"Gary oppa" she called, praying he'd come to her, like he'd done so many times before.  Though she was standing across from him, she felt her world slow down, as if watching her life as a movie in slow motion.  She saw his facial muscles contract, a sure sign he was conflicted.  His eyes compressed into slits, brows furrowed down. His lips tightened into a tight pink line, squeezing the life out of the words he couldn't say.  His hand reached and clasped her hand.  He raised it, escalating the drama of the moment before lowing it again.  

"I'm sorry Ji Hyo ya" he said, pulling So Min's hand back to him.  "It's Tuesday" he called out in a pained voice that was only partly faked.  

The moment of awkward silence lasted but a second, but to Ji Hyo, it felt like an eternity.  Gary, her trusted Monday Boyfriend, had chosen Jung So Min over her.  She felt embarrassed and ashamed, rejected on the pedestal, literally on a stage for the world to see.

The reaction to Gary's rejection was swift and varied.  Some laughed, overdoing their reaction to the joke.  Some screamed.  Some chuckled uncomfortably. All felt the unusual tension in the room. Running Man was a show where the truth was often hidden behind staged scenarios and a greed for gags, but sometimes, moments of truth shone through. And while everyone played it off as a joke, they could all tell that behind their smiling eyes, there was something else going on.  

After a while, the moment was forgotten as the couple race started and they got into the games. Ji Hyo paired with Suk Jin and they used their familiarity and experience to mount a surprising challenge, finishing 2nd and 3rd in the 2 mini games before losing in the final race.

But while everyone else forgot, it burned in Ji Hyo's mind.  It was humiliating to her. He'd chased after her for years and now suddenly it was over.  No way.  Not happening.  She was not going to take this lying down.

Except she didn't know what to do about it.  Neither did anyone else. When she complained to her friends, they all just shrugged.  "It's all fake anyway" they said. "It was obviously a joke."  And when she explained herself, they all had the same question:  "Why do you care?  Do you like him?" to which she would always drag out a long explanation of how the Monday Couple was just a bit to use on the show.  The feelings weren't real and never had been. Which didn't answer the first question though.  If it was all pretend, why did it bother her so much.  

Confused and hurt, she took some time to dig deep and sort out her feelings.  The best way she knew to get introspective was to get drunk so she bought a box of soju and some snacks before inviting a bewildered Kwang Soo to drink. There was no one else.  Given Gary's role in all this, she could hardly invite him.  Jong Kook, that self righteous stick in the mud, wasn't much of a drinker. That left Kwang Soo.  As the noona, she could control him. As a single guy, he could provide her perspective on his fellow bachelor, Gary.  And, most importantly, he had the propensity to be both brutally honest when drunk and suffer from memory blackouts the morning after.  Both traits would be useful to her.

"Noona, what's this about?" he asked when he came in.  Ji Hyo directed him to the table, where soju bottles and glasses were already neatly laid out.  Seeing the soju, Kwang Soo tried to escape.  "Noona, I can't stay long, I have a date later tonight..." he started, but Ji Hyo cut him off.

"Drink" she said simply, handing him a glass.  As expected, Kwang Soo caved to social pressure and drank, pouring Ji Hyo one as well and offering it to her. 

"Seriously noona" he tried again.  "I can't have any more..."  But Ji Hyo just passed him another glass and though he didn't want to, Kwang Soo was forced into drinking another one.  

It wasn't long till he was sitting on the floor, legs stretched out in front of him, struggling to stay coherent.  "Ah noona.  I...I...No more.  Really...Have...Go to..." he slurred, unable to complete his thought.  Unable to balance, he fell to the side and was practically lying on the floor, head inches from the ground.  "No more" he mumbled, unable to speak with any real clarity.  

Now that he was drunk, JI Hyo began to talk.  "I have a friend.  He's always had a crush on another friend. But lately, he's been ignoring her.  Why would a guy do that?"

When Kwang Soo didn't answer immediately, she kicked her leg out, trying to stir him awake.  "Hmmmm?" he murmured, raising his head.  Ji Hyo repeated the question as best as she could, now struggling to overcome her own alcohol addled brain herself.  "What does it mean?" 

Kwang Soo didn't really understand what she was asking him.  "If they're not together, why should he be treating her special?" he asked.  "She's just using him then."

Ji Hyo slapped him across the back of his head, sending him tumbling to the floor.  "It's not like that!" she protested.  "Listen up. They've been friends for a long time. He likes her.  But they're just friends.  So why is he changing all of a sudden?"

Kwang Soo rubbed the back of his sore head.  Ji Hyo seemed to be really upset about this.  "He probably doesn't like her any more" he said.  "What kind of loser would chase after a girl who doesn't like him?"

