Chapter 25

Saela

The people inside all start talking at once, standing up from their chairs and flashing their cameras spastically.  I smile at them all, trying to show that I’m confident in myself. I go up to the raised platform in front of all of them and take a seat in the middle behind the table. Woohyun takes the one next to me, giving me a smile before his manager stands up to speak.

“Woohyun and Saela will be answering any questions you might have about the false rumors that have been spread,” he announces through the microphone to quiet the room. “I’d just like to start off by saying that they are not dating and have no romantic relationship.” I’m surprised at how hard it is to keep smiling when he says that and continue doing so only barely. “We’ll be taking questions now,” he says and everyone on front of us raises their hands. The cameras still flashing and all eyes focused on both of us.

“Why are there so many pictures of you two together?” one reporter asks when he’s chosen.

“That’s my fault,” Woohyun laughs a bit, holding up his hand. “I have a social media problem and I like to take pictures of everything.” A fan in the back stands up holding a sign that says “I support SaeHyun!” and a I feel my mouth twitch and my mood brighten a little. “He always keeps his fans updated!” She jumps into defending him quickly before being yanked down by her friends.

“Thank you for understanding,” he smiles at them, showing them a heart, and the fan section rustles and giggles in their seats, some sending them back. The hollow feeling is slowly disappearing, until another reporter asks her question.

“What about the video?” I try not to shudder when it’s mentioned and luckily Woohyun answers this question too.

“That’s from auditions,” he says, “We were given a scene to preform about an old couple that had been together forever. We worked very hard to get casted for the movie.”

“That’s why we spend so much time together as well,” I add when she doesn’t look convinced. “I don’t want to give up too much of the movie, but we’re in a special relationship that neither of us knew how to portray the right way. The director even asked us to live in our roles with each other.” I see a few heads nodding in realization, and feel a little more of the hollowness fade.

“So none of your kisses were serious?” a fan asks, holding another sign. But this one says “Woohyun, Fighting!”.  She’s looking at Woohyun with scared eyes.

“They were during scenes,” he says, and I fight the urge to look down. I keep my eyes level even though I know he said that to avoid lying. Even though they were during scenes, I’m sure that he was serious in all of them. And I’m positive I was too. The fan smiles happily, taking her seat again and I’m glad this is going so well. A few more reporters ask Woohyun about specific pictures, the piano one, me sleeping and the one where I’m looking up at his with his arm around me. He and I both answer them, explaining about English lessons and him helping me write the song. The faces in the crowd in front of me slowly become less vicious seeming and calm down. I relax, smiling more and picking out the Dragon Flies and the Inspirits. I’m starting to feel like all of this will disappear quietly when someone comes in through the double doors and approaches the stage. Unnie stands up defensively, and I almost laugh at her for assuming the role of my body guard.

“I’m wondering how Woohyun can explain this,” the reporter says handing Unnie a phone. She looks down at the screen and the room goes silent. I hear Woohyun’s voice through the small speaker; its fuzzy and hard to understand, but unfortunately you can.

“Do you think the fans would understand?” he says and I hear other voices; Dongwoo, Hoya, Sungyeol, Myungsoo, Sungjong, and Sunggyu.

“Not all of them,” Hoya says seriously.

“They’ll all be jealous of her,” Sungjong adds.

“I think both of you will be hurt,” Myungsoo says. I feel the silence in the room pressing in on my skin, and I lean forward to hear it clearer. “None of us want you or Saela to be hurt.” The people closest to the stage gasp, and all of them, including me, turn to look at him. He meets my eyes, scared and apologetic and I want to know what the heck this is. People start to fire off questions but the reporter with the phone calls for quiet. The recording that’s going to ruin us isn’t over.

“-Even sure if she like you?” I only hear the end of Dongwoo’s sentence since the room isn’t quiet yet. But I’m still watching Woohyun’s face.

“I’m not sure,” I hear him say, “But I want her to. I feel like she does.”

“Did she say something?” Sungjong asks excitedly and I flinch at Woohyun’s crackled chuckle.

“She didn’t say anything,” He laughs, “She-”. Through the phone we hear a man yell and then the recording cuts off quickly. The reporter turns to Woohyun with a sadistic smile and I hate him for it.

“You can’t simply say you’re friends now,” he says and I wish I had saved that fantastic punch from earlier on him. “Can you explain what’s really going between you two?”

“Where did you get this?” Woohyun’s manager asks angrily, stepping around Woohyun’s chair. Woohyun grabs his arm and shakes his head.

