Jessica’s

            Months had passed and my relationship with Yuri was marvelous. We’re not a couple, yet. But we surely acted like one with the exception of status, terms of endearment, and those 3 words that couple used to say to express their feelings.

            Honestly, I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend again. But I was really happy with where we are now and the ‘what if’ questions got the best of me again. She did tell me that she missed me, but that didn’t mean she still loves me, right? What if she misses me just like she misses her other friends? 

            I was really pathetic, as Yoona would say. She would gave me a long speech about being a coward and left in the middle of our conversation if I started to bring up the ‘what ifs’.

            It was Friday and we went grocery shopping after our classes were over.           

            “Jessie, you really want to go grocery shopping with me? Wouldn’t you rather to stay at home?” she was pushing the cart and I was holding the list of stuff we should buy.

            “No, I wouldn’t let you do grocery shopping for our home by yourself.” I smiled to her.

            “Aaaaawh that’s sweet. You can be a considerate roommate too sometimes.”

            “I’m always a considerate roommate!” I slapped her arm playfully.

            She laughed, “Yeah right. You refused to go out every weekend just so you can video chat with your girlfriend all day and all night long.”

            I said in a small voice, knowing where this conversation would lead to, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

            “Mmmhh, so what is she to you exactly?”

            “She’s a good friend?” somehow my answer sounded like a question instead.

            She scoffed, “You two don’t act like one.”

            I stayed silent and grabbed a carton of milk.

            “Oh come on, Jess. Isn’t it time for you guys to make it official already?” she stopped her track and looked at me with serious look. 

            I heaved a sigh, “I’m scared, okay? I don’t want to lose her again.” I kept on walking and she pushed the cart beside me.

            “You always asked me about the what if question. Then let me ask you this, what if she feels the same way as you?”

            I turned my head to face her.

            “What if she still loves you? What if she also wants to get back with you but scared to tell you?”

            I turned to the front again and kept on walking, trying to keep my cool while my mind was thinking wildly. Even my heart thumped a little bit faster thinking what if Yuri also feels the same way as I did.                   

            When I woke up on Saturday, the first thing I did was wash my face, did my morning business, and then opened my laptop. I looked at the clock, it was almost 7 am here (Yes, I did wake up this early). Which meant, it was 11 pm there. I hoped she was still online, because I was determined to do my confession today. Yep, finally I got my courage. Thanks to Yoona’s what-if-pep-talk yesterday.

            To my delight, she was still online and in a matter of second, her face filled my laptop screen.

            “Good morning, Jessica.” I love the way you say good morning.

            “Hey, good... almost midnight to you?” I greeted her back. She just laughed at my failed greeting.

            “It was still really early there, isn’t it?”

            Okay, here we go, “I would wake up at the crack of dawn for you, Yul.”

            She blushed and I screamed inside my head. Was that too cheesy? I could feel my cheeks got warm too, but I needed to get through this. It was not the time to be shy!

            “Thanks, Sica-ah. I..... I would do the same for you.”

            I smiled back in return.

            We were lost in each other eyes before she asked me, “Jessica, do you.... do you.... have someone on your mind right now?”

            “What do you mean?”

            “Do..... you... like someone at the moment?”

            “Oooh.” This was going easier than I thought. 

            I pretended to think and put my palm on my chin, “Hmm... honestly, not just at the moment. I always like her.”

            “Oh, really?” she was a little bit surprised by my answer. 

            “Yep. Don’t you want to know who she is?” I was getting excited.  

            She looked reluctant, “Do I know her?”

            “You know her very well.”

            “I do?” She sounded confuse and obviously astonished. 

            “She went to the same campus as we did.”

            She looked lost and defeated now, “Who... who is she?” just a little bit more.

            “Well, she’s smart, she’s caring, and she’s just beautiful inside & out.”

            “She seems amazing.” She said flatly.  

            “She is~ she worked in another country though.”

            “Where?” I could tell by her tone, she was just asking out of courtesy now.

            “Japan.”

            She didn’t say anything but sat a little bit straight and her eyes twinkled with hope.

            I took my time before I said it very slowly, “And............. she used to be......... my.... housemate.”

            She froze a little bit but then she smiled, “I....... think I know who she is.”

            “You do?” I acted surprised. 

            “Yeah. And I’m sorry... but I need to break some bad news to you.“

            “What is it?”

            “The girl you told me about, she............................. she’s still in love with her ex.”

            Did I hear her right? Was she the one that confessing now? “Yul...”

            “I still love you, Jessica. I love you.”

            There were so many things I believed in, but I couldn’t believe my ears right now. My eyes got moist and I just stayed still while looking at her. Was this real? I wasn’t dreaming, was I?