This story is going to be a little different.  There's an explanation in my blog if you'd like to read it.  I don't want to put it up top because it may color your own interpretations of the song and story, but particularly the song.  It's really a layered song and just goes a lot deeper than most people think pop songs can go. 

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed.  Get along with the voices inside of my head.  You're trying to save me stop holding your breath.  And you think I'm crazy, yeah you think I'm crazy. 

Gary tossed over again.  He couldn't sleep.  His body was tired.  He could feel the fatigue in his muscles.  But his mind was racing.  His heart refused to calm down.  It beat like crazy, giving him a restless energy.  He wanted so badly to sleep. But he just couldn't.

Frustrated, he got up out of bed and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water.  Grabbing a pitcher from the fridge, he he held it for a moment to feel the cold spread through his hand.  He poured himself a generous cup before thinking better of it.  If I drink all this, I'll definitely have to wake up and pee.  He considered pouring some water back but decided to just drink it all.  

He could feel the cold water flow through his body.  It was a welcome contrast to the heat that warmed his core.  The heat, that energy, was keeping him from sleeping.  The relief was temporary as the water sloshed down to his stomach and gradually the refreshing chill vanished.  Sighing, he put down the now empty glass and wondered what to do.

It wasn't as if he hadn't gotten tired out during the day.  The "Unbreakable Love Couple" race had really taken a toll physically.  He'd bounced on that damned trampoline for what seemed like an hour, even though it was really only 2-3 minutes.  It was exhausting trying to jump and dance simultaneously.  And Minah had been a terrible guesser.  They barely got any right.  Thinking back on their failures upset him still, though he couldn't blame her for choosing the egg.  That had been his decision, thinking he could outsmart the producers.  

But then again, she should have stopped me.  I mean, she's the idol for crying out loud.  She should be trying to project a "smart", "capable" image.  She shouldn't look like a ditz.  That's my character but she should be trying to be cute and funny and every guy's fantasy.  He smirked at his thoughts.  She's already every guy's fantasy.  

Entranced, his thoughts began to drift as he remembered how the day had gone.  He remembered walking up to her with the oversized coat, and running with her underneath it. Her silky hair billowed out behind her like she was in a shampoo commercial.  Her long legs matched his stride for stride.  He remembered her smile and laugh, which were infectious.  He remembered how she held onto the prop books, with her arms crossed over her chest, like she was protecting a treasure.  But most of all, he remembered how happy he was to be paired up with her--how he'd expected to be paired with Ji Hyo and instead was paired with her.  

It wasn't like he didn't like Ji Hyo.  His feelings for her had once been sincere.  But she'd made it very clear that there was nothing there.  That their romance was a professional gag, a joke to be trotted out on the show.  There was no romance.  They weren't a couple.  And as time passed, Gary had come to accept that.  Though his feelings for her had once been real, they were real no longer.  

She was nothing more than a friend and colleague to him now.  Yet because of their "Monday Couple" television relationship, he was always paired with her.  It was nice.  She was strong, capable, and won more than she lost.  But he was just tired of always being with her.  He often envied the other casts, like HaHa, who didn't really care about winning.  They just filmed and had fun with the guests.  Being paired with Ji Hyo was like being paired with Jong Kook hyung, only a level below.  She wasn't quite as focused as Jong Kook hyung.  But it was close.  And sometimes, Gary just wished he could fool around and have fun and not care about winning or losing.  

That's why he'd been so happy with Minah.  They lost--the egg was weaker than any rock--but he'd enjoyed himself.  He liked hearing her talk about her newly acquired driver's license.  He'd listened to her talk about variety shows and how it was so different being on one then what she was learning about in college.  They even talked about music and how she was afraid to go solo without her group.  She told him the story about how she was supposed to sing the OST for Dr. Stranger and she cried in the bathroom for 10 minutes before going into the recording studio. 

They talked about dancing in clubs and how she wanted to go.  She wanted to do so many things but as an idol, her company prohibited her from doing a lot of things.  Gary couldn't go either without attracting large crowds, but he'd gone a lot before he made it big.  He'd performed all over as part of X-Teen and Leessam before he'd finally made it with LeeSsang.  He'd told her stories about dancing in the clubs and she'd listened, positively giddy with excitement.  

