Chapter 21

Jae

Rehearsal is taking up my life. I still have lessons and since Choreographer Unnie has gotten back from the hospital, I have dance too. But it’s dominated by the script that I keep with me at all times and the constant thought of the scenes we have yet to rehearse or have already done. The people I see every day are also becoming the only people I ever see. Not that I mind; Sunggyu, Krystal, Woohyun, Saela and I have become like a family. The only thing that I dislike about this whole production is that Sunggyu and I have to hide from them. Woohyun and Saela are the only ones who know what happened between us, and they don’t even know all of it. I’ve been pretending as well as I can, acting normal the whole day, and so has Sunggyu (for the most part). But the second we’re alone, it all disappears. He finds me all the time during rehearsal, to sit by me and brush by me subtly. Mostly he just likes to make my heart beat like crazy before telling me to not be so obvious. It’s infuriating, but I kind of love it. Yesterday, he even ambushed me outside of lessons and took me to a secluded section of the Han River, claiming to Unnie that we needed to memorize a scene. I watched my back every second, worrying about people seeing us, and it seemed like he didn’t care.

“I just want to hold you all day long,” he groaned when he pulled me close to him yesterday. Squirming in his grasp to look around us, there were two kinds of nervous energy surging through me. When I told him that we’re out in the open, he frowned and let me go. I kept hold of his hand because the hurt look on his face made me give him some sort of consolation.  

That look’s gone now, as we practice, because he’s normal. He’s teasing me and calling me Mak-Jae every chance he gets, laughing and smiling happily. I love him like this. It’s infectious. His smile wakes me up every morning that I dread coming in to lie to everyone and it makes it ok. Today, he’s as smiley as ever and it helps so much. He becomes my older brother and during our scenes I feel like I’m not lying to the people watching. Every time DaeHyo says something about YeonAh or does something with her, I just remind myself that it’s not real. It still ; who would want to watch the person they love act in love with someone else? But I’m getting used to it. We take a break from the scene we’re working. We’re all getting confused with the switching between Sunggyu and Woohyun since I can see him and YeonAh can’t, and the director decides that we could all use a break anyway.

“Ya, Mak-Jae,” Sunggyu says, coming over to where I’m talking with Saela and Krystal. I smile at him, and he tells the other two that he’ll be borrowing their maknae for a second. We have a long standing joke that all of us together are one big group, Sunggyu’s the leader so we all call him “Respected Leader” mockingly, Krystal is the quieter one so we call her “Shy One”, Woohyun’s as greasy and loud as ever so we stick with calling him “Greasy”, Saela’s the “Diva”, and I’m the cute and precious little maknae. I’m the youngest person at rehearsal all the time; there aren’t any kids in this movie, so I’m the maknae to everyone. It’s kind of nice like this, but it’s the best when Sunggyu says it hands down.

Sunggyu takes me by the arm, fingers brushing my wrist, and leads me back away from all the people. I shiver excitedly, even though I’ve gotten used to the idea of him touching me, now it only makes me more excited. We go through the door that opens to the hallway with bathrooms, and I start to ask him where we’re going.

“Shh, little one,” he smiles at me, “You’ll know soon enough.” I pout; he never likes to tell me where we’re going. We pass the bathrooms and continue down the hall. I’ve never gone this far into the building so I have no idea where he’s taking me. He turns to the left and then opens a door to a small classroom.

“What’s a classroom doing in here?” I wonder aloud, stepping past him inside.

“I think they use it for acting classes or as a set,” he says from behind me. I walk forward, trailing my fingers over the desks. I’d never gone to school in Korea even though I’ve always wanted to, and I’d always loved how the classrooms look. I slide into one of the seats, laughing and look over at Sunggyu. He’s smiling at me and comes over to take the seat next to me. “Did your schools look like this?” I ask, looking around the room at the black board and the rowed desks. He nods, sitting sideways in his chair to face me. “What were you like in school?” I ask, trying to picture a younger Sunggyu. I already know that he was in a band and that he like rock music, but I want to hear more.

“I was rebellious,” he laughs and I watch him intently. “I really wanted to become a singer, but my parents didn’t agree with me.” I nod, and he keeps going. Telling me stories of things he did in high school and middle school; stories that I hope I never forget. But one question kept coming up in my mind. I interrupted him in the middle of a story about when he met Woohyun.

“Did you have girlfriends in high school?” I ask greedily and watch him laugh for a moment.

“Actually I did,” he says and I can’t help but want to know more; the entire story probably wouldn’t stop my want to know. I raise my eyes, hoping he continues. “Should I really tell you?” he ask and I nod, scooting closer to him to show how much I want to know. “We sat next to each other,” he explains, “just like we are now. I thought she was really pretty and I’m sure she thought I was someone that she should stay away from. But I started talking to her more and we became friends. Then I realized I liked her, so I told her.”

“How did you tell her?” I ask, on the edge of my seat. I don’t know why I want to know so much, but Sunggyu laughs at me and shakes his head. “Tell me,” I beg reaching out for his arm.

