Two Steps Backward
Where I Belong
“What happened out there, Hyunseung?” Frowning in concern, Doojoon looked down the shorter male. As soon as they’d finished filming, he’d spoken to their manager briefly and then pulled the dancer aside as everyone else passed them by. Junhyung had looked tempted to stop, but someone called to him from down the hall and that was that.
Hyunseung seemed intent upon examining the stairwell to their right, keeping his voice low so that anyone passing by wouldn’t be too tempted to eavesdrop. “I don’t know.”
Doojoon shook his head. “You do too. We’ve talked about this, Seungie. If you don’t-”
“I saw it happening again, okay?” Hyunseung snapped his eyes up to look at his leader as his face grew warm. The words were snapped at Doojoon as if the dancer were a tightly wound band that had severed with exceptional force. Hyunseung looked away again as his eyes stung and threatened to fill.
For a time, Doojoon simply stood there, stunned. Outwardly, his shock didn’t show. The two stood close together by the stairwell, the taller boy seeming to almost loom because of how he bent his head and shoulders downward. Those passing the two glanced at them curiously, but neither seemed to notice.
Finally, Doojoon spoke, his voice soft and careful. “What did you see?” He asked. It wasn’t hard to figure out on his own, but letting Hyunseung bottle it up would only do more harm in the long run.
At first it seemed as though the question would go unanswered. Hyunseung’s nails scratched and tapped at the metal railing, his head tipped downward so his bangs would fall forward and hide his eyes. His entire being seemed quivery and ill at ease, and the idea of talking about it felt like someone had splashed cold water over him.
“I saw it falling again. The way it dangled… Hearing Seobie call for me,” Hyunseung swallowed uncomfortably to try and rid himself of a sudden lump in his throat. His face was positively burning by now. “The… The screams.”
Despite having decent hearing, Doojoon had to really listen and duck his head to hear what his bandmate was saying. The worried frown only got worse as Hyunseung went on, and he felt terrible for bringing it up, but interviews always had a way of bringing up uncomfortable times for idols. It would probably be on the news at some point and they would be fielding questions about it in interviews. He needed to know so he could help Hyunseung when the time came.
Hyunseung’s voice cracked, bringing Doojoon’s focus off his own thoughts and onto what the dancer was saying. “I couldn’t move, Doojoon.” When his eyes slid up to find Doojoon’s this time, they were undoubtedly wet but hadn’t spilled over. “Why couldn’t I move?”
Seeing the normally skittish but emotionally reserved Hyunseung ready to cry at any moment was the worst shock Doojoon could have gotten. Heedless of staff and other artists walking through the halls around them, he grasped one of the dancer’s arms and tugged him close. In seconds Hyunseung was enveloped in a reassuring embrace, one hand patting him on the back as Doojoon tried to reassure him.
It was at that moment the others came around the corner with their manager. Dongwoon was the first to notice the scene and stopped dead, jerking forward a step as Kikwang and then Yoseob smacked into him from behind. Yoseob started to protest in irritation, but his gaze as well as Kikwang’s was drawn inexorably toward the two boys by the stairwell. His eyes widened.
Junhyung was the last to round the corner and he, too, stopped short once his gaze had followed the others’. His eyes widened briefly at the surprise of it, and his heart began a rather painful pattering in his chest. When Hyunseung’s hands left his sides to grasp fistfuls of Doojoon’s shirt at his waist, the rapper very nearly saw red. The same snarling beast that had only a short while ago raised its hackles at the very notion of Hyunseung having reason to fear now reared its head again for an entirely different reason.
When Kikwang cleared his throat to alert them, Doojoon looked up and then back down at the dancer in his arms. He ducked his head to murmur in Hyunseung’s ear, still patting his back until the shorter of the two pulled away from him. Doojoon seemed perfectly willing to let him regain some composure before actually speaking to the group, and Hyunseung accepted that without hesitation. When he finally turned around and walked with the leader over to his group members, his eyes were dry if not a little puffy. The exhaustion was more difficult to hide, however, and signs of his emotional turmoil lingered, casting shadows in his eyes.
