something stupid. Saela and I continue to translate and assist them and her mood is back to normal. When I look over at her helping Woohyun, she seems a little distant from him, but mostly normal.

“My brain hurts,” Sungjong says, leaning back in his chair and throwing up his hands in defeat. “I want to do something fun!”

“Like what?” Myungsoo slaps his book closed quickly, ready to move on too.

“We could help them with their song,” Hoya says, closing his book too.

“That would be great actually,” Saela smiles and I know my plan to make her normal again has succeeded. Everyone files out the door and down the hall to the practice room where Saela takes a seat at the piano and everyone finds their own place to sit. “Do you guys have a guitar?” Saela asks, looking at Sunggyu. He nods and stands up from his seat.

“Should I go find it?” he asks and she nods before playing a random chord on the piano. “Want to come with me, Jae?” he asks and I nod. Not because I really want to be alone with him but I’m the one who plays guitar. He smiles and leads the way out. When the door closes behind me, a wall of awkward sinks down on top of me. “Do you play any other instruments?” he asks looking over his shoulder at me.

“Just the guitar,” I say, stopping behind him as he opens the door to another practice room. When I look inside, they’re four different acoustic guitars, all nice. I ogle at them as I go in and Sunggyu laughs at my expression. “These are beautiful,” I profess, touching them delicately.

“Try them and see which one you want to want to use,” he says, sitting down in a chair and picking one up. I watch as he pulls it into his lap and plays a few chords. As I watch him play, I wish I could look as good as him when he plays. He looks up at me and laughs embarrassedly. “Play one! I’m not the one who has to write a song,” he reminds me and I snap myself out of it, picking up the one closest to me and testing it out. Now it’s Sunggyu’s turn to watch me and I feel the heat of his gaze on me, messing up a bit. “Play something,” he says and I wrack my brain for something to play. I was not prepared to play for him; and I don’t think I ever will be. I’m suddenly not confident in my fingers. I’ve been playing since I was four and have preformed countless times, but suddenly all my practice doesn’t seem adequate.

“I don’t think I can,” I laugh to end the expecting silence. “I’m a little nervous.”

“I’ll play something first then,” he says smiling at me and I want to hug him for being so nice. He starts playing and I know the song right away. The intro to Ocean of Light by Nell sounds different on an acoustic guitar but I can hear it. When he starts to sing, I almost let the expensive guitar fall out of my grasp onto the floor. His voice is perfect, his playing is perfect, and I want to run out of the room and cry and hug him at the same time. The song ends way too quickly like always, even though it’s a long song to begin with, I could listen to him forever.

“I love Nell,” he says after he finishes.

“I know,” I say before I think about it and mental kick myself. He laughs and looks at me like he’s going to tease me but then decides against it.

“It’s your turn now,” he says, pointing to guitar in my lap. I move my hands to the strings and before I know what I’m playing, they move on their own. I surprise myself with my unintentional song choice; it’s a song I haven’t played since I was in middle school. But I smile at its appropriateness. Superstar by Taylor Swift. I doubt Sunggyu knows the song and I continue along the easy chord pattern comfortably. Routine kicks in again and when I reach the first verse I start singing. I almost stop, but keep going, feeling my whole body tense with nerves. I only manage to get past the first chorus before the intolerable tension forces me to end the song early. I don’t look at him and stand up quickly.

“I think this one works,” I say, and start towards the door, pulling it open and step out into the hallway. I clutch the guitar just because I need to feel something besides my heart bounding in my ears and my whole body shaking. Sunggyu opens the door and I turn towards him, smiling as brightly as I can and trying to act natural. “Thanks for showing me the guitars and for playing for me.” He gives me a confused look, but then laughs.

“You know I had no idea what you were singing,” he says and I’m sure my face goes blank because he laughs again. “But it was really pretty. You really shouldn’t be so nervous around me in the future. Just be who you are. Diving in without thinking about all the consequences is how you’ll really get what you want. Trust me.” He reaches up and messes up my hair before walking down the hallway back to the practice room. Still clutching the guitar to my chest, I follow him.

Back in the practice room, Saela and Woohyun are sitting on the piano bench side by side, each playing a hand to the Ailee song I Will Show You. The rest of them are dancing like weirdoes, and don’t even notice when Sunggyu and I come back in. I sit down next to the piano and Saela gives me a small smile as I add the guitar part to the song. Sunggyu joins the dancing, looking like a weirdo too. But it’s a good weirdo. It makes him seem a little bit more like a real person rather than the perfect being I watched from a long way away. We spend the rest of our time playing random songs and joking with each other. I join the dancing and learn the scorpion dance from Dongwoo and Hoya. They jokingly tell Sungyeol I do it better than him and he goes into defense mode again. It’s extremely hard so I’m positive he’s a bit better than me for now.

When Saela’s phone rings, everyone stops talking and laughing loudly.

“Ya!” Woohyun points at her ringing pocket as she pulls her vocal phone out. “Your phone does work!”