“School just ended and I turned in my chair to her and said ‘Ya, I like you. Want to date me?’,” he puts on a cool look to reenact the scene for me and I burst out laughing. Leaning across the aisle, my head falls onto his desk as I laugh. “What?” he asks, laughing too. “Wasn’t I cool?” I shake my head, laughing into the wood. “I was in high school,” he defends himself. “I’m much better now,” he says and I feel his fingers move through my hair gently. I raise my head slowly to look at him. “Much better than you; you’re still a little girl,” he smiles down at me and I frown.

“I’m not-” I start to object but Sunggyu finishes for me.

“That young,” he laughs and messes up my hair. “I know you don’t think so, but you really are.”

“So what?” I ask him defensively sitting back in my own chair.

“So you don’t understand what it’s like for me,” he says seriously, leaning forward now across the aisle. My insides get all messed up when he starts to talk like this and I can’t help but become still.  I realize just how close these desks are to each other when he doesn’t have to reach that far to put his hand on my leg. His eyes haven’t moved from mine and as I stare back, his other hand brushes back my hair. “Now that you know, it’s so hard not to touch you. I feel like no one ever leaves us alone. We’re alone now though,” he smirks slightly, leaning the last bit of the way across the space between us. I gasp a little when his hand squeezes my leg and he kisses me. He chuckles, at my embarrassed reaction and then pulls my whole desk closer to him. Kissing me again, he brushes my hair away from my face. Then his arms circle my back and I feel like I’m drowning. It feels so good to be kissed by him that I completely forget everything, only wanting to get closer to him. I even forget my sanity as I push back against him and he pulls me up onto his lap. His arms are around my waist, pulling my body to him. His lips push mine open and I have no idea what to do with myself. I’m not even sure if I’m doing this right, but I can’t think so even if I wasn’t then I wouldn’t be able to fix it. Holy crap, I think as my lungs crave for air almost as much as I crave to keep his lips on mine. I gasp as he pulls away to kiss my jaw, breathing and letting my eyes flutter close.

“Jae,” he groans into my neck. “Now look what you’ve done?” his breath on my skin makes me shiver in his arms. A hand slips up my shirt and I gasp again. “Now I won’t be able to stop.” I know I should be telling him to stop, because we’re at work, but I can’t physically talk. I can only bring a sound out of my mouth that encourages him. So his other hand moves down and squeezes my . I jump in his lap and he chuckles against my skin, pulling my head down to him once more. I might have just accidentally moaned into his mouth when both of his hands squeezed me. Then I feel the heat of self-consciousness rush to my cheeks suddenly and I slip back into my seat, separating myself from him. I feel like I’m either going to hyperventilate or pass out.

“I wasn’t done,” he says, raising his eyebrows at me and clearly surprised that I jumped off of him like that. “I liked that.” I laugh shamefully at myself for even allowing him to do that, and stand up to escape. He reaches out to grab me, but I dodge out of the way. Since adrenaline is already pumping through my veins along with some sort of Sunggyu-drug I received while kissing him, I giggle hysterically and dance out of his way. I continue to run away, laughing at him more every time he smacks his knees into another desk trying to catch me.

“Ya, Mak-Jae!” he yells as I evade him again, vaulting over a desk expertly. “Get over here!”

“I don’t want to!” I stick my tongue out at him teasingly and make a quick dash for the door as his eyes widen threateningly. I wrench it open, but Sunggyu’s already caught up to me. He wraps his arms around my middle, picking me up and taking me out of the room. “Put me down!” I laugh and he does, placing me in between him and the wall.

“I told you I wasn’t done,” he says like this is my fault.

“Sunggyu, don’t-” I’m cut off by his mouth covering mine and I’m drowning again.

“Jae?” A terrible and guilty gasp escapes my throat as I push Sunggyu back from me. But the look on Krystal’s face, surprised and confused, shows me that she’s already seen enough to know. “Sunggyu?” she says both of our names, just to make sure it actually is us, and I hang my head.

“Ah, Krystal,” Sunggyu says awkwardly, looking back and forth between us. “You weren’t supposed to know about this. We were trying to hide it until after the movie was finished. But now I guess…” he trails off and looks at me.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” I say, looking up at her. I’m so afraid that this will screw everything up that I almost feel like crying. The guilt is already building up in my eyes.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asks me, her eyes cautious. I nod at her. Sure that I’d feel worse if I couldn’t be like that with Sunggyu. Even if that scared me like crazy. She looks at Sunggyu and he nods in agreement. “It’s hard to hide things like this.”

“Juts until the movie ends,” Sunggyu says, “Then we’ll figure something out.” Krystal looks at us with concerned eyes and shakes her head slightly.

“I won’t tell anyone,” she agrees. “Try not to hurt this movie with your actions,” she says before she turns around. “We’re starting again; the director sent me to find you and the other two. Have you seen them?” She asks, turning back around. Then her eyes narrow and she makes eye contact with me. “They’re not together too, are they?”

