At least Junsu wasn’t the only clueless one. Jaejoong looked from Yoochun to Yunho, obviously waiting for one of them to say something. But seriously, Junsu knew that he was more surprised. And he felt betrayed. Yoochun seemed to know Yunho, but Junsu had still told him everything. At least it appeared that Yoochun didn’t like Yunho much. That way, maybe he would keep his mouth shut about everything Junsu just told him.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Yunho asked Yoochun, and the latter ran his fingers through his hair confidently. Junsu hadn’t imagined Yoochun to be that kind of person. All calm, confident. Somehow, when he first met him, he thought he was the messy, the rushed type of guy. But he didn’t seem like that in this moment. He seemed to know what he was doing, as if he had foreseen that this would happen.

“Helping out my friend. Apparently, you’re causing him a lot of pain these days.” He said, and Junsu was happy about the words he’d used. Like that, it didn’t sound as if something was off, but only that Junsu was a jealous boyfriend. He preferred that over Jaejoong knowing Junsu ran around telling his secrets. He would never trust him again.

“What did you tell him?” Yunho directed his words at Junsu who pouted and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Nothing. Only that Jae is rather spending his time with you than with me.” He puffed his cheeks and could see Yoochun smirk. He really hoped that he would play along. He couldn’t tell Jaejoong anything. Yunho raised an eyebrow and looked at Jaejoong, and again his face told him to get rid of Junsu. Maybe he wasn’t even so wrong. Was there something going on between the two of them? Junsu started panicking. What if the talk about the North had been just an excuse to meet secretly, to have a secret love story? Before his hands could start trembling, Yoochun laid and arm around Junsu’s shoulders, and for some reason he immediately felt better.

“Did you expect something different?” Yoochun asked, and it really sounded as if he couldn’t think of anything else. Yunho slowly shook his head, his eyes piercing Junsu. I couldn’t tell him anything because I don’t know a thing, he thought and averted his eyes from Yunho to look at Jaejoong.

He, on the other hand, was looking at the hand that was lying on Junsu’s shoulder and Junsu could see how Jaejoong disliked the view. He shook Yoochun’s hand away and lowered his gaze. No way would Jaejoong cheat on him. He still loved him. Even if everything fell apart, he at least had to hold on to this. Jaejoong loved him. There was nothing that would ever change that.

“Where do you know each other from?” Jaejoong suddenly asked, and even though he looked at Junsu and Junsu thought he asked him, Yunho swallowed.

“It’s a long story.” He answered, and Junsu cocked his head to the side. How could he forget to ask that? He looked at Yoochun, since he trusted him more than Yunho. If he wanted to hear the true story of how they met, he had to listen to Yoochun, not Yunho. At Yunho’s words, Yoochun grinned.

“It’s not that long. It would’ve been shorter if you succeeded, don’t you think?” Yunho’s face got red. Junsu was afraid it might explode. He took one step towards Yoochun. The other raised an eyebrow provokingly. Junsu was unable to move. Maybe, if Yunho punched Yoochun right there, Jaejoong would see what an that guy was.

“I don’t like the people your boyfriend is hanging out with, Jaejoong-ah.” Yunho growled. Yoochun widened his eyes in acted surprise and nodded.

“Oh, so now we’re talking about what we like and dislike? Okay, my turn it is, then! I dislike the manipulating scumbag you are. I dislike that you aren’t regretting even a little bit. I remember you begging on your knees. What happened to that Yunho? I really should’ve killed you back then.” Junsu felt as if he shouldn’t hear that. That was something too personal, he shouldn’t be there when they were discussing such things. Jaejoong, however, didn’t look like he thought the same. He stepped between Yoochun and Yunho and glared at Yoochun. Junsu’s hopes faded.

“If you’re here to threaten Yunho, you should go.” Jaejoong directed his words at Yoochun, but he shook his head. He forced Jaejoong to step aside with one hand.

“Not so fast, Kim Jaejoong. Let us hear what Yunho has to say, shall we?” Yoochun smiled at Jaejoong, and they both directed their eyes at Yunho. Only Junsu stared at Yoochun. How did he know Jaejoong’s last name is Kim?

