Pair: RavEn

Part II

Jaehwan feels more and more left out. He starts wondering a lot of what the outside world is like, a peculiar thought for someone as old as he is. They said he lost his memories but he felt like he lost something more than that. Everything just becomes stranger and stranger to him. His home was starting to feel nothing like home.

Despite of how warm the people around him were, how funny and affectionate they are towards him, it all but feels superficial to him. After the laughter falters, familiarity dies as well, everyone just falls back to just being a stranger to them and to himself. It’s upsetting him so much, especially when he can’t tell them that that’s how he actually feels. They adore him so much and Jaehwan is at least not oblivious to those feelings they have—they need him. Jaehwan just doesn’t know if he actually needs them.

He doesn’t mean to be skeptical but even if they seem like they’re trying to help him remember, there also times that he also felt like they don’t want him to. And the scary part of it is that he often feels it was the latter. It makes him feel vulnerable and he doesn’t know what to do.

After a year had passed, Jaehwan just focuses on keeping himself together and going on with the flow. He doesn’t ask them about how he’s like in the past anymore or about other old friends and his family (tired of hearing the same scripted-like responses) and settles for attempting to go outside instead, not to recollect memories but just to go out like a normal person. He’s very well now anyway, his scars from the accident are barely traceable on his skin, his condition is said to be stable months ago. He’s as good as new. 

There’s nothing to worry about now, right?

“So… can I do it?” Jaehwan asks with hopeful eyes. He had accidentally overheard Taekwoon and Hongbin’s troubles about making a deal with a potential supplier with Hakyeon’s absence. It’s seems like the two had plans for the day and couldn’t attend to it either, which leaves Jaehwan the one only candidate to do the task. “Ahjummoni seemed to like me the last time she visited the shop anyway, so I could at least give it a shot, right? I might be able to get us a discount too.”

Jaehwan smiles as wide as he could, but the two just stared at him in silence. Taekwoon has always been the least expressive one amongst his friends, but his sharp gaze is more than enough to make up for it—it was clearly a ‘no’ and Jaehwan couldn’t counter it. He was supposed to be used to it by now, but he can’t stop feeling disappointed every time he gets turned down for no liable reason.

He doesn’t say anything after that and only resorts to biting his nails and worrying his lips, a habit they said he always has ever since he was young that usually happens when he’s frightened or upset. Hongbin notices it quickly and pulls at his wrist, startling Jaehwan a bit. Hongbin never liked that habit of his, and Jaehwan docks his head in shame.  

“N-nevermind—“

“Okay then.” His cousin mumbles softly, Jaehwan almost missed it.

Jaehwan ends up staring at his beautiful cousin with mouth gaping like a fish out of water in disbelief; Taekwoon just as shocked as he is. Hongbin lightly chuckles and holds onto Jaehwan’s shoulders firmly. “We’re kinda behind our usual sales last week, so might as well get a good discount for our next stock. Just be sure to get a lot of posies and evergreens, okay? I entrust you with this job, like Hakyeon would say.”

Jaehwan almost smiles at the good news he’s never expecting, but catches Taekwoon’s glare at his cousin and ended up he wincing instead. He almost had his mouth running; tell them he was only kidding and he has other things to do when his cousin beats him to it, and suddenly embraces him tightly. He feels Hongbin’s lips brush lightly against his ear, and the younger quietly whispers, “Go and have fun, I’ll take care of him. Just promise me you’ll come home safe...hm?”

Jaehwan feels dumbfounded, couldn’t bring himself to utter a reply, as his cousin gingerly pushes him out of the shop. It was only when the door closes in front of him with a bang that he eventually snaps out of his reverie, scrambling towards the door like a reflex. It wasn’t hard to imagine the duo fighting that very moment because of his selfish desire to leave. Jaehwan’s gut was already turning from the guilt.

He was about to twist the knob when he hears Taekwoon and Hongbin’s angry voices from the other side:

“What are you doing?!”

“I’m doing what’s right! We can’t keep him here like a prisoner anymore!”

“We’re keeping him safe this way, why can’t you understand that?!”

“Because my cousin is starting to look at me like I’m a stranger again and it’s killing me—It’s killing us! Don’t even dare tell me you don’t feel it too. He’s slipping away from us again, Taekwoon…He’s slipping away…”

Jaehwan froze in place. Guilt starts crawling onto his skin as well, ready to engulf him whole and break his resolve for an escape. “They knew,” he croaked weakly, taking a step back.  

He didn’t mean to pretend. He just didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings from his indifference. After they took him in and showered him with so much care until he’s physically stable, doubt is the last thing they deserve to get in return from him.

Jaehwan scolds himself internally, “Why can’t you remember, stupid?!”

 He was about to pull on his hair but a pair of strong hands held his wrist tightly and prevented him to. The latter pulled him backwards against firm chest and Jaehwan almost leans in for needed comfort but caught himself, when he hears an unfamiliar deep voice mumbling softly right next to his ear.

“It’s time for me to sweep away the damsel in distress, right?”

Jaehwan quickly elbowed the person behind him, turning himself around to see who it was, just to find out it was their magnae part-timer. Taekwoon had been teaching him self-defense against offenders on his free time, and he swore he almost flipped Sanghyuk out of fright, he should feel lucky he didn’t.

“Sanghyuk, don’t scare me like that!”

“I’m the one who got hurt here, you don’t get to complain!” he says dramatically, massaging his side. It was quite a blown and it did hurt, but Sanghyuk looked peculiarly amused. “I can’t believe I’m chaperoning a potential MMA fighter. That was a good one, really.”  

Sanghyuk gave him thumbs up.

“Chapero—Oh…” Jaehwan trails off, realizing what was going on. Of course, he’ll still be on someone’s watch. Although quite disappointed that he’s not alone, he was still thankful for Hongbin for giving him freedom, the best way he can. He turns to look at the shop’s door again, mouthing a simple thank you.

“Let’s go, hyung.”

“Let’s go.”

“I honestly didn't think you can do it. But damn, you manage to land us a forty-five percent discount— You blew me away, hyung.” Sanghyuk genuinely tells him as they headed back to the car after their short business trip. “Hakyeon hyung will be so happy he might cry.”

“He should. I ate at least fifty spiced cookie for it and got slimy kisses on my cheeks from ahjummoni.” Jaehwan fakes disgust with his voice but the younger could tell how happ