“This is so exciting!” Junsu clapped when they reached the airport and looked at the two suitcases: One for Junsu, and one for Jaejoong. “It’s the first time we’re flying together. Even though I still don’t understand why you changed your mind.” Junsu, who had dyed his hair brown again, since he would have to cut it anyway when returning to the army. Jaejoong had to admit that he preferred Junsu’s hair longer, but the younger looked gorgeous no matter how his hair looked, or what he was wearing. And yet, Jaejoong hadn’t told him why he wanted to move. The last week the two of them spent looking for an apartment in a small town near Seoul, but Junsu still thought Jaejoong was doing that for being closer to his boyfriend. Of course, Jaejoong loved the thought of Junsu being nearer than ever, he loved that they would be able to meet more often, but nevertheless had a bad conscience.

“Oh, Susu, I told you that I’m missing you. I want to spend as much time with you as possible, and the best way is to move near to you. You can spend your day off with me now, instead of strolling through Seoul with your mates. Well, we can all spend time together, you know, it’s just-”

“Jae! Jaejoong, it’s fine!” Junsu laughed. Only then he noticed how much he had talked. He tended to do that when having a bad feeling about something. And he had a bad feeling. Yunho had found an apartment, which was right next to Yunho’s, but Jaejoong felt like a fool for leaving Jeju. To him, all that had went too fast: Once Jaejoong had agreed, Yunho had somehow found an apartment within a day and organized everything in only a day. But still, there he was, about to leave Jeju, just because somebody he hadn’t seen for more than a year told him to. Was he stupid? Probably.

***

They had safely landed in Seoul and Yunho had picked them up from the airport. Even though Jaejoong could see the puzzled expression of Junsu, he was thankful that the boy didn’t ask any questions and quietly sat down on the backseat. He shot Jaejoong a glance, but he calmed him down with a smile. For some reason that Jaejoong didn’t know, Junsu had made it clear that he disliked Yunho. Jaejoong didn’t quite know why, after all he had told Junsu only good things about his friend, but his lover just couldn’t trust Yunho. Which was why, actually, Jaejoong had kept it a secret from Junsu that it had been Yunho’s idea to move. He’d told himself that he would definitely tell Junsu someday, but that day hadn’t come yet.

And the more time passed, the less Jaejoong felt like telling him. Even though it felt awful having secrets towards the bubbly boy. It made him feel gloomy, and he felt as though he betrayed Junsu everytime he looked into his eyes and saw the unconditional love of his. Jaejoong returned that love, but recently, it had been harder and harder showing that. And he knew that Junsu could feel that, too.

“Had a nice flight?” Yunho broke the silence, and Jaejoong was thankful for the elder to speak up. He nodded and looked through the mirror, seeing Junsu, who wasn’t about to join the conversation. He was looking out of the window, deep in thoughts, instead.

“Yeah, it was okay,” Jaejoong said. “But I’m happy that we finally landed.”

Yunho nodded. “It’ll take us some time to reach the village.” He declared after some time. Again, Jaejoong nodded. He felt awkward and misplaced. He wanted to jump out of the driving car. But he knew he couldn’t to such a stupid thing. Junsu wouldn’t ever forgive him that. He shot a glance through the mirror again, seeing that Junsu’s eyes were closed. A smile crept onto Jaejoong’s lips. The younger was so cute when sleeping. Yunho noticed Junsu’s sleeping face, too, but instead of smiling, he snorted.

“You shouldn’t have brought him. It’s dangerous.” He looked at Junsu as if he was something disgusting, and Jaejoong had to hold back not to punch him right there. He shrugged and made himself comfortable on the seat, closing his eyes. So what if it was dangerous? Jaejoong needed Junsu around, and he would do everything that was needed to protect him. He opened his eyes for a second to look at the man, then closed them with a smile. Junsu wouldn’t allow him to leave, anyways. They would never let go. Never.

***

“It’s… nice.” Junsu muttered. They were standing in the living room. It was bright, decorated in red and white, but Jaejoong had a strange feeling living there. He shuddered and looked at Junsu.