“I’ll answer it,” he says and takes a deep breath. He looks out at the crowd, avoiding my wide eyes. “We are really close friends,” he says, “but that’s kind of only for Saela. I like her. But I’m not going to do anything because I just want this movie to go well. I also don’t want her career to be hurt by this, so I’m asking you to not let his become a huge deal. We are friends and that’s how we’ll stay. Saela did nothing to deserve this, so please don’t judge her based on my foolish actions.” God damn it, I think, feeling the sting in my eyes. Why the hell would you say that, you idiot? Woohyun’s manager is thinking the same thing, because his eyes are as wide as mine. The room explodes again, the fans rising out of their seats and starting to yell, and the reporters all asking questions again at once.

“What do you think about this, Saela?” a reporter yells.

“Why don’t you love him?” I hear a fan scream angrily.

“You’re going to ruin him!” another one yells.

“Are you just playing with him?”

“You American’s are all the same!”

All the words crashing over me, it starts to sound like nothing but noise. My Korean brain stops working all together and I look at Woohyun. He’s standing and talking about how this is not my fault and I’m not sure if I want to hug him or punch him. He should be worried about himself since he just tried to make himself out as the bad guy. Thinking about it numbly, I am the bad guy.

“Please quiet down!” Unnie says into her microphone. “I hope you take into account that both of them have been 100% honest with you about all of this. It’s been hard on them and I wish that you would understand that. That will conclude this meeting,” she says with finality over the loud protests. As she tells me to stand up and pulls me up when I can’t, the people come toward the stage. Employees surge in from the double doors, stopping them from getting any closer and Woohyun and I are ushered through some of the doors. I watch as President Hong strides back inside the room, any sign of a smile gone from his face. He takes the stage, talking to the people calming them assertively as they close the door behind me.

“I’m sorry,” I choke out, I’m not sure why I say it, but Unnie tightens her hold around me and leads us on down a hallway. She tells me and Woohyun to get in the elevator and go to President Hong’s office to wait for them and I see her back turn on me when the doors slide close. I’m already crying and wonder when I started. I lean numbly against the wall, staring at the closed doors and wishing for Unnie to come back.

“Saela, I’m sorry that this happened,” Woohyun says softly. I turn my wet eyes and look at him. Even knowing full well that this is both of our fault, I don’t feel angry anymore. As he nears me in the elevator, instead of flinching away from him and from the feelings of want in my bones, I reach out for him. I let him pull me into his arms and rock me, gently swaying in the middle of the elevator. “I’m so sorry,” he says, resting his head on mine. I hiccup, I’ve started to hyperventilate and I tighten my hold on him. The elevator dings and I let Woohyun guide me into the president’s office. “Do you want to sit down?” he asks awkwardly, I’m still holding onto him in front of the elevator doors. I shake my head, content with standing as long as I get to stay like this. He moves his hand cautiously at first, my hair. When I don’t protest, he relaxes and starts swaying again. It’s perfect that I wore flat shoes because my forehead rests against his shoulder. With the gentle swaying and hand on my back, I feel like a child.

“Am I a baby?” I ask, managing a small laugh. Woohyun laughs too and I decide it’s time to let go of him. As much as I don’t want to leave his warmth, I walk over to the window, realizing I had never actually looked out of it before. It’s something to easily distract myself with. As I look down, I hear Woohyun approach me from behind. “Don’t apologize again,” I tell him before he does it. I’m positive that those words are what he was going to break the silence with. “You pretty much tried to throw yourself under the bus already,” I remind him.

“What?” he asks, his voice sounding clearly confused and I laugh.

“It must be an English saying only,” I say, watching people flood out the doors below us. I see some of the fans and the reporters. I see some signs and imagine the things they could say, but discard those thoughts quickly. “It means you tried to sacrifice yourself. Even though it didn’t really work, thank you.” I hear him breathing behind me, watching my back and listening to me. “This is both of our problem so you can’t handle it by trying to take me out of it. You can’t make SaeHyun without Sae,” I laugh slightly at my own joke and realize how tired I am of this. “This is really a mess,” I laugh, feeling a tear escape down my cheek. “I wonder what’s going to happen.” Watching the steady flow of people exit the building below me, I wonder how many of them already hate me. “Would it be better for us to not be seen with each other anymore?” I ask aloud. Woohyun doesn’t move behind me. “I don’t want that to happen,” I say, my own honesty finally appearing. Going with it, I turn to look at him. He eyes my silent tears and stays still. I wait for him to say something since I can’t force my honest self to say everything it wants to all in one go.

