Still Right Here
Right here where we startedHe strolls down the quiet street, the vacant roads as empty as his chest.
The wind blows in his uncovered face and tousles his hair into his eyes.
He doesn’t bother to shake the strands off his lashes.
Instead, he closes his eyes and lets the wind sting its cold into his cheeks.
He breaths out into the morning air and slides his numbed hands into his pockets—
for there is no one here to hold his hands anymore.
“Himchan, it’s over.”
He grabbed his sweater and made his way to the door, pulling it open without any hesitation.
“You never appreciated me.”
He slams it shut.
I sit in my chair, holding what he left for me as I stare at the door.
But it never opened even when my vision blurred in tears.
I sat wondering what I’ve just lost.
It was too much for me to calculate.
The days without him are, completely, colourless.
It’s been three months, I never counted but I always look at the page of the calendar that has never been turned ever since he slammed the door shut. I’m still living in the day when he went away.
Still thinking about him.
Fresh in my memory, his smile.
Fresh on me, my wounds.
He never came back even though he always did.
He never came back.
Every time I made a mistake, he’d go away and come back when I’m sad.
But here I am, my soul cried empty, and he’s not here.
I took you for granted. I made lots of stupid mistakes. I thought I could because you always forgive me. I thought you would always be there because you needed me so much.
I was your life.
But now I realize,
It’s the other way round.
I love you, I always know that I love you but I never found the need to stay put right beside you because you will always find me.
You always find me and remind me about the things between us.
You always pull me back when I’ve gone too far.
You always do.
But where are you now?
Come and find me.
It’s not hard to find me.
I didn’t go that far.
I’m here.
Right here.
Right at the spot where we started.
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