Chapter 12

Saela

I call Unnie and she comes to get us. While getting in the car, one of the slips of paper falls from my hand. I close my eyes, picking it and getting in the car. The papers burn in my hand and I avoid looking at them. We’re home before two songs play through the speakers I’ve come to rely on for sanity. I’m glad to drop the slips of offense on a table in the piano room before going to the kitchen. Unnie asks to see the pictures and the music video and Jae stops.

“I didn’t bring the disc back,” she says guiltily.

“Jae-” Unnie starts, the tone and the angle of her eyebrows cause us both to shrink back slightly and Jae throws up her hands.

“I’msorrryI’msorryI’msorry!” She says, and I laugh cause that’s the fastest Korean I’ve ever heard her speak.

“It’s ok,” I smile and ruffle her hair like I had seen Sunggyu do. “Maknaes make mistakes, too.” opens in protest but I cut her off. “I’ll just go run and get it while you and Unnie look through the pictures.” She and Unnie both start to protest, but I really want to run suddenly when I think of those damn papers and what someone wrote. I tell them I’ll be back soon. I close the door behind me and start to run towards the building, relishing in the repeating collision with the street beneath my feet. The repetition of the thudding clears my mind and I’m actually disappointed that Woolim’s not farther away. I pull open the door and go inside, breathing a bit. I go back to the elevator and up to the viewing room. I let myself in not expecting anyone to be in there, I’m surprised when our song fills my ears and my eyes strain to see through the darkness. I hear a few voices talking and shut the door quickly behind me so they don’t know I’m there.

“She looks really good in the uniform,” Myungsoo says, sitting with his legs up in front of him and staring over his knees at the screen. “But I can’t say if I like that or Saela’s wet outfit at the end.”

“It’s really difficult to decide,” Sungjong says from next to him. I bite my lip to keep from laughing. Are they really doing this right now? I think. I thought only girls did this. I keep listening. “I’m set on the last one. It’s so cute!”

“Saela looks really good with Minho,” I hear Hoya say, cutting off Sungjong on his thoughts on clothing. “She looks like she really loves him in this. Did you know that he’s her favorite in SHINee?”

“Do you think they’re really close now because of this?” Dongwoo asks and I almost laugh out loud. I bite it back and remember when Minho asked the same question about Infinite one day. We are close, I think and smile to myself.

“Don’t rub it in,” I hear Woohyun mumble grumpily from the corner, snapping me back into focus. He’s leaning his head up against the wall with a pissed look on his face. “He’s already way taller than me and more popular; he’s been in a drama! Plus he’s younger than me.”

“Jealous?” Sunggyu laughs sympathetically and Woohyun nods seriously. Sunggyu pats his shoulder in a comforting way and Woohyun grimaces. The smile slides off my face.

“Want me to fast forward to the part where he kisses her again?” Dongwoo says, grabbing the remote, already laughing before he finishes his sentence.

“No!” Woohyun grabs it from him. “I’m not watching that again.” He folds his arms across his chest, pouting. How cute, I smirk, seeing his frown in the light from the screen. They, and I, watch in silence. I notice that every time Minho and I are on screen, Woohyun shifts in his chair and his eyebrows furrow. Is he really jealous? I think incredulously.

“Hey Sunggyu, want me to pause it when Jae hugs CNU?” Dongwoo and Hoya both giggle together at the repeated joke. Sunggyu’s face goes serious too and my mind is racing. It’s quiet until Myungsoo and Sungyeol start talking about our outfits again. Sungjong starts singing along and Hoya and Dongwoo watch a video on Hoya’s phone with their heads pressed together. Sunggyu and Woohyun can’t stop watching. Even though they both look increasingly uncomfortable with each passing scene, neither of them moves to stop it and keep their narrowed eyes on the screen. What the hell am I watching? I figure it would be the most awkward moment of my life if I stepped out now; they would know I heard all of what they just said. So I slip back outside and then open the door widely, making a bunch of noise.