He remembered holding her hand, amazed by how soft her skin was.  Her hands were delicate, her touch was soft and feathery.  Holding hands, they looked deep into each other's eyes...

Gary's head dropped and he snapped back to consciousness.  Somehow, he'd drifted off standing up in his kitchen.  The pitcher of water was still out on the counter.  He reached out to touch it.  It was still cool, but not cold.  He must have been out for a while.

It must have been a dream.  Yes, he and Minah had talked and even held hands at one point but he hadn't stared into her eyes like that.  His imagination or subconscious must have made that up.  Opening the fridge, he put the pitcher of water back in and let the blast of cold air cool his red hot face.  The dream may not have been real, but his reaction to it certainly was.  

Get your mind out of the gutter.  She's like 20 years younger than you.  Ok.  She's 15 years younger.  That still doesn't make it right.  It's wrong.  Stop it.  Kang Gary, you are one messed up dude.  

He walked back to his bedroom and climbed into his bed.  Kicking away all the blankets to stay cool, he lay there, still unable to fall asleep.  He stared at the ceiling and slowly, watched as it morphed into her face.  Before he could mentally curse himself for having such inappropriate thoughts, he drifted off again, dreaming of her.  

Cause the very thing that I love is killing me and I can't conquer it.  My OCD's conking me in the head.  Keep knocking, nobody's home, I'm sleepwalking.  I'm just relaying what the voice in my head's saying don't shoot the messenger I'm just Friends with the monster that's under my bed.  Get along with the voices inside of my head.  You're trying to save me stop holding your breath.  And you think I'm crazy. Yeah you think I'm crazy. Well that's not fair.

No matter how many times he thought about it, Gary just felt it was wrong.  Bang Minah.  Kang Gary.  The thought just didn't match in his head.  They were like oil and water.  They just didn't mix.  

But even as he told himself this, he couldn't stop thinking about her.  He would write rap lyrics, trying to capture the magic of a first love and his thoughts would turn to her.  When he switched up to write about the tragedy of a breakup, he imagined a life without her.  She was his muse, his inspiration for his music.  

When he ate dinner, he thought of when they ate tteokbokki together.  When he showered, he thought of her laugh when she saw his face covered in flour. When he went to get a glass of water, he thought of how she'd asked for ice coffee at the cafe because she was thirsty.  Everything he did reminded him of her. It was enough to drive him mad.

She was an obsession.  A plague on his mind.  At once both a part of him and something he rejected violently in his thoughts.  15 years he kept reminding himself.  She's an idol.  The fans will never stand for this.  Neither will netizens.  But he just couldn't rationalize her away.  She was a pest, constantly invading his personal thoughts and space, never leaving him alone.  And try as he might to rid himself of her, he just couldn't do it.

Call me crazy but I have this vision.  One day that I'd walk amongst you a regular civilian.  

He was writing lyrics in a cafe when she saw him.  Happy to see him, she rushed over and sat across from him, startling him.  He looked up and their eyes met as she greeted him.  "Oppa!" 

At first he wasn't sure who it was.  She was wearing a hat pulled low to cover her head.  Glasses hid her eyes and the scarf combined with her coat broke up her face outline.  But the voice was familiar.  She was definitely a celebrity.  He lowered his head, trying to get a better look at her face around all the accessories she was hiding behind.  It looked like..."Minah?"

She smiled and grabbed his notebook from the table.  "Ohh what's this?"  She glanced down and started to read before looking up.  "Is this your new song?  Oppa?"  

Gary was consternated.  He was both happy to see her and upset that she was here.  He wanted her to stay but was afraid of what staying would do to his brain and heart.  So he was a little slow, a little awkward in responding.  There was a war going on inside and neither side would give in. 

"Y..Yeah that's my new song" he replied, hesitating.  "It's just ideas right now" he finished, grabbing the notebook back, startling her.  Why can't I just act normal around her?

They sat there together, in silence, neither daring to break the awkward lull in conversation.  Finally, she stood up and for a moment, he felt relief at her leaving only to see her order an iced coffee at the register.  "Oppa" she called, sitting back down in front of him.  She waited until he finally looked up to meet her eyes. "When you're writing lyrics" she asked, "what's your process like?"  