“You know I don’t want that either,” he says softly. It makes me feel so much better to hear him say that. He won’t hate me, I realize. Whatever the outcome of this is, he won’t hate me. A larger tear escapes and Woohyun reaches up to wipe it away. I brace myself out of habit for the tingles, and he notices, dropping his hand. That makes another one fall.

“Woohyun,” his eyes meet mine, expectant and afraid of what he expects. Another one. “I lied to you.” I take a shaky breath as another trickles down. He looks confused; and I feel terrible for hiding it. I’m paying for it now, I tell myself and gulp before opening my mouth again. “That time when I told you that I was hesitant about touching you wasn’t because I didn’t like you. It was because I did.” His eyes change slightly, watching the next one fall; watching me as I keep going. “I’d become so nervous and caught up in it that I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. That time when I was drunk, I was telling the truth. I felt nothing when Minho kissed me, but when you did, I felt everything. Every time you’ve kissed me, I’ve felt it. That’s why it’s been so hard for me to get the feeling right. And that time you asked me if I was acting, that was the only time I wasn’t. And that one time you asked me if I thought you looked good, you did. You always do. And I feel like an idiot saying this, but that time the other day I actually wanted to-” I hiccupped and stopped, my own eyes wide at what I was going to say. His lips are slightly parted and his eyes are locked on mine. He reaches up again, smiling slightly and wipes away the tear that just followed what felt like the thousands of others.

“And people say I have a lying problem,” he laughs, and I can’t help but sniffle in an attempt to laugh too. I nod at him, hoping and waiting for him to do something or say something. “I guess we’re both going to have to get better at it because we still have to resolve this.” I nod again, knowing that there’s still a lot of time left in this. “But we can be honest with each other,” he says, stepping the distance between us. I remember that time when we were locked the practice room and the distance felt so close, because now it feels way too far. I laugh at myself, wondering how I had become like this. Since when did I want him to touch me so badly? I wait as patiently as I can as he steps close to me, placing one hand on my hip and one gently on the side of my face.

“Am I finally allowed to kiss you for real?” Woohyun asks, and I nod again, having wanted him to for too long without knowing. He smiles smugly, a smile that warms me from the inside. Then the distance between us is nonexistent and he’s pressing up against me. I groan quietly as his lips touch mine, realizing that he really had been holding back every other time he had kissed me. For a minute I let go for real. His tongues in my mouth and his hands are around my waist. My backs up against the cold window and I feel his lips smile against mine. I’m smiling too and it’s extremely hard not to. Now that I told him and I finaly acknowledged how stupid I’ve been (without saying that part out loud), I feel so much better. That nauseous feeling from before has been replaced with a warm hunger in the depths of my stomach that just makes me want to hold onto Woohyun. I loop on of my fingers in his belt loop on the back of him pants and pull his hips into mine. He chuckles, warm air moving from his mouth into mine.  

“What?” I ask, looking up at him. He kisses me again without answering. He pulls away first this time, shaking his head a little. I pout at him as he takes my finger out of the belt loop and kisses my hand. I stare at him, the cute gesture making me freeze. He takes my other hand and kisses the palm too. I can only stare until I regain my voice. “What is it?” I ask again, but this time, I’m cut off by the ding of the elevator and we spring apart from each other out of reflex. I stay by the window and Woohyun busies himself by picking up a random book. I almost laugh because it’s upside down, but he throws it back on a table nonchalantly and looks at the people exiting the elevator. When Unnie, his manager, President Hong and a few other people come in, I smile slightly at his change of facial expression.

“The president handled it well,” Unnie tells me when she comes to me by the window with a drained expression. I had never felt more sorry for her; she really looked like she had been through a rough time. I probably look just as bad, I think. “It was my mistake to have you two handle it in the first place.”

“Their input was actually helpful,” President Hong says, sitting in his chair behind his desk. “It made them both seem more innocent and trustworthy.” I almost scoff at his word choice remembering what we were just doing in here. “I’m sure that this will work itself out with time now.”

“Thank you,” I say, bowing to him. Sincerely thankful for him right now. If he doesn’t know the truth then he’s technically not lying, I think as a point against the creeping guilt in my veins. “And I’m sorry for casing you trouble,” I bow again because I feel like I need to.

