[Song: I Can't Let You Go Even If I Die - 2AM]

“It feels so good to relax for a few days!” Heejin exclaimed as she sat by the Han River, which was near her home, with Doojoon. The next day, Doojoon had appeared bright and early at her apartment and brought along breakfast. They had once again spent the day together, relaxing and running some non-work related errands. “I love this kind of weather.” Heejin closed her eyes and breathed in the deeply.

It had been a sunny day and now that night has come, there was still not a cloud in sight. The moon shone brightly above them and reflected itself upon the water.

“I can’t remember the last time I sat around here for no reason. It was probably with you.” Doojoon looked at Heejin. This will always be our place. I would only come here with you.

“Really? It’s been that long? This park used to be your favorite spot in all of Seoul. Being abroad, I missed this view the most.”

They stayed silent for a moment, taking in the scenery and the beautiful skyline. This area of the park was one of the few places in Seoul that was pretty much isolated from the world. It was why Doojoon and Heejin went there a lot back then; they had a chance to breathe and take a break from the intensity of training.

“Do you ever wonder about what would have happened if you stayed with JYPE?” asked Doojoon, breaking the silence.

“Of course I do. How could I not? The years I spent there were some of the best and worst times of my life. There are memories I’ll never forget. But I don’t regret leaving. If I stayed, I probably would have torn apart by netizens and become very cynical and bitter.”

“It’s not always like that, you know?”

“Like what?”

“Like what happened to you. It doesn’t happen very often.”

Heejin looked down. She hadn’t thought about that moment in a very long time, the moment and the actions that solidified her decision to quit. No one knew what really happened, no one but Doojoon and she made him promise not to do anything or tell anyone. She never even told him any names or people involved.

“That’s good to hear. But how about you? Do you ever regret becoming an idol, with all the rumors and criticisms that come with it?”

Doojoon shook his head. “I knew what I signed up for and being the leader of Beast, I can never waver. It’s my position to be the pillar of strength for everyone else whenever they’re tired or angry.”

She looked at him and smiled. “You were always such a good guy. That’s why…” Heejin stopped herself.

“That’s why…?”

“Nothing. Never mind.” She stared at the tallest building across from them, all lit up in beautiful lights.

“Don’t start anything you can’t finish.”

Heejin sighed, debating whether or not she should say it. “That’s why…I loved you so much.”

“Loved?”

She knew she had said it in the past tense and although it might not be in the past, she couldn’t let him know. “Yeah, loved. What we had was in the past and it now only exists in our memories now. We’ve both moved on and with some wonderful people too. I’m…content with where we both are.”

Doojoon stared at her intensely. “Are you really? What if I said I wasn’t content? That I don’t want us to only exist in my memory?”

Heejin looked at him, confused about what he was saying. “What are you talking about?”

He suddenly took her hand and enclosed it within his. “I’m still in love with you. And I always will be. Even though I’ve tried to move on, it’s alwaysgoing to be you.”

She was in shock as she looked at his hands holding hers. How am I supposed to respond to that? Why would he say this to me now?Heejin’s heart pounded and she felt like it would leap out of her chest at any moment. A million thoughts ran through her head. Hyunshik, Hyuna, all the scenarios that could possibly occur depending on her response.

Heejin finally opened to respond and all she could muster up was, “I can’t.” And with those words she slipped her hand out of his and left him sitting on the bench, alone and in the dark.

Again, like this I (fiction in fiction)
Can’t forget (fiction in fiction)
In my heart I’m writing a story with no ending
I bid you goodbye (fiction in fiction)
I won’t let you go (fiction in fiction in fiction)
In our never-ending story. Even today in fiction

Heejin stared at her phone on the night table, that song playing for the 50th time notifying her that someone from Beast was calling. It had been ringing ever since she got home from the park with Doojoon. Can he just stop calling?She refused to answer as she put her phone on silent so she wouldn’t even hear the calls anymore.

“Kim Heejin! If you don’t answer my calls, I’m going to keep screaming your name! Kim Heejin in apartment 2C!”

