[Song: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls]

Beast, 4minute, and G.NA all had arrived and the food was already cooking. The air smelled like youth and meat. Laughter and music filled the area around the house as Heejin’s American friends met everyone. The entire beach in front of them was lit by tikis (fake ones not made with actual fire).

Heejin helped Hyunshik with the food at the grill. Doojoon watched from afar while eating with the rest of s. Hyuna watched Doojoon and tried distracting him by talking about the photo shoot they all had earlier, but it was obviously not working.

They seem so happy together. Is that what we used to look like?Doojoon wondered as he watched Heejin feed a piece of meet to Hyunshik.

Soon after dinner, lots of drinking games incurred, naturally. Koreans loved games even more than Americans and everyone began teaching each other drinking games.

Being the ultimate gentleman, Hyunshik chose to drink for Heejin. Unfortunately for him though, she wasn’t very good at games and on top of his own losses, he had to drink for hers.

“Mianhe, oppa,” Heejin felt really guilty. Hyunshik could barely stand on his own as she helped him into bed, “Just rest. I’ll go clean up.”

It was already past 2AM and almost everyone had either already gone back to their rooms or were passed out drunk in the living room.

Heejin went outside to the dinner tables where there seemed to be an ocean of cups and leftover alcohol and food. She got a trash bag from the kitchen and began throwing everything away.

“I’ll help you.” Another hand started grabbing cups and Heejin looked to see Doojoon still around.

“It’s okay, oppa. It’s late, you should go sleep. You have a schedule after you go back to Seoul tomorrow.” She took the cups from his hand.

“How are you going to clean all this by yourself? You might as well not sleep tonight then.” He began gathering cups again.

Heejin had to admit he was right. With over 20 people at the party, each one of them made a huge mess. “I thought you were going to take Hyuna back. She didn’t seem too well.”

Hyuna drank a little more than she should have and was hanging all over Doojoon for most of the night. She was annoyed that he never paid attention to her and didn’t pay attention to how much she was drinking. Her own members couldn’t even drag her back to their room without Doojoon.

[FLASHBACK]

“Unni, let’s go, you drank too much,” said Sohyun as she pulled on Hyuna’s arm.

“No! I’m not leaving without Doojoon.” She shook off Sohyun’s hand.

The rest of 4minute looked at Doojoon and Jihyun walked over to him and whispered, “Just help us get her back to the room. I’m sure she’ll pass out once she gets into bed.”

Doojoon didn’t have a choice so he carried her back into their house and into bed. The rest of the members saw that she had fallen asleep and went to do their business before going to bed as well.

Doojoon pulled the blanket over Hyuna and was about to leave when she grabbed her arm. “Oppa, why am I not good enough?”

“What?”

Hyuna looked at him with tearful eyes. “Why am I not good enough for you? I try so hard to be better, but you only have eyes for Heejin unni. What part of me doesn’t match up to her? What more can I do?”

“Hyuna, you’re drunk. Don’t say things like that.”

“No, oppa, I really want to know. I know you know my feelings by now. I know other people have told you. Why do you pretend not to see me?”

Doojoon didn’t know what to say. Hyuna always seemed so confident with everything, but at that moment, she looked like a little girl who just got told Santa Clause didn’t exist. He never meant to hurt her. He thought it was just a crush that she’d eventually get over.

As he was trying to figure out what to say, Hyuna fell back asleep.

“I’m sorry,” Doojoon whispered before leaving to go back to Heejin’s house.

[END OF FLASHBACK]

“I did, but I thought you’d need some help. Everyone got a little out of control,” Doojoon replied. A wave of guilt followed as he remembered how he left Hyuna.

Almost an hour later, Doojoon and Heejin dragged 5 large trash bags to the dumpster nearby, finally done with cleaning. They washed their hands and wiped their sweat.

“People are such pigs,” stated Heejin.

Doojoon laughed. “After that workout, I’m not tired anymore. Want to go for a walk?”

Heejin smiled and nodded. It was too hot inside the house anyway.

They found a nearby pier and sat at the end of it, looking at the full moon shining over the dark ocean. Their feet dangled over the edge as they took in the fresh air.

“Remember the last time we were at the beach?” asked Doojoon.

A wave of nostalgia crashed over Heejin. It was a memory she had forgotten.

[FLASHBACK]

JYPE had given all trainees a long weekend and Doojoon and Heejin decided to go to Jeju Island. Neither of them had been and had Heejin had always wanted to go but never had time before. They booked cheap tickets early and rented a time-share near the beach.

The weekend was magical. It was the first time they spent the night together and it was everything they expected. That’s exactly where both of them lost their ities: on the beautiful beaches of Jeju Island.

“Oppa, are you sure you know how to use a grill? It’s been 30 minutes and it’s not getting any hotter.” Heejin said as she looked at the charcoal closely.