“What are you talking about?” she says innocently before cutting off a VIXX ringtone and answering. Woohyun answers her with a pout. “Unnie’s here.” She says after hanging up. Woohyun continues to ask her why she’s not responding to him, but she just grabs my hand and makes a break for the door. She calls goodbye to them and we hear a chorus of replies plus Woohyun’s yelled questions before the door closes. As we trot down the hall away towards the front, we hear laughter slip out of the room as the door opens again. Saela doesn’t look back but waves over her shoulder before breaking into a run and I follow before Woohyun catches up. He looks pretty distressed and I wonder why two out of three times we’ve been here ends with him chasing us out the door.

In the car, Unnie asks us how it went and we reply like kids home after school. It was fun and fine. Saela and I sing along to the radio until we reach home, her mood successfully normal. I smile to myself when I remember all the questions I have to ask her. And after she’s done answering, I’ll probably tell her about Sunggyu, I try not to blush. She bounds out of the van when it stops rolling and into the house, calling something back over her shoulder about how slow I am.

“She’s better,” Unnie observes as we walk normally inside and I nod, not surprised she noticed the same thing I did.

“Jae, hurry up!” Saela calls from the piano room, “I’m ready to write this thing!” Unnie laughs and then tells me to go before Saela has an accident or something. I go inside the room and close the door behind me, pondering how to bring up the subject of Sunggyu singing to me. I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t tell her right now.

“So what are you thinking-” she stops abruptly when she looks at me because apparently my face gives it all away. I wasn’t even aware that I was making a face. “What happened?” she asks, spinning on the piano bench to face me and switching to English. “Was it Sunggyu?” she prompts me and I manage a small nod.

“He sang for me,” I tell her, not knowing what to do with my sudden energy. I put down my guitar on the chair in the corner and look at her. “It was so great, I almost died. Then he made me play for him and I almost cried again. And he’s so good at everything. He told me I shouldn’t be nervous around him anymore and that I should just dive in to life without thinking about the consequences.” I don’t even care how stupid I sound, because it’s all true. She stares at me for a moment, her look screaming “He actually said that?” before she even talks.

“What?” she braces her hands on the bench beneath her. “That means he already considers you to be good friends! This is good. SO good!” I laugh at her excitement and cover my face with my hands to hide my own in the form of blush. Her jumps in logic really make no sense, but I’d rather believe in her words than not.

“I can’t believe I’m friends with him,” I say in awe, dropping my hands and looking at her. “It’ll be weird when people talk about Infinite and then I’ll say ‘Oh I’m friends with Sunggyu’ and actually be telling the truth. This is crazy.”

“We’re friends with all of them,” she reminds me and smiles proudly. She gets up from the bench and puts her arms around me. “I love them all so much already.”

“You’re telling me,” I agree and nod, putting my head over her shoulder. I hug her back but then think of what I wanted to ask her and pull away to eye her. “So what’s been up with you and Woohyun?” I ask and she drops her arms, a confused look already in her eyes. “Is he why you’ve been weird lately?”

“What?” she says, caught off guard. Then she shrugs. “I’m not really sure. I just get this weird feeling from him.”

“Liar,” I cough and she looks at me like I just stabbed her in the back. It surprises me how hurt she looks, but I feel like hurt isn’t directed at me.

“How am I lying?” she asks sounding strangely frantic, but I just shake my head. Maybe it’s best not to ask her now, I think remembering what it took to get her out of her weirdness. But I can’t resist playing with her a little bit.

“It’s ok if you don’t know why you’re weird, that just means my guess is right,” I tell her cryptically, enjoying the look of confusion on her face as she tries to decipher it. “Let’s write this song, shall we?” I ask and before she can protest and ask more questions, I pick up my guitar and start strumming loudly. She grumbles in defeat and we really start working. We throw random idea round for a while, some of them weird and some of them having potential, but none of them really hit us. After going in a circles and “forgetting” to listen to each other’s suggestions, Saela slumps onto the keys of the piano, her favorite gesture of defeat. The disgusting chord hurts my ears every time.

“I think we might be thinking about it too much,” she says. “We just need to write it without thinking about it.”

“Dive in!” I yell, startling her off the keys and almost dropping my guitar on the floor. “Just like Sunggyu said, we just have to dive in. Let’s write the song about that!” Her look of confusion slowly melts into a look of pure excitement. She nods and says yes five times too many before frantically pulling out a clean sheet of staff paper and starting. We work late into the night, getting most of it done; the chorus is something so good I never thought I’d ever sing. It’s a ballad, but the notes Saela plays give me shivers and the sound of the low chords that resonate through my guitar makes me feel like I’ve actually written something good. Exhaustion hits us both before we have a chance to tackle the bridge and we shuffle zombielike to our rooms and fall into bed, both dreaming of our own worlds where we can both dive in.

         Hello again ^.^ I'm hoping that this chapter's not too long. I just couldn't find a good place to break it up.... Author Syndrome strikes again O.o...... Anyway, I just wanna thank you for reading and hope that you continue to do so!! Because Saela and Jae still have alot to do before thier story is over!!! 

Well that's it for now, so have a good day!

Yeah you!