“Nervous?”

“No,” I say as I squeeze her hand.   “Are you?”

“Yes.”  She exhales.  “I hope nothing goes wrong.”

                “Me too,” I reply quietly.

                I look at her.         

“Let’s go inside.”

                She makes it sound so easy, yet it’s so difficult to move my feet. 

The bell on the café door chimes when we open it.

Do clammy hands, a pounding heart, and a head dizzy with a strange sensation consider as being nervous?  A million thoughts are buzzing through my head as anticipation rushes through my veins. 

Is this the feeling of meeting someone for the first time?  In better words, meeting someone I’ve already met before—for the first time?

Am I doing the right thing?  What does one say to a sister he hasn’t seen his entire life?

Hello, I don’t remember you, but apparently, we’re related.  How have you been?

I’m seated into a chair, tapping my feet anxiously against the tile floor.

What things am I heading to?  Does she want to see to me as much I want to see her?  Will she help bring the memories back?

I’ve prepared for this moment, daydreamed about this moment.  But now that it’s here, I suddenly want to return to the sanctuary of my apartment.  Confrontation is much too difficult.

                “You can’t say you want to turn back now,” she says, as if reading my mind.

                “I never did.”

                She sits down in the chair beside me, placing her hands on the table.  “Don’t think about it, either,” she smiles comfortingly with a nod.  “You’ll be fine.”

                I blink dazedly as the waiter places two glasses of water before us.

                “What am I supposed to say when she gets here?” I ask.

                She takes a sip from her drink.  “She’s your sister.  Everything will come naturally.”

`               “What if it doesn’t?  What if—“

                She interrupts me with a stern look in her eyes. 

“Worrying won’t do any good, Tao.  Breathe deeply.  Exhale.  Have some water.  Everything will be all right.”

I nod, trying to process her reasoning.  Nothing will go wrong.  I’ve come this far.  Nothing will go wrong.

We sit for a few moments longer.  My heart is still beating quickly—a feeling similar to the deer sensing the tiger behind it, but not knowing when the beast will strike. 

Minutes pass.  I’m about to lose hope watching customers enter and leave the café.  So I rest my chin on my arms. 

The café is silent.

“Are you Tao?” comes a voice suddenly.

                My nerves seize and I find myself unconsciously clenching my fists.  Like a thousand needles puncturing me, I’m stricken with surprise and excitement all at once. 

I have a feeling I know who it is, so there’s nowhere to turn now but around.  So I do.

I come face to face with a pale, long-haired girl.  Though her features are unfamiliar, there’s no mistaking the obscurity that hides behind her black pupils.  Dark and almost malicious.  Her eyes look exactly like mine. 

She doesn’t bother to input her greeting, but her lips curl into a narcissistic smile and my instincts kick in again.  She’s looking at me with the same gaze that I’ve seen at the academy.  A ridicule sneer.  It’s the same expression I’ve received even when I lived at the children’s institution.  Criticism and insult.  

I feel like the tiger already has me pinned to the earth.