"He would" Ji Hyo practically screamed.  "He always has!"

"Things can change!" said Kwang Soo, trying to voice his slowly forming thoughts. "If it's meant to not be then it's meant to be not.  Then he should move on to someone else."

"YAH!" screamed Ji Hyo.  "It's not like that.  He's not that kind of person.  You're not listening to me!"

"How do you know?" Kwang Soo fired back.  "Things can change.  I used to like SNSD but now I'm more into A-Pink.  Or think about Gary.  He used to be crazy for you, now he's more into idols..." Saying it out loud put the idea in his head.  It only got more confirmed when he saw Ji Hyo's shocked expression.  "Oh..." he stammered, connecting the dots. "Do you like Gary?" he asked, confused.  

Ji Hyo took a moment to calm herself down.  She couldn't let it show. "I said it wasn't me" she said calmly before blowing up.  "Listen to what I'm saying!"  But even as she blustered with false bravado, inside, she was considering what Kwang Soo had said.  Was her reaction to Gary's behavior because she liked him?  Thinking about it, he'd done things like this before, especially when there were other pretty female guests.  She'd never cared then.  It was part of the show. She knew that. So why was it different now?  She'd accused him of changing when maybe he hadn't.  Maybe she had.  

Still, she had other, more urgent matters to take care of.  "Here" she said, offering another glass to Kwang Soo.  "Drink this, it'll help you sleep."  

Later that night, after sending Kwang Soo home, Ji Hyo sat on her bed, in the dark, nursing a drink, thinking.  Had her feelings for Gary fundamentally changed without her realizing it?  At some point, it seemed that she'd begun to take his love for granted.  And now that he was withholding it, she felt empty. "That rat bastard" she thought to herself.

But did she like him?  It seemed absurd that she should be the last person to know. If she consciously didn't like him, how could a relationship work?  Her feelings seemed to be subconscious, and she had doubts about how strong a relationship could be if built upon such a shaky foundation. 

Because in her mind, she still didn't find Gary all that attractive. Yes, he was kind, funny and they got along well, but she'd never consciously felt that romantic spark, that connection that they were more than friends.  He was just there, like always. It was disconcerting to say the least.

At the next filming, she spent a lot of time just watching Gary.  Looking at him. Hanging on his every word, trying to find that magic bullet, Her interest did not go unnoticed by the others.

"Hey" said Jong Kook during a break in filming.  "Have you noticed that Ji Hyo's been following Gary?"  

That observation seemed to strike a nerve in the giraffe.  Kwang Soo visibly stiffened when he heard Jong Kook and Jae Suk discussing Ji Hyo's recent focus on Gary.  He was sure that she liked him.  But he couldn't remember why.  Because he wasn't sure, he was cautious as he joined the conversation.  "Doesn't it seem like she likes him?" he asked.

Jong Kook tilted his head to the side as he considered Kwang Soo's suggestion.  "I don't think it's to that extent yet" he said.  "It doesn't have that feel to it" he finished, but Jae Suk disagreed.  "You can't really tell by looking" he said.  "You only see what they let show. There are feelings and thoughts they have that we'll never know."

Ji Hyo was driving herself mad watching Gary. She stole glances at him during filming breaks, tried to eavesdrop on his conversations with his manager, and even sat across from him at lunch, trying to find something--anything--that made her heart race.  Something to prove that she liked him. But he was just Gary. There wasn't anything special. He wasn't that good looking.  His jokes weren't that funny. He wasn't that romantic. He didn't provoke any strong feelings in her. But whn the day was over, she was sad to see him go.  

But what did that mean?  Being sad to see him go was not the same as loving him or even liking him.  There was a missing link in that chain, a step she hadn't taken. Without it, her feelings really didn't mean much. 

So maybe it wasn't about her.  Maybe it was about him. Had he changed? Kwang Soo had intimated that he had, Maybe she didn't like Gary, but at the same time, not like him not liking her.  Her feelings were all confused and she didn't like it.  How frustrating to not know your own feelings.

A scary thought suddenly struck.  The Monday Couple had always been built on a fantasy. A fantasy that could be true even if it wasn't.  Blurring the line between possibility and reality, it was a relationship built on the ambiguity between what they acted for the show and what they felt.  She'd always known where she was in that relationship.  It had always been Gary who'd taken the burden on showing his feelings on camera, making the audience believe it could happen.  Was she now Gary?  Was she now the one that was uncertain, chasing after ephemeral feelings that she didn't even know were real or just fiction.

It was disconcerting to say the least. Being on the outside, looking in at her own heart, a stranger to her own feelings, was not a good feeling.