Chapter 17

Saela

We go straight to the TV studio and onto the set. We talk to the writers, the director and the MC’s before we head to the waiting room; already made up and dressed. When we make our appearance on the colorful set it’s nerve wracking. They ask us a bunch of question about debuting and our music video. I introduce our album as well, encouraging them to listen to it when it’s released. The other questions they ask are meant to force out interesting conversations and of course, our favorite group is brought up.

“I’ve heard that you’re both big fans,” the MC says and we both nod “and that your favorite group is Infinite.”

“Actually my most favorite group is SHINee,” I correct him; it feels good to talk about them. They’re comfortable, unlike the Infinite topic which sets me on edge. Actually I still love Infinite so much. It’s just that one member…

“Oooohhh,” Both MC’s nod, looking at each other meaningfully. “That’s why Minho was in your music video. You must have really enjoyed that!”

“I had a lot of fun,” I smile, truthfully. “I think of Minho fondly; like a brother.”

“Then this must have been strange,” one MC says, directing my attention to huge blown up picture of Minho and I kissing. I laugh and nod, remembering it clearly.

“It wasn’t strange,” I say, thinking about how unimportant it seemed. It made no sense to me how one kiss could mean so much more than another; especially when the people I received them from didn’t match up either.

“Oh I forgot,” the MC nods, raising his eyebrows, “You’re from the states.” Jae and I both laugh and shake our heads. We both wondered when this would happen.

“We don’t actually kiss as much as you think,” Jae explains and they laugh at her. “Really!”

“So you’ve never kissed anyone, besides for work?” they pry, their eyes lighting up at the interesting conversation.

“No,” Jae says slowly, she doesn’t lie, but she doesn’t tell the truth. I laugh at her awkward expression and they MC’s beg me for an explanation.

“She hasn’t kissed anyone for work either,” I laugh, and Jae’s eyes widen at me threateningly, but it’s too late. The MC’s are already hooked on this conversation.

“Wow,” they remark, reaching across the table to shake her hand. She laughs, her face turning scarlet. “It’s better that way,” one whispers loudly. “This one over here isn’t innocent anymore.”

“She’s kissed too many people probably,” the other pipes in.

“What?” I ask, not liking where this is going now. I regret it when they look back to the big screen. Now, there’s a picture of Woohyun and I from auditions. This picture sets my whole body tense against my seat. I can’t look at it; but I see it plainly as I didn’t see it in the other picture. I’m kissing him back. What are my hands doing? I wonder desperately.

“Wow,” the MC’s make lots of funny remarks and I ignore them, laughing when they finish talking and keeping my eyes off the screen. “So Jae,” the MC moves on to prey upon her. “Which one do you like better: SaeHyun or SaeHo?” I put my face in my hands, not wanting to be involved in this any longer. Even though I can’t see the picture, I feel it’s presence behind me, crushing me slowly from the inside.

“I see SaeHyun every day,” Jae laughs, enjoying her revenge. They ask her more questions about what we’re like; I only deny everything, not wanting to admit to anything. I feel like all I’m doing is desperately trying to dig myself out of a hole. When I look at Jae desperately, she shrugs at me. Her look says “You dug your own hole.” And I know she’s right.

Luckily they move on a bit, we dance some, we sing our song, and then it’s over. We thank the MC’s even though I kind of hate them. They decided to set up a poll for SaeHyun vs. SaeHo and they told me they’d call Unnie with the results and announce them on next week’s show. We go home and I don’t bring anything up. I just ask Unnie how Choreographer Unnie is doing and she asks how the script reading went. I refuse to let myself think of Woohyun or the show, or anything until I’m back at home. Then I change quickly, shove my headphones in my ears and slip out the door. Running will clear my mind, I tell myself, running away from home. With my music so loud in my ears, I feel like I’m inside my own bubble; the rest of the world forced outside. Inside my own bubble, I don’t think about where I’m going. Looking outside, I see that I’m near the dance studio and decide to go inside. I started too fast so my chest is heaving like crazy and my throat rasps when I take breaths.