“Trust me, men naturally know how to grill! Patience is a virtue.”

An hour later, Heejin’s stomach growled. “Either you’re not a man or not all men know how to grill. Can we just go to a restaurant and eat? I’m starving and we’ve been waiting all morning.” She held her stomach.

Doojoon gave a sheepish smile. “Arasso. This was how everyone did it on TV! Who knew it’d be so hard?”

Heejin laughed and pulled his hand, dragging him towards any nearby restaurant. “You can try again tomorrow.”

“I wish time could freeze right now,” Heejin said later that day as they laid in a hammock, watching the sunset. She had never felt more relaxed then right then.

He put his arm under her head and held her. “Me too.” Doojoon swayed them back and forth with his foot. “Heejin-ah?”

Her eyes had slowly closed without her knowing. “Mm?”

“Saranghae.”

When he heard no response, he looked down and saw her sleeping on his chest. Doojoon kissed her on the top of her head and mentally took a picture of that moment to keep for the rest of his life.

Even though he didn’t hear it from her at that very moment, she eventually did say it to him months later when he gave her the sweetest gift on her birthday, but that’s a different memory.

[END OF FLASHBACK]

“Jeju Island. It was beautiful there.”

After a brief paused, Doojoon asked, “Do you still think about it?”

Heejin turned to him confused. “About what?”

“Me. Us.”

She took a deep breath. “Is it time to have that talk?”

“It’s inevitable.”

“Truth time?” Truth time was something they created when they were dating. It was a time to be completely honest about everything and anything, whether it was Doojoon telling Heejin she didn’t look good in something or Heejin telling Doojoon he was terrible at singing certain notes, they always told the truth during truth time and they weren’t allowed to get angry or hold grudges.

Doojoon nodded.

“Of course I have. I used to think about us 24/7. I’m pretty sure all the what-if scenarios have each run through my head at least 20 times each. But I realized I couldn’t keep holding onto the past. And in time, I learned to live without you; to not want to tell you when something good happens; to not want you to hold me when I’m sad; to not miss your smile, your laugh, and eventually…you.”

Heejin sighed as she thought about all the nights she cried over him, the pain she felt when she first got to America. She broke the rules of truth time. Learning to live without Doojoon was only a partial truth; a small part of her still wanted him, still missed him sometimes. “Now I just want us both to be happy, even if it’s not together.”

Doojoon looked over at her as the last piece of his heart broke. “Are you happy?”

She contemplated it for a moment. “I have this terrible habit of comparing every guy to you. And every time, they always paled in comparison. There was always something not good enough, something missing, so none of them lasted.”

A wave of hope hit him once he heard this. It was exactly what he had been waiting for. Doojoon opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted.

“But Hyunshik oppa’s different.” Heejin looked up at the bright moon as she thought of a way to describe it. “Everything I loved about you, I can see in him too. He has a fighting chance to be more than just another guy and I don’t want to ruin it before it even really starts.”

Wham, it hit him like a ton of bricks. She was over him. After all these years, he had held onto her so dearly while she forgot about him. He couldn’t do anything but stare at the black water below their feet.

Heejin looked at him carefully. Was that too honest?“Are you okay?”

Doojoon forced a smile on his face and nodded. “I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page, otherwise it’d be weird working together.”

So he feels the same too? wondered Heejin. I guess that’s good. “It might be awkward to talk about this, but…are you seeing anyone now?” She had wanted to ask for a long time. Yoseob told her he hadn’t dated anyone since she left, but maybe he just kept it a secret from everyone.

“Not right now.” He was still thinking about what Heejin had just said. Why would she even ask this?

“Oh…you and Hyuna seem really…” she paused to think of the right word, “friendly lately. She’s a great catch. Lots of guys like her. You would have a lot in common, both being idols and all.” A small part of her wanted to take those words back. An even bigger part of her hoped Doojoon would tell her that he wasn’t interested in Hyuna, that they weren’t like that.

“Yeah…we do.”

Soon after that awkward talk, they went back to their respectively homes.

Tomorrow I will wake up and it’ll all be a nightmare. I’ll wake up with Heejin still in my arms and she’ll tell me it was all a bad dream, that she’d never love another.Doojoon laid in bed waiting for sleep to come.

Heejin stared at the ceiling as she laid in bed next to Hyunshik, who was sound asleep. Tomorrow I will wake up and start anew. I’ll wake up and forget about Yoon Doojoon and put my all into Hyunshik oppa.

-

Long chapter :) hope you all enjoyed! I at scenes so I just briefly skimmed over it, but you guys get the point (use your imagination hehe). Thanks for all the comments, I really do read all of them even if I don't respond!! They're so encouraging and they make me want to update more :D