Sarcasm and Freud
Where I Belong
“You shouldn’t be so upset over what happened, Hyunseung,” Doojoon said mildly, leaning on an elbow as he regarded the small boy.
The door to the bedroom was shut, awarding the two some privacy. Confused about his treatment of Junhyung and the rapper’s treatment of him, Hyunseung had unloaded on his leader and, yes, friend. His words to Junhyung, the gentleness used by the rapper in drying his hair for him, those annoying smirks… everything. Through it all, Doojoon listened with quiet attentiveness, his eyes never leaving Hyunseung’s face. It certainly wasn’t the most comfortable of conversations for Hyunseung.
He looked uncertainly at Doojoon now, brows drawn together in a frown. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re both being stupid. He likes you a lot more than he’s admitting to, and you’re so terrified of people getting close to you that he’s subconsciously holding back to keep from getting rejected.”
Hyunseung lofted a brow and leveled the leader with a look. “Well, aren’t we turning into a regular Freud here? What else, Doojoonie? Will I soon find myself reclining on a sofa, baring my soul?”
“Sarcasm doesn’t become you, Hyunseung.”
“No, it just sustains me.”
Doojoon’s frown turned into a frustrated glare. “Stop it. This isn’t you, Seungie. You’re letting your fears control everything. Junhyung made a mistake. Frankly, I’m flattered he was even jealous to begin with. If he sees me as a threat, even subconsciously, then obviously I’m considered on his level.”
“Well forgive me for not being flattered.” The dancer held his pillow to his chest, looking sullenly at the blankets that adorned his and Junhyung’s beds. “He humiliated me in public.”
“Jealousy is a powerful emotion. It’s not easy for someone like him to control when he’s not used to experiencing it.”
“He likened me to a dog!”
“Think of it as a reference to a puppy. Eager to please, adorable, endearing…”
“He looked at me like I was dirt!”
“Considering some people find that appetizing, you should hardly be offended.”
“Damn it, Doojoon!”
The leader grinned, observing the fiery expression upon his friend’s face. Finally, an emotion worth noting, for in his angry features there was a vitality not before seen. Doojoon tilted his head to the side, propping his cheek in a palm as he watched the petite dancer fume from his bed. It was as if his body was thrumming with life, his face flushed, eyes glittering with his frustration, fists clenched against the pillow he held. Doojoon’s grin grew smug.
“You know, I think I can see the appeal for Junnie. When you’re all fired up, you’re a damned attractive little sprite.”
“Shut up!”
The door opened on Doojoon’s answering bark of laughter, and both boys turned their heads to look at the source of the intrusion. Worried and tense, Yoseob and Junhyung stood framed in the doorway, the other two behind them in the hall. Yoseob had obviously opened the door, because his hand still clasped the knob.
Doojoon glanced at Hyunseung, disappointed to find that the fiery disposition had gone, leaving in its place that familiar timidity. He sighed and got off the bed, facing the group. “What’s up?”
“We heard arguing,” Yoseob answered uncertainly, eyes flitting between the two. He didn’t seem the least bit troubled by them being alone in a room together. No, his concern was firmly rooted in the raised voices they’d heard.
Doojoon kept his expression mild, smiling vaguely at his lover. “Just a difference in opinion, that’s all. You’d be surprised how easily riled Seungie is on… certain subjects.” He cast a quick glance at Junhyung, who was watching him like a hawk, before turning his gaze onto Hyunseung. The dancer narrowed his eyes in response, and Doojoon’s smile grew marginally.
“Seungie-hyung? Riled?” Dongwoon’s voice floated in from the hallway, an obvious note of disbelief in it. “But…”
“It’s over and done with. We’ve agreed to disagree, so everyone can calm down. There’s no real fight here,” Doojoon assured the maknae. Slipping past Junhyung, he grabbed Yoseob’s arm gently but firmly, tugging him toward the living room. Dongwoon and Kikwang reluctantly followed when the mention of food was brought up, and soon it was only Junhyung left with the dancer.
Silence loomed in the bedroom, draping the two boys in an awkward shroud until Hyunseung squirmed and broke the quiet. “I won’t apologize for what I said,” He murmured.
Junhyung was relieved to hear the lack of coolness in his voice this time, and seemed to relax a little. He hadn’t been jealous of Doojoon this time, his own head and emotions still reeling from the small outburst in the bathroom. Now, he just nodded and looked away from Hyunseung. “I don’t expect an apology.”
“I meant everything I said.”
“I’m sure you did,” Junhyung said seriously, fiddling with a ring on his left pinky. “Contrary to your belief, I have been genuine the entire time.”
Hyunseung looked up at him sharply, but the rapper didn’t flinch, meeting his stare with one of his own. Hyunseung was the first to look away, picking at the material of his blanket.
“You don’t believe me,” Junhyung stated.
“No.”
Sighing, he nodded at the answer and crossed the room, sitting on the end of his bed. He rested his elbows on his knees and stared thoughtfully at the floor for a time. He couldn’t make Hyunseung believe him based on his own insistence that he meant it. Words were powerful, but only to a point. He really hadn’t been confessing love in the bathroom, that was true. However, he had been sincere in his affections for his bandmate. He just… wasn’t very good at expressing them.
“We should get out there before Doojoon sends Yoseob in to extract us,” Hyunseung’s voice cut into Junhyung’s thoughts. The dancer was already sliding off his bed.
Junhyung nodded, his mind still trying to figure out how to solve the mess he’d helped create. “Yeah… I’m coming.” He was coming alright... and he had the distinct feeling that earning Hyunseung's approval and trust was going to be like wading through the muck of a swamp. Well... he'd probably earned it.
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