“I expected you would cause me trouble when I signed you,” he laughs, his eyes crinkling when he looks at me.  “Some people even told me that I should separate you two to avoid trouble. But I knew that you both would be able to handle it and that it would be worth it.” I’m hit by the weight of his confidence in Jae and I, and I bow, thanking him again. Woohyun and his manger also thank him, shaking his hand. I guess this is why he gets paid the big bucks, I sigh.

“I think it’s best if you go home and lay low for a few days,” President Hong says, putting his hand on my shoulder as we stand in front of the elevator doors. I nod, agreeing. “And do your best for the movie,” he waves as the door shuts, and I’m bowing again. I feel like Jae would be proud of me for being so respectful and polite and can’t help but smile. Actually I think the smiles been there since I was honest.

We go out through the back avoiding contact with anyone who asks us questions and get into the van again. Although I’m happy, I don’t think it would be good for me to talk to anyone. The honest version of me might pop out of nowhere again and screw it up even further. So instead after a barely uttered “see you later,” from Woohyun, I get inside the van and sigh. We’re dropped off in front of our house, and I’m surprised to see our van parked outside already. When Unnie and I go inside, we find Jae and Sunggyu both waiting for us, asking us what happened and telling us that it was on the news.

“This outcome is going to be totally unpredictable,” Unnie sighs, sinking down onto the couch next to Jae. She turns to look at her and Sunggyu seriously. “So you two better not start anything, ok?”

“What are you talking about?” Jae says quickly, scooting farther away from Sunggyu on the couch. She scratches her neck awkwardly and I know Unnie is playing with her. Unnie raises her eyebrows at her.

“A mother always knows,” she says, shaking her head at Jae. Jae’s eyes are wide and she shoots Sunggyu a look. “You can’t hide it from me.” Sunggyu and I both laugh at her stuttered excuses and apologies and Unnie waves them off. “I’ve already accepted it because I know my two girls are going to give me a lot of trouble.”

“I love you,” I smile at her and she nods, standing up from the couch.

“What do you want for dinner?” she asks, looking at the three of us. I hug her from behind, laughing at her transformation today. She had successfully been my body guard, my mother and my friend all in one day. And now she would be my chef.  “Don’t get weird on me, Saela,” she says, shrugging me off. “I’m not your real mom,” she reminds me, sounding like my mother. “I’m too young for that!”

“Should I call you Eomma all the time now?” I ask and she shakes her head, mumbling something about how she’d never let her children be this troublesome and disappears into the kitchen. I laugh as I watch her go and look at the other two. They’re talking now about food and I feel like I’m intruding, so I quietly pad down the hallway to the piano room. As I sink down onto the piano bench and stare at the keys in front of me I feel exhausted. I lay my head on them, enjoying the noise they make. It’s not a pretty sound but the muddled and discordant sound is somewhat satisfying. I stay there, breathing for a little while and trying to figure out what I feel like. The hollowness that had plagued me through the meeting is gone, the anger from when I found out, the disappointment from when I hit Woohyun and the panic I felt when listening to the recording are all gone. All of today is already a memory, fresh and painful in my skin, but I still don’t feel anything. I pick my head up, place my hands on the keys and play Dive In. Singing through it with a smile on my face and remembering Woohyun sitting next to me on the bench. I feel like an idiot, but I realize that I really do like him. Finally you say that, some snobby part of me says smarmily.

“Saela?” I hear Jae’s voice as the door opens and she sticks her head in. I look over at her and she holds my phone through the doorway to me. She waits, leaning against the frame as I go to retrieve it from her, watching me carefully. I take it from her and look down at the screen. I laugh out loud and look back up at her face. “I saw it,” she confesses, watching my face. “What happened?”

“I was honest,” I laugh and she smiles at me in relief.

“So that’s why he said that,” she says, pushing herself up off of the frame and standing up. “By the way dinner is ready,” she says and I follow her to the kitchen. Before I join her and Unnie at the table I quickly type out a response to Woohyun’s message that Jae was so worried about.

“Do I have permission to send you cute texts? Possibly with pictures of us? I do have a lot of those…” he asked me unnecessarily.

“Of course not,” I type, adding a winking face to let him know I’m joking. I sit down and jump into their conversation. It feels like any other nights dinner and even though it was one of the worst days of my life, it was also one of the best. I’m glad I was honest.

              So Saela's dumb. But less dumb now! I'm glad ^.^

           I don't really have much to say besides Merry Christmas and you know.... *mumbles* commentsandsubscribing *clears throat*. Alright I'm done annoying you!

Please stuff yourselves responsibly.

~A messaged from a disappointed Jaehyo. Who could not fit the whole cookie in his mouth.~