“Hello?” I call inside. “I’m here to get my music video back!”

“Pause it!” Sungyeol whisper yells frantically and Woohyun does finally, I feel like I’ve saved both he and Sunggyu with my presence as I switch the lights on.

“What are you guys doing?” I ask innocently, looking back and forth between them and the screen. I’m greeted with a bunch more of innocent looks; or attempts at innocent looks. Sungjong and Hoya are the only one’s who look authentic, but then Hoya ruins it.

“I was taking a nap,” Hoya says. He does have a pillow on his lap, but I know he’s lying anyway. “It’s nice and dark in here and your song is a good lullaby.”

“Oh,” I say, letting it go because I don’t want to ask. I’d rather not have to ask them to explain what I just witnessed just yet. “Can I have it back now?” I don’t wait for them to answer and go over to retrieve it from the DVD player. I slide it back inside its case and feel awkward in the air again.

“Did you find out who your visual is?” Sungjong asks eagerly and I shake my head. Woohyun whispers something to Sunggyu and Sunggyu looks at him.

“She can count you know,” he tells him but Woohyun shushes him and smiles at me when I stare at him.

“I’m going now,” I say, waving as they say bye and going back out in the hallway. I lean against the wall in the hallway, hearing their voices ringing in my ears. Then I realize it’s only one voice.

Don’t rub it in. He’s already way taller than me and more popular; he’s been in a drama! Plus he’s younger than me.

I collect myself (well as much as I can) and run to the elevator, pacing inside and slapping the disc case against my leg to try and drown out the noise in my head. I hurry out of the building and run home, fast. I take the long way home, I’m not even sure where I went, I just ran until I could only feel my lungs burning and my limbs protesting against any more running. I wound up back at Unnie house and let myself in. They’re both sitting in the TV room and I apologize for going for a run while they were waiting for me. Unnie just tells me to put it in so we can watch it. She pats the couch next to her, but I shake my head and go to the kitchen to get water. While I gulp down a bottle, I notice the pieces of paper are spread out on the table in two piles. Since my mind is numb, I watch from somewhere else as I walk over and look down at the piles. One pile has three pieces of paper that say “Jae” and the other pile has seven pieces of paper with my name written on them. I stare down at them.

You know she can count, Sunggyu said to him. I start laughing, almost spitting out my water, and pull out my phone. I snap a picture of the slips of paper and send it to Woohyun.

“You’re an idiot.” I type, going to take a shower. I can’t keep the smile off my face in the shower and I’m glad that’s one thing in which I will always have privacy in this house. It’s kind of awkward to continuously smile in the shower isn’t it? I feel awake and alive again and decide I need to go for runs more often if they work this well. It might be the run that helped, something whispers to me, but I ignore it. I get out, humming happily to myself and check my phone.

“And you are now the visual XD,” he responded and then sent me a link in another message. I click on it and it takes me to his Instagram. It’s a picture of my side profile sitting in the viewing room. I rack my brain to try and think of when he could have taken this and then read the caption.

“Saela: Leader, Main Vocalist, Rapper and Visual of Butterfly Kisses. Congratulations on your first music video.” I laugh at the comments below it and like the one that calls him greasy. I close it and go to my room for bed. Jae’s already lying in bed on her phone.

“Thank you Woohyun,” I type into my phone and add a smiley that sticks it tongue out before plugging it in and turning off the light. Everything Woohyun did today mulls around in my head, making it hard for me to sleep. His words about my acting, about Minho and his serious expression haunt the insides of my eyelids. I grab my phone and put in headphone to fight him off, but his song comes on and I can’t bring myself to switch it. It does its job yet again, his beautiful voice lulling me to sleep and giving me the shelter of sleep.

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Oh Dongwoo. Did you choose to do this just to make the "boy talk" seem even girlier? You're such a doll ^.^ (see what I did there?)