“Seungie, are you okay?” Yoseob asked anxiously as he looked his friend over. Apparently jealousy wasn’t something that fit into his vocabulary when it came to Doojoon, or perhaps it was because it was one of the members. Either way, he seemed more surprised and worried over Hyunseung than anything else, and he wasn’t alone in that regard. Kikwang and Dongwoon both murmured their concerned agreements.
A ghost of a smile flitted across Hyunseung’s features as he shook his head. “Just tired.”
“But during filming-”
“I’ll explain it to everyone at home,” Hyunseung interrupted, the rare promise catching them off guard enough to silence the worried protests. His eyes flicked toward the silently brooding rapper standing several feet from the group, and a strange chill went through him at the look on Junhyung’s face.
What was that expression?
“Right, he will. So let’s get going. We’re going to stop for dinner on the way.” Doojoon’s statement roused a hungry cheer from both Dongwoon and Kikwang, who immediately threw arms around each other’s shoulders and trooped toward the stairs with their manager right behind. He would have his own discussion with Hyunseung later to make sure the dancer was truly alright, but for now the matter was dropped.
Doojoon tucked Yoseob under an arm and set off as well, the singer’s mood drastically improving now that he had ascertained his friend was alright. His eager chattering could be heard as they started down the stairs, leaving Hyunseung alone with Junhyung.
Well, about as alone as was possible in a busy hallway.
Hyunseung managed a small smile for the rapper. He was still a little iffy about Junhyung sometimes, but after the last few days it was getting easier to be around him. Junhyung seemed to always be around when he needed him. Maybe becoming friends with the rapper wouldn‘t be so difficult after all… He was even getting used to the touches. “You look upset. I’m sorry if I scared you. I didn’t mean to worry everyon-”
“Why would I worry?” Junhyung interrupted, his voice oddly harsh. “You have plenty of people willing to take care of that, and you’re lapping it up like a damn dog.”
Hyunseung’s face paled at the verbal attack. “What?! I don't... I-”
Junhyung shoved a hand through his hair and glared at the rapidly paling face in front of him. “I don’t have time for this. Aish!”
As Junhyung brushed by him, their shoulders bumped rudely. Hyunseung was left standing alone in the middle of the hallway, staring in shock at the place the rapper had just been standing in. All at once his eyes filled up again, but this time there was no friend, no leader to lean on for comfort. He tilted his head back toward the ceiling and blinked rapidly, hoping to dispel the impending tears.
Great. Just what he needed… A fight with one of s in the middle of a hallway where anyone and everyone could see. He didn’t even know what was wrong! Had he done something? Was Junhyung mad because of what had happened during filming? It didn’t make any sense!
Hyunseung couldn’t seem to calm down completely, but he did get his eyes to quit threatening mutiny with the aid of a few deep, if not shaky, breaths. By the time he joined s in the van, his confusion had worsened and he was miserable. He climbed in to the only remaining seat, which was for once not beside Junhyung, and shut the door behind himself. His fingers fumbled on his seatbelt once, then twice before Dongwoon reached over and buckled it for him.
“We’ll eat soon, hyung.” The maknae said calmly, as if the quaking of his hyung could be laid at the feet of hunger pains.
Hyunseung managed a small nod before turning his gaze out the window, watching the screaming fans as the van pulled away from the curb and took them out into traffic. His chest felt tight and if he hadn’t been clasping his hands together so tightly in his lap, it would have been all too easy to see just how badly they were shaking. But he’d never fought with Junhyung before. It wasn’t really even a fight, at that. The rapper had insulted and snapped at him, then brushed him off like some wayward fly that happened upon his shoulder. It left a very unpleasant feeling in the pit of Hyunseung’s stomach. What remained heaviest on his mind as they wove through the early evening traffic, though, was the way Junhyung had looked at him.
Like he wasn’t fit to bother with.
Comments