Inside, I don’t turn the lights on. I just lay on the floor, counting the glow-in-the-dark stars above me over and over again. After finding that there are 106 of them for the third time, my breathing is back to normal. I pick up my phone from the floor next to me, blinking at the blinding light from the screen. I text Unnie back, telling her I’m on a run and flick through the other messages. Jae said sorry for what she said at the show, but I’ve already forgiven her. It was all true.

All of it, I close my eyes tightly, my eyelids lighting up from the pressure. When she said that we’re always laughing and teasing each other, when she said that we hang out all the time, when she said that we’re similar, it was true. It’s just lucky she didn’t say thing about how attractive he is because then that’d be true too. My head pounding dully from trying to deny it so many times stops. I just let go, hoping to god that the pounding will stop and that I won’t hate myself when I’m sane again. I punch in a number on my phone and hold it up to my ear.

“I never thought you’d call me this late,” his voice laughs from the other side. “Not that I had hoped you would or anything,” he adds and I can see his face in the darkness of the studio. I sigh, the sound of his voice more comforting than I’ll ever let on out loud. Sure I’ll admit it in my head, I think, but not out loud. “What’s up?”

“Nothing actually,” I tell him, sitting up in the dark room. “I just wanted to talk.” He laughs before he answers.

“Should we be in character right now?” he asks and I shake my head before I realize he isn’t there.

“No,” I tell him but wishing that I had an excuse not to be me, “Jae and Sunggyu aren’t here.”

“That’s true,” I can picture his facial expression and I smile. “So what did you really want to talk about?”

“What I said the other night,” my mouth moves and my voice comes out before I realize what I’m saying, but that really is what I want to talk about. Woohyun laughs; just as surprised I brought it up as I am. “I guess I’m more honest if I drink,” I rub my face, feeling my hand shake. “I just wanted you to know that I really want to do well with this movie,” I start talking quickly; faster with every thought that adds on to the chain in my mind. “If our characters do fall in love, then we need to show it well. I might be reluctant to do it, but you have to help me.” I take a breath, now my whole body is shaking.

“How?” Woohyun’s voice is serious again, giving me shivers through the phone. Why do you have to sound so concerned? “What do you want me to do?”

“Let’s become really good friends,” I say, the words spilling out of my mouth. “Ok?” I hit my forehead, hating myself already. This will be better for me, I insist as I wait for him to respond. It’ll be better for both of us .And the movie.

“Ok, Saela,” Woohyun agrees, a little laugh back in his voice. “We’ll become best friends so you can fall in love with me without feeling nervous.” They way he says it makes me gasp a little; it sounds like he knows what I’ve been thinking about this whole night.

“Woohyun,” I say interrupting him. “Will you come and see me right now?” I ask, feeling the need to really see him right then. I can’t stand not seeing what he thinks of everything I’m saying.

“You do know how late it is right,” he asks, a laugh in his voice.

“I need to see you,” I barely get the words out of my mouth and the laugh in his voice disappears.

“Where are you?” I tell him and he says he’ll be there as soon as possible. I’m about to tell him to stay on the phone with me until he gets there, because I feel so crazy vulnerable and lonely right now, but he hangs up to quickly. So I sit up and stare at the black mirror in front of me, shivering slightly. I jump when I hear the door open behind me and spin around, flinching and cowering when he flicks the light on. When he sees me covering my eyes and groaning, he turns the light off again.

“Sorry,” he chuckles, walking slowly over to where I sit, curled up. I feel something warm and fluffy over my shoulders; he brought me a blanket. I look at him in the darkness and smile. “So here I am,” he said and for the first time, he sounds awkward. So I lean over, resting my head on his shoulders which I abuse so often. I scoot closer to him and he stays silent for a little bit longer. “You’re really acting strange, Saela,” He says, and his head turns to look at me even though it’s dark. “What am I even doing here?”

“We’re becoming friends,” I mumble, enjoying the warmth from his shoulder. He chuckles and I feel more warmth encompass me; his arm is around me now. I’m so comfortable, I take a breath and smell him all around me. Putting my nose in the blanket I realize I must be his. I smile, grateful for the darkness once again. “Why is it you like to be in the dark when I’m around?” he asks suddenly and I wonder if he can read my mind. “Because I’d prefer to see you.” I freeze. “I like to look at you if you hadn’t noticed.” I lay against his shoulder, his arm around me suddenly feeling like chains. “I realize I’ve never told you straight up that you are beautiful,” he chuckled and I felt him shake. “We should be honest if we’re going to be best friends,” he justifies himself and I nod slightly. I can almost hear him smile.