“We’ll get used to it. It’s new, that’s why it’s strange.” Jaejoong said, more to calm himself than Junsu. He took the younger’s hand and smiled. “And as long as we’re together, it should be alright. Right?”

Junsu chuckled and nodded. He dropped the bag and let himself fall onto the leather couch. After changing positions a few times, he nodded. “Comfy,” he explained, and Jaejoong sat down next to him, as if he’d been waiting for Junsu’s permission. They cuddled each other, looking around the room. The white wall was decorated with red roses here and there, and it looked pretty. More like the room of a hopeless romantic girl, but pretty. Jaejoong kissed Junsu’s forehead, and the younger sighed.

“Jae?” He asked, and Jaejoong brought some space between the two of them for him to be able to look into Junsu’s eyes. “Yes, my love?” Junsu blushed a little, but became all serious again. “Why did you move? Was it because of Yunho?”

Jaejoong blinked for a few times. And then, slowly, started to shake his head. “No, I already told you, that-”

“That you miss me when I’m gone, that you want to spend my days off with me. I know you said that, but I feel as if you’re hiding something from me.” The expression in Junsu’s eyes broke Jae’s heart. He looked sad. For the first time he looked sad. And really, all that Jaejoong had to do to make him happy again was tell him that the North Koreans were looking for him and that Yunho had said Jaejoong had to move in order to get rid of them. Jaejoong cleared his throat, smile on his face.

“I think I’ll have to live like that forever, Junsu-ya. Running away.” He finally said, and even though Junsu didn’t look like he understood, Jaejoong shook his head. He kissed his lover on the forehead and went to the door. “I’ll make some Kimbap for dinner.” He explained, leaving the room. Junsu felt left behind. He was sad that Jaejoong couldn’t talk to him. He wrapped his arms around his chest and pouted, his lower lip trembling. Don’t cry, Junsu-ya, he warned himself, taking a deep breath. Jaejoongie loves you. He will eventually open up to you. He nodded, jumped up and approached the kitchen. Surprisingly, everything they needed was there: Food, drinks, dishes, glasses, chopsticks. Somehow Junsu felt like stealing somebody else’s home. Jaejoong was in the middle of cooking rice. Junsu stood right beside him, smiling. “Can I help you?”

Jaejoong looked at Junsu, smile on his face. They both knew that Junsu wasn’t good at cooking, while Jaejoong appreciated it a lot. Nevertheless, Jaejoong gave Junsu the knife he’d been holding and kissed him on the forehead. “You can cut the Kimbap rolls once I’ve done them.” Junsu nodded, holding the knife tightly.

***

Four rolls were lying in front of him, Jaejoong was doing another one. They had already filled a plate, but Jae had cooked so much rice that they had decided to just use it all. Junsu cut it, Jaejoong rolled them. And while they were working, nobody said a word. It wasn’t awkward, being silent like that, though. It was comfortable, calming.

After some time, Jaejoong stretched his arms and kissed Junsu’s head. “I’ll be right back.” He muttered and left the kitchen. Junsu, on the other hand, just went on cutting. But as soon as Jaejoong left the room, there was a strange feeling rushing through Junsu, starting from the hand that held the knife. It took him some time, but then he understood: The knife had started pulsating in his hand. He wanted to drop it, but it was as if his hand was glued to it. His eyes widened as the dirty knife started moving itself. He tried to fight it, but his hand directed the knife towards his heart. “Jaejoong!” Junsu shouted. He tried to push down his hand, but the knife cut into the free hand. A scream left Junsu’s lips as the blood started dropping from the open wound on his hand. And then, the hand holding the knife swung back, just to shoot down again.

Before Junsu out, he felt the warm liquid wetting his white shirt.