Heejin ran to her window to see Doojoon standing on the street, yelling towards her window. She quickly grabbed her phone and texted him.

‘Are you crazy? Stop yelling! My neighbors are going to see you!’

Doojoon paused in his yelling to respond to the text. ‘Then talk to me! You can’t avoid me forever. I’ll yell until my lungs give out!’

‘Did you forget you’re an idol? If you don’t want this to be in the headlines tomorrow, just leave!’

‘Let me in.’

‘No!’

Doojoon had no other choice, he began yelling her name again. After a minute or so, people were starting to open their windows to look outside as a hand suddenly grabbed Doojoon and pulled him towards a nearby secluded cafe.

“Yah, Yoon Doojoon, have you lost your mind?” Heejin whispered angrily as they stood outside the cafe. She wore a hoodie, pulling it up so that no one could see her face, and gave Doojoon a large one that she had lying around. “Put this on so no one sees you.”

He silently put it on and followed Heejin into the cafe.

“Can I have an iced coffee? And he’ll have an orange juice.” Heejin ordered as they sat down. As soon as the waitress left, Heejin glared at Doojoon. “What do you want?”

“Did you really expect me to just let it go?” His stare made Heejin so uncomfortable that she couldn’t help but look away.

She knew he wouldn’t let it go; that’s not the type of person he is. Once Doojoon sets his mind on something, he won’t give up until his goal is reached. “What am I supposed to say? Did you think this was going to be like a movie? That I was going to tell you I loved you too and leap into your arms?”

That would have been nice, Doojoon thought. “I expected you to not run away at least.”

Heejin looked at him and furrowed her eyebrows, thinking for a moment as the waitress brought them their drinks. “What are you doing, oppa? This isn’t just about us. Do you know how many people this would affect? How many would get hurt? Have you thought about Hyuna? She’s completely head over heels for you and has been for years.”

He looked down at his hands and whispered, “Of course I’ve thought about it. How can I not?”

“Then why are you doing this?” interrupted Heejin.

“Because I’m in love with you!” He was exasperated. What part of that didn’t she understand?

“Love isn’t everything. You forget, you’re an idol, I’m a normal person. And I would like things to stay that way. Why do you have this need to confess to me?”

“Because I go to bed thinking about you. I wake up thinking about you, hoping to see you sometime throughout the day. I find myself staring at my phone, wishing you would call or text. When I’m with Hyuna, all I keep doing is comparing the 2 of you and thinking that you would do this instead of whatever she’s doing. Whenever you’re near, my heart pounds and all I want to do is hold you. When I see you with Hyunshik hyung, this rage builds up inside and I—”

“Stop,” interrupted Heejin. She didn’t want to hear any more. “I didn’t want to say this because I didn’t want to hurt you, but if this is the only way for you to get over us…” She paused, knowing she was about to lie in order to get him to let her go, “I’m not in love with you anymore. I’m with someone else and I’m going to stay with him.”

“Liar,” Doojoon looked her right in the eyes, “I know how you felt back then and if it’s the same as I felt, there’s no way you can just forget it.”

Heejin challenged him but looking back at him, unwavering. “But I did forget.” She got up from the table and looked down at him. “Go home and get some rest, oppa. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She turned to leave but Doojoon grabbed her wrist. “I’m going to make you remember, make your heart beat faster like mine does when I’m with you.  Maybe in the last 3 years you did forget, but you’ll remember again.”

Heejin shook off his hand. “Don’t waste your time.” She walked out, hoping he would just leave things be.

Neither of them could sleep when they got home. Heejin kept repeating the night over and over in her head.  Why would he suddenly tell me all these things? I can’t go back. I refuse to enter that life again. Remember he’s an idol, Heejin, remember that being an idol always comes with strings attached. No idol is capable of having a long-term relationship. Save yourself some heartache and focus on Hyunshik oppa.

Doojoon’s head was busy planning all the ways he was going to win her heart. He knew it wouldn’t be easy. Heejin is stubborn and strong-willed, she’s not going to give in easily. Over the course of the next few weeks, he was determined to sweep her off her feet again.