“I think I like looking at you too,” I say quietly and don’t move.

“This is good,” Woohyun encourages me. I realize it’s probably because he just wants me to compliment him more, but now I can’t stop myself.

“And I think that you’re my favorite Infinite member now. I also think that it’s going to be really hard to stay in character during the movie.”

“Why do you say that?” he asks as we both stare into the darkness.

“The auditions,” I remind him and try not to shudder. But now I know it’s not because I’m disturbed by the memory but because he’s so close to me. I feel him nod above me. “We should probably not do that again,” I tell him and pull away to look at him. I sit in front of him, and his arms are still around me. I realize I’m sitting in between his legs.

“What?” he asked and I could swear I could see a glint in his eyes as his arms tighten and he pulls me towards him. “Forget our roles or…” He tappers off and I feel his breath on my face warning me that he’s closer now. “Kiss?” he finishes and his hands on my face, his thumb running lightly across my bottom lip. I have to force myself to breathe since he’s succeeded in freezing me over again. Since I don’t answer, because I can’t, he leans in a removes the distance between us. His lips touching mine gently to make sure I’m not going to kill him. And I sure as hell don’t want to right now. His lips are so soft against mine the second time he leans in, and I can feel the smile at the corner of his mouth. I free my hands from inside the blanket and move to bring him closer to me. I can’t take this teasing. I open my mouth for him and his smile only intensifies. I hear a groan escape my lips when I feel his tongue and he chuckles against my mouth.

“Shut up,” I hiss against his lips, while my brain screams at me to stop. But I can’t stop. My hands burry themselves in his soft hair and allow him to move me onto my back. The cold wood flooring stings the skin on my back and shoulders but I don’t care. In fact, I barely feel it since it’s so hot. Woohyun’s hands wander from my neck to my waist, his other on my thigh. He squeezes lightly when my tongue fights it way into his mouth. And I’m surprised by how much I want this. Then his cold hand on the skin of my hip sends a shock through my nervous system. I stop moving my mouth and slowly release his hair.

“I guess we failed at both,” Woohyun said after pulling back and hovering above me. Now I wish the lights were on and I could see this. I want to know if he’s smiling or hating me or if he just wants something else from me right now. Thinking slowly about what we just did, I come up with some sort of excuse.

“We just need to build up a resistance to touching each other,” I tell him seriously. “So that way it will be natural when we film it.”

“Seems like a good idea,” he agrees, and his voice is masked. I can’t tell what he’s thinking at all. “Best friends should be able to touch each other without losing it,” something in his voice makes me think he’s not very happy, but that he’s also hinting at something. But I can’t think anymore, my hearts pounding because he’s still to close. It took a severe shock to my system to stop myself, I wouldn’t be able to again. Luckily Woohyun leaves from above me, sitting back and pulling me up to sitting. He pats my head gently and I watch him stand up.

“It’s late so you should go to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow ok?” I nod, hoping he understands my silence. “We’ll be best friends starting tomorrow so you’ll need to rest up.” He laughs barely, sounding more like a shaky sigh before walking out. The door shut behind him. And I want to cry and run after him. But I just lay there.

“This is not what I want!” I yell to no one. Because it’s better than no one knows. I don’t even know. I just wanted him.

The glow-in-the-dark stars shine above me dully and I glare back at them. I lay back down and count all 106 of them until the light shines through the crack under the door and my phone won’t stop ringing. I decide it’s time to come out of my bubble of thought and confusion and pick it up. 

             Double update today so read the previous chapter if you haven't!!!

             AH. I JUST CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF. THINGS ARE REALLY GOING NOW!!!

             Next Chapter will be back to Jae and the cute Hamster so anticipate great things from those two as well!!

WELL. Subscribe, comment, read, love, as you wish!! Goodnight lovely readers. I really appreciate ever single one of you.