“Nobody asked about what you dislike, Yoochun-ah.” Yunho simply replied. Now, even Junsu looked at Yunho, eyes squinted and a finger tipping his lip – a habit he did when thinking.

“I don’t remember anybody asking you, though…” He answered, and everybody looked at him in surprise. It was as if they had forgotten he was even there. Jaejoong blinked a few times, Yunho’s jaw dropped and Yoochun smiled triumphantly. Junsu felt strange. It was as if they had to choose sides. And because Junsu had chosen Yoochun’s side, there was a huge cleft between Jaejoong and him. He knew that if he reached out, he could take Jaejoong on his side. His body would be next to him, but his soul would still be on the other side of the cleft. Junsu shuddered. With the intention of making everything alright, he had made things even worse.

“Junsu!” Everything about Jaejoong’s voice and body language made his name sound like a threat. Never before had he called out his name like this. Junsu’s heart broke a little more; he wouldn’t have imagined that was even possible. The younger flinched, bashing against Yoochun as doing so. He caught him and helped him stand straight again. The feeling of the triumph was all gone. It wasn’t about choosing either Yoochun or Yunho. It felt more like choosing the relationship or the break up. And right now, in Jaejoong’s eyes, Junsu was on the side of the break up. To Jaejoong, Junsu was the one causing trouble. Jaejoong looked at Yoochun with all the hate he could bring up.

“I think you should go.” He stated. But Junsu wasn’t about to let that slide like that. He looked at Yunho, eyes squinted.

“And you should go, too.” He said. Jaejoong was about to say something, but Junsu stopped him with a hand. “If you can throw my friend out of my home, I can do the same with yours. If you’re not okay with that, you may leave, too.” Jaejoong hesitated. And Junsu’s heart beat like crazy. Without him knowing, he had stopped breathing. His hands shivered, but he had hidden them in the pockets of his pants. Before Jaejoong could make his decision, Yoochun smiled at Junsu.

“Call me whenever you need something. And you’re welcomed anytime.” He leaned forwards, near to Junsu’s ear, and whispered a ‘the walls’ before he left. Junsu had no idea what he had meant by that, but a bad feeling crept up his back. He looked around. And then, he remembered the choice Jaejoong was about to make. He looked at his lover – though he wasn’t sure if that’s what he still was – and pressed his lips together. Jaejoong slowly turned his head towards Yunho.

“You should go for now. I’ll call you if something happens.” Yunho’s eyes widened for the blink of an eye, but then he got himself together and nodded. Junsu felt as if somebody has taken a huge rock off his shoulders when Jaejoong accompanied Yunho to the door and came back again. He came back and they were alone. Even though Junsu could still feel the cleft between them, it wasn’t as huge as it had been. It was more like when he took a run-up, he would be able to jump over it. Jaejoong stood in front of him, only a few steps away. And neither one of them knew what to say.

Finally, Junsu sighed. “I’m glad you stayed.” He admitted, looking straight into Jaejoong’s eyes. Yet, he was missing the love that Jaejoong used to have in them when looking at Junsu.

“Who was that boy?” Jaejoong asked and Junsu could feel how happy it made him that Jaejoong was jealous. A small smile crept onto his lips, causing Jaejoong to hold his breath. If it made Junsu that happy when he only mentioned the man, how much could he mean to him, then? Jaejoong felt like shaking Junsu and telling him not to meet other boys, but he knew that would’ve been unfair. How could he forbid him something he did everything?

“Just somebody I met.” Junsu shrugged. Jaejoong squinted his eyes. Had Junsu spent the last nights at his place? Was it that why he hadn’t called even once? Jaejoong swallowed, trying hard to keep the icy mask up.

“And how close are you?” Jaejoong asked and Junsu almost laughed about how ridiculous was. Again, he just shrugged and let himself fall onto the couch, turned the volume of the music up a little and pursed his lips.