***

“You called out for me?” Jaejoong asked, stepping into the kitchen again. He looked at the counter. And from then, everything went on in slow-motion. Jaejoong’s eyes found Junsu, lying on the ground, knife sticking in his belly, blood running out of it. Jaejoong quickly took off his shirt, released Junsu off the knife and pressed the shirt on the wound while dialing the number of the ambulance. While everything was in slow-motion a second ago, now everything seemed to happen in just a second: The ambulance arrived and took Junsu away. The paramedic argued with Jaejoong on whether or not he should accompany Junsu to the hospital, but it wasn’t like anyone could keep Jaejoong from accompanying his lover. He knew how it must’ve looked to them: A huge kitchen knife, an open wound, and Jaejoong next to him. But Jaejoong would never hurt Junsu, never in his life.

Then why had he such a bad feeling about all that? You shouldn’t have brought him. It’s dangerous. He couldn’t help to make himself responsible for what had happened. He looked at Junsu, who looked so dead. Jae’s heart was pounding like crazy, but he was too shocked to cry. He ran after the paramedics into the hospital, but because the wound had to be examined and stitched, Jaejoong had to wait in the waiting room for what felt like hours. Finally, a doctor came out. He looked at Jaejoong, examining him from head to toe. “Are you the one that brought Kim Junsu here?”

Jaejoong shot up and nodded. “Yes. Is he alright?” The doctor, a nice-looking, old man, nodded, and pointed at a door. “Yes. Even though the wound was pretty deep, the organs weren’t badly hurt. You can go in now. He’s still sleeping, but he should wake up, soon.” Jaejoong nodded. He was in such a hurry that he even forgot to thank the nice doctor. When he turned around, the man was already gone. Jaejoong stumbled into the room. The first thing he noticed was the steady sound of the monitors. Then, he saw Junsu’s pale face. He kneed next to the bed and took Junsu’s hand. Right then, the tears started rushing out of his eyes and he apologized several times, even if he didn’t even know what he was sorry for.

***

Even though he was awake, Junsu didn’t open his eyes yet. First, he had to remember what had happened. He moved a little, attempting to turn around, but a sharp pain rushed through his body. His eyes shot open and the happenings came back, all at once. The knife that had suddenly lived. Junsu clenched his fists- or, once fist, since the other hand was busy holding onto something. Junsu looked down at his hand, seeing another hand lying on it. He followed the hand, and a familiar head appeared. Jaejoong, still kneeing next to the bed, had dozed off. His head was lying on the bed, his eyes were closed, his hand held Junsu’s tightly. Suddenly, Junsu grew uncomfortable. What would Jaejoong think? That Junsu tried to kill himself? The younger pressed his lips together, still staring at the peacefully sleeping Jaejoong. Nobody would ever believe him. He couldn’t tell Jaejoong what had happened, could he?

Just when he’d thought that, the elder’s head shot up. He blinked a few times, before he remembered where he was. He looked at Junsu who could see that Jaejoong’s eyes were swollen and his lips bloody. Jaejoong had the stupid habit of nibbling his lower lip when being nervous or afraid. “You’re awake.” He finally said and jumped up, hugging Junsu. Even though he pressed their bodies together, he took care not to hurt the younger. Junsu wrapped his arms around Jaejoong. “I’m so sorry,” Jaejoong muttered.

Junsu, totally confused, pulled away and stared at Jaejoong in disbelief. “Sorry?” He asked, examining Jaejoong. “What the hell are you sorry about?”

Jaejoong blinked. He had wondered about that already, too, but hadn’t found an answer. He just felt responsible for what had happened, and he couldn’t do anything about it. He took Junsu’s hand, shrugging. “I should’ve come when you called out for me.” Even though Jaejoong should question Junsu about what had happened or why the boy had done that, he didn’t. He had a strange feeling inside, as if the incident had to do something with him, and he was afraid of what Junsu might say. He just knew that he would never again let Junsu touch a knife.

“I didn’t do it.” Junsu finally said, avoiding Jaejoong’s gaze. The elder squeezed Junsu’s hand, but didn’t say anything. For some reason he couldn’t quite understand, he felt as if he had to talk to Yunho.