Today is...

Today is your wedding day.

I am sitting on the couch, trying to force out the sounds in my head.

Wedding bells are ringing, the crowds are cheering, clapping, smiling.

They are happy for you.

I try hard to stop but the long white dress keeps on dragging on the floor, going closer and closer.

"You may kiss the bride."

No matter how hard I try, how painfully I cover my ears and let my tears go, I keep hearing you say those dreadful words that you would never say to me.

"I do."

The images flash like a horror movie inside my head, disturbing yet painfully quiet. There are no screams. Instead, there are cheers, there is happiness.

And I am the monster.

I am the antagonist in your story. I've always been.

But I don't want to be a monster.

I don't want to be without you. I want to stay by your side.

I can't let myself lose control.

Happy, I want you to be happy.

I think of you and me.

You and I.

Our first date at the movies. Our hands touched.

It felt like a dream. It made me light-headed.

I don't remember what you whispered to me.

But I know it was something about love.

You were incredibly close, your breath on my ear.

You were so close to me. 

I could touch you,

feel you.

It feels so faraway, like I am recalling my memories from a previous life.

Maybe it is true.

Maybe I am right.

Because the day you closed the door,

I have already died inside.