“How close are you with Yunho?” He asked in return, not looking at Jaejoong but directing his gaze out of the window. Jaejoong sat down next to Junsu and took his hand. Junsu’s heart skipped some beats when Jaejoongs warm hand squeezed Junsu’s a little. Junsu looked at Jaejoong, whose features softened. “Not close at all. He’s just-”

“Don’t you even try telling me that Yunho is the only person that understands you and can help you when you haven’t even tried talking to me or somebody else.” Junsu interrupted Jaejoong, taking his hand away. No matter how hard it was, he felt as if it was the last chance to get Jaejoong to say something. If Jaejoong wouldn’t open up now, he would never do so. And Junsu needed him to open up, so that he could stay with him and eventually help him. Jaejoong sighed and closed his eyes, hiding his face behind his hands. “Junsu-ya…”

But before he could come up with an excuse, Junsu again interrupted him: “No, don’t tell me that you can’t tell me. Listen, I know how hard it is to feel as if you can’t talk to anybody. Even though Junho keeps calling and asks what’s wrong, I’m shaking him off with some lame excuses. The difference is just that I can’t go around telling your secret – which I don’t even know! – But you’re not telling me something that is directly connected with you. And that makes me sad, hurt, and causes me to spend nights crying over something I don’t even know! So, you either tell me something to calm me instead of a lame excuse.”

Jaejoong had opened his eyes and stared at Junsu in disbelief. And for the first time, Junsu felt as if he had managed to reach Jaejoong. He breathed in and out, and took Junsu’s hand again. “I told you that I don’t know what’s going on.” He said, and Junsu shook his head.

“Then just tell me everything you know.” He begged, drawing a little closer towards Jaejoong. He squeezed his hand a little.

“Everything I touch becomes bad. And I suddenly can destroy things with my hands- things like a toilet bowl or a wall. And I tend to forget myself. There are moments when I’m not myself. Suddenly, I become a beast that wants to destroy its surroundings. And when I’m me again, I remember that beast.” He avoided Junsu’s gaze, but the younger’s eyes were lying on Jaejoong. The cleft between the two of them had vanished. They were standing on a safe spot in the middle, while Yoochun and Yunho were each standing on one side. Yunho trying to tear them apart, Yoochun trying to help them staying together. Junsu held on to Jaejoong’s hand, fearing that the cleft might return when he let it go. There were no questions. He knew what Jaejoong meant when saying ‘Everything I touch becomes bad’ and Junsu had been there when the toilet bowl cracked under the force of Jaejoong’s fingers. Technically, he could’ve answered the questions he had himself, but he was happy Jaejoong was telling him. “Yunho and Changmin are trying to help me to find out what’s wrong. Changmin is a North Korean spy and has some pills that can help me.”

Junsu raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “Wait. You’re telling me you trust a North Korean spy and his pills? Are you crazy?” Junsu couldn’t believe Jaejoong was that stupid. A North Korean spy with pills wasn’t somebody trustworthy, not at all!

“No, don’t misunderstand. He only became a spy because he wanted to live here. He hates the North, Yunho swore that he would never betray me!” Jaejoong protested Changmin’s innocence, but Junsu could only bring up a whine. He wanted to grab Jaejoong by the shoulders and shake him until he realized how stupid he sounded.

“Did those pills help you in any way?” Junsu asked, an eyebrow still raised. Jaejoong softly shook his head and sighed.

“No, not yet. But that’s normal, they need some time until they’re effective.”

Junsu’s jaw dropped and he shook his head. What. The. Hell? “Did Changmin say that?” He asked, and could see Jaejoong becoming angry. He took his hand away and squinted his eyes.

“I knew you wouldn’t understand.” Jaejoong stated and got up. He took out his mobile and typed a quick message. Junsu didn’t even have to ask to know that it was for Yunho.

“I understand you. I understand that you’re desperately holding on to every little thing you get. What I don’t understand is how you can trust those people!” Junsu stood up, trying to keep Jaejoong from going. He simply had to realize that Junsu was right. A former North Korean and a North Korean spy weren’t really the people he should trust. But Jaejoong made his way past Junsu, growling.

“Don’t wait for me.” He simply said when he left the apartment. And there it was again. The cleft.