He considered her question carefully.  While her presence was making him uncomfortable on a personal level, as a professional, he did have some insights that he wanted to share.  It felt good to be recognized by a singer.  As a rapper, he was used to being overlooked but little by little, that stigma was fading as hip hop and rap became more mainstream.

"Start with something you know" he said.  "A moment, a feeling, a memory.  Your first love, a bad breakup, a broken heart.  You have to feel it.  Then, you just have to put it in words."  Feeling awkward, like he just bared his soul to her, he quickly made up an excuse to leave.  "Sorry, I have to go to the studio now.  Enjoy your coffee.  Bye bye."  He practically ran out of the cafe, face bright red from embarrassment.  Through the window, he saw Minah get up from the table and he ran away so he wouldn't have to speak more with her.  

Though he didn't need to go to the studio, he went anyway since he didn't have anywhere else to go.  Though the staff was out, he knew enough about recording to set up the microphones and prep the room.  Though he wasn't ready to record anything, he figured he'd just have a little fun and see what would happen.  Sometimes spontaneity was the best inspiration. 

Before he could start though, he heard a knock on the door.  Opening it, he was a little dismayed to see Minah there.  In her arms was his notebook.  She held it out to him.  "You left this at the cafe" she said.  She handed it to him and when he turned to put it away, she followed him in.  

Trapped in the studio, Gary was now forced to host Minah for the next hour as she looked around and asked about recording, writing and composing. He was glad when she finally left, needing to go to the studio for a show.  Waiting a little so she wouldn't see him leave, he went home and immediately fell into bed, thinking over the last several hours.

He was crazy.  He had to be.  He didn't even know if she was looking for a boyfriend or liked him at all.  As far as he knew, she just saw him as an experienced singer, one she could learn from.  After all, their conversations had mostly centered on music.  Nothing about this made sense.  But he couldn't help how he felt.  There was a war going on inside of him and he was losing.  He was tired of fighting.  He was tired of losing.  

Now I ain't much of a poet but I know someone once told me to seize the moment and don't squander it cause you never know when it could all be over tomorrow so I keep conjuring, sometimes I wonder where these thoughts spawn from.

He made up his mind.  But she was already gone.  Promoting.  Studying.  Practicing.  Their lives almost never intersected.  And while on one level he was glad for the separation, on another, he was sad.  Because while she was out of his life physically, she tortured his mind, his heart, his soul with her absence.  

He'd decided to screw it and just go for it, but he lacked the courage to actually do it.  Once, he'd even driven outside her apartment and had spent 2 hours trying to hype himself up to talk to her.  In the end, he'd driven away, like a coward.  It was too hard.  It wasn't right in his mind.  He still felt it was wrong.  The last shreds of his conscious held him back from her, yelling out to him that this was a mistake.  This is not something Kang Gary should do.  

And it wasn't. But because of her, he wasn't really Kang Gary.  Not anymore.  She'd changed him.  In ways he couldn't describe, she'd changed him.  Without doing hardly anything, he'd changed because of her.  

He took much better care of himself.  He made sure to eat breakfast every day.  He washed his face every morning.  He took much more care with his clothes.  He quit smoking.  All these changes, inspired by her. Because of the off chance he would see her.  That they'd be together.  He had to look good.  He had to feel good.  He had to be the best he could be.  She'd unleashed a power within that transformed him.  The monster inside.  

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed.  Get along with the voices inside of my head. 

Right now, those voices were telling him to be with her.  They told him to forget their age difference.  Forget about the fans.  Forget about social norms.  Forget all the things that kept Kang Gary and Bang Minah an impossibility.  The voices told him to believe.  And he followed them.

In the draft, turn nothing into something, still can make that straw into gold chump, I will spin Rumpelstiltskin in a haystack.  Maybe I need a straightjacket, face facts I am nuts for real, but I'm okay with that.  It's nothing I'm still friends with the Monster that's under my bed.  Get along with the voices inside of my head.  You're trying to save me stop holding your breath.  And you think I'm crazy yeah you think I'm crazy.

He held out flowers in front of him and offered them to her.  "You probably think I'm crazy for saying this..." he started.  He was no longer in control.  The monster had taken over.  But he was okay with that.  Because she was worth it.  He took a breath and then took the plunge.  There was no going back now.  "Minah ya" he said offering the flowers again.  "Will you go out with me?"