“They’re not,” Sunggyu laughs, and I wonder how he can laugh right now. “I promise. You’d know if they were.” Krystal shrugs and turns around again, telling us to find them. I slump back against the wall when the door out of the hallway closes behind her.

“Why couldn’t you just stop?” I ask Sunggyu, my voice angry before I even realize I’m mad. Or maybe I’m just scared. But either way, my voice is loud and I sound angry. “I told you to because I knew we’d be caught, but you didn’t.”

“At least it was Krystal,” he shrugs, looking at me with a calm expression.

“You need to be more careful!” my voice rises and my hands are shaking.

“Jae,” he says comfortingly, taking a step toward me. I hold up my hands in front of him.

“Just don’t touch me,” I move away from the wall and away from him, “Or we’ll all be in trouble.” I hear him take a long breath as I walk down the hallway. Now I really feel like crying. Why did I say that? I think, yanking open the door and going back into the rehearsal room. I watch Sunggyu come through the door a few minutes later with Woohyun and Saela, he looks over at me and then avoids my eyes. When we start again, I feel his tenseness in all of his words. Maybe I’m imagining it, because no one else seems to notice.

We finish rehearsing the rest of the scenes today; Saela and Woohyun surprising everyone with their most important scene. Watching it, I felt a little uncomfortable. I almost felt like I was intruding on someone’s real moment. It was really good; all the staff talked about how much better they had gotten already. Sunggyu and Krystal’s scene together seemed almost the opposite. It was purely professional. Their acting wasn’t bad, but you couldn’t feel anything like what you felt during Saela and Woohyun’s scene. It was a relief for me, but at the same time I still worried. I really don’t want Sunggyu and I to mess anything up for anyone else, but I also don’t want them to be as passionate as the other two.

The director tells us that we’re finished and Unnie swoops in to take us to our next schedule activity. It’s been busier lately; even though she said she wouldn’t, she’s been accepting more and more appearances on shows. I think Saela and I are starting to like variety shows though. Even if they ask intruding questions that make us squirm, it’s fun. We’ve done a few radio shows now too, and those are fun too. We’ve been contacted by several companies for endorsements too, adding more brands to our wardrobe. Our album is selling well and three of the songs are near or at the top of the charts. Although the movie is time consuming, we still find time to perform for various occasions and go to signing events. We’ve even been given a fan club called “Dragon Flies”. When I think about all the things we’ve done, it really does feel like we’ve become stars.

“Congratulations,” Unnie says, her voice barely containing her excitement while directing us out to the van. “Each of you has gotten their first solo job!”

“What?” Saela looks at her, confused. “As in, by ourselves?” Unnie nods, smiling brightly at us as we slide into the van. “What are we doing?” She sounds suspicious and I almost laugh at her. Almost. Because Unnie would never agree to anything sketchy for her own two children.

“Saela has been asked to model for Vogue!” Unnie answers, pulling out and cutting someone off.

“Me?” Saela looks at me with her eyes wide. “Not Jae?” I snort at her. Definitely not me, I think.

“Jae’s going to be in a commercial,” she explains. “We’ve been offered to be sponsored by a new phone. Saela, you’ll be fine on your own since you know what you’re doing. Don’t complain I know you’ve modeled before. So I’ll go with Jae today.” Saela agrees with a shrug, launching into a conversation with me about what I’m going to be doing. With all the stuff she says, I start to get nervous. I want her to stop talking about it, but it’s distracting and I’d rather be nervous than think about Sunggyu. We drop Saela off and she waves excitedly as we drive away, walking confidently into the building on her own. I silently wish I could look as carefree as her. I say look because I know she’s not. As far as I can tell, she’s just hiding it all. She and Woohyun have been too quiet recently. It just seems like they’re best friends or something. They text and see each other every day, and they’re as immature as usual. But it’ just weird that neither of them is being weird.

“Let’s go, Jae,” Unnie says, unfortunately bringing me back to my own problems. She opens the door for me and leads me inside, smiling and greeting people she sees.

When we get inside, Unnie and I talk to the directors about how this is going to go. They’ve decided to go with a dark and cool theme and I wonder again why they picked me. The way they describe the commercial, it sound random. But Korean commercial are really strange sometimes so I guess it should be fine. They take me to the dressing room to get made up and ready to go and again I’m so impressed by these people who always manage to transform me into someone new. The black flowing dress floats lightly around me; the wispy and dark look really shows. They’ve made my hair into loose curls that fall around me like the dress.

“Ah, that looks great,” the director says. “Your co-star has arrived too. Have you met him yet?” I shake my head. I didn’t even know I was going to have a co-star. “He should be done too,” he says looking past me. “There he is.” I turn around and my mouth falls open.

             So I wasn't sure if I should make this (M) but I think it's fine? Oh Well! And don't worry, I won't keep the cliffhanger too long cause the next part will be up tomorrow!

He is one of my favorite people because he's so blatantly human ^.^ just thought I'd share!